In order to place the stigma, understanding Amy is essential.
Of course, understanding people completely is beyond me, but at least right now I think I have a certain degree of understanding of the existence known as Amarillys.
Emotional resilience. That term can take many forms, but I assume I understand the shape it took in her.
She handled her feelings in a unique way. That meant that, even though she had been through many bad things, she didn't collapse; somehow, she built her own unique internal balance.
But that balance was fragile, because it wasn't based on a real integration of her emotions, but on their containment.
She doesn't pull herself together because she's strong, but because she has no other choice. Her resilience gave her an artificial but effective stability.
That's why, at the same time, a small idea like "he's your husband" was enough to make that balance begin to waver.
Faced with that crack, as a defensive mechanism, she—or her subconscious—was forced to reorganize herself.
She needed to find stability again, and to do so, she had no choice but to reorganize her emotional priorities.
In essence, Amy was someone who contained too many emotions; intense emotions, barely sustained, never resolved.
Added to that was external saturation: Iris and I, consciously or unconsciously, directed even more emotional baggage toward the figure of her husband.
But at the end of the day, I am not her husband. And yet, it was me who opened that box, releasing all those pent-up emotions toward me.
But was that all?
No. It's not that simple.
There's Autosuggestion.
Amy was innocent. A child in an adult's body, completely unprepared for the world and how vicious it could be.
All of this could have been avoided if, like anyone else, she had received real emotional support from those close to her. But she didn't.
Poor Amy.
What else could she do but accept what was happening?
'This is what I want, right? yes, it's like destiny.'
'Is this the best thing? If they said so, then it must be the best thing.'
'I love him; after all, he's my dear husband...'
'If he's happy, then so am I...'
'He only cares about me; that's why he didn't come back...'
'We already had babies... that's all we had to do.'
"I'm sure he loves me too."
'It's okay, it's my fault; after all, he's not just my husband.'
'The others must be having a really hard time.'
'I... I'm fine just being by his side.'
..
.
'Everything is fine.'
What else could she do but accept? Accept what others did as natural, even when inside she could barely hold her own balance.
She had to learn to face the world in her own way.
And since the world was always faster than her, she quickly learned her own way of not falling behind.
She quickly learned to normalize.
She quickly learned to convince herself.
She quickly learned to accept.
She had to quickly accept that her family's treatment of her was normal. She had to quickly convince herself that what her husband did was not strange.
She repeated to herself, over and over again, that everything she was experiencing was normal, because she couldn't afford to stop and doubt.
She couldn't doubt that her husband—whom she loved deeply—was the light on her dark path, the reason she could keep going.
Thus, the innocent and lonely Amy had no choice but to believe that what she thought was true, that what she felt was true. And she had to believe it quickly.
Because if she didn't, if she didn't keep up with her own narrative... everything would simply...
Collapse.
..
This is where emotional resilience and self-suggestion meet.
Resilience explains why her feelings grew so strong despite being directed at someone else.
Autosuggestion explains why she was able to superimpose her feelings so quickly and easily onto others.
Neither is wrong. Separately, each offers a possible explanation.
But together, they go beyond that.
Why she didn't break.
Why did it continue to function?
Why didn't love become cynical or defensive?
Why was accepting easier than resisting?
Why was there no pronounced conflict?
Why did everything happen with a speed that exceeded all expectations?
Yes, those two may not be everything, but they explained what was really important.
Explain what I am seeing.
___________________________
Emotional: 75%
Carnal: 62%
Rational: 55%
___________________________
It's amazing that it has come to this.
But nothing more than that — I already had my explanation. It went beyond what was expected, but it was understandable.
If I think about it, feelings cannot be classified as false or true in absolute terms.
There is no clear boundary between the real and the constructed when it comes to feeling.
A feeling is simply, well, a feeling.
It doesn't matter if it was created or accumulated. Distinguishing its origin is something that in itself makes no sense.
In the end, it all boils down to one simple truth:
Amy just wants love.
She has a lot of love to give...
and now, without being confined to a box, she has a lot of room to receive.
Such a simple and obvious conclusion from the beginning, but it's really a shame that it's based on that scumbag of a husband she has.
..
"Haaah... haaahh~..."
I looked at Amy, who was still breathing heavily. She was sweaty and her skin was still flushed, but she was slowly able to regulate herself and calm down, although her eyes were still unfocused.
When her breathing calmed down, I saw her eyelids begin to close.
She must be tired.
