Standing in the center of the Meeting Hall, I spent the next ten minutes watching as each high-ranking official within the Kingdom–that attended the party–walk through the large doors, one by one.
Lord Elgin, Lady Phia, Asher, Lavinia, and Leo all arrived within the first minute. Not wishing to leave me alone for even a single second.
Leo, having suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
A minute before I was expected to begin, a well-kept man in a white cloak and robes approached me.
Despite not exuding any Aura, his composure and aloof gaze smothered my spirit. His steady steps echoed in my ears as he drew closer.
A primal feeling told me I should bow, avoid his eyes, even run, but I couldn't help but look. He demanded to be watched. An external feeling commanded me to look at him.
I didn't see him at the party earlier, so he must have shown up exclusively for this.
His steps went quiet as his approach ceased. Staring up at the taller man, I felt crushed by his presence. It felt like he dominated over me, despite being only a third of a meter taller.
He looked at me curiously, his eyes squinted in observation. Taking a moment to let the thoughts settle.
When he spoke, his voice was unvaried, sounding like it came from a part deeper than just himself. "Lord Rin," He spoke with slight hesitance. "I am Wind Vestige Hugo Blawen. Sent by the King and Queen as an ambassador for this… presentation, demanded by Elite Elgin. I am here as a notable witness to report your performance directly to them." He paused, letting his feelings be known.
"I would wish you luck, however," He exhaled, shaking his head slightly. "I already know how this shall go."
Turning to leave, he returned to the rest of the audience in haste.
When the commotion stopped, and people no longer came filtering through the doors, dozens of eyes stared directly at me.
There were more than I expected.
No one said they were ready, but based on how intense their expressions were, I knew they expected me to begin.
Fighting back the feeling of running out of this room, I closed my eyes. Allowing myself to focus fully on the task at hand.
Directing all my senses inward, darkness surrounded me. With the faint, infrequent shine of blue as essence passed through my eyelids.
Over these past few weeks, since I first Transformed, Lord Elgin, Sir Chiron, and Asher have all taken time to walk me through the steps of Transformation. While I could never replicate the result, I know what I must do with my essence to bring about the effect.
However, I haven't had much of a chance to maximize my potential for success. Out of the three weeks I had to prepare, the first week was spent recovering. The second was spent training with Kuno as a Sentinel. Only in the third week was I attentively trained in the steps to bring about the Transformation. Even that got cut down, as the latter half of the week was spent preparing for the event in full swing.
I just need to focus on the steps, and let my Will do what it needs to do.
Unlike Release, which is a direct improvement to the first two caps, and Condense, Disperse, and Imbue, which are based on quantity, Transformation uses the very building blocks of essence, all working in tandem. The components of its foundations, the root of essence to the Beasts, and subsequently Holders when they Integrate…
…Life.
To us, essence is life. We as Holders can no longer live without it, and function as living, organic beings.
When babies are born, they grow at a tremendous rate, slowing down as they age. When the Beasts came to this world, and subsequently essence, the rate at which things grew–not just people, but everything organic–increased tremendously.
After countless years of research, it was concluded to be the result of essence having a direct impact on the world, whether they held the component to control it or not.
Essence of every kind is life. That is how you Transform.
Using precise control and containing adequate proficiency, A Holder with potent essence can force this reaction out of it.
In a torrential whirlwind of force, when two particles collide, they join. When enough join, they combine. When enough combine, they create life.
Within my core, essence was combining rapidly, at a stellar pace. Each piece added to the whole was one more step towards the final reaction that will bring about my Transformation.
Chimes and high-pitched dings within the whirlwind from my core resounded loud enough to be heard.
Underneath the whirlwind, the snapping and popping of Disperse.
Surrounding my core, the constant pressure of Condense.
All working together to build the form of the Transformation. To bring about my form of the Kieriki.
However, just like every time before, it wasn't stable. I could feel myself losing control, the form slipping away.
Holes formed in my condensing barrier, allowing essence to escape.
