In the filthy streets of Pentagram City, Vaggie and Angel Dust were doing door-to-door... or rather, sidewalk-to-sidewalk.
Vaggie handed out flyers for the Hazbin Hotel with the seriousness of a desperate Jehovah's Witness, while Angel just threw them at passersby without even checking if they read them.
Vaggie (exasperated):
- Angel! For fuck's sake, stop rolling the flyers into cigarettes! That's OUR marketing!
Angel (grinning, taking a long drag):
- Relax, mamacita... it's called making a buzz.
Vaggie (snatching the roll from his fingers):
- I'M GONNA FUCKING- (Spanish insult too violent to translate)
Angel:
- Whoa, whoa, easy, tiger! How do you expect to be seductive with a face that constipated?
Vaggie (sighing, exhausted):
- Angel, I repeat, we're supposed to promote the hotel, not destroy what little credibility we have left!
Angel (not looking at her, rolling another flyer):
- Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm doing creative marketing. It's called immersive advertising.
Angel grabbed several flyers and rolled them into a huge cigar, lighting it immediately. It puffed out pink smoke.
Vaggie (losing it):
- That's not immersive advertising! That's literally smoke, damn it!
Angel (smirking):
- Yeah, well, at least it gets attention. You know what they say - better be noticed for a stupid reason than not at all.
Vaggie (snatching the cigar):
- I'M GONNA FUCKING- (again, Spanish too obscene to write)
Angel (mock shocked):
- Ooh, honey, I'm flattered, but you don't have the experience or the equipment for that.
Vaggie (gritting her teeth):
- I WAS SPEAKING FIGURATIVELY!
Angel (grinning):
- Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say.
They stopped in front of a small stand run by a fat demon, half asleep in his chair, cigar in his mouth and pustules covering his face.
Vaggie forced her most polite smile and held out a flyer.
Vaggie (sweetly):
- Hello, sir! Are you looking to redeem your soul? The Hazbin Hotel offers free stays for new repentants...
Demon (grumbling):
- Does it have Wi-Fi?
Vaggie:
- Uh... no, but it has forgiveness and-
Demon:
- Then screw off.
At that moment, only God knew how much Vaggie wanted to remind him of her former job as an Exorcist.
Angel (leaning on the counter, smirking):
- That's a shame, babe. We had rooms with a great view of your lost dignity.
The demon grunted, threw his cigar at Angel - who caught it mid-air, lit it with a snap of his fingers, and blew a heart-shaped puff.
Angel (exhaling):
- Mmm... tastes like despair and mold. Love it.
Vaggie:
- What the fuck am I doing here...
Angel:
- Don't forget, your lovely girlfriend asked you to do this. So suck it up, 'cause we're gonna meet some real crazies today.
They moved on, passing a group of punk demons tagging a wall with glowing blood. Vaggie timidly offered them flyers.
Vaggie:
- Maybe you'd be interested in-
Punk Demon #1 (snickering):
- Is that the hotel for freaks who wanna "turn nice"?
Punk Demon #2:
- Yeah, I saw that on HellTok. Some guy confessed his sins and got eaten by his therapist three minutes later.
Vaggie:
- You can't compare us to a social media video! We promise an actual chance at-
Angel (cutting in, grinning):
- Honestly, the hotel's nice. If you survive more than two days, there's even a free buffet!
Only Vaggie herself could truly comprehend the depth of her current rage.
Punk Demon #3:
- What's on the menu?
Angel:
- Your lost hopes, served with a shot of remorse.
The punks burst out laughing and walked away, shouting half-hearted insults, while Vaggie muttered furious Spanish curses under her breath.
Vaggie:
- We're not making progress! We'll NEVER make progress!
Angel (shrugging):
- Oh, you gotta know your audience. People don't like sermons. Sell 'em dreams, sex, and a little drama.
Vaggie:
- And you're literally all three in one...
Angel (winking):
- Exactly, mamacita. Living advertisement.
A little further, they met an old demon lady dragging a cart full of unidentifiable junk. Vaggie forced another polite smile.
Vaggie:
- Hello, ma'am! Have you ever heard of the rehabilitation of sinful souls?
Old Demon Lady (raising a brow):
- Sweetheart, at my age, I've sinned more than I've breathed. And I ain't planning on stopping.
Angel (leaning in, charming grin):
- And that's why you've still got that spark in your eyes, baby.
The old demon cackled, smacked him on the ass, and walked away whistling. Vaggie nearly choked.
Vaggie (horrified):
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?! We're not supposed to encourage their sins - we're supposed to redeem them! Angel, I swear I'm gonna-
Angel:
- Shhh.
