"Don't be so gloomy," Stas said, fortunately not understanding what was really behind the feelings on my face. "Each of us has a choice: to become the villain or the hero."
"And which side did you choose?" Even though the answer was obvious, I still asked, looking for a way to shift my thoughts.
"Well, the dark side, of course. There are cookies there, and being evil is much easier, because you can always blame others for your failures and endlessly get angry, thinking of yourself as a deprived, underappreciated genius," he shrugged. "But isn't it boring, always avoiding your demons and hiding what's buried deep inside, first from yourself and only then from others?"
Stas would have continued his monologue, but a ball suddenly hit him in the back of the head.
"You should go into philosophy, not physics," Max said, who must have been the one to throw the ball at his brother. "Stop bothering Asya. Let's play!"
"She asked me, actually," Stas replied with a sarcastic tone, but there was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.
For a moment, I almost gave in to the boys' mood, but something still bothered me.
"But Kserton State doesn't have a physics and mathematics faculty," I said, confused, looking at Stas, and his smile wavered.
"You're right, it doesn't…" He paused briefly, as if trying to either maintain his mask or find the right words. "I'm going to try to get into Moscow State University and MIFI."
My brain refused to process what I'd just heard.
"But those are Moscow universities."
Stas nodded, and something inside me tightened in a treacherous way.
"You're thinking of leaving Kserton?" My voice sounded hoarse, and I hurried to pretend I was coughing.
Stas nodded again, and I continued to look at him, wide-eyed, unsure of how to respond to this news, sinking deeper into conflicting emotions. But a few words quickly came from Tatyana:
"Oh, cool!" She swam closer to us with Nik. "My dad immediately turned me away from out-of-town universities. He says, 'Stay here, daughter, in Kserton.' As if I'm just soooo needed here: they and mom just keep revolving around the younger ones."
"Well, they're younger. They need help more than you do, being the grown-up graduate."
"Oh, Asya, it's easy for you to say. You're the only child, and both your parents are running around you. As for me, I'm like a free nanny, not an older sister: picking up the younger one from kindergarten, sitting at home in the evening instead of going to the movies with my boyfriend, while mom goes to the pharmacy or somewhere else. Like some servant, honestly."
"But your mom probably asks you to help because it's tough for her. When was the last time she did something for herself, not for you or the younger ones?"
"Pff, as if having kids wasn't her sincere wish and desire to get involved in all those piles of diapers, trips to sports clubs, and other nonsense. If she didn't want it, she wouldn't have had kids."
"Your mom must have had her own interests before you and your brother and sister came along. The appearance of children doesn't mean she has to lay down her life at your feet and disappear as if she was never a whole person," I tried to appeal to Tatyana's reason, but it, as always, was fast asleep and didn't respond.
"Why? We're her pieces that broke off from the whole puzzle. Let her deal with them if she wants, and I want to live my life."
"Doesn't your dad think of getting a nanny, or at least a housekeeper? You seem to have money, judging by all this," Stas waved his hand, indicating the whole spa center owned by the Rostovs.
"Why wouldn't he? We have cleaners come twice a week, but when I suggest getting a nanny, my parents both flatly reject it, saying I shouldn't hang out with their little monsters."
"How sweetly you call your younger siblings," Stas replied bitterly, not hiding his dislike.
"But they are little monsters! They're always yelling, whining, messing around, and I have to cater to everything they want, and I'm not supposed to get upset about their antics, mom says. And everyone in the house jumps around them, practically blowing the dust off, while they just ignore me."
"Tanya, you're exaggerating. If your parents didn't care about you, they wouldn't have managed to get the director to bring us all here for free."
"Oh, they're not doing it for me, they're doing it for the younger ones too," Tatyana dismissed it and began gently wringing out her hair, making the strands curl. "They're probably planning to send them to the same school when they grow up: strong curriculum, graduation opportunities, and all that. But as for me—total nonsense. I could just as well be going to an ordinary school, no difference."
"It's not his fault that you didn't want to take the best out of what this school could offer," I said, remembering how often Tatyana spent her lessons gossiping and admiring herself, not showing much interest in the subjects, and endlessly forgetting homework if a teacher asked. Even during exam prep, I never saw her at additional classes, though I knew she had chosen the same subjects as me for her final exams. We weren't close enough for me to care about which university she was planning to apply to, but after her comment, there was no doubt she was aiming to attend Kserton State. I could only hope I wouldn't end up in the same faculty, or, even worse, in the same group. Of course, Tatyana didn't dream of studying for free, and I was hunting for one of the budget spots, which were, of course, limited. However, I couldn't rule out the possibility that with an influx of applicants with higher scores than mine, I might have to enroll on a paid basis. There was still hope that they would increase the number of budget spots, though why would they...?
"I'd show more interest if these mumblers—our teachers—would stop muttering to themselves and at least try to make the subject interesting."
"Well, I don't know," Stas said. "Our biology teacher does a pretty good job."
"And the literature lessons are decent too," I supported him. "Just think about how they taught us about Zamyatin's biography."
"Yeah, it was really interesting," Dasha chimed in, carefully descending the stairs into the pool. At least someone had managed to get into the water willingly.
"Everything's fine for you, you're the teacher's pets," Tatyana muttered and crossed her arms over her chest when the last of her arguments had run out.
"For the love of all that's holy," Max complained and made his way toward us, helping himself with his hands as he swam through the water. "At least give the ball back, since you're not planning to play."
Stas hastily reached for the ball that was bobbing in the waves.
"We will play, we will."
"Just wait until Asya finishes humiliating me in front of everyone, carefully implying that I'm stupid, and then we'll definitely play," Tatyana stretched her lips into an overly sweet smile and tilted her head, trying to show that she didn't care. Life had long taught me that staying silent during such arguments with Rostova was more costly, so I decided to set things straight immediately.
"If you want to think that about yourself and feel hurt when I didn't say anything like that, that's your problem with your interpretations, not my words."
"Uh-huh, sure. Keep pretending to be clever," she burst into loud laughter, and Dasha shot her a disapproving look but said nothing. None of the guys supported her forced merriment; rather, they all seemed to become deliberately uncomfortable. I didn't intend to continue the conflict, nor did I plan to fall for the provocation. Only Nik was trying to stay close to Tatyana, unflustered, like an adult who was watching a temperamental child from the sidelines, waiting for her to finally wear herself out and calm down.
What did he see in her? If I had often heard from Stas that Rostova was a great option for a bit of fun, it seemed simply unimaginable to me to believe similar reasoning coming from Nikita: they had nothing in common with Stas. Unfortunately or fortunately.