Today was the second leg against Starfield college, incase you don't remember them, they're the school Natasha Alobi attended, the school with the hottest cheerleading crew. Natasha and I both agreed to meet today, I guess you could say we've become something of more than friends. Now I'm sure you're asking, how though?, didn't she just text him. Well what can I say?, that was over three months ago. So, let's take things a bit back. Let's recap properly.
RECAPPING THINGS PROPERLY****
After texting hey to Natasha, the guys got into an absurd conversation. Of course I wasn't fully in it, but I was listening in.
Kayode: so Barry, that begs the question, why are you free?.
Barry: the fuck you mean by free?.
Kayode: it was meant to be a compliment. I was saying you're candid or better still uninhibited.
Barry: yeah explain with the free, don't know what uninhibited mean.
Kayode: for heaven's sake, I mean that you say what you have in your mind without a care in the world. You don't hide your true feelings.
Barry: oh yeah. The secret's saying the first thing that pops up in your mind.
Kayode: well I forgot to add, you also do a lot of stupid things.
Barry: wait but that's what Justin does.
Justin: don't bring me into this
Barry: okay. Fuck it, yeah I am. But I'm at least not a cock brain.
Kayode: does that even sound sensible to your ears?.
Barry: fuck yes it does.
Kayode: oh really?. what's the meaning?.
Barry: uhh, it means what it means. Cock brain
Kayode: I'm hanging out with a ten year old I swear.
Barry: fuck you.
Kayode: if you call being way too intelligent for your dumb brain to understand cock brain, then I guess I am.
Justin: it's not about you being smart bro. You just act like you know everything. You act like the world literally revolves around you.
Kayode: uhhh, how come I never noticed?.
Barry: how the fuck am I supposed to know, cock brain.
Mahnnnn this conversation was heading to boring land, my thought was cut short by a message.
Me: (reading out loud) hey player. Fuck!. She caught me online. Fuck!.
Kayode: why did I get stucked with the foolish ones?.
Barry: cock brain, these are the little things we complain about.
Justin: y'all should just shut ya traps, who texted k?.
Me: Natasha
Kayode: ours?.
Me: no, remember Starfield college?.
Barry: no don't think so.
Kayode: our self proclaimed rivals. Your first MVP ?.
Me: yes that Starfield, now do you remember the hot chick I was talking to before you guys interrupted.
Kayode: if my memory serves me well,she was already leaving when we approached.
Me: yeah yeah whatever, do you remember her?.
Kayode: let's say I do, she the one who texted?.
Me: fuck yes (giggling)
Kayode: shut up (looking shocked)
Me: uhh What'd I do?
Kayode: oh, no, I was'nt telling you to shut up, it's like an expression.
Me: bro change it, the fuck ?.
Justin: What's even special about this girl ?.
Barry: yeah, what is ?.
Me: wait (opening her display photo on Facebook), here, check her out.
Barry: damn
Justin: how'd you even pull that catch?.
Me: who said I did?.
Kayode: fucking knew it, there's nothing attractive about you.
Me: fucking hell, I swear, I'd rip out your fucking teethes before you graduate.
Justin: question form a friend to another, can I get her details?.
Me: why the fuck would I want to give you that ?.
Justin: cause I'm your friend?.
Me: brother I barely know your last name, who's ya friend?.
Barry: (laughing) well give the stranger her details.
Me: I'm not gonna take that risk, not even one b---
I was cut short by my notification, another message from her, this time
*Natasha: are you there
Justin: who was that?
Me: Natasha
Kayode: What'd she say?
Me: am I there?
Kayode: what are you waiting for?, reply her.
Me: I know, just thinking of a reply.
Justin: it's the first chat, so anything should count.
Me: uhm, okay. (Typing out loud) Hey beautiful, sorry for the late reply. Was a tad bit busy.
*Natasha: doing what if I may ask.
*Me: writing down cheap ass pickup lines.
*Natasha: lol, first time I'm seeing a guy admit to using pick up lines.
*Me: remember last time?. I'm not like other guys.
Natasha: yeah I remembered you painstakingly emphasizing You're not a football player
*Me: I don't even know what that painsomething mean.
*Natasha: lol, you say stupid things all the time, and I'm always surprise at how they crack me up.
*Me: you know what they say?.
*Natasha: humour me
*Me: if you harbor feelings for someone, you find everything they say funny
*Natasha: even negative feelings ?.
*Me: oh come on, don't drag the life outta this.
*Natasha: lol, sorry.
*Me: I haven't even asked yet, how are you?.
*Natasha: I'm good I guess, you?.
*Me: well I dunked on your school, and I'll be doing so again in some couple of months. So I'm good.
*Natasha: you brag a lot, you know that right? .
*Me: lol, yeah of course I do.
*Natasha: pride they say is the downfall of a man.
*Me: well luckily for me, I'm still a boy. Not falling anytime soon.
