Kieran cradled his phone in the palms of his hands. He had ended the call with Ollie minutes ago, but he couldn't quite seem to calm down.
Levi was with him.
Kieran held his breath for a millisecond when Ollie had said that. His heart sped up, his hands got clammy but his mouth went dry. There wasn't a day in the past year or so, where Kieran didn't think of the disgustingly beautiful man that was Levi Greene.
And, rightfully so. Levi Greene was, in lack of a better word, perfect. Kieran wasn't sure if he actually had a 'type', so he was never able to say that Levi was his. He had never felt anything for anyone the way he did for Levi. Except maybe for that one year when he was five and he was in love with Simba from the Lion King.
He didn't talk to anyone else about his Levi Greene problem. The rest of them couldn't stand the guy for some reason but, Kieran couldn't find one thing wrong with Levi Greene. He liked his hair, its colour, its length, the way it was kept a few inches longer on the top and swept back. He liked his eyes, and their indescribable colour of blue-green, and the way they shined, framed by thick dark lashes. Even his skin, the smooth cream canvas, with the two moles that could be found on his left cheek, was perfect to Kieran.
The only thing Kieran could find wrong with Levi Greene was that he had no idea who Kieran Dorian was. How could he? He was a year older than Kieran, and though they had a few mutual friends, including Ollie, they never actually spoke.
Except for that one time when Levi stopped Kieran in the hall because he had dropped his dictionary and was too out of it to even realize. Their fingers brushed and Kieran said words, they might have been 'thank you', but he wasn't sure at the time. He was still unsure what he said.
Kieran's feelings, as difficult as they were to explain, weren't difficult for Kieran to feel. He couldn't be sure if it was love, because he'd never been in love, but he was sure they were there, and they were strong, and there was no way, not a snow balls chance in hell, that Levi Greene felt these feelings back.
He heard the squeak of the heavy doors opening and looked up. His mouth instantly dried up when he saw him. Levi was looking at Ollie, talking quickly about something. He hadn't seen Kieran yet. Kieran looked up at his brother and Beau.
"Ollie and Levi are here." He said quickly, "I'm gonna go look at books." He got up from the table without waiting for a response and left the confided area of the Starbucks and ducked into the book stacks.
He wandered oblivious to his surroundings. Weaving and turning from one aisle to the next, scuffing the bottom of his high-tops on the carpet as he skimmed his eyes over the brightly coloured spines lining the shelves on either side him. Kieran had to stop when he heard something coming from the other side of the shelf to his right. It sounded like two people arguing in loud whispers.
"He's right there." The voice he heard was distinctly female.
"Shush." This voice was deeper. A male voice.
"But, he's literally three feet away from you!"
Kieran looked around and noted that he was the only person in the aisle. He had to wonder if they were talking about him. He moved closer to the shelf, as if that would help him hear.
"Yeah, and he can probably hear you. Shut up."
Kieran scrunched his face a bit and moved even closer. It was as if they heard his thoughts because their talking grew more and more quiet. Finally, irritated, he moved back from the shelf completely. He was looking back over the spines when he heard the sound of feet moving quickly down the aisle. He stepped out of the way as they brushed past and stopped right next to him.
"Hi Kieran." The greeting was warm and bright. Kieran looked over and saw a short, curvy girl whose face he knew but whose name escaped him. She was in a few of his classes earlier in the school year, but he had never spoken to her personally.
He looked her up and down, taking in her appearance. She wore mustard yellow leggings under a pair of lace shorts, the scalloped hem hitting the middle of her thighs, a light green, flowing tunic under a maroon cardigan. He looked at her feet and couldn't help but fall a little in love with her red and yellow plaid flats.
She had a smile that lit up her face and toffee coloured curls, tied away at the base of her neck. A few lost ringlets fell over green eyes. He noticed the small trace of freckles on her pointed nose and the all around softness of her cheeks and brow.
She was adorable, he decided.