Vaggie:
- WHAT?!
Angel (grinning):
- You hear that?
Vaggie immediately went on guard, spear in hand, ready for battle.
Vaggie:
- I don't hear anything! What is it?!
Angel (mocking):
- Exactly. It's the sound of peace and quiet when you shut the hell up.
Vaggie (going full Doom Slayer mode):
- RUN!
Two figures could be seen running down the street - one laughing his ass off, shouting random insults, and the other chasing him, spewing Spanish profanity so vile that even I won't repeat it.
Eventually, they calmed down.
They kept going - Vaggie handing out flyers to uninterested demons, Angel flirting with everything that moved, selling the hotel like it was a luxury cabaret.
After a while, Vaggie collapsed on a bench, exhausted. Angel sat beside her, legs crossed, looking smug.
Vaggie (tired):
- We didn't convince a single soul.
Angel (nonchalant):
- Yeah, but we made three demons laugh, one grandma tried to grab my ass, and I scored a free bottle of demon gin. I call that a win.
Vaggie (rolling her eyes):
- You're hopeless.
Angel (smirking):
- And irresistible.
Vaggie groaned, lifted a flyer as if to shove it down his throat - then sighed, defeated.
Vaggie:
- If Charlie asks how it went, I'll just say "catastrophic but entertaining."
Angel (stretching):
- Perfect slogan for our front door.
Angel rummaged through a pile of dusty newspapers on a nearby counter, grabbed one dramatically like it was a holy relic, and started flipping through it eagerly.
Angel (triumphant):
- Oh, heeey, look at this, Vaggie! They've got a whole page about me! Well, can't say I'm surprised - I am a legend.
Vaggie rolled her eyes. Angel began reading aloud, dramatic as ever.
Angel (mock shocked):
- "Angel Dust: cabaret star, vice entrepreneur, and apparently, unofficial candidate for 'best one-night stand in Pentagram City.'" Hahaha! "Best one-night stand!" I want my trophy!
Vaggie (grumbling):
- We couldn't convince a single person, and you're thinking about your damn sex life.
Angel feigned offense, pressed the paper to his chest dramatically, then kept flipping. His grin widened when he found the "Burning Letters" gossip column - anonymous rumors and filth.
Angel (reading, theatrically):
- "A witness claims to have seen Angel Dust in the backroom of an Infernal Club, teaching 'acrobatic techniques' to very happy clients." Oh-ho, acrobatic techniques... sounds professional.
Vaggie (coldly):
- Add 'public health hazard' to your résumé while you're at it.
Angel laughed and flipped another page - until his eyes caught a bold headline. His voice dropped, dripping with scandalous amusement.
Angel:
- "Arch Tribunal: Aristocrat loses title after banging a hellhound." Holy shit, they actually printed 'banging' on the front page?!
Vaggie's face hardened instantly. Angel was already grinning.
Angel (mocking a news anchor):
- "In the red corner, Prince Stolas of Ars Goetia, accused of trading his honor for the irresistible charms of a hellhound named Blitzo!" Damn, what a soap opera.
Vaggie clenched her jaw and snatched the paper like a weapon, ready to shove it down Angel's throat when-
Two teenage demon girls appeared, horns covered in stickers, phones glued to their hands, giggling.
Demon Girl #1:
- Hey, you still passing out those lame-ass flyers?
Demon Girl #2:
- You didn't hear? The Exterminators are done for!
Vaggie (tense):
- ...What?!
They laughed and showed their phones. A viral HellTok video played on loop - an angel's severed head impaled on a spike, with a techno remix of "Die, bitch, die!" and poop emojis flooding the comments.
Demon Girl #1:
- Dude, it's viral! Three million views in ten minutes!
Demon Girl #2:
- Nobody's scared of Exterminators now. People say they're getting chopped up like KFC chickens.
Vaggie froze - jaw tight, eyes wide, a mix of fear and disbelief twisting her expression.
And deep in her heart... an unshakable dread.
(As far as I know, in the reunion in heaven, Adam never made reference to the fact that an angel was killed by an angelic weapon. Charlie found out about it from Alastor after they made a pact, but since in this timeline the pact didn't take place, the only person in the hotel who knows the angels' weak point is Alastor.)
---
IN THE RING OF LUST - ASMODEUS AND LILITH
The Ring of Lust never slept. Even in the "Infernal night," the pink and violet neon lights pulsed in the air like a living heartbeat - full of desire and decadence.
Music, laughter, moans, and the sweet smell of sin mixed in the air.
