After I made sure Nephis had finally left—after triple-checking, listening for footsteps, and confirming that the oppressive aura of her blood was no longer hovering in the hallway—I began taking out the books I had prepared to read to Cassie.
I had, of course, already chosen the perfect one.
Touch Is My Sight.
A novel about a blind girl who finds love with the commander of an army. Tragic backstory. Emotional intimacy. Supposedly deep themes about perception and vulnerability.
A romance novel.
"Al," Gluttony said dryly, skimming the first few pages with me, "that's not a romance book. That's just porn."
I paused, glanced at the cover again, then nodded solemnly.
"Exactly," I said. "Which is why it's perfect for teasing the blind girl."
Gluttony made a disgusted sound somewhere in the back of my skull, but I ignored him and opened the book.
"I was just a regular girl," I began reading aloud, adopting my most dramatic narrator voice, "who always studied to become a doctor. Unfortunately, my life became a total nightmare when I accidentally got chemicals in my eyes and became blind—"
Cassie tilted her head slightly.
"What kind of chemicals?" she asked.
"…The book does not elaborate," I admitted.
"Hm. That's already unrealistic."
I continued anyway.
"—and that caused my life to descend into chaos."
Cassie listened quietly as I read, occasionally interrupting to point out errors.
"The author forgot she's blind again," Cassie said after a few pages.
"How can you tell?"
"She just 'locked eyes' with someone."
"…Right."
"And now she's 'watching the sunset.'"
I cleared my throat and flipped the page faster.
Despite everything, Cassie seemingly liked the main love interest.
He was, unfortunately, exactly what you'd expect.
Tall. Brooding. Emotionally unavailable. Long silver hair. Red eyes.
"Wow," Cassie said politely. "Very… archetypal."
I snickered at her comment.
"Hey," Gluttony muttered, "don't judge. That's basically you."
"Shut up," I hissed internally.
Everything was tolerable—until the fight scene.
"And then," I read slowly, already sensing disaster, "the commander leapt forward, wielding his two longswords—"
Cassie straightened.
"Two?"
"In reverse grip."
Silence.
Then—
"No."
"Yes."
"That's not a thing."
"It is in this book."
Cassie launched into a full explanation of biomechanics, balance, leverage, and why reverse-gripping two longswords would get you killed in under five seconds.
We spent twenty minutes tearing that scene apart.
I learned, to my mild horror, that Cassie knew a lot about fencing.
We eventually let it go.
That was a mistake.
Because then the romance started.
And then it kept starting.
And starting again.
"And then the morning after—" I stopped. "…we started again."
Cassie made a small noise.
"And now," I continued with growing disbelief, "while the commander is at work—"
"…No."
"She is under his desk."
Cassie covered her face.
Somehow—somehow—the author had crammed 20 of these scenes into a 100k-word novel.
My final verdict, delivered with complete sincerity:
"I just hope she goes to a doctor soon, because I don't think having your abdomen repeatedly described as 'aggressively impaled' is medically advisable."
Cassie did not respond.
She was completely red, head buried in her hands.
She stopped speaking entirely when the protagonist began referring to the love interest as—
"Huge daddy'"
"She says it every time," Gluttony added helpfully.
"Every time," I confirmed.
Rating: 2/10.
"Next book," I declared.
I reached for another one.
"…Huh. I don't remember getting this."
I turned it over.
I regretted my existence instantly.
---
Alucard was so traumatized that he physically could not continue narrating.
So now, I, Gluttony—the greatest Arch Sin, supreme symbiote, and undefeated consumer of horrors—shall take over.
The cover depicted Feltan. Shirtless. Flexing.
Surrounded by five women.
The title read:
"The Taste of Wrath Ain't That Bad: An Autobiography by Themi, One of Wrath's Concubines."
Yes that was the real title.
Alucard threw the book against the wall.
He cut himself.
Used far too much blood to destroy it.
Detonated the remains.
Collected the ashes.
Shredded them again.
Then sealed them inside a storage memory never to be accessed again.
The funniest part?
Cassie saw none of this.
All she heard was an explosion.
Naturally, she assumed Alucard had betrayed them and was now attempting murder.
She tried to run.
Immediately tripped.
And began desperately crawling away like a panicked, blind turtle.
Alucard reached for her.
She screamed and smacked him with her stick.
"HELP—!"
"I'M NOT—!"
He tried reasoning.
It failed.
Eventually, in a stroke of terrible judgment, he grabbed her shoulders and shook her.
"STOP PANICKING," he said urgently. "I'M NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU. PLEASE CALM DOWN."
Shockingly, this did not help.
But eventually Cassie's breathing slowed, and she nodded weakly.
Alucard let out a long sigh and offered her a hand.
Ah. They looked so cute together.
I ship them.
Mostly because I don't want Seishan or Effie stealing my food.
