Night fell.
Kasumigaoka Utaha walked into her bedroom holding a package addressed to "Kasumi Shiko," which had been sent directly from the Fujikawa Publishing editorial department. She pulled out the chair at her desk and excitedly began to unwrap the package.
"Just as I thought, it's this again."
As the wrapping finished, the sight of Sword Art Online Volume 4 inside turned the expectation in her eyes to disappointment. She didn't even bother to flip through the contents before placing the book on the nearby shelf, which was already stuffed with her favorite books, spanning from light novels to serious literature. There was a separate, empty slot on the shelf she reserved for one person.
Half a year had passed, moving from high summer to deep winter.
Kasumigaoka Utaha habitually pulled out a light blue notebook from her desk drawer. It was her diary, a habit she had only adopted this year. She placed the book on the desk and opened it. Her neat, delicate, yet simple and elegant handwriting filled the pages.
Recalling the strange yet vivid recurring dream from the previous night, she began to flip through her diary from the beginning.
June 1st, Sunny. I once thought that a high wall separated everyone, preventing souls from connecting. Even though we can now communicate in seconds, the wall between people has never gotten shorter. We desperately grope for the soul of others, only to realize we don't even understand ourselves. I don't despise my peers, but I simply follow my nature, seeking a haven where I feel understood. It wasn't until I stumbled upon Your Lie in April that I realized where my haven was. Someone's fictional story resonated so strongly with my inner self.
August 25th, Cloudy. Today is the release date for Teacher Ryou's new work. I lined up at midnight and got a copy! Lucky! I met two people at the train platform. If I'm not mistaken, that handsome boy must be Teacher Ryou. I didn't expect him to be so young, around my age. As soon as I got home, I was lectured again. I don't deny the importance of studying, but is reading a light novel really considered playing with fire and losing your ambition? Is my life only about schoolwork and preparing for exams? It seems Teacher Ryou is the only one who can truly understand me. The summer holiday is almost over. I must keep working hard. Just as Teacher Ryou advised, if I can't maintain my current rank in the back-to-school exams, my parents might truly prohibit me from reading novels.
September 6th, Cloudy. The back-to-school exam results are out. I'm still ranked number one in my grade, and the praise at school is endless. But when I told my parents the results, there was no praise, just an attitude that it was to be expected. Meanwhile, the neighbor's kid, who was previously ranked near the bottom of the grade, was praised profusely for improving just ten or so places. Although I don't care about their praise, I feel their logic is flawed. It's like a good person who does a hundred good deeds but is condemned by everyone for one mistake. And a bad person who does a hundred bad deeds is suddenly considered good by people once they perform one good deed.
October 10th, Sunny. I received a package from Teacher Ryou for the first time today! Although it was shipped directly from the Fujikawa Publishing editorial department. Teacher Ryou is a man of his word, after all. I thought he had forgotten, with all the time that had passed. Sigh, why is it Sword Art again? Is fighting really that interesting? I want to read the Platonic love he writes about!
November 1st, Cloudy. Can those animals at school who only think with their lower bodies really be called humans? Do they really dare to speak lightly of "love" just because of appearances? I've never been in a relationship, but I know that love is not such a cheap thing.
November 10th, Sunny. Teacher Ryou actually said he doesn't have a girlfriend, yet he can write such moving work. Putting myself in his shoes, Teacher Ryou is quite handsome, so he must have many admirers. That must be difficult; I completely understand. What kind of person is he like in reality? Based on his usual remarks, is he secretly a serious fan of older women (Onee-san complex)?
November 11th, Cloudy. I had that dream again last night. Who is Sayuka, the voice calling me? I've had the dream so many times; was it never calling my name? My name is Utaha, so that's strange.
December 25th, Sunny. It's Christmas, but I don't feel much like celebrating. The dream is getting clearer, and the settings keep changing like maps in a Galgame. I've become the heroine of this game, Sayuka. Unfortunately, the male lead Naoto's face is still blurry. I just feel his voice is cold, and honestly, I don't particularly like that type of male lead.
December 26th, Sunny. A huge discovery! I searched for Teacher Ryou's real name just to try my luck. What did I find? The creator of the Gyokuryūki history, the Kendo genius from Soft Leaf Middle School. Wait, why do I feel like the Sword Art male lead's aura resembles Teacher Ryou somewhat? Next year, I'll be in my third year, and it's time to consider which high school to attend. Soft Leaf Middle School is in Bunkyo Ward, which doesn't seem too far from Toshima Ward, where I live. No, that won't do. We are just netizens. The beauty of a relationship between gentlemen is preserved by distance. It wouldn't be right to intrude on someone's real life uninvited.
December 28th, Cloudy. That dream again. Why does it feel more and more like a game? It even has save points now. And that cold person turned out to be so thoughtful. Sayuka got sick, and he stayed by her side the whole time, taking meticulous care of her. He's also quite a good cook. It seems his contrast is one of his charming points. I couldn't find any information about Sayuka and Naoto online. Is it just a fantasy created by me alone? Still, I like the story very much. I hope I can continue the dream tonight. I want to see how the story ends.
Kasumigaoka Utaha flipped to a blank page and wrote today's entry.
December 30th, Cloudy. The dream is getting even stranger. Sayuka and Naoto were holding hands and taking a walk. Why do I feel like Naoto's voice and figure resemble Teacher Ryou a bit? Ah, I understand now. This must be the mind filling in the information itself. The intense desire for Teacher Ryou's next romantic work is causing a self-generated collection of information in my brain? Teacher Ryou is the only boy my age who has left a deep impression on me. It must be because I searched for information about him online a few days ago.
After writing, Kasumigaoka Utaha put down her pen and closed the notebook. She let out a long sigh.
She then spun her chair halfway around, looking up at the soft bedroom light on the ceiling. She spread her right hand open and placed it between the ceiling and her wine-red eyes. Closing her eyes, she savored the memory, a faint curve appearing on her lips.
So, this is what holding hands feels like?
It seems... not bad at all.