"Youth is a lie, it is evil. What is called youth is merely a medium for the fake lives of the normies, deceiving each other, and maintaining superficial interpersonal relationships."
"On the contrary, not praising youth, not compromising with this deception and falsehood—that is where true justice lies."
"Like a steadfast lighthouse, standing unyieldingly in a storm-ravaged ocean..."
"I, Hikigaya Hachiman, silently uphold my ideals, and will forever be a professional loner."
"Until the first semester of my second year of high school, I was dragged into a strange club by the overly sympathetic Hiratsuka Sensei, where I met the only member of the club at the time, Soubu High School's 'Ice Queen'..."
"Yukino Yukinoshita."
"This super... let's just say ridiculously beautiful girl took it upon herself to drag me out of my professional loner status, making me—someone who hated youth—actually start to praise it."
"What a terrible personality! She's clearly a beautiful devil in sheep's clothing!"
"I, Hikigaya Hachiman, hate Yukinoshita the most."
"How could there possibly be a brave soul in this world who would willingly fall for a girl like her? Unless that brave soul is a complete masochist."
Hikigaya grumbled these familiar complaints to the exact same boy staring back at him in the mirror, as if rehearsing a well-worn script for an audience of one.
"Hikigaya-kun, how much longer are you going to stay in the restroom? Honestly, are you so incompetent at using the toilet that you actually fainted in there?"
A voice as clear as a silver bell, yet carrying that familiar edge of mockery, sliced through the bathroom door like a precisely aimed blade.
"Eh? No... no, I'll be right out."
Hikigaya quickly tidied himself up, smoothed his disheveled uniform, said a silent farewell to his mirror counterpart, and stepped out of the restroom.
The moment he emerged.
Hikigaya found himself frozen in place, his earlier complaints scattering like startled birds.
There, wrapped in a hotel blanket like a luxurious cocoon, lay a girl languidly on the bed. Her face carried a slight flush—whether from the warm evening light or something else entirely, Hikigaya didn't dare speculate too deeply. Her calves were spread just slightly apart, the exposed skin on both sides catching the light in a way that made him immediately avert his eyes. Then sneak another glance. Then quickly look away again. Then—
A beam of evening sunlight streamed through the hotel window, illuminating her face with almost theatrical precision. Her serene smile, so different from her usual ice queen demeanor, made Hikigaya lose himself for a few dangerous seconds.
Did this bad woman secretly cast some kind of charm spell on me when I wasn't looking?
"Are you staying tonight?"
"No..." Hikigaya shook his head with perhaps too much emphasis, sneaking additional glances at Yukinoshita on the bed. "Tomorrow is the first day of our third year. I don't want the last high school opening ceremony of my youth to be messed up by showing up in yesterday's clothes. That's the kind of normie disaster I refuse to become."
"Pfft~"
Yukinoshita chuckled softly, a mischievous glint flashing in her eyes like sunlight on ice.
"Don't run away next time, Zako-kun~"
When Yukinoshita smiled—truly smiled, not her polite society mask—there were two shallow dimples at the corners of her mouth. It was an unfair bonus feature for someone already known as Soubu High School's 'Ice Queen,' the kind of detail that probably made lesser boys write terrible poetry in their notebooks.
However, to Hikigaya's well-trained cynical eyes, that smile was unmistakably the devil's mocking triumph.
"I don't admit to running away," Hikigaya declared, his old face flushing despite his best efforts to maintain composure. His expression, however, was deadly serious and earnest—the face of a man defending his honor on a hill he'd chosen to die on. "As a man, when facing a lady, one needs to display a certain degree of chivalry. So, Yukinoshita, don't open the champagne too early, and don't let your cat's tail wag as if you've already won another round. It's unbecoming of someone with your lineage."
"You're right."
Yukinoshita's smile radiated the kind of confidence that could only be cultivated through years of accumulated victories.
"However, you've never won against me. Win one round against me first, then we can talk about chivalry and champagne."
