Chapter 74 — Yujiro: "Hey Minato, Did You Know Toad Oil Can Cure Baldness?"
Hong Kong had its Indian God Oil,
and now, thanks to him, the Naruto world had its very own Mount Myōboku Toad Oil.
---
He'd already drafted the perfect slogan for it:
"With Mount Myōboku Toad Oil — your spear stands tall!
The true essence of manhood!
Even Jiraiya swears by it!"
Minato, clutching his forehead, pleaded:
"Yujiro, I'm begging you, please stop using Jiraiya-sensei's name in your… marketing schemes."
He looked at Yujiro with the weary sincerity of a man who'd seen too much.
"The poor guy's already in his forties. His body can't handle that kind of abuse anymore."
Yujiro tapped his chin thoughtfully.
Originally, he'd planned to bundle his two bestsellers —
the Ryūchi Cave Vitality Powder (oral supplement)
and the Mount Myōboku Toad Oil (topical application).
One inside, one outside.
Used together, the effect would skyrocket, explode, transcend human limits!
He'd even tested the pitch: "Awaken your inner Sannin!"
It was foolproof.
But then Minato gave him that look—
the kind of earnest, glowing, "please-don't-do-this-or-I'll-Rasengan-you" look that only Minato Namikaze could pull off.
Yujiro groaned, dragging out his words like a sulking child:
"Fiiiine… I'll… change the product line."
"We'll pivot it to wellness, okay? Health tonics sell like crazy too!"
He straightened up and declared with mock sincerity:
"We'll say the toad oil helps restore vitality, reduce fatigue, and… prevent hair loss!"
Minato froze.
"Wait—what did you just say it helps with?"
"Hair loss," Yujiro replied casually.
"You know, it's a big issue in the Land of Water. Their water's so hard, every man's half-bald by thirty.
The toad oil's gonna sell like crazy there."
Silence.
A long, meaningful silence.
Then Minato suddenly grabbed Yujiro's hand, eyes blazing with hope.
"Yujiro… you have to do it."
"Develop the Mount Myōboku Anti-Baldness Toad Oil as soon as possible!"
He spoke like a man possessed—no, like a man who had personally seen the horrors of a receding hairline.
Then, with the efficiency of a true bureaucrat, he pulled out an official scroll, signed it, and handed it over to Yujiro.
"Here—authorization granted. Just show my name when you get to Mount Myōboku. They'll cooperate."
He gave Yujiro's shoulder a firm pat.
Yujiro smiled warmly, voice dripping with mock righteousness.
"You know this, Minato—everything I do is for Konoha."
Minato nodded gravely, hand over his heart.
"As am I. My heart and actions are as clear as a polished mirror—everything I do is for justice."
The two men clasped hands, eyes glimmering with passion.
"Yujiro!"
"Minato!"
"Yujiro!!"
"Minato!!!"
(The sound effect of heroic bromance echoed throughout the Hokage's office.)
---
Minutes later, Yujiro left the office looking genuinely touched.
But once he turned a corner where no one could see—
his expression changed completely.
That gentle, grateful smile twisted into a dark, triumphant smirk straight out of Death Note.
"Heh… gotcha."
He lifted Minato's authorization scroll and read through it.
Inside were the coordinates for Mount Myōboku
and the secret passwords for contacting the toads.
"Heaven King covers the Earth Tiger, Treasure Tower suppresses the River Demon…"
All as expected.
But what surprised him was a small handwritten note at the bottom—complete with a chibi doodle of Minato sticking his tongue out.
'This time, profits are 50–50, okay?
Otherwise, I'm not helping you handle the Fire Daimyō and his cronies.'
Yujiro blinked.
"Wow… look at that."
He chuckled softly.
"The kid's learning."
Maybe all his "mentoring"—some might call it psychological torment—was paying off.
But that line about the "Fire Daimyō and his cronies"?
That part didn't sit well with him.
"Tch… even with all this power and these connections, I still can't make money standing upright, huh?"
His eyes narrowed.
"Those damn parasites… The history books were right—
Feudalism is the biggest obstacle to capitalism."
The Fire Country nobles, the lords, the local magnates—
every one of them was a bloodsucking leech.
Inside Konoha, his business was fine.
But the moment his operations expanded beyond the village?
Every single noble wanted a "share."
"If I keep feeding these freeloaders half my profits every time,
how the hell am I supposed to become the richest man in the ninja world?"
He clenched his fists dramatically.
"I can't even fund my dream harem this way!"
"No harem means no children, no children means no Senju clan revival!"
His eyes darkened.
