Early risers are most productive, study says.
Masking: what it means in different psychological situations
Zay hit the neon yellow ball with his racket and felt the vibrations of the impact resonate up his arm. Ever since he had been scouted in his last couple years of high school, the satisfaction of making contact with the ball had always been enough to keep his energy high. But not today.
And his coach noticed. She held up her hand to stop the match and walked across the court to Zay, her red hijab fluttering in the light breeze. "You're off today," she said, her tone unapologetic. "What's going on?"
"Them," Zay replied, tilting his head toward the watching crowd that had showed up at his appearance and seemed to keep getting bigger.
Sarai rolled her eyes. "An audience has never bothered you before."
"They're watching me like creeps, Sarai," Zay protested. "I don't feel like an athlete. I feel like prey."
Sarai clenched her jaw. She might be hard on him, but she was ultimately in his side above all else. "You want me to go yell at them?"
Zay shook his head tiredly. "It's not just them. I'm also off for personal reasons."
Sarai raised a thin eyebrow. "You know better than to hope 'personal reasons' is a good enough excuse for me to let you off the hook your first day back after vacation."
Zay sighed, tapping his racket against his leg. "Stuff's really complicated right now. I just had my temporary boss both come out to me and confess he has feelings for me in the same conversation yesterday."
Sarai was smirking, as she always did when Zay told her about his personal life. She lived for any little tidbits of drama, and Zay's life was chock full of that at the moment. "But that's good, isn't it? You've been waiting for a man since forever!"
"I told you, it's complicated. I don't know if I'm just the first thing he latched onto after his divorce or if he actually cares." Did he think that? Did Zay actually think that Pandi had attachment issues and had decided Zay was his new obsession? Zay shook his head at himself.
Pandi was sweet and kind, and he had been hurt badly by his ex. But maybe after that betrayal, he felt like he needed to hold onto things more tightly.
Well, Zay would find out on Monday when they had a serious conversation.
Sarai clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "You're seducing divorced men now too?"
Zay rolled his eyes. "I seduce all kinds of men. I'm not discriminatory."
"That's not what I meant. Also, you've taken time off from that job for the season?"
"Yeah. I promise I'll stay away from it this season."
"You'd better," Sarai said, pointing her finger at him. "I have a hard time explaining when you show up to tournaments with a black eye."
Zay cringed remembering the day she was talking about. The night before states, he had been working down at the club and had not moved away quick enough. He had shown up the morning of the tournament with a black eye very obviously out there by an alpha's fist. He had barely been able to see out of that eye, but he had still won the tournament.
"Besides," Sarai continued, "you have an actual shot at winning this thing this season. So focus up."
"There's more. I promise I'm not making excuses. I'll finish up practice, I just want you to know that I'm really tired, like every step costs me half my remaining energy."
Sarai abruptly touched the back of her hand to Zay's forehead and then took his pulse with two fingers. "You're hot and your heart is fast. We've just been standing here for the past couple minutes." She glanced over at the crowd at the edge of the court and lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper. "You should go home and rest."
Zay blinked, confused by her sudden switch in demeanor. "Um, why?"
Sarai's expression tightened. "Are you really that out of sync with your own body, Zay? You're probably going into heat in the next day or so. That's why you're tired and frustrated and confused."
Zay ran a hand over his face. "Shit. I forgot that existed."
Sarsi sighed. "Of course you did. As much as I'm a huge proponent of working through pain and exhaustion for a good result, you can't work through this. Just go home. You live with a couple other omegas, right? They'll take care of you if you ask, I'm sure."
Zay nodded, his heart sinking. He did not want to burden the newlywed Camille, and his brother Ezekiel was unused to his heats. He could suffer alone in his bedroom for a couple days. He had done it before. He would be fine. Maybe he would tell Noah, though, since that was in his area of expertise as a doctor.
Sarai patted his shoulder. "I'm not mad, Zay. Take the time you need, and we'll start again afterward. It's okay." As Zay started packing up, Sarai turned to the crowd and yelled, "Show's over! Get on with your lives!"
Zay slung his bag onto his shoulder and headed out with a small wave to Sarai and his practice partner Jamid. He took a long drink from his water bottle as he pushed out the club's side gate, so he did not see the person who collided with him and sent him tumbling down to the ground. Zay hissed at the pain of the sidewalk scraping his free hand open, but he was willing to brush it off. The other guy would give him a hand up, they would both apologize and be on their way.
But the other guy did not offer him a hand up. He grabbed Zay's upper arm and yanked him so hard he left his bag and water bottle behind.
Zay struck out toward the guy's face and tried to get his feet underneath him. But he was off-balance and this guy was so much bigger than he was. He was about to yell when the guy shoved a gun barrel so far back into his mouth that he gagged.
"Don't make a sound, you filthy creature." The words were spoken in a voice dripping with cruelty. "I don't care how famous you are. I'll blow the back of your fucking skull out."
Zay nodded jerkily, holding down the vomit that clawed up his throat at the taste of oil and metal sitting heavy on his tongue. What did this guy want? He knew who Zay was, so was he robbing him or something? Zay stopped struggling to appear as compliant as possible. He did not want to die, not now when his life might be starting to finally go in the right direction.
"You omegas are disgusting, walking around with your filthy pheromones everywhere." The guy shoved Zay's head down to the concrete. "What fucking idiot decided to let you into a place you don't belong?"
When the guy got on top of him, Zay realized what was about to happen. He was not being robbed. He was being raped. He should have felt the urge to fight back, but the gun was still in his mouth and he did not want to die. So he closed his eyes as his heart raced and cold tears slid down his cheeks.
Out of nowhere, there was a solid thud and the guy flew off Zay like he had gotten hit by a car. The gun hit Zay's top teeth painfully as it left his mouth, but it was out.
He could run. But he felt no adrenaline, and his muscles would not let him move. Get up! he screamed at himself. Get up and run!
Then someone stepped in front of Zay, in between him and his attacker. Someone solid and determined by the way he set his feet on the pavement. "You want me to call the cops? No? Then get your sexist ass out of here before I count to ten. One. Two."
Zay felt like he knew the voice, but it stopped after two as footsteps scrambled away. He saw his defender turn and kneel by his side, but his vision was blurry so he could not quite make out the features.
"Zay, it's Pandi." Pandi? What was he doing here? Had he followed Zay? Had he just happened upon the scene? What was happening? "Zay? Can you talk to me?"
Zay blinked rapidly a few times, but it did not clear his vision. He mumbled out something but promptly forgot what he had said.
Pandi got him up into his feet and to his car. He said something to someone, and then they were in the back of the car. Pandi's steady arms were around Zay's body, and Zay curled into the warmth, his body shaking painfully.
Was he sobbing? He could not hear himself. He could barely feel where Pandi's fingers wrapped around his shoulder.
Pandi might have tried to comfort him, but he mostly just held Zay in a close, safe embrace that slowly calmed the screaming inside Zay's head.
Pandi must have asked where Zay lived at some point because they pulled up to Noah's house, and Pandi helped Zay out of the backseat. He said something to the driver, probably thanks or whatever, and then they were inside.
Various people talked over Zay's head until Camille peeled him away from Pandi and put him in bed. "Rest, okay?" Camille said softly as he pulled the covers up. "I'll be right here."
Zay wanted to say he was not tired and he wanted to know where Pandi was, but his eyes slipped shut and he was out in seconds.