Grey Nirmala
I had to know. I had to understand. I had to grasp the ultimate purpose of this world, and the aims of the people living in it. What meaning did my life's purpose give to theirs? Is it impossible to build a world where both the winner and the loser can be happy? I don't know, but I want to understand. I want to understand the reason for my existence and my own purpose.
"You're getting a little too eccentric with that thinking."
Hachiko babbled:
"I mean, honestly, thinking just hurts you more. To tell the truth, nothing was dumber than shoving Klein out of the bathroom."
Hachiko let out a mocking laugh.
"Do you have to talk every second?"
Hachiko ignored my question and finally went quiet. When he left, I put my focus back on Cinder. In Cinder's mouth was a medium-sized fruit, something like an apple. Its color was purple, and its juice was dripping everywhere.
"Could you eat that thing a little more like a human being?" Cinder tore his delighted eyes off the fruit and turned to me:
"If you tasted this, you'd understand why I'm eating it like this."
I scowled, rolled my eyes, and rubbed them under the sunlight.
"Are you really sure you don't want any? The Outer Regions love cultivating violet flame."
My eyes returned to Cinder.
"I don't care what the Outer Regions do."
Cinder sighed.
"Maybe if I showed you the most precious and important place in this forest, you'd change your mind."
"The most precious and important?"
I echoed, studying him. The old man grinned and nodded.
"Yes. The most important and most valuable region."
I braced my hands on the log I was sitting on. Dragging the log here hadn't been fun, but it was worth it. Cinder's words bounced around in my head like a ping-pong ball. If what he said was true, it could change the way I saw this forest. Right now I saw the forest as nothing more than an obstacle, but new information could enlighten both Hachiko and me.
"Alright then."
Using the log for leverage, I pushed myself to my feet and fixed him with a flat look.
"Show me why that place is so important and so valuable."
The grin deepened on Cinder's wrinkled face, and he, too, used his makeshift seat to stand. He took one last bite of the violet flame fruit and tossed it into a corner of the forest.
"Uncle of ours loves littering in the forest,"
Hachiko snickered. I ignored the empty chatter in my head. Cinder's eyes were lit by a strange hope. He smiled and pointed his index finger at me.
"Cyran! It would be my honor to show you one of the ultimate places in the Dream Realm."
"How much longer do we have to walk?"
Hachiko asked in a tired voice.
"What are you even talking about? You're not walking at all."
"Yeah, but I can feel your fatigue."
Hachiko whined.
"And it's not fun. I'm tired of walking."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
Hachiko had a point, we'd been walking nearly forty-five minutes and still hadn't reached our destination. The only things that held my interest were the little insects scuttling across the ground and fluttering in the air. Noticing my attention on the bugs, Cinder smirked.
"Watch out for those. Most of them could kill you with a single bite."
"They're that dangerous?"
His smirk faded.
"Believe me, if I told you how many people have died in this forest because of those insects, you wouldn't believe me."
"Try me."
I smirked back at Cinder. He sobered, then gestured with his fingers to the hundreds of orange motes drifting around us.
"Thousands."
He grimaced.
"So many it's impossible to count."
The grin vanished from my face at once. Even I wouldn't make light of loss on that scale, I couldn't.
"I'm sorry…"
My voice came out as a whisper. We kept walking, but with every step I could hear Cinder's heart ache.
"I want you to promise me something, Cyran."
His tone turned grave.
"No matter what happens, hold fast to the ones you love. Because as much as you need them, they need you just as much."
His words were meaningful, but they dragged another memory up from the depths, one I was afraid to recall: the last words Maya had said to me.
"I promise."
The last words I had said to Maya. A promise I had never kept.
"I won't make the same mistake again." I couldn't see Cinder's face, but I could feel him smiling at me.
"You're brave, Cyran, I'm sure of it. That's why I trusted you so quickly."
I didn't have to take his words to heart. I hadn't known the man that long. But it still felt good to be complimented by someone.
"Thank you for trusting me. Really. Not many people have trusted me in my life."
His smile dimmed.
"No child should have to live what you've lived."
I dipped my head to him, and we kept on.
For a long while, no one spoke. Each of us lost in our own head. Cinder led the way; Hachiko drifted through thoughts; and I tried to understand why this forest existed at all. A place like this couldn't just spring up for no reason. Being here might be one of the most terrifying—and most fascinating, experiences I'd ever have. Gray-leafed trees, a crimson moon at night, a sun of yellow shot with purple by day. It shattered all the rules of my world.
"If you're that curious, we're in the Dream Realm right now,"
Hachiko said softly.
"And our realm is known as the Green Realm."
He paused for a heartbeat. In his not-quite-real head, he was probably trying to line up the words.
"At least it's not a bad name. I guess."
"Yeah. Yeah. Got it." I could feel him pouting in my thoughts.
"Anyway, I'm going back to sleep. Hope you have a great time with Uncle Cinder."
Hachiko's tone turned arch.
"I'm trying to help an idiot who hasn't even figured out his life's purpose yet, fantastic."
He threw his last words at me and went quiet. Meanwhile, Cinder kept snapping or crushing a few little branches that lay across our path.
