After Han Ji's departure to the North, Yunxi had thrown himself into visiting places across the Empire that he had never been to before. He told himself it was to explore, to learn, to breathe, but deep down, it was simply to forget. Forget the warmth in those cold eyes, the way that man's shadow lingered behind his thoughts no matter where he went.
He woke up before dawn each day, disappearing before anyone could question him, and only returned deep into the night when the lamps had already gone out. His mother, worried at first, had eventually ordered the servants to let him do as he pleased. Though they were to keep watch from afar. Yunxi didn't mind. It was easier that way. As long as they didn't interfere, he could pretend he was free.
He wandered through old towns, narrow paths, ruined temples, even the lonely mountains that stretched far beyond the palace walls. They were places where no one called his name, no one looked at him with pity, and no one reminded him of what he had lost.
It was during one of these lonely wanderings that he encountered Nim again. The person he hadn't seen for months. Their last meeting had ended bitterly, filled with words neither could take back. So when Yunxi saw him, a familiar surge of guilt crawled up his chest. He hid before the other could notice, pressing himself against the wall, his breath quick and shallow. Seeing that face again hurt more than he expected. Past voices and acts replayed in his head like echoes
"He....he was....he forced me...I.."
_____Before
Crown Prince Han Ji had learned that Yunxi had been spending time with the Doctor's son, a boy named Nim Si. At first, he ignored it. Yunxi was free, after all. He had the right to talk to anyone he wished. Han Ji told himself that again and again. But the thought still lingered, sharp, bitter, and unwanted. He hated the way the image of Yunxi smiling beside someone else twisted in his heart.
He never said a word of it aloud. His disapproval stayed buried in silence, festering like a hidden wound.
Then came the rainy day, that one miserable day. Yunxi had told his mother he was meeting a friend, and she had believed him. She assumed that "friend" was the Crown Prince himself, otherwise, she would never have let him go that far.
That same day, Han Ji arrived as usual to visit, only to find the boy's absence. When he learned that Yunxi had left the city, unease flickered through him. Without waiting for a proper explanation, he mounted his horse and rode through the storm, his cloak soaked, his jaw tight with a feeling he refused to name.
The Doctor's residence was a small, clean establishment . Simple but respectable, with a neat side house beside the main hospital. Han Ji ignored the startled servants who tried to greet him and headed straight for the side building. He remembered it, he had seen Yunxi slip inside once before when escorted him here.
"Hey, wait!" Yunxi's voice echoed faintly from behind a closed door.
"Ar Xi!" another voice followed, rough and breathless.
"I don't want to. Please." Yunxi's voice trembled, pleading.
Han Ji's hands clenched around the door handle until his knuckles turned white. Something inside him snapped. He threw the door open.
The sight before him blurred in his rage. That perverted boy had Yunxi pinned down, his trembling hands trying to push him away. Whatever the truth was, Han Ji didn't care. All reason left him.
"What in the seven hells—!"
His voice thundered through the room.
...
After that day, and after the Crown Prince's eventual departure, Yunxi found himself more alone than ever. He was scared to go back to Nim si. There was no one of his age left whom he could truly talk to. The palace had grown silent, the streets emptier, the air heavier.
Only Nim Si remained, right? He could just swallow whatever and apologise.
.....
"What keeps you wandering around the mountains?" Nim Si asked as the two sat beneath the fading sun.
"Do you like stars?" Yunxi replied suddenly, turning his head.
Nim blinked. "Stars? Why?"
"Come with me," Yunxi said quietly. "They're clearer up there. Closer too, when you're at the peak."
"Umm, What is?" Nim asked, lost.
Yunxi looked him up and down with mild irritation. "You really don't listen, do you?" he muttered.
"Hey, what's clear?" Nim began, but Yunxi had already turned away, his cloak fluttering as he started up the path.
"Stars," Yunxi called back over his shoulder, his voice softer this time. "I'm talking about stars."
Nim tilted his head. For someone who looked so calm, Yunxi carried an unspoken storm in his eyes. Nim never asked what he was truly chasing on those mountains. Perhaps even Yunxi didn't know anymore.
---
Present
"I tried to be my best self," Yunxi said quietly. "I tried… I really did."
His voice wavered. Tears welled up in his eyes, glimmering in the faint candlelight.
Han Ji said nothing. He only stared at the trembling boy before him. Once, Yunxi had been his friend, bright, curious, endlessly loyal. Someone he'd never imagined would drift away from him. But now, the boy standing before him looked like a stranger. The light that had once shone in him was gone.
Han Ji's chest tightened with a strange ache. He told himself he didn't care, but even with that lie, he still felt remorse clawing deep inside.
"Is that such a big crime?" Yunxi continued, lowering his head.
Han Ji's eyes hardened. "You left the palace for a few days," he said coldly. "You could have done only that. But apparently, it was too hard for you to keep your wickedness buried even for a moment." He paused, then reached out, lifting Yunxi's chin with a smooth, almost tender touch that belied the storm in his gaze.
"How did you feel?" he asked.
Yunxi blinked in confusion. "Feel? About what?"
Han Ji's voice dropped, low and cutting. "How did you feel when you held a knife… and scratched words onto someone's bare skin? How did you feel when he begged… Did he.....beg?"
Yunxi's expression twisted in shock. His lips parted, but no sound came out. His brows furrowed repeatedly. He truly had no idea what the man was talking about.
Before he could form a response, Han Ji's gentleness shattered. He grabbed Yunxi harshly, his voice rising.
"Don't you dare play games with me."
He flung Yunxi to the ground. The boy stumbled, his knees scraping against the floor. His cheek burned red from the rough grip that had struck him moments before.
Han Ji's breathing came heavy and uneven. Slowly, he crouched down and seized Yunxi by the hair, forcing his head up until their faces were inches apart. Their breaths mingled, warm against the chill in the room.
"If I ask you a question," Han Ji said gritting his teeth, "and you play dumb again…" He paused, tightening his grip until Yunxi winced.
"I will...You have no idea… how serious this is."
Then he yanked him backward, the force enough to make Yunxi gasp.
Yunxi didn't resist. He didn't argue. He stayed there, quiet, trembling, his thoughts scattered.
There was no point in reasoning with a man who had already decided what to believe.