Living in the house feels oddly unsettling. I am safe yet I am not. One moment they communicate as if I am ther friend and the next they grow cold, which is understandable in some way. Even when I am confined and enclosed in their supervision, I am still one of the best agents.
Eating with Kairo and Matteo is the hardest part… the atmosphere in the dining… I would say is stern. It would be filled with the scent of food and flowers yet depressing in some way. Matteo attempts his best to crack a joke to make Kairo relax and be more open to accepting. But that always falls short and he gets more annoyed. I am not sure why it is that Kairo is always on his guard.
The taste of food disappears as it enters my mouth. It's like eating sand… tasteless and odourless when the aroma of it is spread all over the place. From the corner of my eyes I would see Matteo stuffing his mouth and I would sit there performing an act of eating.
The sitting position is also bizarre. Kairo made me sit near to him and Matteo would sit wherever he pleased. I am not sure why he does that. It was better when I was eating in my room. Apparently I lost that privilege because I'm not a prisoner yet, but I would prefer being one.
I am still in the same room, Kairo's room and he is taking the upper-level master room. Matteo has been staying with us for a week now and I am thankful for that; otherwise, living here would be so hard.
I have roamed around the house after Matteo gave me a tour. I found nothing, not even in the library. Kairo leaves the house around 9 or 10 in the morning and comes back late so I have plenty of time for myself to investigate but the guards don't let me roam as I want. They would follow me to the end of the house. It really is a prison but with some weird privilege.
The room I am assigned is filled with all the essential things a girl would need. The wardrobe is filled with clothes that I prefer.
My mind is still trying to put two and two together: how he knows me, my past, my present, my name, my house, and everything I went through. I hate mind games and I hate that I easily fall for the mind games as well.
…
"Are you having any problem living here?" Matteo enquired. A while ago he came to my room and asked me to join him for tea.
"I don't think so." I replied, forcing an awkward smile.
The taste of peppermint melted across my tongue, its coolness spreading a soothing calm. My mind eased, and my breathing felt lighter. Then came the sweetness of honey, sliding down my throat, softening the muscles, leaving behind a gentle warmth.
"Kairo can be hard to handle, but he is a good person." I gazed up from my cup. His lips were carved into a small smile as he sipped his tea. I don't know what he thinks of me but he is really calm and good at lying.
"Can I ask you something?" I finally spoke. All the time I have invested with Matteo, I think he would clarify my concern. He didn't look up from his cup as he blew away the steam coming out of the tea. "How did you know everything about me?" I tried to grab his attention but failed. He didn't bother to even look at me. He smirked. "Why do you assume it's impossible to know about you?"
I don't think it's impossible to know about my present, my address and my occupation but the past is hard to believe. My parents never filed a report against anyone when all that happened. So there is no record in the government system except for hospitals. And there too… my parents… lied. The fact was hidden, as my parents never spoke about it, and neither did I.
"My past… It's not easy to get that when there is no record of it." He put down his cup on the table and leaned back on the sofa. "It's still not impossible. If someone is crazy enough, they can know everything, don't you think?"
"Still why would…" My speech got cut off. "I am in no place to answer this question. You want to know something… you ask Kairo, not me."
Again kairo Why do I have to ask him? I thought I would get something out of him. The sweet taste of tea and honey disappeared and I too put down my cup.
"Where is he?" A loud voice echoed in the house. I haven't heard this voice before. As I looked in the direction of the voice, I saw two men. One was shocked to see me and the man I have seen guarding the house.
He was tall and leanly built with a commanding presence, just like Kairo. Angular jawline, piercing dark eyes that were looking directly at me. Hair, short but neat, dressed in a tailored suit. The man behind him moved away from him when his eyes landed on Matteo.
"Where is he? He demanded in anger. Veins on his temples were visible and most likely he was looking for Kairo. From his presence, facial features, age and commanding presence in the house, I can tell that he is Edran D'Marno, the eldest.
"I don't know." Matteo stayed seated and shrugged off the urgency of Edran. "Meet Miss Mira and Mira; he is Edran," he introduced us without casting any glance at either of us and brought out his phone.
"I am not here for introductions and formalities." He kept his piercing gaze on me, which made me somewhat uncomfortable. "Sit down and have some tea to relax your nerves." He finally put his phone aside and looked at Edran. "I have texted him; he will be here soon."
He indicated the spot for Edran to sit. The room went from a bit friendly to awkward and now it's suffocatingly still. We sat there in oppressive silence for I don't know how long. I wanted to run away so bad but I thought waiting for Kairo is sensible so I did.
.
.
.
After a long wait that felt like hours to me and maybe minutes to these brothers, as they were immersed in their respective activities. Kairo appeared.
"Yes and make sure his wounds don't heal. Continue the torture until he begs for mercy but don't kill him." I heard voice as Kairo was commanding his man behind me.
I didn't glimpse back again. "Clara…" he shouted. "Finally… thank you for you…"
"Cut the crap. Why are you here?" Kairo interrupted him. He took a seat in front of me. I met his gaze. He had blood on him. Blood splattered across his cheeks. The crimson blood was all over his white shirt. He must have just wiped his hands because they were the colour of blood. A girl appeared as I was examining him.
"Yes, sir," she said in a soft, gentle voice. Her words were filled with fear. "Ask someone to get me some wipes, prepare my clothes and get the floor mopped," he instructed her. She left instantly. I couldn't get any glance of her face. Her hair was tied in a bun and she was wearing normal clothes for the maids of this house.