I really stopped just in time; in my heart I really wanted to let her sleep and rest, but I had to strike while the iron was hot.
"How are you feeling, my beautiful Amy?"
As I spoke softly, I placed one of my hands on her cheeks and gently made her look at me.
Her eyes were still drifting, but, stimulated by my touch, she stopped closing them, and in real time, I saw how they began to focus on me.
"..."
"..."
Neither she nor I said anything else; we just stood there in a strange silence filled with countless meanings.
Honestly, my most positive estimate when I started was that, at this point, only the carnal would be over fifty and hopefully reaching sixty.
And with that in mind, I was very prepared; I had many ideas to force the values to increase, using all kinds of tricks and my skills to guide the simple and naive Amy, as I did with Azalea... but...
"I-I"
Amy finally came to her senses. She couldn't hold our gaze and immediately looked away; the blush that had faded returned, and I felt her heart racing again.
I could see many emotions in her: nervousness, confusion, happiness.
There were many, but without exception they were all positive, without a hint of worry, regret, or anything else.
"Shhh~, don't say anything."
"..."
I moved closer to her, buried her head in my chest, and hugged her as I said that.
She didn't say anything; she didn't resist, she let herself be guided naturally.
I understand that right now her mind must be in emotional chaos, feeling so many things and trying to understand so many things, trying to find stability, that stability that allowed her to get here.
"...you did very well."
I began to stroke her head and ears; we were both still naked, and the warmth of each other was transmitted. This was a silent exchange of emotions.
She seemed to relax again; in my arms she seemed to find a kind of security, security that she herself seemed to want to cling to, as she began to wrap her own hands around me.
Yes, that's probably what she always wanted — something the people around her never gave her, something that no matter how much her daughters loved her, they could never give her.
Even I felt a comfort that was difficult to explain, which made me realize that this was a dangerous double-edged sword.
But there was no turning back.
"You know, Amy, people are really complicated, we are beings full of contradictions, desires, and thoughts, and that becomes even more chaotic when we interact with the outside world."
I spoke softly as we continued to hug and I stroked her head.
"..."
She didn't respond, she just kept listening to me in silence.
"There are so many interactions, with so many things and other people... I honestly think it's exhausting: what to say, what not to say, what would happen if you said something you shouldn't, thinking about so many 'what ifs'. It's really something that many people can't handle."
"..."
"And there's a lot more: people worried about not meeting expectations, about having less than others, about wanting to be better than others, so many things, all diverging from interaction."
"..."
"And you might ask, if it's such a problem, why not just stop doing it?"
"..."
"Because you can't. People are beings who crave interaction; no matter how much one wants to hide or cover it up, that desire is still there, because that is exactly what makes us the beings we are."
"..."
At that moment, still without saying anything, she lifted her head and looked at me. I also looked down and our eyes met; no matter how much I look at them, she really does have beautiful pink and blue eyes.
"Hahaha~ what's wrong? Didn't you understand what I said?"
"..."
Her face was a little funny, she looked doubtful, as if she wanted to say something but didn't know how. I couldn't help but tease her a little; that made her blush even more as she gently shook her head.
She's really too used to this... I have to point out to her that it's okay to ask when she doesn't understand something.
"Look, what I want to tell you is: since we are meant to interact, it's really necessary to find someone, someone you can just let everything out to, someone you don't have to worry about anything with, someone you don't have to put up a strong front with, someone who accepts everything about you..."
"..."
"That person who, instead of exhausting you, fills you with energy just by being with them, who makes it worth continuing, your safe haven that brings you peace and tranquility."
"..."
"Amy, I don't know if I can really be that person for you, but at least with me you don't have to worry. If you didn't understand everything I said, that's okay; I can say it again and explain what you don't understand. If you want to express your opinion about something, I'll listen."
"..."
"Of course, not everything is always good; we might argue, disagree, if you say something really silly, I might laugh, I might not understand, I might get angry... because that's how relationships between people are, but I assure you that at the end of the day I won't leave you alone, I'll always be there for you."
"..."
"Hahah, I see you did understand that, right?"
"Yes~..."
How cute.
She responded very shyly; she was so cute that I couldn't help but lean in and give her a little kiss on the forehead, making her blush even more.
Yes, I really had a lot planned for her; to the point that I would undoubtedly stigmatize her even if I had to use more questionable methods than those already used, but now I understand that's not necessary.
Amy doesn't need any of that.
She, who has gone through and is going through so much, just needs... my sincerity.
Rational: 55%>> Rational: 65%