"I hate these branches,"
he muttered to himself, picking a fight with them. In a way, I understood his irritation. We'd been marching forever without a break, and he was venting his frustration on sticks. But he was also the one who'd put us on this road.
"Remind me next time, Cyran. We bring supplies before we set out. Because these branches, like the ones sprouting from Tarn's horns, are never going to give us any peace."
Cinder said with annoyence.
"As you wish."
I kept my tone calm and gentle. The last thing I needed was needless resentment from Cinder. He said nothing more and kept trampling branches as we walked. I no longer knew how long we'd been on our feet. All I knew was the ache and fatigue screaming from my leg muscles. I could fix it in a moment by drawing a little aether from the surroundings, but I couldn't risk Cinder seeing the runes. I trusted him, but trust only goes so far, even if the person is your mother or father.
"What's so important about this place you're taking me to?"
It was a pointless question; I wasn't even that curious. I was just killing time. I'd marched my mind back through things that had happened weeks ago, and still time refused to move.
"Nothing to be curious about."
Cinder sounded annoyed with me, and I couldn't exactly blame him.
"Right… if you say so."
He breathed, again and again. It was obvious how tired he was. Poor guy.
"What kind of girl is Maya?"
Cinder faltered for a second. Had I struck a raw nerve? I was only trying to soften the mood. He let out a long sigh.
"A sweet girl. My niece is my everything."
"You never had children of your own?"
He shook his head.
"I did. Two boys… both died."
"Oh, uh…"
He hit me from a place I wasn't ready for. A father who had lost two sons. That kind of pain had to be unbearable.
"I'm sorry for asking."
My voice came out soft. It was unintentional, but I didn't mind. He waved it off.
"It's alright. You told me about your past. I should tell you about mine."
He turned to me and smiled, warm and friendly, a smile weighted with painful memories.
"The day my boys died, I wasn't the only one. Millions of fathers mourned their children that day."
I tilted my head. I didn't understand what he meant. He chuckled at my face.
"The Great Purple Awakening War, etched its name into the Dream Realm's history in letters of blood."
After the laugh and smile, tears glazed his eyes. Few, but heavy.
"Millions of fathers found the courage to fight in that war; but no father found the courage to bury his own child. No parent should lay a child in the ground before themselves."
His voice cracked, and the tears gathered in his eyes grew with each passing second.
"I don't want the same thing to happen to Maya. She's my last child, the last piece that holds me together."
He tried to wipe his tears away, but they kept coming. Cinder drew a deep breath, fighting to steady himself, clutching at his heart. His face showed a little more calm. The crying stopped, and he brushed away the last drops.
"That's why I wanted to show you this place."
Pride and pain wove through his tone. He faced forward and crushed the final branches blocking our path.
"Here it is, Cyran: the Graveyard of Fate. The deaths of everyone in a person's life, past, present, and future."
I followed him, and saw it for myself. A place where death slept in silence. The most important and most precious region of the Spirit Forest. A graveyard. Cinder stepped aside for me, and the moment I crossed into it, everything changed. The air went dark, and a crimson light fell across me. Gray-leafed trees ringed the graveyard like a wall. I took a step toward the headstones before me. The crimson light kept following me, the only source that let me see in the dark. I stopped at a spot where my eyes could read the name on a stone clearly. I knelt and read what was carved there.
[Raya NirmalaAS2003–AS2018"Beloved wife and mother"]
The instant I read it, I swallowed in fear. I was staring at Raya's headstone. Raya Nirmala's headstone. I couldn't say anything. No words came. I just froze there. Moving felt like the wrong thing to do. My brain wanted to move; my body refused. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, but rain still fell on me. I lifted my gaze from the strange, terrifying stone and looked at the hundreds of others around it. On one: Klein Cylrit. On another: Cathy Kuze. Between them: Sunny Ademir. Above all of them lay Opie Marin. Each one was like a preview of the future. But it wasn't only the future, the past stood among them too: Maya Melody, Kia Lily, and Peggy Cylrit. I didn`t know who the woman beneath that stone had been, but I knew she belonged to the past. Among all those headstones, one of them glowed. The grave drew me to it. My own headstone stood before me.
[Grey NirmalaBS–AS"Beloved mistake and flaw"]
"How hilarious!"
Wild laughter burst out of me. I couldn't stop laughing.
" 'Beloved mistake and flaw,' huh? That's rich! Wonderful! Even my own headstone is mocking me!"
The laughter died and quickly turned to sobs. And after a time, the sobs gave way to anger and hate.
"Will I not even be allowed peace in death?"
I roared at the stone, because there was nothing else I could do.
"Yeah, that's deeply unsettling,"
Hachiko's uncomfortable voice rang in my ear. But I was in no state to care about, or even hear, anything the incarnation of the Eye of the Void had to say. I kept staring at my tombstone . Even my year of death was nonsense: "BS–AS"—before separation and after separation. The scholars had divided our world into two historical events. According to them, our world had once been joined with other worlds, and after a great explosion, they split apart. Hard to prove, but if you considered the world's age and the findings from certain digs, it made sense, at least to those who believed it. To me, it was hogwash. Yet when I thought of this Dream Realm I was standing in, the possibility seemed more plausible. Even so, why was my death date broken on my own stone? I had no answer. Anger and hate still churned inside me, and I had to let them out. I leveled the Rune of Destruction at the tombstone and emptied whatever destructive power remained within it.
