His eyes roamed out the window, and he saw the villagers all in a hectic mood. His heart sank, and his breath came out rapidly. He thought, "They're looking for him! They don't know what's come of him. I… I have to at least make sure his body comes home."
He walked out to see his father.
He knocked on his father's office and walked in.
His father was a stern-faced man with a bushy black beard. His hair was disheveled and oily, and his face gaunt and tired.
He was writing something intensely, and then looked up to see Hajun. He then looked back at his paper and asked, "Yes?"
Hajun struggled to word it, to bear witness to his father's horror and disgust.
He, however, felt compelled and said, "Father… Today, Gaurim and I were walking together, and then he ran into the forest… I didn't see it, but I heard it. I heard his screams and the tigers' roars. Father he was attacked by that tiger, and he was probably killed. It's all my fault. I left him behind; I didn't run to help him. I know I am scum, but at least let me help find him. That is all I, a worthless friend and a horrible man, can do."
Hajun's father stared at Hajun with shock, and then slowly stood up.
He went behind Hajun and closed the door.
`He asked, "Are you alright?"
Hajun nodded, "I am."
He lowered his head in shame and thought, "Of course, father is disappointed. I lacked the courage to save a friend; I'm a lowly coward without any manly spirit. I ought to be spat on and scorned, even by my blood. I know, but it's bitter to know none can ever forgive me. It's hard to know my legacy is that of a coward."
Hajun's father grabbed Hajun's shoulders and said, "Good. You did a good job."
Hajun turned around and saw Hajun's father sobbing. He exclaimed, "Father?"
Hajun's father said, "The idea that you nearly died is too frightening an idea. Although I feel bad for Gaurim, I am glad you are still alive. Perhaps I am a bad man for saying that, but I am glad my son is alive."
Hajun turned around and embraced his father and said, "Father!"
Hajun's father patted Hajun's head and said, "You must have been so scared. It's okay, it's okay. I only ask you to return to me. My son, to come back home safely, is all I wish. I don't ask anything else from Heaven, from the Demon God."
Hajun said, "I… Thank you, father."
Hajun's father, "However, never speak a word about Gaurim. Do not let anyone know you were there."
Hajun stopped in place, those words echoing in his head.
He tried to pull away, but his father tightly kept him close. His father then said, "Hajun, this world is not a kind place. They do not consider the reality of the situation. They hear words and don't have the sense to consider them deeply. You were faced with a choice: live or die. You chose to live, just as anyone else would. However, you will not be praised for this intelligence; they will scorn you, they will insult you for doing what is natural. I will not allow you to destroy your future for an inch of sympathy towards a corpse. Let that boy's bones be eaten by the beasts of the forest."
He continued, "Hajun, if life were simple, perhaps this would not be a question. However, this is the real world, the world of the living. We cannot expect to do great and good things carelessly, and we cannot concern ourselves with the dead. We must live with thought and focus. I'm sure your friend would want that too."
Hajun said, "Father… He's my friend! I abandoned him! At least this… At least this I must do! How little must I be to ignore him even this decency! He could even be alive!"
Hajun's father, though, said coldly, "Let's hope he's dead. If he's alive, you won't earn anything good. Listen, Hajun, you don't owe anyone anything. Kindness is not a requirement, especially for these villagers. They have always treated us unfairly, trying to pull us down, because they are greedy, because they are blind, and because they are angry! Where was their kindness when your mother was sick? They all just thought of how to rob us when we raced from home to home for herbs for a decoction! Sure, the harvest that season might have been hard, but it was a human life at stake then, too! Yet, they abandoned your mother; they abandoned us. Why bother about those lowly people? Just focus on yourself, finding a powerful position, finding a good wife, and having children. Do not care about something so fickle and temporary as morality and justice."
Hajun stopped his struggle and fell into his father's warm embrace. His eyes stared outwards. His heart was silenced by the rampage of shame and contemplation.
Within, he also felt a deep discomfort, and thought, "My father, whom I've always admired… He's so human, and so selfish. I am so happy, but so disgusted too. I… Can I just let it go? What does that make me then? A loser? A hideous and ugly monster? A human? Everything I have believed is all being torn apart. Yet, who can I blame? It is neither Heaven nor Man! It is I, it is me who is destroying all my philosophies and beliefs!"
He began to weep, the agony filling his head twisting until he lost consciousness, turning limp in his father's embrace.
Hajun's father said, "Sleep. Sleep. It'll all be better when you awake. I'll ensure that."