Chapter 161: Childhood Fun and Apartment Wars
In the end, Ron still couldn't kill Haley's crush on her boyfriend, Dylan.
Of course, it wasn't entirely pointless. At least Ron guaranteed that for at least a week, Dylan's memory of his harmless, handsome face would become like his stage name, ED—temporarily unable to "perform" when trying to get into the house.
By comparison, the Pritchett family reunion seemed less eventful.
Uncle Jay was as eccentric as ever, marrying a woman almost Ron's age—a second marriage with a kid.
And Uncle Jay's son, Mitchell, not only brought his boyfriend, Cameron, home, but they even adopted a child together!
Even when Ron was feeling a bit overwhelmed, Uncle Jay remained calm, chatting and laughing with the family. His composure alone was enough to impress Ron.
Ron wondered if his own son was gay and brought his boyfriend home to meet him, he'd probably break both their legs.
So-called political correctness is just for show. Anyone who actually believes it is naive. Would you really trust those who talk the talk but never walk the walk?
Ron said the same thing when he called Mary that evening to check in.
"That's good, that's good," Mary said, relieved. Her focus was still on Haley's teenage romance, since she also happened to have a son as troublesome as Haley.
Of course, this son wasn't Ron, but Georgie.
"I don't object to teenage dating, but if someone accidentally gets pregnant, my Lord! Haley's life would be ruined,"
Mary fretted. "You have no idea how panicked I was when Georgie bought that used van with a bed in it. Thank God, George made him return it."
Ron's eyes widened. "Mom, weren't you and Dad the same way back then..."
Of course, he wisely kept quiet.
"Oh my goodness, that idiot Georgie." Ron couldn't help laughing when he heard this: "Do you know what he told Dad at the time? He actually said that with this van, he could even let Sheldon sleep on the fold-out bed when he drove him to school."
"Using Sheldon as an excuse is really something else." George Sr. chimed in: "I asked him at the time, 'When you saw this bed, the first thing you thought of was that your brother could sleep on it?' Guess what he said?"
"He said the first thing he thought of was Sheldon?" Ron asked tentatively.
George Sr. sighed with relief: "No, he admitted he was thinking of something else. At least in terms of being honest, it shows he can still be saved."
"That's why I put a dead mouse in the van instead of torching his piece of junk while he was in the bathroom," Ron laughed: "God knows how much money he let that crooked used car dealer make off him."
"But, to be honest, Georgie is really entrepreneurial. When I was in college, little Georgie actually offered to help pay for mine and Sheldon's tuition."
George Sr. sighed and said, "I didn't know about that, but money was really tight back then, so did Georgie end up paying your tuition?"
"Of course not, I could make way more money than him, but he did help with part of Sheldon's tuition. To be precise, we split the cost. Thank God Missy didn't go to college, otherwise the family couldn't have afforded it."
"Ron, who are you talking to on the phone?" Speak of the devil—Sheldon suddenly burst through the door.
"Mom and Dad, want to talk to them?" Ron gestured with his cell phone, but Sheldon had no intention of taking it.
"Tell them I'm fine, even though it's laundry day." Sheldon nervously walked past Ron, like a malfunctioning robot.
"Okay, Mom, I'll call you guys when I get a chance. Bye." Ron hung up quickly. As a devoted brother, he didn't want Sheldon to feel guilty about the tuition thing.
"Sheldon, what's wrong? It's laundry day today—you should be in the laundry room downstairs."
Sheldon's life was so regimented that after spending so much time with him, Ron had developed the habit of knowing what day of the week it was just by looking at what Sheldon ate and did.
"Actually, I can skip laundry even if it's laundry day," Sheldon said proudly. "What an arrogant girl, thinking I can't do anything just because she hogged the washing machine with her dirty clothes. How naive."
"Alright, what did you do to Penny's clothes?" Ron asked helplessly, no longer bothering to ask such pointless questions as why he and Penny were fighting.
No matter what, Sheldon always had some bizarre justification.
"Let me think~ I seem to recall seeing some women's undergarments earlier," Sheldon walked to the window with a spring in his step: "Oh, I remember now—just now, when I happened to look out the window, I actually saw a bra hanging on the telephone pole. Do you think that's a style you've seen before?"
"Why would I have seen Penny's underwear before?" Ron followed Sheldon to the window. The telephone poles and power lines outside were draped with Penny's various clothes.
"Oh my God," Ron covered his face: "How did you get these clothes up there?"
"Of course, I used some basic physics principles." Sheldon was so proud he practically had his chest puffed out.
"Well, Sheldon, don't say I didn't warn you. Penny's from Nebraska. She's a farm girl. She could wrestle you to the ground, hog-tie you, and drag you behind a pickup truck in no time."
"No way. This is California, not the Wild West!"
Ron rolled his eyes. "Then maybe she'll drag you behind her car. Hey, or maybe there's no need for all that trouble. Tie you up, pour cement on you, and dump you in the Pacific. I hear gangs in LA do that all the time."
"Uh..." Sheldon finally looked worried and turned to Ron for help. "You're not going to let her do that to me, are you, Ron?"
"Of course not, but I don't have time to protect you. In fact, I need to head out right now." Ron was perfectly fine, but to teach Sheldon a lesson, he didn't mind going out for a bit to give Penny her chance.
What a dedicated brother I am!
"Knock, knock, knock!"
As if on cue, there was aggressive pounding on the door.
"Sheldon! Sheldon!"
Ron sat on the sofa, looking thoroughly entertained. "Look, your adversary has arrived. I hope she doesn't rough you up too badly."
(End of chapter)
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