But in the middle of it all, Asmodeus, Lord of Lust and King of Carnal Sin, sat quietly on his crimson throne, a glass of black wine in hand.
He gazed at the empty dance floor of Ozzie's, his main club - closed for the first time in decades.
He sighed. Rarely did he have a night without guests, music, or spectacle.
But tonight - after seven long years - he had finally received word from an old... friend.
Footsteps echoed against the marble floor, slow and almost hesitant.
The Queen of Hell - Lucifer's estranged wife - stepped into the soft light with weary grace.
Her once blazing eyes were now dulled by fatigue. She wore a simple, elegant outfit - no royal gowns, no crown, just peace.
Asmodeus stared at her for a long moment, holding back the flood of questions out of respect.
Lilith (softly):
- Still the drama queen, huh, As? I walk in and you've already killed the music.
Asmodeus (smirking):
- When my dearest friend decides to visit me out of nowhere after seven years, of course I have to make an entrance.
Lilith smiled faintly - nostalgic, bittersweet.
She sat at the bar, her hand resting near the bottles glowing under the pink light.
Lilith:
- It's been a while, hasn't it?
Asmodeus (quietly):
- Seven years. Not a word. Not a trace.
At one point, I wondered if you'd divorced Lucifer... or me. We're friends, remember? I worried.
(He looks at her.)
And now here you are, walking into my realm like nothing happened.
Lilith shrugged lightly.
Lilith:
- I'm sorry for worrying you. Where I was... it was impossible to reach anyone. Let's just say I needed... air.
Asmodeus (chuckling):
- Honey, if you needed to relax, you could've come here. You know my doors are always open.
Lilith laughed faintly, then sighed. She looked at him, the way only an old friend could.
Lilith:
- As... promise me something.
I just want to rest. Here. For a while.
And don't tell Lucifer. Or Charlie.
The smile faded from Asmodeus's face. He stared at her for a long moment, fingers tapping his glass.
Asmodeus:
- You're asking me to lie to one of my oldest friends.
(raising a brow)
And to my niece, no less.
Lilith (gently):
- Exactly. Charlie doesn't need this right now.
And Lucifer... (she looks away)
I already hurt him enough by leaving. He doesn't need to know I'm here.
Asmodeus thought to himself: If only you knew...
Lucifer had locked himself away, making rubber ducks and talking to them. Her absence had caused more chaos than she could imagine.
But he didn't tell her. He didn't want her to feel guilty.
A silence fell between them.
Asmodeus:
- Fine. Your secret's safe with me.
But at least tell me this, Lilith - where were you? All this time?
Lilith looked down at her glass - just a glass of water, in the kingdom of lust. Her reflection trembled in it.
Lilith (softly):
- I'll tell you, As... but not tonight.
Asmodeus frowned slightly, but didn't push. He poured another drink and slid it toward her.
Asmodeus:
- Alright then. Rest. The Lust Ring still welcomes you as its queen.
But if you want to stay unnoticed, you'll have to tone down the "I rule Hell" aura. It draws attention.
Lilith (smiling faintly):
- I'll do my best.
They drank in silence for a while. Then Lilith spoke again, more seriously.
Lilith:
- I know it's hypocritical of me to ask, but... tell me, As. What's happened here since I left?
Asmodeus raised a brow, swirling his wine.
Asmodeus:
- Where do I even begin?
(He listed it off cynically.)
Three minor uprisings in the Ring of Wrath, Mammon tried to buy the Moon to turn it into a casino, and Beelzebub got into music. (winks) She's actually pretty good.
Lilith smiled faintly.
Asmodeus (more serious):
- I suppose you already know about the SCP Foundation.
Lilith (nodding):
- I do.
Asmodeus:
- Well... lately, there's been a trial. Involving an Ars Goetia noble. You know - little Stolas.
Lilith froze.
Lilith:
- Paimon's son... I remember that child. What did he do? He was such a kind soul, always caring for others - unlike his father.
Asmodeus (calmly):
- He lost his title. His power.
I'm disappointed, honestly. I wanted to help him.
Lilith said nothing.
She didn't know the details, but the thought that the gentle boy she'd once known had fallen from grace... shocked her.
They talked for a long time, until Lilith finally decided to retire for the night.
Asmodeus:
- You know what? Stay as long as you like. No one will know you're here.
If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm hosting a "tired old friend."
Lilith (soft smile):
- Thank you, As. You haven't changed - still the charming man with the big heart.
Asmodeus (smiling, raising his glass):
- And you, still the queen who makes Hell tremble with just her voice. Good night, if you need anything, let me know.
Temp before appearance of the next anomaly 2 days)