" 'Beloved mistake and flaw.' Maybe you're not wrong,"
I muttered, and watched the stone crumble to dust before my eyes, and the dust, too, vanish completely. It still didn't leave peace behind, only more anger and hate. I drew a long breath and looked again at the other stones. I could see when my mother and father would die. They would live long, boring lives. Nearby, I found Cinder's stone. Beside it lay the grave of his niece, Maya Akane. But they weren't what seized my attention. Both stones bore the same year of death.
[Cinder AkaneAS1967–AS2018"Beloved husband and father"]
[Maya AkaneAS208–AS2018"A wonderful child and a beloved human being"]
Cinder would die this year, and so would Maya. The Dream Realm's calendar seemed to match my world's, which was good; fewer headaches. But knowing Cinder and Maya would die this year was truly unsettling.
"Grey!"
Hachiko shouted at me. I didn't want to listen to him, but I also wanted him to shut up.
"What?"
My tone was harsh and coarse.
"At this rate you'll lose your mind here. Come on, let's get out of here."
His voice sounded frightened, lost. I stood and looked toward the exit. I didn't know if I wanted to leave. What would change if I stepped outside? Nothing. Nothing would change. I would still be me. Still Grey Nirmala. I had goals, sure, but did they mean anything? Meaning… funny word. I wanted to understand why we're born and why we live, why we die and why we kill. But while trying to force meaning onto life, I'd already lost myself. I was crushed under everything. Because Grey Nirmala was still an idiot. An idiot who couldn't learn. I was only lucky. The only reason I'd survived this long was luck. But no one's luck is infinite. One day mine would run out, and I'd be forgotten. I'd return to the soil without leaving a mark. Maybe that was for the best. But there were people who loved me, even if they could be counted on one hand. If I died, what would happen to them? Would they grieve for me? Mourn me? Or forget me the next day? And did I even want to know the answers? I didn't have a fixed answer, couldn't. I turned fully toward the exit and took one step, then a second. I could feel someone watching me from behind, but whoever it was, they couldn't stop me. With each step I moved faster, and my pace quickened every second. Before I even realized it, I was already running for the exit. The crimson light followed me, and with every step it spread wider. This graveyard had opened my eyes. Which meant I had things to do. One step from the threshold, I stopped and looked back at the stones one last time. The one that held my gaze the longest was Raya's. I stared at her headstone for a few seconds, exhaled deeply, then turned back to the light and took the final step. Hachiko made no sound, but I could feel him smiling at me.
Before me: gray-leafed trees, spirit motes, and Cinder. He was smiling, warm and comforting. As if he knew everything I'd just lived through in the graveyard. I smiled back at him, but when I remembered the death year carved on his stone, my smile faded. Seeing it drop, Cinder lifted a brow.
"I know you didn't see anything good in there."
His smile thinned.
"No need to worry. The number of people who dare set foot in that graveyard is about the same as the number of servants in the Legia royal household. And believe me, that number is really small."
My eyes slid aside. I had no idea what he was talking about.
"I know, I know."
I tossed his words into a corner of my mind. Cinder chuckled and turned his back on me, starting forward. I stared blankly at him from behind. What kind of silly connection was there between the number of people who could enter the graveyard and what I'd seen? Or was he simply praising my courage?
"Sometimes you think such useless thoughts,"
Hachiko put me down from his corner in my head. At the same moment, Cinder began to walk. I wanted to talk to Hachiko, but a little rest would probably do me more good. The moment I stepped away from the gateway to the Graveyard of Fate, the area filled again with little branches and brush. I rolled my eyes, hurried my steps to catch up, and walked beside the old man toward another part of the forest. But we didn't get far. Cinder halted me as soon as he heard crackling from the shrubs around us. His gray eyes swept a full circle, scanning everything. When the sounds faded, he moved on, at least until we heard them again. Louder this time, harsher. His eyes narrowed, and the calm, easy look on his face was gone. Cinder took one step back and shifted into a stance that looked stronger, more aggressive.
A lot happened at once. Men burst from the brush on all sides. Cinder vaulted several meters into the air. Before I could grasp what was happening, I was already slammed to the ground. A weight pressed on my head, pinning me to the earth. The only things I could see were a huge hand, and Cinder still hanging in the air. But he didn't stay aloft for long. He roared and fired himself back down. I heard the owner of the hand holding me laugh, and just before Cinder hit, the hand lifted from my head and sprang away. I scrambled up at once, trying to see who was attacking us, but a thick, red mist smothered everything.
"What the hell is this?"
I asked Cinder, still staring at the crimson fog. He clenched his teeth, and aetheric particles gathered in both his hands.
"Crimson Moon Hunters. The most notorious predators of the Dream Realm. And they've come to hunt us."