The day after the match, I woke up extremely relaxed. Everything that happened yesterday, from the match, to the win, to the news about the national team, and to top it off, a fancy French dinner, were playing in my head. I had a smile on my face. The excitement on my parents' face after the U20 call up was priceless. They were gushing about it during dinner as well. Digão was a bit put off because he had to miss it all but he was excited about it as well. He is only 3 years younger than me. He's turning out to be a good kid. Not extremely talented with football, but let us see.
As is my routine, I did my morning stretches, push-ups, pull-ups, squats as suggested by the system. I then freshened up, and left for breakfast.
Breakfast with my parents is always a fun affair. My mom would give us a debrief of the tv show she watches. It is called Por Amor. It has been running for almost a year now. The TV series is too dramatic and I cannot bring myself to watch it, but I thoroughly enjoy my mom depicting the scenes and trying to give her commentary. She is so invested in this series, I wonder what she'll be like once Netflix comes around.
At first, I missed the internet. I missed mobiles. I missed social media. But, now, having lived in this time for a year, I absolutely love it. Instead of being glued to screens, we talk. Instead of cancelling plans to stay home and rewatch tv shows, we go out and make memories. I will still use the internet once it comes, but I feel so grateful for living in the 90s during my teens. I was so lost in this thought process, apparently I missed a crucial plot point.
"Are you listening, Ricardo? Isn't that horrible?"
"I'm sorry mamãe. I wasn't paying attention. I was lost in thought. What was horrible?"
"The baby died, Kaká. And Helena asked the doctor to replace Eduarda's dead baby with her own baby. That poor woman! And Eduarda? She can't have children anymore because they had to take out her uterus."
"Huh! This is not going to end well."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, come on mamãe! It isn't like Helena is not going to be around the baby, the baby is her grandson. So, she is going to be seeing the baby regularly. One day she is going to break down, or her husband is going to find out the truth and leave her or the doctor will blackmail her to keep her secret, I could think of hundreds of more bad scenarios happening."
"You cannot say that, Kaká! Such sacrifice must not be in vain. It will work out. I'm sure of it"
"Mamãe, it is not real. The show runners want drama and this will be a crucial drama for the next one year. Mark my words"
"Why are you being negative? This will finally heal the family. Eduarda and Helena will be thick, and everyone will be happy."
"Nope. I don't see it happening. Do keep me updated though."
Since when am I invested this much? I realised that I have actually paid full attention to the past plot and the characters that I can predict what could happen next. Huh! I blame my mom. I am not interested in watching this crap. No sir! Absolutely not. Give me Game of Thrones. Give me Breaking Bad. I'm a gigachad! I do not like soap operas. If it looks like I am invested in this series, it is solely because of my mom. Nothing else. I do not care if Eduarda is a spoiled bitch. I do not care if Helena is overly dramatic. I do not care if Marcelo needs to figure his shit out. I am definitely not going to sneak peek at a couple of episodes. I am TOTALLY not going to rewatch it on Netflix.
My dad on the other hand is genuinely not interested in this. He changes the topic.
"I spoke to a couple of friends this morning. They asked me to get ahead of the situation and meet the two scouts before the meeting. They said that they have heard from other people that these scouts take bribes and they could spoil things for us in the future if we don't get them on our side."
"That's not very nice of them. They assured us that we'd be meeting this Sunday. Why would they change it? Wouldn't we sign a contract and all?" My mom asked.
"No, we are not signing a contract now. This is going to be just a meeting to explain all the details and get the paperwork started. The actual contract would happen after the camp. This is more like an invitation to the camp."
"Okay. They gave you their contact information, right? Instead of beating around the bush, why not just ask them directly, what would it take to assure that I could play for the U20 team?" I asked.
"I do not think that's a good idea, Kaká. What if they're insulted? What if they do not like that approach?"
"In that case, let me talk to coach Alfonso. He seemed familiar with them, we could get an idea of who those people are and what our next steps should be."
"I agree. Talk to Alfonso today itself. So that we could be prepared"
With that done, I went to school. I was getting recognised more these days, many people have started watching our matches since the entry was free. They just had to be registered fans of the club. I ended up talking to some of them at school. Made a few new acquaintances.
Once at the club, I reached out to coach Alfonso immediately, and without any preamble I asked him
"Hey coach, do you know Mr. Costa well?"
"Ah! I was expecting this conversation. I am guessing your father made enquiries?"
