At the same time, Jing Shu thought to herself, "I have already helped a few people give birth, so why the hell can't I help a goose do the same?" Maybe if she controlled the bird's breathing, making it long and short to match the rhythm of labor, she could assist it just like a real human delivery.
It was too bad she couldn't directly control the physical egg inside. She closed her eyes and focused all her attention, letting the poor goose struggle for a long while. No matter how hard the creature tried to push, the egg just wouldn't come out of its body. It couldn't even be pulled out by hand, and she knew that if she forced it, she would probably crush the delicate shell and kill the bird.
If the situation became truly desperate, she would just have to crush the eggs inside and hope for the best.
This was probably because Da Hua hadn't laid eggs for a long time. It seemed that feeding the livestock too well wasn't always a good thing for their health. Sure, she could break the eggs this time to save the mother, but what about next time? The Lion Head goose had to face this physical hurdle sooner or later. Maybe after a few successful tries, her body would just... loosen up naturally.
Grandma Jing squatted down in the straw and pried the goose's rear open to get a better look. "Tsk, tsk, these eggs are huge, but the exit is tiny. Maybe we should pour in some soapy water to loosen everything up? People used to do that for hard labors back in the day."
"Sure," Jing Shu said without any hesitation.
Half a basin of slippery soapy water went in. Grandma Jing kept massaging and widening the area with her experienced hands, while Jing Shu used her focus to control Da Hua's muscles, urging the bird to push harder and harder. Both the woman and the goose were becoming exhausted, and Da Hua's pained cries made the tension in the courtyard even worse.
Grandpa Jing sat aside on a small stool puffing on a cigar, his eyes blinking helplessly. He couldn't really offer any help in this department. Even Gou Dan had stopped his usual goofing around and just stood anxiously nearby, his head low. Xiao Dou cocked her head in confusion, wondering what the hell everyone was doing crowding around the struggling goose.
Still, her grandmother's expansion technique eventually worked. After a while, the exit had widened significantly through the constant effort. Jing Shu smeared more oil over the area for extra lubrication, and finally, with a significant bit of force, the first egg squeezed out onto the ground. Clearly, proper lubrication was the key to success.
Once the first egg was out of the way, the rest of them came much easier. Da Hua honked excitedly, as if she had suddenly discovered a new world. One egg after another came out in quick succession, and after each one, she let out a long, relieved breath of air.
Damn, the goose was finally free.
There had been over ten eggs jammed inside her belly, and each one was significantly larger than a human fist. No wonder they had been stuck. The nourishment from the Spirit Spring had made everything grow too well, even the unlaid eggs.
The whole family let out a collective sigh of relief. They still couldn't believe they had just spent the afternoon helping a goose give birth. From being a human midwife to becoming an avian obstetrician, she was really expanding the range of her career.
"Ring ring ring—"
The phone in her pocket went crazy. She glanced at the screen; it was a call from the Starve-No-More Food Regulation Bureau. Great, they must have seen the post she just made in her Moments.
"Hello, hello! How is Da Hua? Was it an egg blockage? How could that happen? She has never had that problem before! Do you need us to send a specialist over for emergency surgery?"
Jing Shu exhaled slowly. "Mission accomplished. The mother and the eggs are both safe. Da Hua laid seven eggs, and they all look healthy. You can expect a batch of baby Lion Heads in a month. Congratulations." She purposely said seven instead of ten or more, because that would just sound completely insane to a normal person.
"Oh, thank goodness! You have worked so hard, Jing Shu. We knew Da Hua was safe with you. You're really a miracle worker, a Hua Tuo reborn in the apocalypse! But we miss Da Hua and Gou Dan so much, could you send us a short video of them?"
"No problem, I understand how excited you must be."
She filmed a quick clip of Da Hua sitting contently in her nest, her eyes half-closed and glowing with maternal bliss, while Gou Dan lay loyally beside her. In response, the Bureau sent her an 888 virtual coin red envelope as a token of their thanks.
Grandma Jing stroked the feathers of the trembling Da Hua, who still looked a bit traumatized by the experience. "Don't be scared, girl. Every woman must go through this. It's just part of being female."
...Something about that sounded very weird to her. It was time to leave.
Anyway, after this whole ordeal, Da Hua was definitely... stretched out. The exit was much larger than it had been before. She figured the bird wouldn't have any more trouble laying eggs. Just like Wu You'ai's mentor had once wondered about Xiao Dou, asking, "Wouldn't a hen get loose after laying too many eggs?" She glanced at Da Hua and nodded silently. Yep. The goose was definitely loosened up.
When she returned to her room, her phone was already flooded with over a hundred new messages.
"Come on, take my Imperial Jade Seal and crack some walnuts, my dear!"
"Heh, are you sure it's the goose? That's more like your own problem. I have never seen a goose that can't lay an egg before."
"Breaking news! A rich woman suffers unbearable pain and offers a high price for laxatives in the middle of the apocalypse!"
[Stone Lei]: "Breaking news! I learned a new flex today. Other people raise chickens, but I raise geese. Others walk their dogs, but I walk my goose!"
[Dr. Zhang]:"Young people, there's no need to be embarrassed about it. Just inject some saline, wait for five minutes, and then block it with a cork."
[He Shouwu]:"666, Master is as wise as always! I learned another move today!"
[Butler Cai]:"Dr. Zhang is amazing!"
Jing Shu: "…emmmm."
And then things went downhill fast for her. Someone had already shared her post in the group chat, and a bad feeling began to creep up her spine.
In just a few days, this whole situation would probably go viral. "Impulse is the devil," she thought grimly to herself.
She quickly posted another update with a photo of Da Hua happily nesting on her pile of eggs.
["Problem solved. Mother and eggs are both safe. There's no need for laxatives. Thanks, everyone."]
It didn't help. The comments just kept rolling in.
"I don't even dare to comment now. I'm afraid someone will use the Green Dragon Crescent Blade to slice apples, a nine-foot rake to part my hair, a halberd to pick their teeth, or play Ten Faces Ambush on me with 100,000 volts."
"Dr. Zhang is awesome! He solved Director Jing's constipation problem in no time!"
"Dr. Zhang 666!"
"The more I explain, the worse it gets..." she thought. Whatever, her Moments only lasted for three days anyway. Once the hype passed, she would be fine.
But that wasn't the end of it for her.
Not long after that, Hao Yunlai finally woke up. Yang Yang called Jing Shu in a sudden panic, saying that the man had... aftereffects.
"Aftereffects? That's normal. What kind?" she asked calmly, sounding like a doctor diagnosing a patient who was complaining about minor aches.
It would be stranger if he didn't have any symptoms. She still remembered how, back in the mountains of America, she had suffered for ten straight days. She couldn't even walk and had to be carried down the trail by others. She had practically clawed her way out of hell itself, so yeah, his body was bound to pay a heavy price too.
Yang Yang hesitated over the line before whispering, "He hasn't slept in two days. He says he is afraid to."
"What?" She frowned at the phone. "A grown man is afraid to sleep?"
Yang Yang's voice dropped even lower. "He said every time he falls asleep, he goes straight back to the eighteenth level of hell. He says he is tortured nonstop, and it all feels completely real to him. He swears he spent the past ten days down there and thought he would never escape. But he is grateful to you; he says you're the one who pulled him out of hell."
She rested her chin on her hand, cold sweat forming on her forehead.
"Shit... maybe he isn't joking. Maybe he really did go through that."