I don't know who's shouting. "What the—"
Timothy stumbles, hitting a chair beside him before he lands finally on the floor.
I don't feel in control of my body.
My fist move—one, two punches. Then Jo yanks me away, and everything blurs.
Am I crying?
Timothy's coughs, his mouth a red stain. His smile is still in place; smaller, sharper. My vision tunnels to black.
~
I'm dreaming. Timothy in a towel, his fingers trace my shirt. He unbuttons them, one by one.
I try to push him away but for some reason, I can't move. My fingers are stuck in place.
I panic, hyperventilating.
My body starts to move, but against my will. I hold his face with one hand. What has possessed me? Jasmine comes in. I can't tell where she's come from.
Somehow, she is behind me, her hands caressing my back, traci-
"I need you to be awake, Liam," Timothy says.
Jasmine rubs my shoulder. So softly.
Then harder. So hard I turn around to look at her.
But she's not there anymore. I turn again, feeling like I am moving through a viscous liquid, Timothy's hands are rubbing my face. He's so close, he whispers, "Wake up."
His voice is muffled, like he is underwater.
~
I wake up slowly. Blue eyes hover above me, searching.
"He's awake."
The eyes materialise into a face, high cheekbones and full lips. Timothy. Jo kneels beside the bed, hand in mine.
He lets go as soon as my eyes are open, and stands. His voice is rough, "You scared us, bro."
I yawn, feeling around myself. I feel numb. The matrress sinks under me as I push myself up.
Timothy doesn't say anything. Just looks at me, unblinking. He's still in his uniform, blood staining his shirt collar and badge from where I must have hit him.
I look away, and he follows my eyes. "I'm sorry," I say, his eyes forcing mine to lower.
He turns his head all robot-like, facing Jo, "Could you please excuse us?"
Jo leaves without a word, his lips downturned. Flipping his phone in front of him. I almost say it. Please stay, Jo.
But Jo has never been my friend, only Timothy's.
The door clicking shut reminds me of prison bars closing. The same slow, sure slide.
He's silent for a moment, staring. Jo's footsteps move farther away from the door before he starts.
"Jasmine texted you."
"Okay.." Where is he going with this?
He stands suddenly from his seat, pushing it back so loud it squeaks and echoes. His arms stretch from one need to the other.
He looks like he's about to make an announcement to a crowd of adoring fans.
"I considered just forwarding your pictures to h—
"You wouldn't dare!" I snap, my eyes prickling. My fingers itch.
He sends me a sharp look, and I bite my thumb, hard. Until the water in my eyes threatens to fall out.
He coughs; one short, fake expulsion. "Well, I didn't."
He dangles my phone in front of me, then pulls it away before I can see what is on the screen.
"I'm too good to you." He shakes his head, slowly, tapping away on my screen. "What if I told you I deleted the photo after sending it to you?"
I look at him again, at the way he wipes blood off his cheek, and I'm hopeful.
"I forgive you," he says, looking at me, his expression serious all of a sudden.
I nod, dumbfounded. Is he on drugs?
"But that's too easy, right?" His hands snake in around me. Circling around my shoulders before I even realise it.
What's going on here? He smiles, and for a second I think being this way must come naturally to him. How did I ever think he cared about me?
His lips meet mine, more pain than pleasure. Fire ignites inside me. I taste blood.
He lets go of me as suddenly as he pulled me to himself. I lean towards him for a second, before I remember I really shouldn't.
His lips turn up, higher, and he resembles a cat, all sharp teeth and calculating eyes.
"Get out of my room."
I stand, my legs knocking and sticking together. "Give me my phone."
"Yeah, I'll hold onto that for a while, baby."
"Why?" I ask the question slowly, enunciating every word. I don't want to make any sudden movements.
He shrugs, "Or I could report you for assaulting me, headboy."
I grind my teeth against each other, feeling them move against each other dangerously. I blow a breath out.
I leave, before I do something I will regret.
~
The corridor outside his room is empty. Timothy's dorm is two dorms from mine. It is late evening as I speed walk to my room, and not much people are outside.
I can't help replaying everything that happened today. I've never hit someone. What just happened to me?
This boy brings out the absolute worst in me. Why did I even let him keep my phone?
"Li!" I'm at the field when I hear someone shout my name.
I turn around, searching the sparse grounds. I spot blonde hair flying in the breeze.
Jasmine.
I've never been so relieved or happy to see her.
I run to her, enclosing her into a big hug, until she laughs tapping my shoulder, "I can't breathe, Li."
Her laugh feels like everything is right in the world. I release her from my hold, but I don't let her go.
She's pinned her hair up today, curling the ends. I feel so calm, just looking at her, like the moment with Timothy didn't even happen.
Why did I ever get involved with Timothy to begin with?
I look at her up and down. "Where are you off to looking so pretty, my love?"
"Never mind that. How are you? You haven't replied to any of my texts." She waves her hand while talking, her face animated. She smells like peonies.
I watch my hands as they start shaking, covering it by rubbing them over my sides. Breathe in and out, then talk. My voice I keep level.
"I can't find it." It's a struggle to keep my eyes trained on hers.
"Ohh, no wonder, boo. Tried calling you once too." I hope she hasn't noticed how my hands are shaking, as she talks I rub her shoulders. Small, soothing circles.
"How are you feeling now, after yesterday?" I ask, and for some reason I feel nostalgic, like it's been so long since we've talked.
Her face blanches, but she hides it quickly. Her hands go around my back, sliding slowly. "I'm okay."
"You sure?" I wait for her nod, then kiss her forehead. My chest feels like it's expanding.
"Oh," she says suddenly, a smile spreading across ether face as her hands go tighter around me. "I have something to tell you!"
Her eyes are shining, the happiness in them feels so contagious. She says, "I've just gotten accepted into John Garlow School Of Medicine! A scholarship, Li!"
The sentence drops like a slammed door.