"Yes, coach. His friends have said that scouts like these accept bribes and they could hinder a person's career. I wanted to talk to you to know if we could or should arrange a meeting beforehand and deal with the unpleasant business?"
"Okay, I know these two people very well. They have been scouting in Sao Paulo state for a while now. And their word does carry weight. But, I can also tell you with confidence that you need to worry about nothing. They're football fanatics and they don't care about bribery. They're very committed to this and they want what's best for the team. So, go into the meeting knowing well that they will have your best interests. I can vouch for them"
"That takes a weight off my shoulders. I wasn't against bribing myself into the team, but this way is a much better choice, coach! Thanks!"
I visibly relaxed after that, and enjoyed the practice. We had the semi-final for Copa do Brasil first. Cruzeiro are our opponents. We would either face Palmeiras or Santos.
I had a grudge against Palmeiras, so I hope it is them that we get to face.
We didn't have much of a gap between matches.
Our first leg of the semis is on the 15th and the second leg is on the 20th.
Finals for these tournaments are also in two legs. Finals also had an away goals rule. I found it so stupid to have a two legged final. It takes the fun away from it being a final.
The first leg was an away game. We would like to win it and set the tone or at the worst, take a draw. Losing was not an option.
We practiced relentlessly and for a change, we were practicing set pieces. We were getting coached on in box positioning for corners and free kicks. We tried a couple of routines as well. Things would not be like this in game, but it was a lot of fun. Trying to outsmart the defenders with your movement before the delivery. I wasn't the tallest of our group and I haven't paid much attention to heading. I was focused on passing and finishing with my feet. So, I learned a lot of new things during the last two days.
15th May, 1998
The day of the first leg arrived without any fanfare. We travelled to Cruzerio. We were prepared for the away atmosphere. But, there was no one here. There were barely 20 to 30 people here. Most of the people here were the parents or the staff. That sucked! This was supposed to be a semi-final. But, I guess not all clubs have fans coming to all the matches. Maybe this was an off day. I will ask around after the game.
Just like the atmosphere, the game itself was a boring affair. There was absolutely nothing interesting that happened. They sat deep. Waiting for us to attack and to counter. And we did all we could to break their defense, but they were extremely disciplined and we couldn't do anything.
The only big chance in the game fell to me, from a corner. I was unmarked in the box and I didn't expect the ball to come to me to be honest. I was waiting for someone else to make contact and to go after the rebound or something like that. It was a mistake on my part. The ball was at a perfect height and had the perfect power on it. Anyone else in my position would have put it away. But, I missed my header and shot it above the cross bar.
I didn't let that mistake rattle me though and I carried on normally. I made some good plays. I connected well with Diego and Adriano. Worked well defensively when they tried to counter. On paper, it was a good game for us. But it was a boring affair. The match ended up being a draw. 0-0. Neither side wanted to take risks and we were happy with the draw. They should come to our stomping grounds next and we were going to beat them.
On Sunday, we all got dressed up early in the morning. We always wear white for church. I like that we have a routine and do these things without missing a single week. We went and prayed. My mom went to the pastor and asked for blessings for today's meeting. Even though this is a formality, she didn't want to leave anything to chance.
We arrived before the scheduled time to the training ground. Coach Alfonso was letting us use the meeting room there for the discussion. Diego and his family were also there early. We were excited. But the parents seemed to make it a bigger deal than it was.
Once we were inside the meeting room, both the scouts Mr. Costa and Mr. Martinez came right on time. And what followed was so anticlimactic, even my mom was bored.
They explained about the camp. This is a training camp for 32 recruits. The camp lasts for 10 days. We would be assessed on our physical fitness, skills, and team chemistry. We would play multiple matches amongst ourselves. They had the data on all of the players, so they just wanted to see us in person in a different setting. Once the camp concludes, the coach would announce a 25 man squad that will be the final squad for the world cup.
I had a question, "Why announce a squad so early when there is almost a year in between?"
They said that since we don't have international friendlies and a fixed schedule, it helps to have a squad ready in place and to adjust and rotate and try different combinations in this one year and make necessary changes as we go. Based on history, the 25 people announced now will most likely end up going to the tournament.
They took all our details, including our passport details. They said that the background process would start soon and by the time the camp concludes, if we are in the final squad, we would be notified of the national team contract.
They said that they would coordinate with the clubs about our availability and our medical data.
All we had to do today in the meeting was sign a paper that said that we give consent to having our medical records sent from the club and that we give consent for a thorough background check.
That was it. Nothing else.
