The infirmary smelled faintly of rubbing alcohol, polished wood, and something that was definitely not medicinal. Akuma already knew the culprit. His flat stare bored into Tachyon, who was happily humming as she poured something glowing blue into something bubbling brown.
The once-empty room was now transformed into her little laboratory. Glass vials lined the counter, labeled with things like "Test Batch #45 – Possibly Not Explosive" and "For Guinea Pig Only."
Oguri Cap sat in the corner, silently chewing through a tray of rice balls that someone had left on the table. Meanwhile, McQueen sat primly in a chair, legs crossed, her notebook in her lap though she was more focused on the man across from her.
Through the open window, the faint sound of footsteps could be heard. Special Week's voice called out as she jogged past, "One more lap! I can't gain weight now!"
Akuma turned his head toward McQueen, his voice flat as ever.
"You sure you shouldn't be joining her?"
McQueen scoffed, flipping her hair with quiet dignity. "Unlike her, I do not gain weight so easily. Besides, I have to maintain my figure."
Her words trailed off into a whisper, "Especially with you around…"
Akuma blinked. "What?"
"Nothing," she said quickly, cheeks pink as she turned away.
Before he could press, Tachyon spun around, beaming with triumph.
"Voila!" she cried, holding up a test tube filled with suspiciously fizzing brown liquid. The bubbles popped with little sparks. "The result of my latest theory, guinea pig!"
Akuma took it from her without resistance. "What is it?"
He knew better than to argue—Tachyon always won.
The Brown-haired scientist adjusted a pair of fake glasses perched on her nose and straightened up like she was giving a lecture. Her voice grew authoritative, tinged with self-importance.
"I believe," she began, "that the unique qualities of Uma Musume are dictated by what I call the H Gene. This gene is dominant in individuals like us," she gestured grandly toward herself, McQueen, and Oguri, "but I theorize that it exists in every human being. It simply lies dormant most of the time. Only in rare cases does it become dominant enough to produce our characteristics."
Akuma arched a brow. "…If that's true, then why aren't there any male Umas?"
Tachyon smirked, wagging her finger with a teacher's flourish.
"There are males with the H Gene. It simply doesn't override the Y chromosome. But it's there, hidden. Otherwise, how do you explain trainers?"
Akuma tilted his head.
Tachyon leaned closer, her eyes gleaming. "Why do you think male trainers can endure the kicks of powerhouses like Gold Ship? Or you—who has somehow survived the combined assault of Scarlet, Vodka, and McQueen without turning into dust? And let us not forget your bursts of speed that rival even an Uma. That is the H Gene manifesting."
McQueen hummed thoughtfully. "That… does make sense. Even so, Akuma-san is—"
"So this…" Akuma muttered, looking down at the bubbling concoction in his hand.
"Exactly!" Tachyon cut him off, her voice full of excitement. "That vial will temporarily rewrite the genetic code of your Y chromosome to interact with your H Gene! In layman's terms, guinea pig—" She shoved it toward his lips before he could stop her.
The liquid slid down his throat, bitter and strangely warm.
There was a moment of silence.
Then his ears twitched.
No, not his normal ears. Two black-furred ears popped up from the top of his head, twitching like they were alive. A tail followed, sleek and fluffy, swaying behind him.
"…This is weird," Akuma muttered, deadpan as he touched his new ears. They were unbelievably sensitive, and he flinched as soon as his fingers brushed them.
Oguri stopped mid-bite. McQueen's eyes widened. Tachyon's smirk grew almost predatory.
"…This is interesting," Akuma admitted cautiously. Then he froze.
All three girls were staring at him. Not just staring—devouring him with their eyes.
"…What?" he asked flatly.
No one answered.
Then they pounced.
"Wha—wait—!"
Akuma's voice cracked into a rare panic as McQueen's hands slid up to stroke his ears, Tachyon wrapped herself around his back tugging at his tail with fascination, and even Oguri Cap leaned forward, her usually placid gaze lit with hungry curiosity as she ran her fingers through the black fur.
His screams echoed through the academy halls.
Five Hours Later
Adalbert strolled down the corridor, humming to himself. The sun was dipping, golden rays flooding the windows. He stopped outside the infirmary, noticing it was strangely quiet.
"Mein Gott, where is that man hiding?"
He pushed open the door.
And froze.
On the infirmary bed, Akuma lay slumped, his expression the picture of a dead man. His black ears twitched weakly, his tail swishing limply across the sheets.
McQueen sat at his right, humming softly as she massaged his ear with a dreamy smile. Tachyon was at his left, scribbling notes while occasionally tugging the tail for "reaction data." Oguri Cap had simply wrapped the tail around her waist like a scarf, chewing on another rice ball in bliss.
"…Mein Freund," Adalbert whispered, horrified and impressed all at once. "What in God's name happened to you?"
Akuma's eyes shifted to him with the dull resignation of a man who had seen too much. "…Tachyon happened."
Adalbert covered his mouth, stifling a laugh. "I leave you for a mere few hours and you've become Das Spielzeug of your own Umas."
"Kill me," Akuma deadpanned.
Nein, nein," Adalbert smirked. "I think I will leave you to your… caretakers. This is the punishment for not calling me when the fun began."
"Adalbert…" Akuma's voice dropped, low and dangerous.
The flamboyant man only waved, backing toward the door. "Viel Glück, mein Bruder."
The door shut behind him.
Akuma sighed. His ears twitched helplessly as McQueen cooed, Tachyon scribbled, and Oguri hugged his tail tighter.
"…This academy is going to kill me," he muttered.