Chapter 158: Family Visit
It was already evening when Ron returned to his apartment; he had slept practically the entire day on the plane.
When he pushed open the door to Sheldon's apartment, the nerdy scientist crew and Penny were sitting lined up on the sofa, staring at the beautiful women on the TV screen, completely motionless, as if hypnotized.
Of course, there was one exception: Sheldon, who was completely oblivious to the gorgeous legs and assets on TV and continued to recite that weird language that sounded like someone hacking up a lung.
No one even noticed Ron walking in.
"Hey! What are you guys watching?"
"Oh, Ron, you're finally back," Penny jumped up and hugged him enthusiastically: "Did you forget to pay the cable bill before you left, sweetie?"
"I don't plan on paying it in the future. I usually don't watch cable TV anyway. You're always the one hogging it. Besides, I'm not your sweetie, but there are at least two guys sitting over there who'd love to be your sweetie."
Rajesh leaned over and whispered something in Howard's ear with annoyance. Howard pushed him away: "How should I know which one he meant has no interest in Penny? If you didn't act so flamboyant, maybe it wouldn't be you."
Ron broke free from Penny and found a spot to sit: "So what show are you watching?"
"America's Next Top Model. Tyra Banks is about to eliminate someone."
"That's right, Ron, guess what I found? The future Mrs. Wolowitz!" Howard pointed at a supermodel on TV and shouted excitedly.
"Yeah, right. She can move in with you and your mom," Leonard seized the opportunity to crack wise, "The current Mrs. Wolowitz."
"Ha! And the current Mrs. Wolowitz is probably as wide as the future Mrs. Wolowitz is tall when she's lying down. Yeah, I'm talking about her gut." Ron joined in roasting Howard.
But Howard wasn't in the mood for the wisecracks and sarcasm. His heart was already captured by the stunning girl on TV. "Why is the future Mrs. Wolowitz crying?"
"That's Anaïs. The other girls in the house don't like her," Penny explained.
"House? What house?" Howard keenly picked up on the key detail.
"They all live in the same house. It's the mansion where the girls competing on America's Next Top Model stay." Ron cracked open the beer Leonard had just brought him and casually mentioned, "Somewhere in the Hollywood Hills. They had me do security consultations when they moved in."
"Wait! Are you telling me I can just drive to this place packed with these gorgeous, dramatic supermodels?" Howard muttered with a perverted expression, "They live together, shower together, and..."
"I gotta take this call." His phone rang, and Ron, cutting off Howard's increasingly perverted fantasies, got up from his seat. "Hey Mom, what's up?"
The caller was none other than Mary, who was back home in East Texas.
"I heard you were vacationing in France? How was your trip?"
Mary sounded relaxed. Ron glanced discretely at Sheldon, who was still busy with his weird recitations. Looked like he hadn't been complaining about anything lately, and Ron felt relieved.
"Great. I also picked up some souvenirs and shipped them to you and Dad. Should arrive within the week."
"Well, thank you in advance. I'd be even happier if you could visit your Uncle Jay's house sometime soon," Mary said. "You know what? If Missy hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have realized you haven't even visited Uncle Jay yet."
As soon as Ron heard this, his face fell and he felt queasy.
Jay was Mary's brother, Meemaw's eldest son. Yeah, you heard right. Mary's maiden name was Pritchett, but after marriage she took George's name, Cooper.
The reason Ron felt sick was that Uncle Jay's daughter, Claire, that rebellious middle schooler, had gotten the better of Ron plenty of times during their school years, leading to some bad blood between them.
"I know about you and Claire. You two did have your disagreements back in school, but I think after all these years, she won't hold such a minor thing against you anymore. After all, she's already a mother of three."
"I think, as her uncle, you should pay a visit."
"Alright, alright, I surrender." Ron couldn't refuse Mary's request. "How about I go next week?"
"No, I think you better go tomorrow. Claire specifically asked about you. I'm guessing she might need your help with something. If I can help her, I think you should too. She's your niece after all."
"Niece," Ron muttered under his breath.
Since Ron agreed so readily, Mary didn't press the point. "By the way, don't bring Sheldon."
"Don't worry, Sheldon wouldn't go even if you begged him. He hates being around kids, let alone three of them. Anything else you want me to tell her?" Ron asked.
If there wasn't anything specific, he should think about what gift to bring. It wouldn't be cool to show up at someone's house empty-handed for the first time. Ron wasn't a social disaster like Sheldon.
Come to think of it, Ron actually felt a bit envious of Sheldon. He only had to live in his own little world, with everyone around him taking care of him. If he could live such a life, it seemed pretty sweet.
"By the way, Jay remarried a new wife, only in her twenties, with a kid. Don't forget to bring a gift for that little girl," Mary continued. "A man in his fifties actually married a woman in her twenties. Can you imagine such a thing, George?"
"It's absolutely scandalous!" Poor George quickly agreed, but for some reason Ron clearly heard him mutter: "Lucky bastard."
"That's normal. Uncle Jay runs a successful business, which is very attractive to young women. Dad can't pull that off. He's just a high school football coach with maybe $200 in spending money each month. He doesn't stand a chance."
"Okay, let's not go there. Anyway, just don't forget to bring a gift for the new little girl. Let me think about the rest," Mary pondered for a moment.
"Oh, by the way, it's best not to bring up topics like homosexuality around him. You know, Mitchell has been a little... different since he was a child. I heard he's living with another man now. Oh my Lord, they're definitely going to hell when they die."
"Mary, I keep telling you, you can't say stuff like that about gay people anymore. It's called being politically correct," George reminded her quietly.
(End of chapter)
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