"What's next, mass-producing cloned Uchiha-Senju hybrids with Orochimaru's tech?!"
He paused.
"…Actually, that might work."
Then frowned again.
"No, dammit, cloning materials are expensive. That needs capital too!"
He stomped the ground and declared:
"To hell with these parasites! You can't build good capitalism with a bunch of leeches hanging off your purse strings!"
He threw his cloak dramatically over his shoulder, a glint in his eyes.
"It's time… for the Akatsuki Organization to make its move."
Konoha wasn't ready for rebellion—
not yet.
The people weren't angry enough,
the Fire Daimyō wasn't desperate enough,
and the world hadn't felt pain in a while.
But that was fine.
Yujiro smiled to himself.
He'd already thought ahead.
He still had Nagato's Akatsuki wardrobe lying around for just such an occasion.
If Nagato's motto was "Let the world feel pain,"
then Uchiha Yujiro's was—
"Let the world feel profit."
The world was vast.
Sure, the five great ninja villages had carried their share of suffering—but what about everyone else?
"The Five Great Nations, the Five Daimyō, the Five Elders, the Five Supreme Councils or whatever…
It's about time they suffered a little too. That's called fairness."
Yujiro's lips curled into a grin that didn't reach his eyes.
"Can't let those pampered bastards sit around hugging girls, sipping sake,
and coasting their way to the finale, right?"
The more he thought about it, the more irritated he got.
He clenched his fists.
"Damn it."
"Damn it."
"Damn it!"
Each word hit the air like a hammer strike.
Then, all at once, he snapped his fingers.
"Alright, it's decided! While I'm heading to Ryūchi Cave and Mount Myōboku, I'll pull off a few operations along the way—"
"Time to show the world what the Akatsuki can really do!"
---
Meanwhile, in a quiet corner of the Rain Village, Nagato had no idea that somewhere out there,
Uchiha Yujiro's little "spontaneous decision"
was about to make the Akatsuki famous—a full decade earlier than in the original timeline.
Only, not that kind of famous.
This time, the Akatsuki wouldn't be known as a terrifying group of rogue mercenaries…
but as something entirely different.
A philanthropic organization.
A group of masked revolutionaries who robbed the rich and uplifted the poor—
dedicated to annihilating corrupt nobles, greedy lords, and parasitic feudal elites.
They would become the "Saviors of the Common Man."
"The Akatsuki—Friends of the Poor, Enemies of the Aristocracy."
That was how Yujiro redefined the group's mission statement.
And honestly?
It sounded way better than Nagato's gloomy slogan about "making the world feel pain."
"Equality for all! Down with the feudal system!"
"No pain—just profit!"
Whether Nagato agreed or not didn't matter.
After all, Akatsuki's new generation leader, Lord Yujiro, had already spoken.
"Hehehehe~ Democracy wins again."
---
And just like that, it was settled.
Yujiro's next goal: visit all Three Great Sage Lands—
Ryūchi Cave, Mount Myōboku, and maybe even Shikkotsu Forest if he was feeling adventurous.
He'd raise funds for the Senju clan revival,
and at the same time, establish the Akatsuki's public image as the Robin Hood of the Ninja World.
Then, once all that was done, he'd make it back to Konoha before Kushina's due date.
After all, someone had to help Minato beat up their "wayward disciple."
"Should I crush Obito right away…?"
He frowned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"Hmm, no. Not yet. Obito's not the real problem—it's that slimy bastard Zetsu."
"If I kill Obito too soon, Zetsu will just burrow back into the shadows,
and that'll make things messy. Better to keep him baited for now."
He smirked.
"Once I've powered up enough, I'll wipe them both out—Zetsu and Kaguya together."
"Yep. Perfect plan. Done deal."
Next on the to-do list: report to Fugaku about the clan reforms.
Maybe even bring Tsunade along to discuss the Senju revival project.
But before that… there was another stop.
"The orphanage."
He tapped his chin again, weighing his options.
On one hand, visiting Tsunade meant dealing with… Tsunade.
On the other, the orphanage visit was "for charity."
"Hmm… Tsunade's definitely important," he mused,
"but the orphanage… yeah, that's where they could really use some of that Ryūchi Cave vitality powder."
He paused, pretending to think hard—then nodded solemnly.
"Yes. The orphanage it is."
He straightened his cloak and headed out.
"Purely out of compassion, of course. Absolutely nothing else."
And with that, Uchiha Yujiro—the hero, philanthropist, and soon-to-be capitalist warlord—
strode toward his next righteous act of charity…
with a grin that could only belong to a man about to scam the world in the name of justice.