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The day after the trip, I was working at my office in Kitakyushu and suddenly thought about it. It had been a really long time since we'd had a family trip. As the kids get older, we don't go out as a family as much. That's why yesterday's trip felt so meaningful. I wondered how my wife felt.
I didn't have any feelings of forgiveness or denial toward her. But I certainly felt a betrayal of our marriage and couldn't shake the feeling of distrust. But I still wanted to believe in her. When I saw that genuine smile she showed on yesterday's trip, the DVD seemed like another world. I didn't know if I was trying to escape from knowing the truth or if I was really trying to trust her. Maybe I was just creating a place for myself to trust that she'd come back from somewhere I didn't know. But for now, it was fine.
I felt cheerful, a stark contrast to the gloomy work I'd been feeling up until last week. I went home to Fukuoka City over the weekend. My wife picked me up as usual, and we ate her cooking at home. I was curious about every single thing she did, every expression… everything. I didn't feel any discomfort about things continuing the way they were. I was approaching that state.
The next day, my wife and daughter went out shopping, and I was watching TV in the living room. The midday sunlight streaming in from outside was pleasant, and I was just letting myself fall into a slight drowsiness when the intercom rang. It was unusual for the intercom to ring while I was there. Maybe I just didn't remember it because Noriko always answered it. Thinking this, I looked at the intercom screen. There was a woman I didn't recognize.
"Who is it?" I asked, my voice a little lower than usual, perhaps because my head was still dazed.
"Um… my name is Akasaka…" the woman said.
Akasaka? Who was it? Was it a neighbor? "Akasaka-san? What can I do for you?" I asked.
The woman who introduced herself as Akasaka said, "Um… I'm a colleague of your wife's from work, and I'd like to talk to you about your wife…"
A colleague of my wife's from work? Was she looking for my wife? "Oh, I see. Thank you for your continued support. However, my wife is out for a bit right now," I said. My wife hadn't said anything, so perhaps she had come without an appointment?
"Yes, I have something to talk to you about today, not your wife, but you, her husband… So I came here while your wife was out…" she said.
To me? Why did she have to talk to me? Had my wife made some kind of mistake at work? How did she know my wife wasn't home in the first place? Many thoughts ran through my head. I had to hear what she had to say. I quickly got ready, and we went to a nearby family restaurant. If a woman calling herself Akasaka had come all the way here when my wife wasn't home, I couldn't let her into my home.
I sat across from her—she had shoulder-length hair, looked around 30, had beautiful features, and was wearing modern makeup—a woman who seemed completely out of place for me. We ordered iced coffees for two, and there was a moment of silence. Neither of us knew where to start. I felt so out of place that I wondered if we should have gone to a more fashionable place instead of a family restaurant. If my wife's colleague wanted to talk to me, it must be about my wife. The tension from the situation made me feel strange.
We arrived at the family restaurant in separate cars, but from her mannerisms as we entered the restaurant from the parking lot, and the small talk we had, I sensed a gentle demeanor from her. "Sorry for dropping by unexpectedly," the woman suddenly began. She was modern, yet well-mannered. Or so I thought.
"No, no, more importantly, Akasaka-san, you said you wanted to talk about my wife…?" I prompted.
"Yes, it's about your wife. It's actually a difficult topic to discuss, but please calm down and listen," she said. She was a strangely indirect woman. Had my wife done something to make it difficult to talk about?
"Actually, it seems your wife has a lover," she said.
A shock ran through my heart. Shock is probably psychological. But this time, it felt like something had physically grabbed me in the heart. What was she talking about? What was she saying? What was she basing that on? And why was she saying that to me, her husband? I couldn't process my feelings.
"Huh? I don't know what you're talking about," was all I could say.
"Yes, I understand how you feel, sir. But it's the truth," she said.
I was getting angry that a younger woman was making fun of me. I asked, pretending to be calm, "Um, what is your basis for saying that?" My tone was slightly stronger. Even though I pretended to be calm, my irritation was evident in my words.
