Let me tell you a little story. A story born from my own experience. I like to call it: 'How Curiosity Killed Nolan...'
And no, before you even think it—I definitely did not steal that from the proverb 'Curiosity killed the cat.' Nope. Not me. I'm original. Totally.
Now then, allow me to explain this so-called story…"
So I kept walking deeper into the cave, even though every single part of my brain was screaming at me to turn around, I literally couldn't because forward was the only way so couldn't exactly trust my guts. My footsteps echoed off the walls, the kind of hollow echo that makes you feel like you're being followed even when you know you're not. At first, it was just me, the occasional drip of water somewhere far off, and the crunch of little rocks under my shoes. Normal cave stuff.
But then there were other sounds like I heard earlier when I just woke up.
At first, I brushed it off. You know how it is—dark cave, jittery nerves, your imagination starts pulling little pranks on you. But the more I walked, the less it sounded like my imagination. There was definitely shuffling. Scraping. Like something dragging its feet across stone. And then I heard this faint crackling noise.
Like fire.
Inside a cave.
Yeah, because that's reassuring.
That's definitely the light I saw earlier yup.
The noises kept getting louder with each step I took until I was sure, one hundred percent sure, that something—or someone—was up ahead. Which is exactly the point where a sane person would have turned around and gone back. But me? Nooo, my dumb curiosity just kept dragging me forward.
And then I saw it.
Something small stepped out of the dark.
It wasn't a person. Not unless people suddenly shrank to about half my height and dyed their skin green. The thing's skin really was green—like, proper green, the kind you see in cartoons when someone says "goblin" or "troll." And the light from the torch it was holding only made it look creepier.
Yeah, that's right. Torch. It had a torch in one hand, firelight flickering all around like it owned the place. And in the other hand? A sword.
If you could even call it that. The blade looked like someone had just hammered a chunk of metal into a vaguely sharp shape, then got bored halfway and decided "eh, good enough." Rusty, jagged, ugly—basically the kind of weapon that didn't need to be sharp to hurt you.
I just stood there like an idiot, frozen in place, my heart thumping so hard I was half-convinced the little green guy could hear it.
"A green little guy," I muttered under my breath. "Holding a torch… and a sword. Yeah. That's… definitely not good. Nope. Not good at all."
But me, being the absolute genius that I am, I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. Stupid. Frozen. Completely flabbergasted. My brain was screaming, move, idiot, move, but my body decided to ignore it and stay rooted to the spot like I'd suddenly turned into a tree.
And that's when things got worse.
Because one green guy wasn't the end of it. Nope. Another one shuffled out of the shadows, holding the same kind of ugly torch and rusty weapon. Then another. And another. And before I even had time to fully process what I was looking at, the number had doubled, then tripled.
By the time I actually counted, there were ten of them. Ten little green guys. All with torches. All with jagged swords. And all of them were staring right at me.
Yeah. That was the moment I realized curiosity doesn't just kill cats—it kills Nolans too.
Suddenly, one of the green guys seemed to get a brilliant idea. Probably something along the lines of, "Oh look, a human standing around like a tree. Let's chop him down."
And before I could even blink, he raised that jagged excuse for a sword and came swinging straight at me.
My brain froze, but my body finally decided, Hey, maybe don't die today. So at the very last possible second, I threw myself sideways. The blade whooshed past my face, close enough that I swear I felt the wind off it brush my cheek.
I hit the ground hard, palms scraping against the rough stone, my heart hammering like it wanted to punch its way out of my chest. If I'd hesitated even a split second longer, I would've been sliced in half.
"Okay, note to self," I gasped out loud, scrambling back on my hands and feet like a crab, "standing still is officially a bad survival strategy."
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Good for you, figuring that out right now, when it's literally the most obvious thing possible. Like, how stupid are you…" I trailed off, then blinked. "Wait. Aren't I… talking about myself here?"
I coughed, trying to play it off—even though nobody was listening. "Whatever. I'm not stupid. Nope. Not me. I'm smart. Genius, actually. Top of the food chain. Totally."
Yeah. Totally.
Anyways, apparently one green boy thought, 'Hey, if one slash didn't work, what if we all slash at him at the same time? That'll definitely work, right?'
And, honestly, from a teamwork perspective, that was actually kind of smart. Ten against one? That's like a one hundred percent guaranteed hit rate. Simple math.
Should've worked. Should've been the end of Nolan.
But nope. Lucky for me, I had what I like to call infinite wisdom—which in reality was more like blind panic and dumb luck—and I decided to roll.
And not just roll once. No, I rolled like my life depended on it, which, fun fact, it did. Somehow, against all odds, I dodged every single one of their sword swings. Sparks flew where the jagged blades clashed against stone, angry grunts echoed through the cave, and me? I popped back up in one piece.