"Uh. Hi." He said, awkwardly. He expected her to move on and leave him standing there, but she just stood there and stared at him. She didn't speak or move for a full minute. Then suddenly she said,
"Do you like books?"
The question confused him. She was asking a guy standing in a bookstore if he liked books. When he studied her face, he wasn't sure if she was seriously curious or messing with him.
"Yeah." He said, finally, "I like books."
"Hmm." She said, "Well, that's good. It would be a tragedy if you didn't." She shrugged and sighed, "Well, I got to get going. Bye, Kieran." And just as suddenly as it started, the conversation had ended. She turned and bounded away, leaving Kieran alone and bewildered.
"Bye... random girl..." He said to no one, having to speak to the empty space where she once stood, before scowling and turning back to the shelf. Kieran pulled a book with an exceptionally pretty looking spine off the shelf and began reading the synopsis written on the back.
"Very interesting choice of category."
Kieran fumbled with the book, nearly dropping it in surprise. He felt his entire body go numb as his mind registered the voice, the clear song like sound. His breathing sped up and he turned slowly.
Levi Greene smiled back at him.
Levi Greene smiled at him. Acknowledged him. He was standing not five feet from him. And Levi Greene smiled at him.
Kieran was certain that he was dead. He died. That was the only explanation. There was no way this was real. Kieran had to have had a stroke and died. In a bookstore. Any minute now, Farin and Beau would be looking for him. They'd find his body. Farin would cry and hold his lifeless form to his chest, sobbing towards the heavens, 'Kieran! Why!?'
They'd hold a small ceremony. With orchids, and Gerard Way would be singing, accepting the honour for some reason. Everyone would cry and laugh and share silly stories about Kieran and their time with him. They would reminisce about the jokes he would tell and the pranks he and Farin would pull.
"Hey." Kieran noticed Levi's lips move and he blinked quickly, his eyes watering. Levi's delicate brow was furrowed over his eyes that shone with concern and his perfect lips pulled down at the corners.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well you just kind of zoned out completely there. You didn't even blink for a minute, I think. It might have been longer."
"Sorry." Kieran said, rubbing his eyes. He looked back at the Adonis standing in front of him, holding two white hot beverage cups, and a now raised brow. Levi nodded his head at the book still in Kieran's hand and said,
"So yeah. Interesting choice."
Kieran looked at the front of the cover, actually seeing it for the first time and flushed. He looked at the glossy image of a man and woman, wrapped around each other in an apparent windstorm. The woman's hair whipped around them and she seemed to be having a wardrobe malfunction. The man's blonde waves barely seemed to be bothered by the typhoon going on in the scene and it was also apparent that his closet only came equipped with tan coloured breaches. The ones with the lacing in the front. Kieran would have laughed at it, if he weren't completely mortified. He slowly looked up and read the section header above his head.
Romance and Erotica
And the only thing that he could think to say was, "They would have found me in the Erotica section."
"There could have been worse places to find you?" Levi said, obviously confused. Kieran's eyes snapped to him.
"Sorry." he said again, hastefully putting the book back onto the shelf. Levi shrugged with a small smile. He held one of the cups out to Kieran.
"Here." he said, "I didn't see you with your brother and boyfriend, so I told Ollie I'd come find you. You should go back to them."
Kieran tilted his head but didn't take the offered drink,
"Boyfriend?" he asked, perplexed.
"The taller one with the ponytail." Levi sounded hesitant and Kieran jumped to defence.
"Beau's not my boyfriend. No. I don't have a boyfriend." He said quickly. Probably a bit too quickly as Levi shifted uncomfortably on his feet, looking embarrassed.
"I'm sorry," he began, " I-I didn't mean to offend in anyway. I've just seen you two together and I just assumed that you were..."
"Dating." Kieran finished for him.
"Well, no." Levi said. He looked away, and worried his mouth as though he was trying to figure out what he was saying. After a moment of struggling, he looked back at Kieran. "Well. Yes."