"Your wife and I work at the same place, and I heard it directly from your wife," she said.
I didn't know if it was true or not, but I just had to get everything I wanted to say out loud. I put those feelings into words. "Did my wife tell you? Why would she keep telling you that? And surely her coworkers know she's married. Why would she tell a coworker like that? And why did you come to me, her husband, to tell me that?"
Perhaps women who get along well might even have secret conversations. A thought occurred to me.
"Yes… I felt like your wife was getting deeper and deeper into this, and even when I tried to tell her to stop, she wouldn't listen… I was hesitant, but I decided I had no choice but to trust you, her husband, and get you to stop. Your wife often talked to me about you, and I got the impression you were trustworthy, so I decided to talk to you," Akasaka said.
A thread connected in my head. Was that DVD filmed by her lover? Maybe she was keeping it like a treasure… There was no need to ask Akasaka what the evidence was. She knew more evidence to back up the facts than I did.
I wanted to trust my wife, or so I thought for a week. I was unsure whether I should trust her, but gradually, the idea began to feel less strange. But those times quickly passed. My wife hadn't done anything. However, after hearing what Akasaka-san had just said, the doubts I'd been ignoring suddenly came flooding back. I knew I didn't have the capacity to accept them. That's why I'd been running away. But now I couldn't run away anymore. A woman with objectivity had stepped in to help with the issues I'd been struggling with alone. She was trying to solidify the doubts I'd been plagued with. I felt cornered, unable to escape.
"Is that so?" was all I could manage.
"Please don't tell your wife about this. I told you about it, and I don't think you should question her about it…" Akasaka said.
I couldn't even think about questioning her. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do.
The iced coffee I'd ordered from the waiter at the family restaurant arrived. Could the world really look so different in the short time it took for it to arrive at the table? As I was thinking about this, watching the condensation drip from my iced coffee glass, she began talking again.
"Rather than telling your wife directly, I want her to return to you without saying anything. Break up completely with the person she's had an affair with and go back to her husband. I'll tell your wife to stop, so you should try to attract her more…" Akasaka said.
Attracting her… it sounded like she was cheating because I wasn't attractive to her. Even so, I didn't know what to do.
"What else did my wife talk to you about? She said she was getting too involved, but what does that mean?" I asked. There were so many things I wanted to ask Akasaka.
"I haven't asked her in detail, but she started talking about things like wanting to go on trips with the other person and what it would be like if she didn't have her current family. She sometimes talks about her family in a fun way. So I think she's feeling guilty and unsure. I could sense that, and that made me feel even more strongly that I had to do something," Akasaka said.
Travel… was she talking about that phone call? She said she wanted to go on a trip with friends… But I told her it was no good, and they haven't gone on a trip since then. So that's why she was complaining to Akasaka. I needed to sort this out.
"I see, but thanks for letting me know anyway. I'll think about it," I said.
What was I thinking? I could tell my wife directly. But listening to Akasaka-san's story, I felt that the current situation, where her relationship with her lover was so deep and she seemed to prioritize them, might actually cause her to drift away from me. What I wanted most was for my current family to stay the way it was. I wanted to avoid it falling apart.
Suddenly, a scene from a recent trip my wife, daughter, and I took came to mind. It felt like it had been a long time since I had seen her happy smile back then. I felt like I had always seen that smile when we were first married. Perhaps the answer lay there.
After that, I talked briefly with Akasaka-san, exchanged contact information, and left the family restaurant. We're not on the same team, but we do have supporters. I got home, but my wife hadn't returned yet. It had been two hours since they'd gone shopping… She'd said she'd been to various stores, but surely she wasn't meeting up with her affair partner? Our daughter was there too, so that couldn't be it. During the hour that the woman came to visit and talked to me, I couldn't help but have doubts about my wife. Still, I had no choice but to accept the facts.
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