The city was loud, fragrant, and alive — a cascade of colors and laughter and merchants shouting prices. Somewhere behind all that, a castle's shadow loomed, ancient and patient. But none of that mattered right now.
What mattered was the small, well–kept inn with polished wooden beams and warm lanterns, and the deceptively sweet old woman who greeted them at the door.
"Welcome, travelers!" she chimed, bright enough to make birds jealous. "Will you be needing one room or two?"
She smiled like someone who had seen plenty of weary adventurers, and occasionally the stupid ones.
Reider, the local representative of Emotionless Decisions™, didn't even blink.
"One room," he said, perfectly calm. "For my wives and me."
It was like the gods choked on their morning tea.
Mei choked on oxygen.
Vael's tail — hidden beneath her cloak — twitched with betrayal.
The old woman clapped her hands joyfully.
"Oh my! Such a beautiful couple — and so rare to see two wives traveling together so happily!"
Mei coughed like she was dying. "G–khch—!!"
Vael's eye twitched. Her tail moved again — a twitch of fury, confusion, or an instinctive urge to set something on fire.
Mei grabbed Reider's sleeve, yanking him down to eye level so fast the innkeeper nearly gasped.
"Stop. Saying. That."
Reider looked genuinely confused. "But you are both my wives."
He said it like it was a scientific fact.
Not a delusion.
Not a social faux pas.
Just the natural order of the universe.
Mei slapped a hand over his mouth and bowed to the innkeeper, smiling the kind of smile only people at the brink of emotional collapse learned to master.
"Haha! Silly him! One room is fine."
"Hohhoho~ young love!" the innkeeper chirped, fully convinced she'd just witnessed the honeymoon dynamic of a very complicated household.
They got the key.
They entered the room.
Door clicked shut.
And an immediate execution scene commenced.
Mei and Vael turned in perfect synchronization — like they'd rehearsed this for weeks — and stared down Reider like two generals preparing a firing squad.
"We need to talk," Mei said, voice low, trembling with the threat of murder.
Reider sat on the bed like none of this concerned him. "About what?"
Vael pinched the bridge of her nose. "You keep introducing us as your wives. Do you understand what that makes us look like?"
Reider blinked. "Married."
Mei's pillow flew faster than thought. It hit his face with the full emotional power of a woman whose life choices had recently taken a nosedive.
"WE ARE NOT YOUR WIVES!"
He blinked again, pillow still pressed to his cheek. "Then why are you here with me?"
Silence.
Very awkward silence.
Two brains stalled.
Mei opened her mouth, then closed it. Vael looked away, jaw tight, suspiciously thoughtful.
Reider continued, totally unaware of the emotional landmines he was stepping on. "People seem to accept it."
Another pillow launched at him. Reider did not blink this time. He accepted it like fate had slapped him.
Vael sighed. "Honestly… it does make traveling easier."
Mei snapped toward her. "No. No it does NOT."
Reider looked at Mei. "Are you not my mother?"
Her mind crashed. Blue screen. Internal screaming.
Vael burst out laughing, nearly falling over.
Mei pointed dramatically. "KILL HIM."
Reider simply stared, baffled by mortal emotion.
"Why are you both flustered?"
Vael dropped into the nearest chair, grinning. "At least he's not calling us his mothers."
Reider nodded, serious. "That would be incorrect. You are my wives."
Another pillow hit him. Then another. This time he caught one midair — not like a reflex, but like the world slowed down to let him casually snatch it from existence.
Mei collapsed onto the bed. "I'm going to throw myself off this ship."
"That is inefficient," Reider said.
"I SWEAR TO—"
Vael stood, waving her hands. "Okay. Time out. We sleep. We deal with this tomorrow."
Mei groaned into a pillow, muffled. "If anyone calls me Mrs. Reider I'm diving into the ocean."
Reider blinked. "Why?"
Two pillows hit him simultaneously.
Thunk. Thunk.
He finally looked confused. The tiniest glimmer of emotion — Is this what frustration feels like? — crossed his face.
But they were done. Emotionally dead. Mentally melted.
They slept.
Or rather — Mei and Vael suffered in silence while Reider meditated like a statue.
---
Hot Springs of Emotional Disaster
Morning came.
Peaceful steam drifted through a private hot spring behind the inn. Warm water lapped gently, soothing and calm.
Which was good, because mentally, neither woman had recovered from last night's events.
Mei sank deeper into the steaming water, groaning. "I needed this. I was two seconds away from throwing myself into the sea yesterday."
Vael relaxed across from her, tail flicking beneath the surface. "You survived the kidnapping, the emotional whiplash, and the accidental marriage. Proud of you."
Mei splashed water weakly at her. "I hate you."
"You say that a lot," Vael mused. "And yet you're still here."
Steam rose. Peace tried — desperately — to settle over them.
It almost worked.
Almost.
Mei exhaled. "Hey… we haven't talked about him much."
Vael's posture stiffened. "What's there to talk about?"
"Oh don't pretend," Mei smirked. "I saw your face every time he called us his wives."
Vael's ears twitched. Her tail slapped the water violently — like an angry aquatic cat.
"That was just— unexpected."
"Mmhmm." Mei leaned closer, shark–smile forming. "So. Feelings?"
Vael scooped water and launched it at her face like she was launching a fireball.
SPLASH.
"Shut up."
Mei wiped her face slowly, dangerous calm returning. "Oh. So we're doing that, hm?"
"I merely reacted."
"Mmm." Mei's smirk sharpened. "I think you like him."
Vael looked away, face heating. "I think he's intriguing. That's all."
"Uh–huh." Mei nodded, judging. "Fancy word for I stare at his chest when he trains."
Vael choked.
"You—" she sputtered, pointing. "You also stare!"
Mei froze. Crash. System overloaded.
Vael leaned forward like a wolf sensing weakness. "Oh? What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"
"I–I mean he's—he's still a kid!" Mei stuttered.
"He's nineteen."
"He's two months old!"
"So?" Vael smirked. "You were absolutely checking him out."
"I WASN'T—"
"You were."
"SHUT UP."
Vael laughed. Mei sulked.
Steam curled around them. Silence settled again, a blanket over burning embarrassment.
"This is stupid," Mei muttered.
"Very."
"We are NOT competing for him."
"Of course not," Vael said, tail flicking — betraying a tiny spark of challenge.
Mei groaned, burying her face in her hands. "This is so embarrassing."
Vael's laugh echoed in the mist, smug and merciless.
The suffering continued.