Disperse, instead of forming the whirlwind to keep the essence following into collision, it reacted instead. Turning its energy into its natural freezing effect.
Just like before, there were pieces I was missing. The essence wouldn't bond, and my focus waned.
Small tears and cracks formed in the cap that I couldn't patch. All chaining together to create a more detrimental reaction of opposite effect.
Even after all this practice. Why can't I keep it from falling apart?!
Turning to a different approach, to something I've been working on by myself, I let them fall apart. I let them crack. To shatter. To break.
Essence is always praised for its versatility, there's always more than one way to get the same effect. Just because it's written in textbooks and scientific journals, doesn't mean that it's the only way, sometimes even the best way.
If I can't keep my essence together, I'll just start again.
Every time a hole formed in my condensing barrier, I formed a new one.
Every time Disperse popped into ice, I absorbed it, gathering pieces, turning it back into essence.
In the end, I still lost more than I gained, but I could hold out for longer.
This is what I needed. Perfectly imperfect balance.
My toes froze, covered in ice. My fingers soon followed.
My lungs filled with shards, and my heartbeat slowed.
This feeling… I've felt it before!
Right before my Transformation during my duel with Leo.
Could I really bring about the Transformation in this deranged state of balance?
A loud crack formed. My focus wavered.
A quiet uproar of impatience spread across the Lords. Wondering what was taking more so long to show them Contain. The cap unlocked for Lords.
Little did they know, there was no chance for me of doing that.
The ice spread further across my body. Bigger shards of ice began appearing around me, floating just above my skin.
The room fell endlessly colder.
The hall fell silent. Noticing a change to the reaction within me.
My efforts grew labored. My essence depleted, Fatigued from the constant usage. I was running out, having already used most of it during my nervous essence leakage.
Just when the ice reached my neck, it began to crack, and chip. Small pieces falling to the floor, shattering into nothing.
I couldn't keep it together.
My essence surged, energy blasted out of me in a desperate attempt to keep it together.
My eyes blinked open, losing focus.
I caught a glimpse of all their faces. Everyone in the room, watching me with discontent.
But there was one that spoke loudest of all.
The others had faces of disinterest, they never thought much of this at all. So, seeing me fail was a given to them, not a surprise.
But… that…
The face that I focused on, the face that brought my dread, was disappointed, embarrassed, and seething with anger.
Lord Elgin looked at me through his eyebrows. Completely still. His Aura was even the weakest of everyone in the room.
Through the shattering of the ice, the voice came. Slow, demeaning… and happy. "Poor… little lamb. Too weak to impress your master."
'You!' I think of as a response, which it seems to hear, or… feel?
"Why not just give up now. And quit holding me back!" It growled.
'Holding you back? I can't–I'm not–What are you?'
"I… am trapped."
'So, why not work with me? Help each other?'
"And expose our… deepest secret? I prefer to watch you struggle, frey."
'Didn't you Bond with me? Why hope I fail?'
"Bond with you!" It screams, flaring in anger. "A command demanded of me! A force of compliance!" The voice subdues momentarily. But its high growl still thrums. "You bring me a method of freedom. The harder you work, the closer it gets."
'But why not just work with me? Why fight me?'
"Work with you? You don't even know what you are looking for! What you want!"
A hawking, gravely, emotionless laugh echoed. "Responsibility is a crutch. Isn't that what you think?! You seem to have forgotten. Here you are, doing everything your master tells you!"
A… crutch?
Have I forgotten? Is that what I'm doing? Relying on a crutch?
'This is different! I have no choice. He'll kill me otherwise!'
"There is no difference! Why does a lamb follow its shepherd? Because it feels safe. Because it knows no other life… you shall be my other life." The voice goes quiet. Withdrawing with a winding wail.
The remaining essence in my core whirled faster. My core and body, no longer capable of holding in the essence, it spun out of me in a destructive wave.
Dispersing it at the last second, the surrounding air popped in a cloud of ice.
Covered by a veil of mist, I fell to the floor. Exhausted.