The Bureau cafeteria was a legendary place.
Not because the food was good.
No.
That would imply mercy.
It was legendary because every square meter of it was haunted by overtime demons, and the line for dumplings was longer than the waiting list to reincarnate.
The moment Yue, Princess Ling, and a barely-recovered Ne Job stepped through the cafeteria doors, the air changed. A warm, greasy scent lingered above them like the memory of bad decisions. Stainless steel counters reflected fluorescent lights that flickered in bureaucratic Morse code.
QUEUE. OR. PERISH.
Ne Job blinked at the glowing sign.
"…Is that a warning?"
"It's a prophecy," Yue muttered.
A crowd of Heavenly clerks shuffled forward, eyes hollow, coffee mugs trembling in their hands. Several angels clutched lunch vouchers like holy talismans. A demon accountant sobbed quietly into a tray.
At the far corner, the vending machines hummed like miniature prisons. One spat sparks and growled at a nervous intern who dared to look at it for too long.
Princess Ling exhaled slowly. "I hate this place."
"You have royal food," Yue said. "We eat cafeteria death."
"I'm still traumatized from the 'Soup of Unused PTO' incident."
"That was not soup," Yue said. "It was a lawsuit."
Ne Job leaned toward the sneeze guard, gazing at the buffet offerings.
Steam trays displayed a variety of horrors:
Caffeine-Steamed Rice
Tears of Failed Promotion (Clear Broth)
Mystery Dumplings (Mystery not guaranteed edible)
Dessert: Existential Jelly
A chef with eyes like cracked photocopier glass slapped ladles into bowls with the enthusiasm of someone who had transcended suffering.
Ne Job pointed. "That jelly keeps spelling my name."
"It's warning you," Yue said. "Move."
They joined the line, sandwiched between a celestial archer arguing with a fallen monk about queue rules and a trio of demons comparing tax codes.
The line wasn't slow.
It was geological.
After forty-six minutes, they reached the counter.
The chef glared at them.
He pointed at Ne Job.
"Intern."
"I—yes?"
"Lunch."
He gestured toward an unmarked steel door.
Ne Job blinked. "…Is that the regular menu?"
"No," the chef said. "That is where interns eat."
Princess Ling raised a brow. "That looks like a furnace."
"It is the Overtime Annex," the chef said. "He goes. You stay."
Yue stepped between Ne Job and the door. "He's under provisional compliance trial. He eats with us."
The chef tapped his ladle on the counter.
The air thickened.
A dozen overtime demons looked up from their janitorial duties.
Black ink eyes.
Clipboards made of charred bone.
Chains wrapped around their wrists. One had a barcode scar across his forehead.
The chef smirked.
"If intern eats here… intern signs contract."
Princess Ling's eyes widened. "What kind of contract?"
No one answered.
The air rippled.
An overtime demon—taller than the rest—slid forward. His horns were shaped like staplers. His mouth was sealed shut by adhesive legal tape.
He placed a scroll on the counter.
It unfurled.
Yue's eyes darted across the terms.
The Overtime Dining Waiver.
SUBJECT: Intern (Unranked)
CLAUSE 12: "Lunch period counts as unpaid training."
CLAUSE 19: "Consumption of cafeteria rations forfeits 100 karma per bite."
CLAUSE 44: "If intern expires during consumption, corpse is reclassified as compostable paperwork."
Yue's soul left her body.
Princess Ling whispered, "We should leave."
Ne Job stared at the scroll.
"…Do they have dessert?"
Yue slapped his shoulder. "I will weld your mouth shut."
The chef narrowed his eyes. He raised a metal tray.
Three bowls of rice slammed onto the counter.
CLACK.
"Eat," he grunted. "Or contract."
Yue exhaled in relief. "Thank you."
Princess Ling picked up her bowl like she was disarming a bomb. "Does this rice look like it's… moving?"
Steam curled upward.
The grains trembled.
Then tiny, ghostly faces emerged in the rice and whispered:
WORK. HARDER.
Princess Ling dropped her bowl.
It skittered across the floor and hissed like a cat.
Yue swallowed. "It's fine. Standard morale enchantment."