Also Feltan ships Al with Effie, so obviously I must oppose him.
"Can you not comment on my love life?" Alucard snapped finally getting back to normal well somewhat.
"Oh relax," I said. "We all know the only real option is—"(I had to interrupt him before he leaked the final ship)
---
"Finally," I muttered internally, exhaling in pure relief, "I muted him."
Silence.
Actual, blessed silence.
Honestly, I was just glad he stopped trying to set me up with Effie or Sei. Though, if I were being fair, I wasn't entirely convinced Cassie was any safer an option. (Harem lovers, your only hope is Gluttony or Feltan forcibly dragging him outside and making him interact with more than 1 women. Borderline imposing, by the way. Al is genuinely allergic to women.)
Cassie suddenly pushed herself up from the floor.
"What were you doing?" she asked. "Why did I hear an explosion?"
Yeah. Fair question.
She sounded panicked, and honestly? I didn't blame her. Explosions in a city full of nightmare creatures usually meant someone had messed up very badly.
"Uh," I said carefully, already deciding how much of the truth she could handle. "All that happened is that I saw something truly harrowing… and kind of overreacted."
She turned her head toward me.
She didn't believe me. Not even a little.
"What did you see?"
I stared straight ahead, my expression flattening into something cold and distant.
"Undescribable horrors."
I refused—actively refused—to let that image resurface in my head. Some things, once seen, could never be unseen. That book was one of them.
Cassie sighed. Long. Deep. The kind of sigh you make when you decide it's not worth the headache.
"…Okay," she said finally, dropping it.
I gently helped her sit back down, guiding her to her seat, and made a firm internal vow right then and there.
No more smut.
Never again.
I would become the most innocent man in the world 2 world's even.
From that point on, I stuck to fantasy novels and history books—things with swords, wars, and minimal emotional damage.
And that became the routine.
For a whole month.
I'd read until it was time for someone to bring me food—usually Effie or Caster. Effie would tease me and practically eat all the food she was supposed to give me, and Caster would stare like he was calculating how to weaponize my existence.
After eating, I'd usually talk with them for a while. The conversations almost always drifted toward nightmare creatures—close calls, brutal fights, stupid mistakes that somehow didn't get them killed.
At night, I'd sneak out and sleep on some random rooftop under the moonlight.
Yeah, it made me feel like a homeless man.
But honestly? It was… nice. The cold air. The quiet. The feeling of being alone without actually being lonely.
In the mornings, I'd come back early and usually run into Sunny, since he was always awake at an ungodly hour. Nephis was also up early, but our conversations never went past a stiff hello and an equally stiff goodbye.
Still, listening to Sunny talk was interesting.
The outskirts. Survival. Fighting nightmare creatures with nothing but grit and bad decisions. How he and Nephis fought their way to the Dark City against impossible odds.
Then, during peak activity hours, I'd hide inside. Too many eyes. Too many people.
If Cassie wasn't busy handing out food, I'd talk to her. If she was, I'd read.
Books. Hundreds of books.
In short?
I was bored out of my damn mind.
How the hell did I survive sixteen years without trying to kill something?
Just walking around and chatting with anyone who would listen was exhausting—but somehow still better than doing nothing.
Effie never stopped teasing me. Not once.
Caster wouldn't shut up about killing Nephis and saving his clan, like those two topics were somehow related.
Sunny was an emo edge lord—
"Gluttony," I warned internally, already sensing him winding up, "I know what you're going to say, and trust me, it's not worth being muted for a month."
"How do you know that you emo edge lo—"
Muted.
Then there was Nephis.
Always trying to make me loyal to her. Always trying to redeem me.
The only real conversation we ever had was me saying "Hercules" and her immediately correcting me—
"It's Heracles."
Which somehow spiraled into a full-blown argument about mythology, cultural accuracy, and why she was completely wrong and how Disney couldn't lie.
Cassie, though… Cassie was decent company.
Too decent.
It always felt like she knew more than she let on. Like she was aware of things about me that I didn't even understand myself.
So yeah.
You can imagine how happy I was when that month finally ended.
Because once it did?
I could finally reveal myself.
---
Nephis and her cohort were out on an expedition.
Present were Nephis, Sunny, Effie, Caster, and about ten no-names whose sole purpose in life was to fill space and potentially die.
That's when they saw him.
A man running.
Short silver hair. Red eyes that almost glowed. Darker, tanned skin. His face and body were scarred—burn scars, old and brutal, like he'd been set on fire and lived through it out of pure spite.
He wore black obsidian armor.
Cracked. Blood-soaked.
He was barely standing.
"Help me," the man gasped.
He stumbled forward—and collapsed right in front of them.
There was no mistaking it.
The man was Alucard himself.
From the crowd, Effie and Caster were barely holding back their laughter.
Sunny looked like he was about to physically cringe himself out of existence.