"I think we should have a private conversation." I was looking at the footprints that Kairo left on the floor, blood-covered prints, who offended him to a point that his blood is all over Kairo's shoe… When Edran spoke, I instantly got the hint that he wanted me gone.
I stood up after taking one look at them. "I should leave…"
"Be seated." I was about to stand up but fell back as Kairo looked at me. Blood was dripping from his eyebrows to his face and his eyes were red. I was overwhelmed by the horror on his face. It reminded me of the faces I saw that night, except none of them were kairo, and the blood on their faces was mine.
"Are you in your senses?" Edran lost his calm. "You should know better than anyone else…" Kairo grabbed the wipes from Clara and another maid was mopping the floor behind her.
"Its stupidity…"
"No, its not and of all people, you should know it better. You saw how much…"
"I know but you kidnapped her and now she is living here like a guest. It…"
"Edran," his voice got deeper and his eyes darkened. It's about me, obviously. Edran shut up instantly. "Do not cross the limits of my personal life and professional decisions."
Edran got angry and left the room. I don't get it. Neither of them let each other finish, and they both barked at each other. I'm with Edran on this. Why would Kairo want me here and treating me as a guest. It doesn't make any sense. It might not be stupidity but it still is disturbing.
Matteo sat there completely unbothered by everything that happened just now. Blood from Kairo's face was wiped off. He cast one last glance at me and left the room. "Darius," Matteo called a name and in an instant a man appeared before him. He points at the sofa Kairo was sitting on and Darious gets to his work.
I left the room as it got too awkward and disturbing for me. I was getting the flashbacks of the faces again. Red in my blood, hovering over me in the darkness. My screaming was numbed by the force of their punching and cheering.
I made it inside the room, shut the door behind me and fell to the ground. My legs once again failed to support me. It's happening again. I am tired of how many times it's been with this panic attack and PTSD.
I have been seeing blood my whole career. It's not new for me, so why today did the sight of his face trigger me? It wasn't my blood over him nor was he there when it happened. It's just the torture or murder of someone whose existence I don't know… My breathing started to get uneven, my muscles tense, and my body shivered like leaves. I got up with the support of the table right next to the door.
'Deep breathing, not shallow,' I muttered to myself. By now, one may think I should be used to it, but that's not how it works. I only know how to avoid triggers and some pratcices to stay numb to that and incase I get panic attacks, some breathing to deal with it.
I tried my best not to grab anything for support that could fall and break. They might know everything about me but no one is supposed to know my weakness. No matter how they are treating me, they will strike when I least expect it.
I fell to the floor again. Damn, this room is big. I sat there for a bit to relax my legs and calm down my mind. It's not as bad as when I got in front of Caleb. I can manage to get to bed. So I got up again and was about to fall again when I grabbed the lamp. The lamp fell to the floor, and my hands landed on the nightstand. It dropped to my feet and the sound must have been audible outside when it broke. I just wish no one heard it, especially Kairo. With the help of the nightstand, I reached for the bed and threw my body on it. My tears were constantly flowing down my cheeks.
I failed to register the reason for the tears. Were they because of my panic attack or because of the fact that I belong nowhere? All the feelings I have been avoiding hit me like a train. My feet were hanging from my bed and I could feel the blood dripping from them.
Then I heard a knock on the door. Someone outside must have heard it. Luckily I locked it. "Mam, are you ok?" A man stated from outside; it must be one of the guards. I struggled to speak but the words failed to leave my throat. He kept knocking for a while and then it went silent.
Kairo went to take a shower. I assume there is no way he would come but as he is in charge of this, it is not wrong to assume he will go look for him. I got up and sat by the edge of the bed. 'No one will see me in this condition.' I tried to reach for the tissue to wipe my face and to stop my tears. My body is functioning independently. I am trying to soothe it while it is doing the exact opposite. The more I try to focus on breathing, the harder it becomes to breathe.
'Calm down… calm down… calm down…' I whispered to myself as I was chanting and got on my feet to grab the tissue paper box placed on the table away from me… Why… I don't know.
A sudden and unexpected bang on the door caught me off guard and the breathing and heartbeat that had stabilised just for a second raced again. "What happened?" I heard Matteo asking. Shit. They will see me. Girl, calm down.
The stabilisation of my heart and mind is disrupted by a new fear of them seeing me like this. The shivering persists and grows stronger, with a heavy heartbeat along with uneven breathing and dizziness. I sat down on the floor. My hairs fell all over my face and in this way, even if they enter, they won't be able to see my face.
The door unlocked; I dared not look to see who it was. It closed again and I heard footsteps approaching me. This person must be Kairo. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. Barefoot… dressed in a rush, I guess, because his feet have water on them.
"Mira…" he called my name in the most calming voice I could possibly hear from him. "Are you ok?" he was pacing towards me with each word… In a second he sat beside me. I raised my gaze to him. He had his hands clasped, his weight on his toes, and his elbows on his knees. Water was dripping from his damp hair.
He ran in this state for me. Why? His eyes had no anger, no annoyance. The look he had on his face was concern… for me?
My tears weren't stopping, my breathing wasn't even, my heart was beating too fast and my thoughts were racing. I am not okay. But I can't say this to him. He is the person who kidnapped me. How can I say I am not okay?
He reached out for the tissue, eyes still locked on me. His hand grabbed my face. They were cold, a little wet and rough. He wiped my tears and pulled me into a hug.
A hug…