I couldn't help but grin, even though my legs were shaking. "Hah! Look at that. Not even a scratch. I'm a natural. Totally should pat myself on the back… you know, after I kill all ten of these bozos."
"Wait, hold on," I muttered between frantic breaths, ducking under another swing. "How do I… exactly kill these guys? Like, no one gave me a tutorial! No status screen popped up with a handy guide called 'Goblin Slaying for Dummies!'"
Another blade whizzed past my head. I yelped and stumbled back, barely keeping my balance.
"Alright, fine. Dodge and weave it is—for now. Buy myself a couple more seconds of breathing room before I get turned into a kebab."
And so that's what I did. Dodging. Weaving. Rolling across the cave floor like some wannabe martial artist when in reality I was just flailing for dear life. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted salvation.
A rock.
Just a dumb, fist-sized rock lying on the ground like it had been waiting its whole life for me. Without thinking, I snatched it up, twisted around, and hurled it with everything I had.
Crack!
The rock smacked straight into one of the green guy's foreheads with a sickening thud. His eyes went wide before he toppled backward, torch dropping, blood running down his face. He hit the floor and didn't get back up.
For a split second, I felt this insane wave of triumph. "Holy crap—I actually landed that! First try! Headshot, baby! Maybe I am a natural at this—"
But that victory lasted, oh, maybe half a second.
Because the other nine all stopped and looked at their fallen buddy… then looked at me.
And then they lost it.
They rushed me at once, swinging wildly, screeching like animals. I tried dodging, but there were too many blades, too many angles. Steel kissed my skin again and again. Not deep—thank God—but enough to sting, to bleed, to remind me that one mistake and I was done for.
Cuts burned across my arms, my sides, even a shallow one across my cheek. I could feel warm blood trickling, my breath coming ragged, my legs screaming at me to give up.
But I didn't.
I saw the goblin I'd downed still sprawled out, his jagged little sword lying next to him. That was my only shot. My only chance to not die right here.
With a desperate yell, I pushed through the crowd, ignoring the shallow slashes tearing at my skin, and threw myself at the fallen weapon. My fingers wrapped around the rough handle, heavy and unbalanced in my grip, but it was a sword, and right now that was good enough.
I swung clumsily, backing away, trying to keep the green guys at bay. For a moment, just a moment, it almost felt like it might work. Steel clashed against steel, sparks flew, and my arms shook from the force of blocking.
But then…
One got through.
I didn't even see him slip around the others. Just felt the sudden burst of pain as something cold and sharp drove straight into my chest. My breath hitched, my body froze. I looked down, almost in disbelief, at the jagged blade sticking out of me—right where my heart should be.
The green guy yanked it free, and I stumbled back, blood bubbling in my throat.
"I guess this is my end now... This death sucks"
And with that… I was swallowed by darkness.
Not the kind of darkness where you just close your eyes and wait for them to adjust. No, this was real, absolute nothingness. Cold, suffocating, eternal. It felt like my entire existence had been snuffed out, like I wasn't even allowed to think anymore.
But then—light.
Out of nowhere, a blinding light cut through the void, pushing the darkness away like it was never meant to be there. And somehow… somehow, that light pulled me back.
dragging me back whether I wanted it or not.
And suddenly, my eyes snapped open.
I wasn't outside. I wasn't back in the forest. No grass under me, no fresh air. I was… inside the cave again. Same damp stone, same suffocating darkness, same faint torchlight flickering deeper inside.
My whole body jolted like I'd been struck by lightning. Cold sweat dripped down my face as I sat up, clutching my chest.
Because I remembered.
I remembered every single thing. The goblins. Their swords. The shallow cuts stinging my skin. And then that last strike—straight through my heart. I could still feel it, the cold edge piercing me, the pain flooding my body, the way my breath had been stolen.
But now I was breathing. My chest was unbroken. My heart was beating. I was alive.
"…What the hell just happened?" I whispered, voice trembling.
My eyes darted toward the shadows. I could still hear it—the shuffling footsteps, the faint scraping of steel, the flicker of fire against stone. Exactly like before.
Which meant…
No. No, this wasn't a dream. This wasn't some weird hallucination. I really died. And now I was back.
Revived.
Returned.
If that's true, then those green little guys weren't just random cave weirdos. They were goblins. Straight out of those fantasy manga I used to read. Except, you know, in manga the protagonist usually has a weapon, or magic, or literally anything that makes them not completely useless.
Me? I had rocks. And dumb luck.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants, forcing myself to breathe slowly. I couldn't panic. Not again. Because if I made the same mistake as last time, I'd just… die again.
And maybe next time, I wouldn't come back.
***
So yeah. That's how Nolan—me—died in a cave, got stabbed in the heart by goblins, and woke up again like someone hit the respawn button.
But I'm totally not insane. Nope. Not me. Because insane people don't get more insane, right?
…Right?