*Natasha: lol, how do you keep making this dumb jokes.
*Me: I guess I'm aiming at cracking my way into a space.
*Natasha: what space.
*Me: the one I'll be making in your heart.
*Natasha: lol, smooth. Except me having cracks in my heart will be a terminal health condition.
*Me: gosh, I fucking hate you rn.
*Natasha: lol, I know.
*Me: yeah yeah. Let's continue tomorrow okay?.
*Natasha: why?. I can keep going on
*Me: not you, curfew any minute.
*Natasha: oh, I forgot you attended a boarding school.
*Me: don't worry we'll talk more tomorrow
*Natasha: okay, good night
*Me: same.
With that I logged out of Facebook
Kayode: how did you do that?
Me: do what?.
Kayode: chat straight without stuttering or struggling for a reply.
Me: trust me you don't want to know the answer to that
Barry: one thing though, What's with the curfew excuse, we students never give a fuck about that
Me: you have to give them something to look up to, we can't talk about everything this night. Last thing I need Is someone falling in love.
Justin: and you're certain she would have?.
Me: there's this spirit that hover during the night time, people fall in love without wanting to.
Kayode: bro, I really don't know how we became friends.
Me: again, I barely know ya last name, who says I'm your friend?.
NEXT MORNING, MATHEMATICS CLASS****
Mr Dhark: the process of finding the expression for 'Y' in terms of 'X' is called inte-----
Me: (mumbling) fucking hell, this is terrible.
Student: I don't think I understand shit.
Mr Dhark: when a power of 'X' is differentiated, the power of the gradient function is 1 degree less-----
Me: wait how?.
Student: no idea
Mr Dhark: however, in integration, the reverse of differentiation, the power of the original function will be 1 degree higher tha------
Me: didn't he just say it was lower?.
Student: beats me
Mr Dhark: now guys, this equation (writing shit on the electronic board) we call it the differential equation, hope you guys are following?.
Class filled with confused students: uh-uh
Mr Dhark: was that supposed to be a yes?.
Confused guys like me: nahhhh
Mr Dhark: I'll prefer if you use real words
Jensen: honestly sir, all I see on the board is Arabic, and I don't even offer that.
Matt: Arabic?, I see mandarin mixed with ancient Roman and finally dished with magic spell words in Latin.
Mr Dhark: what about you keima, do you see ancient Egyptian?.
Me: I'm not like em sir, I don't see Egypt, more of Cantonese though.
Mr Dhark: what about you Justin?.
Justin: sorry sir, I don't think I caught one thing from the top.
Mr Dhark: how are you finding something as simple as calculus this hard?.
Me: I thought you were teaching us differentiation.
Mr Dhark: it's under calculus for heavens sake. How did you dumbtwats even make it to omega. For God's sake I had more fun teaching the streaks.
Justin: good one sir, comparing us to the wormies of the school.
Mr Dhark: I dare you to say one more word, just one.
Jensen: We're sorry sir.
Mr Dhark: you know what?, screw it, we're having the baticadious.
Me: the what now?.
First off, that word sounds made up, cause what the fuck is that supposed to mean. Secondly I figured we were dead, cause the moment he said that every single person started grumbling and moaning, and trust me, every one was vocal.
Mr Dhark: if any of you spoilt brats want any decent mark in my course, then you're doing the baticadious.
Justin: I see how confused you look, it's something he does where he shares a class to a group of 4 and give each group a topic to defend, you do good he rewards you. You do bad, and you're dead.
Me: that means you always get straight A's
Justin: not really, my dad doesn't do the whole family thing.
Me: and he doesn't have problems with you having B's?.
Justin: nahhh, he just advises me to work harder and get past my normal C's.
Me: C?. Damn, you got one cool dad
Justin: it's not like it's my fault, I'm always teamed with duffuses so I end up doing all the carry job.
Me: heavenly father, team me up with someone smarter than me, please lord.
Justin: yes me too father.
Mr Dhark: since I have no hopes for you omegas, or even you betas, I've decided that the baticadious this time around would involve every single department. So y'all meet me in the auditorium.
Justin: k, I think your heavenly father is about to grant our prayers.
AT THE AUDITORIUM***
It's been about 12 minutes of Mr Dhark just lamenting and throwing jabs at us, he's normally not this shaken but I guess our dumbness did wonders to him. Now the teams so far have been okay-ish, mixture of all departments.
Mr Dhark: now for the tenth team, Justin Dhark, Timone James, Cassandra Jaimes and Martias Anayo.
Justin: thank you kei's heavenly father.
Me: uhhh.
Mr Dhark: the 11th team, Chiamanda kanu, Barry Cooper, Cynthia Ebube and Keima Ibeh.
Me: (mumbling) thank you Jesus, thank you father.
Every team was meeting up with each other and introducing themselves, so I decide to do the same with the team of mine.