"..."
Hikigaya fell instantly silent, sighing with the weight of accumulated defeats.
That's exactly what I mean!
Yukinoshita is such an impossibly annoying person!
Any guy who genuinely falls for her must be a deep-seated masochist with unresolved childhood issues!
"Alright, I'm leaving. See you at school tomorrow."
"Okay, see you tomorrow."
Yukinoshita smiled warmly as she watched Hikigaya leave—a genuine smile, the kind reserved for him alone.
And the moment Hikigaya completely exited the room, the door clicking shut behind him with terrible finality, the previously cheerful atmosphere vanished like it had never existed.
In its place descended an extreme, bone-chilling silence.
Yukinoshita's smile gradually dissolved, her expression settling into something frighteningly calm.
If Hikigaya had witnessed this transformation, he probably would have stumbled backward in shock.
At this moment, Yukinoshita's expression was terrifyingly solemn—far more intense than when she faced her older sister Haruno in verbal combat, or even when standing before her formidable mother during family gatherings. This was the face of someone confronting an existential crisis with nothing but her wits and willpower.
After several minutes of silence, as if emerging from deep contemplation, Yukinoshita took a slow, deliberate breath and spoke to the empty room:
"Matchmaker System, what exactly are you?"
Yukinoshita wasn't suddenly experiencing a chuunibyou episode like Hikigaya might, shouting at thin air with delusional grandeur. She was instead communicating with a special entity residing in her mind—a presence that defied all logical explanation.
Commonly known in certain novels as: the System.
To be perfectly honest, Yukinoshita initially refused to believe in this sudden voice claiming to be a system in her mind. She was a rational person, grounded in reality, with grades that reflected her commitment to evidence-based thinking.
However.
After she reluctantly took the enhancement potion provided by said system and, with her supposedly delicate body, managed to make the recently departed Hikigaya beg for mercy repeatedly throughout their... encounter... Yukinoshita ultimately chose to tentatively believe in this scientifically inexplicable phenomenon. For now. Under protest.
A voice quickly resonated within Yukinoshita's consciousness.
[Matchmaker System, literally meaning: the host must make your boyfriend 'engage' with different beautiful girls.]
"Make Hikigaya-kun 'engage' with beautiful girls...?"
Yukinoshita, who was notoriously particular about linguistic precision, suddenly furrowed her elegant brows, apparently encountering a blind spot in her extensive vocabulary.
"What exactly does 'engage' mean in this context? Please define your terms clearly."
[Simply put, it means making your boyfriend engage in the following behaviors with different excellent girls: holding hands, hugging, kissing, rolling between sheets, producing offspring together...]
"Stop!"
Even the usually calm and composed Yukinoshita felt her brain short-circuit.
"You mean—make Hikigaya-kun hold hands with other women? Hug them? Kiss them? Even roll... roll between sheets with them...?!"
As Yukinoshita spoke, her pale cheeks flushed crimson, and an unnamed rage immediately surged within her chest like a volcanic eruption.
[Yes, the list also includes producing offspring together.]
The System responded without a ripple of emotion, as if discussing weather patterns.
"???"
A frosty expression darker than any winter storm suddenly descended upon Yukinoshita's features. Her hands clutched the bedding with enough force to tear the expensive hotel sheets, channeling the anger burning within her heart.
How could she possibly allow her boyfriend—her boyfriend—to kiss other girls? Roll between sheets with them? Produce offspring?!
The mere thought of Hikigaya happily chatting with some other girl right now made her chest constrict with an emotion she reluctantly identified as jealousy.
"You... you terrible excuse for a system! Did you not receive any form of compulsory education? Are your moral thoughts truly this impoverished? Or was the master who created you some pitiful creature deprived of love from birth and seeking revenge on happy couples?"
"This is absolutely ridiculous! Hikigaya-kun is my boyfriend now. Why would I ever do something so morally reprehensible? What kind of twisted logic is this?"
