Chapter 142: On Sheldon's Reproduction Method
"I'm back, my dear little brother! Did you miss your beloved big brother?"
After spending a blissful vacation in Hawaii, Ron finally returned home, but the moment he opened the door, he sensed something was off.
Raj, Penny, Howard, and Leonard were sitting in a neat row on the couch, all staring toward the kitchen with expressions of fascination. In the kitchen, Sheldon stood with an unfamiliar young woman.
The woman's eyes were full of adoration.
Penny shoved Raj aside, made room next to her, and patted the cushion: "The good seats are over here."
"Sorry, I haven't figured out what's happening yet. What's the situation?"
Ron was confused. Could it be that Sheldon, that perpetual bachelor, was finally going to bloom?
"That's Ramona, a graduate student at the university. She's apparently a huge fan of Sheldon," Leonard kindly explained to Ron. "Sheldon accepted her dinner invitation."
"Well, that's progress at least," Ron nodded. "I just hope she brought takeout containers."
"Sorry I'm late. I was rushing to review the draft of your latest paper," Ramona said to Sheldon as she unpacked some food. Unfortunately, there were no takeout containers as Ron had hoped.
Sheldon continued ignoring the audience on the couch. "Did you appreciate my footnote describing mirror symmetry as a metaphor for photons playing tennis with themselves?"
"That's absolutely brilliant!" Ramona practically vibrated with excitement. "I have to say, the possibility of you incorporating gravity into this framework is incredibly thrilling."
Sheldon said proudly, "That's exactly what my hypothesis predicts."
"Okay, I know this is probably a dumb question, but can someone explain what 'mirror symmetry' actually means?" Ron was completely lost in their technical jargon.
"Uh... why don't you just keep watching?" Leonard didn't know how to respond.
"Well, I majored in criminal justice in college," Ron shrugged casually. Understanding wasn't the point—the entertainment was what mattered.
"Sorry, I didn't bring enough food for your friends," Ramona addressed the couch audience. "I thought it would just be the two of us."
Her tone and body language clearly indicated she wanted them gone.
Ron facepalmed. No wonder this woman was attracted to Sheldon—she was just as socially oblivious.
"We were just heading out," Leonard said awkwardly, trying to defuse the tension. "To the movies, right?"
"Yeah, showtime's coming up, isn't it, Raj?" Howard winked at Raj while subtly helping Penny.
"No, you guys go ahead. I'll watch a little longer. I promise I won't make a sound," Penny begged, like a kid who's been told it's bedtime but wants to watch just one more TV show.
Ron had already reached the door and raised an eyebrow at Sheldon. "Have fun, little brother!"
He didn't want to interfere with such a momentous occasion as the Cooper family lineage continuation. If Sheldon could actually produce offspring, wouldn't that take the marriage pressure off Ron from their mother Mary?
"Look, guys, I know this isn't my business, but I have to ask—what exactly is Sheldon's sexual orientation?" Penny asked once they were outside.
"What do you mean by sexual orientation?" Leonard was always precise when it came to scientific terminology.
Penny gestured vaguely. "You know, his preferences. Women? Men? Maybe one of those realistic dolls or something?"
"A realistic doll is actually a possibility?" Ron stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Leonard, who's Sheldon's favorite female superhero? As his big brother, I could get one custom-made for him as pre-relationship practice."
Ron knew, naturally, that Sheldon would eventually marry someone just as eccentric as himself, but after his time travel experience, who could say his brother's orientation might not have shifted?
"Honestly, our working theory is that he's completely asexual."
"Come on, everyone has some kind of orientation."
"Maybe not Sheldon." Howard glanced at Ron, saw he wasn't about to get punched, and spoke boldly. "Over the years, we've developed several theories about how Sheldon's species actually reproduces."
"Really?" Ron had to admit he was entertained by these scientists. "So what do you geniuses theorize?"
"I'm a proponent of mitosis," Howard announced confidently. "I believe that someday, when Sheldon consumes enough spicy food, he'll simply split in two like a single-celled organism."
Ron listened with genuine interest while Penny looked horrified.
"Alternatively," Leonard chimed in with his own hypothesis, "I think Sheldon is in the larval stage of his species. Eventually, he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with wings and an exoskeleton."
"Interesting theory, but first he'd probably have to completely devour you, leaving nothing but bones," Ron agreed seriously.
"Why?"
"Because metamorphosis requires enormous energy expenditure. Some insects consume their mates before evolving or reproducing. The praying mantis is a classic example."
Ron spoke so earnestly he almost convinced himself. "Don't you think Sheldon resembles a praying mantis? Maybe they're related species."
"Ron, you actually know entomology!" Howard exclaimed admiringly.
Ron waved modestly, "Not really. I just happened to watch a Discovery Channel documentary."
"Discovery Channel?"
"Uh, don't worry about the specifics," Ron said quickly, pointing at Raj. "Your turn, Silent Bob. What's your theory?"
"Okay, I don't want to hear anymore," Penny said, turning to leave. "Thanks for the nightmares, guys."
"Hey, you coming with us?"
Leonard was already in full puppy-dog mode.
"Ron, are you joining us?" Both Penny and Leonard looked at him expectantly.
Penny naturally wanted to spend time with Ron and enjoy the view. Yes, you heard correctly—men can be eye candy too, especially those with Ron's chest, biceps, and abs that could win bodybuilding competitions.
Leonard's motivation was simpler. He just wanted more time with his crush. Poor guy.
"Sure, I don't have much else going on anyway, but you better make the evening plans interesting. Generic activities won't hold my attention."
Ron shrugged and decided to give Leonard a chance.
It seemed like he was challenging Leonard to plan engaging activities, but actually he was screening date options for him. When the time came, he'd make an early exit.
(End of chapter)
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