It was a little after noon that Ling-Jia arrived her former home. As she got off the cab, took her things and paid the driver off, she fought back a relieved smile. She was finally home, and she couldn't wait to see her mother.
It was mid autumn, and the winds of Lanling carried a cool chill that seeped into Jia's bones as she navigated her belongings to the door. Their little home, 12 Janling Daijie was given to them as a gift from Feng Wei, even though they still paid rent to him. Yu Qian had been hesitant to accept it, but Jia had persuaded her, with good reasons on why they should manage until they got a better place.
The cottage was nestled delicately on the outskirts of Lanling, tucked against a hill. Its walls were weathered wood, and the slanted roof were patched with mossy shingles, sheltering a single chimney. It was older than the oldest building in Lanling, yet Feng Wei would rather eat moss than take good care of it.
Now at the door, Jia heaved a deep sigh, and slowly knocked. There were movements inside, and shortly after, Jiang-So pulled the door open, her forehead creased in worry. Her shoulders relaxed when she saw Jia. "Oh my! What a pleasant surprise, Jia. Come in!"
Jia laughed and began pulling her bags inside, with Jiang-So helping her out. After they were done, Jia slowly took a long look around the sitting room, noting the subtle changes that had occurred since the last time she came home. The paint was peeling off the walls, and the furniture had an old, dingy smell. She sneezed, then asked. "Where is Mother?"
Jiang-So gestured inside. "She's resting. Welcome, once more Jia. How is your father? And your sister?"
Jia wanted to dodge the questions because they brought back so much hurt and desolation which she'd much rather not confront right now, but Jiang-So had a curious look in her face. She had to have an answer for the lady.
"They're...fine. Father sends his greetings," she lied.
Jiang-So didn't look convinced, but she smiled. "I'm glad to hear that, and I'm sure Yu Qian will be too. Go see her. She's a bit weaker today but she'll be pleased to see you."
Jia nodded, her throat too tight for words. She followed Jiang-So into the small room where the air smelt of antiseptic and fading hope. Yu Qian laid on the threadbare bed, her back turned to the door so she didn't see them come in. Her once shinning black hair was now a shadow of it's former glory — gray and thin. Her busty frame had deteriorated faster as the months whizzed past, despite the surgeries and other treatments. Jiang-So pulled out a chair from a corner of the room for her, then exited to give them privacy. Jia went close to her mother, tears stinging her eyes as she placed a hand on the sleeping woman's shoulder.
"Ma..."
Yu Qian woke up immediately, slowly turning her body with great difficulty to peer into Jia's face. The smile that broke out on her sunken face reached her eyes and Jia couldn't help but hug her now, crying uncontrollably. "Ma, I've missed you. I've missed you so much."
Yu Qian allowed her tears subside a bit, before speaking, her voice hoarse. "You're back, daughter. I'm assuming it didn't go well with your father."
Jia sniffled, her eyes blood red. "It didn't. He sent me away." She whispered the last part, in case Jiang-So was eavesdropping.
Yu Qian held her hand tight, a signal that she wanted to sit up, and Jia helped her to it, propping a pillow against the wall so Yu could rest her back comfortably. Yu Qian stared into space for a very long moment, then sighed. "I knew it would all come crashing down sooner or later. I warned you, but you decided to give your father grace. Now, look. We're back to where we began."
"Ma..."
Yu coughed, her face contorting in pain. Jia picked up the half-filled cup of water that sat on the table and helped her mother to it. Yu Qian drank it all slowly, then said, "I'm not blaming you. Far from it. But Feng-Wei and I were once madly in love with one another. So in love were we that people were in disbelief when they found out we were going our separate ways after ten years together. He's not the man I loved these days. He's changed. And he knows what he's doing."
Jia wanted to speak, but kept mute. Yu Qian was talking more than she normally did today, and Jia didn't realize how much she missed discussing with her mother until that very moment. If there was a doctor around, Yu Qian would be warned to stay quiet, so she could reserve her energy for more important things. Not that Yu Qian would listen anyway.
"Feng-Wei has become a monster. It's a truth we both need to accept. I've accepted it, even if it's not easier for me watching the only man I've ever loved treat me like a leper. I forgive him, Jia. You should too."
Jia nodded with a sad smile, then pulled out the brown envelope from her bag. "At least he gave us this, Ma."
Yu Qian eyed the envelope suspiciously. "And what is that?"
Jia pulled out a thick wad of Yuan notes. She proceeded to count them, while Yu Qian watched with tired eyes. "More than enough money to cover your medical bills and Jiang-So's salary for the next two months, while I find a job to help with our feeding."
Yu Qian clicked her tongue, not impressed. "That's the best he could do?" She whispered to herself, though Jia heard her quite alright. "I'm disgusted."
"It's better than nothing, Ma."
