The two had continued talking while climbing the stairs to reach the landing where their apartment was located. Shauwn didn't really talk; he didn't want to, nor did he wish to form any kind of relationship. He only nodded his head and replied with random noises coming from his throat.
The truth was, as soon as Sirius had been able to look at her more clearly, he couldn't help but remember one of his old acquaintances. Did they look alike? Not really, but if he had to describe it, it was something about what she radiated.
Shyla emanated an innocence and purity that stirred in him an irrepressible desire to protect her — and he did feel that need to protect her. He found it rather unpleasant and confusing. Of course, the one with whom Sirius confused Shyla, though there was that same energy, that same urge to protect, was of a much deeper and more complex intensity than now.
His apartment was at the end of the hallway, next to Shyla's. The packages that had disappeared earlier were now in front of his door.
"Well, I guess this is where we part ways, isn't it?" she said, a bit disappointed.
Good riddance. Though it's not really a goodbye, I'm just next door.
"Yes," he replied dryly, without emotion.
Shyla didn't keep him any longer, sensing his reluctance and discomfort in her presence. She waved her hands to say see you later and went inside her apartment. He took the opportunity to carry all the boxes addressed to him into his new home.
Sitting in front of the pile, he began opening them one by one to see what they contained. In one of the boxes, he found household appliances; in others, there were clothes, as well as what seemed to be a uniform.
There was a note inside them: "Try to dress decently for your first day."
---
After a few minutes of cleaning and organizing, everything was now as he wanted it — food in the kitchen, appliances scattered around, and his clothes neatly stored in the wardrobe in his bedroom.
All that was left was to take a bath. But before that, he went to the kitchen and grabbed one of the small knives lying on the counter.
He used it to make a small incision on his right forearm. It wasn't meant to hurt himself — far from it — but rather to tear off that skin-like material he had put on himself.
It was fake skin that covered his entire forearm, which he now tore off and threw in the trash. It actually hid a tattoo, one that connected him, whether he liked it or not, to his former life.
The tattoo looked as follows: three concentric circles, inside of which were the initials "SS." On the third circle, which enclosed the other two, there were heptagram branches all around.
Inside those branches were icons representing sins — except for one branch, which contained nothing.
Around each branch of the heptagram were thorny vines that extended to the other side of his forearm, leaving enough space in the middle for another tattoo.
Unfortunately, that one had been disfigured by scars — seemingly made on purpose.
"Time for a hot bath."
Sirius quickly stripped off his clothes and headed for the bathroom. It consisted of a bathtub, a shower, and a sink; the toilet was in a separate room.
Standing in front of the sink, above which hung a mirror, Sirius took a deep breath as he looked at himself.
"What do you think of that girl, Shyla? She looks like her, doesn't she?" he said mockingly.
Even though he didn't want to admit it — wanting to stay true to himself and the precautions he had to take not to get involved in trouble — Shyla did resemble Ivy, from what he had seen. Playful, cheerful, enthusiastic — though she was a bit clumsier and didn't radiate the same confidence he was used to seeing in her. That only reinforced his decision to stay away.
The strangest thing was that Shauwn hadn't said a word. The one who spoke was his reflection in the frozen mirror, no longer mimicking him but moving of its own will.
"What do you want?" Shauwn's tone was anything but friendly; one could even feel resentment.
"What was her name again? Oh yes, Ivy," said the reflection teasingly.
"Shut up! I don't want to hear you say her name!" Shauwn, slowly losing his composure, raised his voice.
"Oh really? Ha ha ha, and why's that?"
"Because if she's dead, it's because of you."
"Me? Oh, Sirius, how cruel you can be sometimes. We're the ones who killed her..." his nemesis replied mockingly.
"..."
"I'm right, aren't I? It's because you entered her life that she found death. Just like that girl who reminds you so much of Ivy — history repeats itself..."
"No, this time I've learned. I'll stay away. I won't get involved..."
"Really? You've made the right decision, then. Staying away from her will keep her blood off your hands — like all the others."
"And who the hell asked you? Huh? You've been silent all this time, and now you magically show up to play what, the moralist? I hate you! I hate you so damn much! It's all your fault! No matter where I go, I always feel it — the shadow of death creeping closer, marking everyone I love!" The intensity with which he had started his sentence slowly faded, calming his anger.
"You thought you could escape your past by hiding here? You really think you can forget who you are?"
"I'm not hiding! I... It's over. I've changed. I'm not that person anymore. I'm not you anymore..."
Those words hit harder than any punch. He couldn't even answer the question. He had been so sure he wanted a new life... but what if it was only a disguise, an unconscious desire to hide and run away? The very reason he came here was starting to grow blurry in his mind.
"Ah, but you are. Do you really think you can change? You still wear that tattoo, those scars. They're the mark of what you truly are. You can't erase them that easily."
"That tattoo is a reminder of what I don't want to be anymore."
"Oh, that's right. I forgot — you've turned into a suicidal savior in Silver Creek, trying to save as many lives as you can so you can die in agony... So pathetic. A twisted logic for someone who claims to want normality and a new life away from it all."
"..."
"No matter how hard you try, you'll never save as many lives as you've taken. And you know it."
The accumulation of unwanted truths and the constant blame bursting from all sides led him into denial:
"You took them. You made all those choices that inevitably led me to this."
"You've always tried to shift your choices onto me, blaming me. Take responsibility for once. We are one and the same person. I'm the you who made those choices — the one who made all the wrong decisions that created me. I am you, at a time when you made your worst choices. You said you'd changed, didn't you? Or that you wanted to? Maybe you'll succeed, or maybe you'll lose yourself even more by trying to run away." His voice was calmer, steady, and deep. That alone was enough to bring him back to himself.
"Just stop... stop."
"You'll never get rid of me, Shauwn. I'm a part of you, whether you like it or not."
"Shut up!" he shouted, his fist slamming into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces that fell into the sink. He stared at the fractured shards lying inside the basin.
"You are, and always will be, Ira Gn—"
The rest of the words the reflection wanted to say were drowned out by the water Sirius had turned on to wash his fist, which was bleeding heavily.