Kieran wanted to wince. He hated Beau for a second.
"No. We aren't dating." Kieran said, and Levi let out a breath and closed his eyes with what Kieran thought was relief.
"I didn't mean to assume that you two were dating, or that you were gay. I mean if you are, there's nothing wrong with that, at all, I just meant," Levi's words were rushed as he rambled, more like clumsily stumbled through a mess of explanations. Kieran felt a tug in his chest as he watched this beautiful young man try to regain himself. It was like watching a baby trying to crawl up a flight of stairs in a trench coat. Kieran blinked at the analogy that came into his head, shook it off and said,
"I'm not gay."
"Oh." Levi said, voice small. "I mean, that's cool too! There's nothing wrong with being straight or gay, or anything really."
"Are you okay?" Kieran asked, feeling a laugh bubble up.
"Yeah. I'm good." Levi said, voice tight and face strained. "Just trying to regain my sense of self-respect. Not that I have no self-respect after trying to flirt with someone who's straight! It happens! I just feel very. Awkward. Not to say that you don't! God, you're probably so uncomfortable. I'm so sorry." Kieran felt dizzy as he processed the words.
"I never said I was straight." He said. Levi opened his mouth to say something, then stopped and furrowed his brows.
"Oh." He said, again it was small. "And this is the part when I try to gather all those words back into my mouth."
"So, you were trying to flirt?" Kieran asked, finally letting the laugh come out with his words. "You kind of suck at it."
"I am. I don't know where to go from here." Levi said slowly. Kieran smirked.
He carefully took the cup from Levi, and without breaking eye contact he took a tentative sip. The flavour took him by surprise and his eyes fluttered shut breaking the contact.
"It's peppermint white mocha." Levi explained, "It's more of a Christmas drink, and it's hot, but I wasn't sure what you'd like so I decided to go with sweet and caffeinated."
Kieran looked at the drink in his hand and licked his lips. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. He saw Levi shift in his peripheral and looked back up at him. Levi quickly looked away, nibbling on his bottom lip. Kieran knew what he was waiting for, so he reached behind him and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. Levi began to shake his head quickly.
"Don't worry about it." He said, putting his hand up, "Ollie paid for it. I just came to find you. They're probably wondering where you are, by the way."
Kieran tried not to deflate. Of course. Why would Levi buy Kieran a coffee? He didn't even know the guy. But he had said he was trying to hit on him. Disappointed and confused, Kieran tucked his wallet away. He quirked a brow. "You tried to flirt with a drink you didn't even buy yourself? Smooth."
Levi groaned. "I really suck at this." He muttered into is hand.
"So, you and Ollie came together, eh." Kieran started after a moment of silence, trying to keep his voice neutral, "Are you going to be joining us then?"
Levi shook his head.
"No. I didn't come for coffee really. Ollie and I just have some writing work to do." He said casually.
"Well, why don't you come sit with us?" Please say no. Please say yes.
"Nah. I think I'll just go hang back in the art section until he's done."
Kieran looked away and swallowed. It was really hard not to let the carefree and indifferent way Levi was talking get to him personally. But it was useless.
"Well, cool. I mean. You do you." He said with a hollow laugh, "Sorry if I made you - " The chiming sound of Vivaldi's Winter rang through the air, cutting off Kieran's thought, and Levi pulled out his phone.
He answered the ringing phone immediately and looked away from Kieran. He began to talk quietly into the phone and Kieran decided to take that moment to leave. He took a few backwards steps. Levi looked up at him, his eyes unreadable. Kieran stopped in his steps, just a second pause, looked Levi in the eye and said,
"You should probably go to 'Life Style', see if you can find anything regarding people and basic relations. It might do you some good." He spun on his heel and stalked away from Levi. His chest went from a heavy weight, to a tightness that hurt, and he refused to acknowledge the tears forming in his eyes.