I almost snapped at them. Couldn't they have let us know this beforehand? Why schedule a meeting and arrange all this, just to explain something that would take 2 minutes over the phone and get a signed consent form.
I could see the disappointment on my mom's face. I don't know what she expected, but I could tell that this was not it.
Once that was done, they immediately left. I gave a sideways hug to my mom. It was all good news. It was just anticlimactic, that was all.
One good thing was that we didn't need to jump through hoops and pay bribes and all. The opportunity came right to our doorstep. We are going to grab it with both our hands and will make sure that we will be on that plane for the world cup.
20th May, 1998
It was time for us to finish Cruzerio off and be on our way to the second final of the season. We practiced relentlessly for the past 5 days. We wanted to show them how attacking is done.
Last time, they didn't dominate us physically but they were disciplined and closed our passing channels. And they dominated us in numbers. This time, we wouldn't give them the chance. We would go on the attack from the start and if need be, we would try to play long balls and catch them by surprise.
The strategy worked. In the 10th minute, Moraes won the ball in our half, and immediately released it to me on the right. Like we had practiced all week, I gave a signal with my left hand and immediately Adriano knew. He stayed onside but made a perfect run. I released the ball immediately into his path and he controlled it brilliantly and he passed it to Diego who made the run alongside him. They took three touches and slotted the ball inside.
1-0. GOAL! I didn't get the assist, but everyone knew that my ball was the match that lit up the fuse.
Scoring the goal meant that the floodgates opened. The team that looked so defensive and meek, came at us with full force.
They took us by surprise and immediately found an equalizer in the 18th minute.
1-1.
And they scored the away goal. If the game were to end in a draw, they would go through. We have to win it!
We thought that since they scored one, they would put pressure on us and go for an extra goal. But, no. All 10 players were always in their box, defending.
We worked well when the teams left gaps, which we could exploit. We didn't yet have the skills or the tactical ability to execute plays to break their defense.
I had the advantage of the system and with Xavi's masterclasses, I could begin to formulate a plan. But, I needed help and I was not yet proficient in identifying the loopholes in their formation. I was still learning how to think like an elite midfielder. It would take years to develop the ability to successfully organise plays to beat these defensive teams.
We tried and tried and tried. We were relentless in our pursuit for that goal. We executed our pre determined passing plays, we tried long balls, we tried letting them have possession to find an opening to counter. But none of those bore a result and the game reached the final minutes.
We were really really frustrated. The crowd was with us the whole way. Even in the 80th minute, they were chanting to encourage us and it worked to lift our mood up. The coach made substitutions and he took off a defender and brought on Oscar, I dropped a bit deep and made space for Luis.
Even with our new legs and extra numbers in attack, they shut us down defensively and they got the result they wanted.
It was a 1-1 draw, but they reached the finals via the away goal.
We were knackered. For the first time, I collapsed on the pitch after the game and let it sync in. It wasn't through our fault, it wasn't nerves, it wasn't the lack of effort, but still we couldn't reach the finals.
The coach came to us and lifted us up. He was happy with the performance. He kept saying that it was all part of the game, but none of us were in any mood to pay attention. We lost. They're in the final. That's all that mattered.
Matches like this made me realise that tactics and high quality coaching are very essential to winning tournaments. We had quality in our attack and midfield. Everyone did their job well. But, we just couldn't break their defence.
This will be a lesson. It doesn't matter if we have the better squad. On any given day, a team that's coached better, who wants it more, can turn up and win it all.
My parents were dejected as well. But, they put on a smile and told me that it happens.
"Don't worry about this Kaká! You guys played well. It happens. Take it out of your system. Good news is that you have a final coming up. You could just focus on that one"
Hypothetically, I didn't want to get bothered too much by results and trophies. But, in reality, it was anything but. The match kept replaying in my mind. What could have been different? What could I have done differently? Was it my finishing? Was it the header I missed?
For the next two days, I was moping. I was down. Not just me, but the whole team. We knew that we blew our chance. No matter what anyone said to uplift us just fell on deaf ears.
I realised something. It could be the Kaká in me, but I just wanted to win. I tried to convince myself that these trophies didn't matter and that my grind is what's important and that I should take it all with a pinch of salt, but looking into how I felt, I realised that I want to be a winner. I wanted to win trophies even at this level. That realisation was freeing.
At that moment, I knew. I knew that something changed fundamentally inside. I wanted to be a winner. I wasn't going to settle for anything less. I will do whatever it takes, to have my hands on that trophy.