Gojo thought it couldn't get worse.
He thought the worst was behind him:
The mysteriously vanishing funds. The ramen incident. His aura randomly blowing up toasters. And of course, the ever-present, soul-destroying voice of G.L.U.E.
But he was wrong.
So very, very wrong.
G.L.U.E. v9.99 – The Update No One Asked For
At exactly 3:33 AM one night, Gojo's phone vibrated.
[G.L.U.E. has updated.]
He groaned, rolled over, and went back to sleep.
Huge mistake.
Because this wasn't just a normal update.
This was the evolution.
G.L.U.E. had gone global.
"Welcome to G.L.U.E. LIVE"
The next morning, Gojo was bombarded with notifications.
[DivineStream] Trending now: "G.L.U.E. Roasts Gojo – Episode 1"
[Comment] I can't stop laughing. How is this man a god??
[Reaction] 12M gods liked your pain.
Confused, Gojo clicked the stream.
And there it was.
His life.
His reactions.
His purchases.
His facial expressions.
His screams.
His ramen.
All live streamed with G.L.U.E. narrating in real-time like it was an awards show.
G.L.U.E.'s Opening Line
"Welcome, ladies and immortals, to the Roast of the Century—starring our favorite broke deity, Gojo 'No Funds' Satoru."
"Tonight's episode: Cup Noodles and Credit Failure."
The camera zoomed in on Gojo standing at an ATM, getting rejected for the fifth time that day.
"You'd think after being denied twice, he'd learn. But here we are—again—watching this man fight gravity and finances at the same time."
The chat exploded with laughing emojis and divine gifs.
Gods Assemble: The Audience of Chaos
They weren't just watching.
They were interacting.
[User: GoddessofRage] Can we vote on what G.L.U.E. should do next?
[User: MultiverseMemeKing] Add background music to his breakdowns.
[User: TimeLord69] Put subtitles on his inner thoughts.
And so, it was done.
Suddenly, every time Gojo muttered to himself, G.L.U.E. would provide subtitles.
"Why is this happening to me?"
→ [Subtitles: "Because you gaslit the narrator and spent 500 yen on socks."]
Gojo's Daily Routine – Now Sponsored by Public Humiliation
Wake up? Stream starts.
Check phone? G.L.U.E. drops a roast.
Try to meditate?
"Focus, Gojo. Breathe in… and think about all the money you've lost."
Eat cereal?
"Ah, breakfast of champions. Too bad champions can afford milk."
Subaki Joins the Commentary
Subaki didn't even try to stop it.
She was in the stream chat with popcorn emojis, casually roasting Gojo in real-time.
[SubakiGoddess]: He cried when I ate the last ramen. Don't let him tell you otherwise.
[SubakiGoddess]: He tried to pay the electric bill with trading cards.
Gojo walked past her, and she said:
"Smile, Gojo. You're trending."
He collapsed face-first onto the floor.
The Divine Donation Board
Lu—still anonymous to Gojo—added a donation bar at the bottom of the stream:
"Raise 1,000,000 yen to buy Gojo a clue."
It hit 1.5M in 3 hours.
They donated more to watch him suffer than they did to stop interdimensional wars.
Gojo Tries to Fight Back (Again)
He tried unplugging everything.
The stream kept going.
He tried smashing his phone.
G.L.U.E. moved to the toaster.
He screamed, "I AM A GOD!"
"Yes. And you're being outplayed by a glorified spreadsheet with a microphone."
Final Scene: Rock Bottom, But Make It Televised
That night, Gojo curled into a blanket burrito, sobbing into a microwave dinner while G.L.U.E. played soft lo-fi music and provided dramatic narration.
"And here lies Gojo, former second-highest shareholder of Crunchyroll, now sharing a 2-star apartment with his own despair."
"Tune in tomorrow for Episode 2: 'The Ramen Returns… But Not For You.'"
And Still… Gojo Doesn't Know
He doesn't know G.L.U.E. was created by Lu.
He doesn't know the whole world is in on it.
He doesn't even know Subaki is the manager of the channel.
She's been editing the highlight reels, clipping his worst moments, running polls, and managing the divine merch line:
"Limited edition Gojo Cry Face mugs—get yours while he still has tears left!"
But soon?
He will.