Ne Job poked his rice.
The grains screamed.
Yue slapped his hand. "Don't. Agitate. Them."
"I was just saying hi—!"
The cafeteria lights flickered.
Every overtime demon turned their head at once.
Ne Job froze.
"Sorry."
The rice quieted.
They sat at a corner table.
Princess Ling barely managed a spoonful. "This tastes like… paperwork."
"It is paperwork," Yue said. "The grains are shredded performance reviews."
Ne Job blinked. "Is this… why every time I eat here I want to cry?"
"Yes."
He ate another spoonful.
His eye twitched.
He whimpered softly.
Yue sighed.
"You'll get used to it."
Three tables away, a vending machine let out a low demonic growl. A terrified assistant approached it with trembling coins.
The machine spat a can of soda onto the floor.
Then another.
Then six.
It screamed like a printer dying mid-job.
The assistant dropped to his knees, sobbing.
Princess Ling wiped her mouth. "I would rather starve."
"You will die here if you starve," Yue replied.
Ne Job perked up. "Is dying worse than eating?"
"Yes."
A new voice cut through the cafeteria:
"HELLO, YOUTHFUL INFRACTIONS!"
Heads turned.
None dared respond.
Except one.
Ne Job sighed. "Oh no."
A figure burst through the main entrance—robes fluttering dramatically, halo glowing like a malfunctioning ring light.
Taiyi Zhenren.
The mentor-who-shouldn't-be-a-mentor.
The tutor-who-shouldn't-be-allowed-near-children.
He skidded across the cafeteria floor, hair blazing like divine wildfire, eyes bright with unearned confidence.
"Ne Job! You absolute titan of disaster! I brought snacks!"
He slammed a flaming bento box on their table.
Yue stood up so fast the table screeched.
"What did you DO?"
"It is a divine ration!" Taiyi grinned. "Crafted from the soul-fragments of a celestial phoenix sushi chef!"
Princess Ling stared. "…That sounds illegal."
"Oh, very!" Taiyi nodded proudly. "They will probably send bounty hunters. But you must nourish the intern!"
Ne Job, trembling, nudged open the box.
Inside:
A glowing onigiri.
A side of swirling, cosmic noodles.
And something that looked suspiciously like a beating heart made of tofu.
A cafeteria alarm blared.
ALERT: CONTRABAND. ALERT: OVERTIME BREACH. ALERT: CLASS-A DINNER PRIVILEGE VIOLATION.
The overtime demons surged.
Chains rattled.
Clipboards snapped.
Yue grabbed Ne Job's collar. "DROP THE BOX."
"I—It's food!"
"It's contraband!"
Taiyi raised his arms like a conductor.
"LET THEM COME! I HAVE RECEIPTS!"
He produced a scroll.
A colossal demon slammed its fist on the table.
The scroll burst into flames.
Taiyi screamed.
"My receipts!"
Yue spun, kicking Ne Job behind her. "Everybody move!"
The cafeteria erupted into chaos.
Rice spirits screamed.
Lunch trays flew like shurikens.
A vending machine transformed into a mech and attacked Taiyi.
Princess Ling swung her bat like a baseball player possessed by divine revenge.
Taiyi shrieked as he was body-slammed by a soda dispenser.
Yue vaulted a table, yanking Ne Job toward the exit.
"WHY IS EVERYWHERE WE GO A NIGHTMARE?!" he cried.
"BECAUSE YOU EXIST!"
Behind them, overtime demons flooded the floor.
The tofu heart exploded.
The noodles achieved sentience.
The phoenix rice ball took flight.
Taiyi Zhenren shouted from beneath a pile of vending machines:
"EAT WELL, MY BOY! THE SECRET IS INSIDE YOUR—GAH—ORGANS—"
The doors slammed behind Ne Job, Yue, and Ling, sealing the chaos inside.
They collapsed in the hallway, panting.
Yue stared at the ceiling.
"One day," she whispered, "I will have a normal lunch."
Princess Ling leaned back against the wall. "You're dreaming."
Ne Job sighed, eyes wide with revelation.
"…I miss instant noodles."
---
End of Chapter 179