Me: hi, uhmmm, I'm keima. Keima Ibeh
Barry Cooper: does anyone here strike you like they care?.
Me: yo, take some chill pills, was just trying to get into the friend zone.
Barry Cooper: like I said earlier, no one gives a damn.
Cynthia: come on bar, don't be that way. Hi I'm Cynthia.
Me: (looking at cooper) you're a fucking asshole, you know that right?.
Cynthia: uhhh
Me: oh sorry dear, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to this white stulky crappy piece of shit.
Barry Cooper: you talking to me?.
Me: i know you're not blind or deaf, I don't see two white pieces of shit here. I see just you.
Barry Cooper: are you mad?.
Me: maybe. I mean, I'd rather be mad than be whatever fucking abomination you are.
Cynthia: damn.
Barry Cooper: this is just ridiculous, I'm requesting for a Change of team member.
Me: What's the rush, we're just getting to know ourselves. I'm pretty sure we'll gel well.
While all these back and forth bickering was taking place Mr Dhark was busy calling other teams and eventually heading to the topics to defend. Now this Baticadious involved all departments, but not everyone was unlucky to be grouped. He ended up creating only 24 teams of the potential 72 teams. I'm guessing even he knows it'll be impossible for all year ones to partake in the presentation.
Mr Dhark: team 4, numerical process involving matrices including addition, subtraction, multiplication, algebra of 2x2 matrices. Matrices and simultaneous equations.
Barry Cooper: piece of cake.
Me: my father, give me the strength to not punch this bastard in the face.
And after a lot more blabbing....
Mr Dhark: team 8, numerical processes involving commercial arithmetic, that is, simple interest and compound interest, depreciation, inflation, amortization, investment and amenity, taxation.
Me: what the fuck, shouldn't they just commit suicide?.
Barry Cooper: What's a block head like you supposed to know?.
And after more more blabbing.....
Mr Dhark: team 10, Algebraic graphs, relationship and function involving linear graphs. Linear programming, quadratic graphs, sketch graphs, relations and functions. Team 11, geometry and vectors involving angles, circles, polygons, triangle, geometric ratios, translation, reflections, rotation and enlargement, and finally every single thing under vector.
Me: blood of Jesus
Chiamanda: What's with the exclaiming, we got the simplest.
Me: what am I doing to myself? .
Cynthia: what do you mean by that?.
Me: in the whole of the school, every year Streak department have just fifteen students in them. And in that fifteen, I was somehow grouped with two, two very smart and beautiful girls. And not just that, I was somehow grouped with a Gamma. You realise I'm the only Omega in this group right?.
Barry Cooper: we all know you're the stumbling block we have.
Me: good, now imagine you guys calling something as complex as vector easy, what would you all have me do.
Barry Cooper: not hold us down.
Cynthia: Barry stop that.
Chiamanda: I'll be brutally honest, I like you cause you're one hell of a guy for admitting your shortcomings.
Me: and you're all one hell of bookworms for understanding.
Cynthia: why does everyone call us that?.
Me: uhmmm, maybe cause you study from Monday to Friday, oh and Saturday too, oh silly me how could I have forgotten Sunday?. You're always studying, you barely have time for other stuff.
Cynthia: that's a lie, we do other stuffs.
Me: really?, stuffs like what?.
Cynthia: chess, Scrabble, documentaries and stuffs like that.
Me: nice defence dear, telling me the exact same things I judged you on, do you guys enjoy stressing those beautiful brain of yours?.
Chiamanda: that's our fun
Me: okay, don't you guys partake in other girly stuffs?.
Cynthia: like?.
Me: like, I don't know, what other normal girls do.
Chiamanda: but we're normal girls.
Me: In the sense of being worms, then yeah. But In society?, no.
Barry Cooper: I don't expect a fool like you to understand.
Me: white maggot, I thought you had gone mute, curse the devil for giving you back your voice.
Chiamanda: (chuckling) let me explain what he was trying to say. There's only fifteen people in the streak department, but that doesn't mean the fifteen that started the year would end it.
Me: wait, what do you mean by that?.
Chiamanda: the minimum mark accepted for the Streak is 90 out of a 100. And that's just for formality sake. Every four month, a test is held where the three lowest scorer in Streak gets demoted to Gamma and vice versa.
Me: even if the streak scores higher?.
Chiamanda: if the highest scoring Gamma gets a 92 and the lowest scoring Streak gets 93, then everything would remain the same.
Me: oh now I understand the toxic reading.
Chiamanda: thank you
Cynthia: it's not that we don't want that girly life, we just don't have the time for it.
Me: I do understand, but this is honestly not healthy, I'm not condemning your reading habit, I'm just saying it's too much.
Cynthia: like I said, it's what it is
Me: Okay let's do this. I'll teach you the girly things.
TO BE CONTINUED****