"You have to stop being okay with being given so little, Jia," Yu Qian glared. "That man, your father, is one of the richest men in Lanling and the best he could give you, his daughter, is two thousand Yuan notes?"
"We should be grateful, Ma," Jia said coolly. "We got something from him at least. He could have given us nothing. And we would have been worse off. Please."
Yu Qian hissed, and lay back down, gazing up at the ceiling. They stayed like that, mother and daughter, silent for what felt like ages, until Yu spoke up again. "I don't want you to spend all that money on me, Jia."
Jia blinked, brows arched. "Huh?"
Yu nodded. "You heard me right. Use the money for yourself."
"Have you lost your mind, Ma?" Jia's hands curled into fists as her shoulders shook with rage and hurt. "Why would you say such a thing? You're all I have!"
"No, Jia. I am not all you have. You have yourself. You have your future. You have an entire world out there waiting for you to make a difference. For how long will you keep spending so much to take care of me? I will die someday, Jia, whether you and I like it or not."
"Stop," Jia sobbed. "Stop saying such mean things, Ma. I love you so much."
Yu Qian smiled sadly. "I love you more, my sweet Ling-Jia, but the truth is never easy to accept. Please pay Jiang-So and keep the rest of the money for yourself. Use it to start anew. Not in this city, but elsewhere. Somewhere your father's cruelty won't haunt you," she exhaled quietly, "get me a paper and pen."
Jia pulled out a notepad from her bag and a pen, then helped Yu Qian sit up again, before handing them to her. Yu Qian's fingers shook as she scribbled down a name and address haphazardly on the paper. When she was done, she handed the paper and pen back to Jia.
Jia read the name and address silently.
Madam Yu-Xin. Shanghai.
"Yu-Xin owns one of the biggest restaurants in Shanghai. Go meet her. Once you mention my name, she would help you start up a new life. But you must be careful. She has quite a temper, but she's also sweet. You'll understand once you meet her."
Jia sighed. "I don't care about Yu-Xin or Shanghai, Ma. All I care about is...you. I want you to live. I want you to be well."
"I want to be well myself, dear daughter," Yu Qian reached out to stroke her face. "Even more than you want it for me, but fate isn't so kind."
"Fate will have to understand. It has to understand that you're all I have left."
"No," Yu Qian shook her head. "You have yourself. You're enough."
"Ma..."
Just then the door opened, and Jiang-So came in with Yu Qian's food tray and medicine. She placed it on the table and lingered. Yu Qian and Jia knew their conversation was over. "Jiang-So has been an absolute angel since you left, Jia," Yu Qian praised, causing Jiang-So to blush. Jia smiled. "Don't forget to tip her generously when paying her for the month. I'm so much trouble, but she never scolds or complains."
"You're too kind, Ma."
"And you're too sweet, my darling Jiang-So! I pray you get everything your heart wishes for."
"I pray so too, Ma."
"Now, Jia, you've had a very long journey. Freshen up, eat and rest. I'll take my food and medicine now and then sleep. We'll continue our conversation in the morning."
"Yes, Ma."
Jia hurriedly packed up the notes and tucked it into her bag, together with the notepad and pen. She went straight to her room where Jiang-So had been sleeping in since she left and took out the second threadbare foam in the cupboard, placing it on the floor. She wanted to sleep first. She would take her bath later.
Before she drifted off, she prayed, long and hard for her mother to live. For their situation to change for the better. For their tears to be wiped away. Forever.
— —
Yu Qian didn't wake up when morning came.
Ling-Jia had been deep asleep. So deep asleep and exhausted that it took Jiang-So forcefully shaking her shoulder multiple times before she came to. Her eyes snapped open slowly, unfocused, then widened when Jiang-So's tears fell on her hand.
"Aunt? What's... what's going on?"
Jiang-So didn't speak. She couldn't. But the pain in her reddened eyes made Ling-Jia fly out of the bed and straight to her mother's room. Yu Qian laid there, just as she did yesterday before Ling-Jia left her. Only this time, her lips were white, and she was smiling faintly.
"Ma," Ling-Jia called softly, her heart sinking as she knelt down beside Yu Qian, taking her cold hand in hers. Tears blurred Ling-Jia's vision as she rubbed Yu Qian's palm furiously. "You can't do this to me, Ma. You can't leave me here, Ma!"
Ling-Jia's tears rippled through the house, mixing with Jiang-So's who hovered by the door, hand on her chest, weeping heavily. Ling-Jia clutched her mother's hand tightly, her body shaking violently. "This was not the plan, Ma. This was not it at all."
Jiang-So eventually moved forward to pull her away from the corpse, and into her warm embrace. Jiang-So held her as she cried and cried. "She's gone, Ling. Please. You've cried enough already."
But Ling-Jia was inconsolable. She'd lost the most important person in her life, and nothing could pacify her. The world as she knew it was now meaningless. Nothing could make her feel better.
Nothing at all.