[Oh. If you don't complete the system tasks, then your boyfriend will die of illness.]
"???"
Although Yukinoshita maintained a composed exterior, revealing no excessive anger on her beautiful face, her heart was already a seething maelstrom of rage and anxiety.
However, realizing that getting angry at a machine-like, emotionless robot was the height of foolishness, Yukinoshita took several deep breaths, restrained her temper with immense effort, and forced herself to calmly assess the situation first.
"What kind of illness does he have? Provide details."
[The cause of the illness remains unknown to current medical science. However, I can inform you that with present human medical capabilities, this illness is completely incurable.]
[If you don't complete the system tasks, you won't accumulate points needed to save your boyfriend. Without intervention, he will die from this illness three years from today.]
[Yukino Yukinoshita. You wouldn't want your beloved boyfriend to leave you forever in just three short years, would you?]
"..."
Yukinoshita's expression immediately became unreadable, a canvas of conflicting emotions. Sitting cross-legged on the bed like some kind of disturbed meditation practitioner, she appeared to be weighing the truthfulness of the System's recent statement that 'Hikigaya carries a fatal illness.'
[I believe the host would certainly never joke about matters concerning your beloved.]
[It's just a slight sacrifice of your boyfriend's... purity. But that small sacrifice can save his entire life.]
[I'm sure with your magnanimous heart and logical mind, you wouldn't object to such a reasonable arrangement, right?]
The System coaxed with the subtlety of a used car salesman.
However, to Yukinoshita's sharp sensibilities, this was simply the devil whispering sweet temptations in her ear.
[In any case, time is limited. I strongly hope the host will quickly begin completing tasks to accumulate points and save your boyfriend's life.]
"Tasks? Wait just one moment... I never actually agreed to cooperate with you."
The System ignored her protest completely. An option interface rapidly materialized in Yukinoshita's mind, presenting itself with the kind of aggressive UI design that offered no refusal button.
[Host: Yukino Yukinoshita.
Please select one of the following two beautiful girls as the primary target for your boyfriend to pursue next.]
[1. Your older sister: Haruno Yukinoshita]
[2. Schoolmate: Kato Megumi]
[Host, please make your selection...]
"...Huh?"
Upon seeing a certain person's name appear on that dreadful list, Yukinoshita's breathing actually stopped for a moment. Her brain, usually functioning at peak efficiency, nearly ceased all operations.
"Haruno? My sister?"
What kind of terrible, cursed option is this?!
Is Haruno technically a beautiful girl? Objectively speaking, yes—she's intelligent, accomplished, and conventionally beautiful. But even if she qualifies by every possible metric!
One cannot simply involve that woman in something like this!
What a twisted, sadistic sense of humor this system possesses!
At this moment, Yukinoshita felt unprecedented resentment towards the Matchmaker System. Every fiber of her being wanted to categorically refuse the tasks being forced upon her.
But.
The thought of Hikigaya potentially being in mortal danger—the image of him three years from now, pale and suffering, leaving her forever—made her, after extensive internal deliberation, decide to at least investigate how this situation might unfold. For now. Tentatively. Under extreme protest.
"Huh? The other option is..."
Looking at the unfamiliar name, Yukinoshita blinked in genuine surprise and murmured softly to herself:
"Schoolmate... Kato Megumi?"
Yukinoshita furrowed her brows and attempted to search her perfect memory for any information about this person.
A few minutes of intense mental sifting later, she frowned slightly deeper, a rare expression of genuine puzzlement crossing her features.
"Who?"
****
"Zako-kun" is a derogatory nickname Yukino Yukinoshita uses for Hachiman Hikigaya to mock his perceived social worthlessness and lack of presence.
Zako (雑魚): Literally translates to "small fish" or "trash fish." In Japanese slang, it refers to a "nobody," a "weakling," or a low-level "mob" character in a game who is easily defeated and holds no significance.