Chapter 6: Just a Taste! The 'Perfect' Fruit & Enter the Storm!
Jiji ordered me to report immediately in a commanding voice and I could finally see him as the 3rd Hokage rather than the slightly perverted, but wise, old, Sandaime-jiji.
I gave a fairly comprehensive, yet truncated description of my encounter with his former student while staring at Anko's battle underwear, very literally the underwear she wore to battle her former sensei…gives new meaning to lace thongs being 'dangerous'.
Although Jiji wanted me to go into more depth about my battle with Orochimaru he did not have the time for a full report, and was forced to leave to join in the pursuit of the snake, lest the Sannin escape.
Vanishing in a blur of speed, only his voice was left behind, ordering me to rejoin my teammates and prepare myself for a more thorough debriefing before the start of the next test.
"Well…so much about today sucked." I breathed out a wistful sigh as I strained my eyes to try to make out more of Anko's sacred garden. Attempting to see beyond the shadows her skirt cast, past the obstruction of her mesh shorts, and finally through the enticing, black lace of her panties.
"I can see why you hate the guy so much, he's totally unreasonable in so many ways. I call hax. A stupid amount of hax, and this is coming from me who is the King of Hax." I couldn't muster the will to move as I had such a nice view and despite the accelerated healing that came from channeling Kurama's chakra, my stomach still hurt from having a fucking hand shoved into it!
Anko didn't respond for a moment before she suddenly decided that my chest was a perfectly good seat and straddled it. I was torn on whether to curse her or thank her as her weight settling on me hurt like a mother, or to sing hymns of praise as her choice of seat brought her crotch right in front of my face. Hence giving me an even better and less obstructed view.
Give me a break, I'm a hormonal teenager, for the second time, and I just battled a Sannin here, you know.
"Not that I really mind having you give me a show, but could you be a bit more gentle? I mean I did just fight off your old sensei and all that. Having a hand shoved into your guts hurts, even for me, you know?" I couldn't help but complain playfully. "But what are you doing here with me? Shouldn't you be out there chasing down that Pedo-Snake?"
"Hey Naruto." The serious, almost meek, and totally sincere tone to her voice had me immediately tearing my gaze from her groin and refocusing on her glistening eyes.
She couldn't be fighting back tears…could she? Not Anko, certainly not. However no matter my denials and surprise, the glossy layer of unshed tears did not leave her milk chocolate eyes as they stared at me.
"I…I'm really glad that you're okay. I was so worried when your clone told me what was happening. I-I don't know what I would do if…if…" She trailed off there with a slight sniffle.
This time there was no denying that the gleaming trails of liquid on her cheeks were tears. So with a sigh I hefted myself into a sitting position and pulled Anko into my chest, wrapping her up in my arms.
It was at this moment that I was especially glad for my recent growth, as I could almost completely envelop her in my embrace. "Shhhh, it's okay. I'm fine, everything will be alright." I soothed her with gentle caresses of her hair.
"He's taken so much from me. And I finally found something good, something he hadn't tainted, that he hadn't touched, and then he tried to take that from me too." She sniffled and buried her face into my neck, rubbing it from side to side.
"He was trying to take you from me! I was so scared and so angry that I left even before the ANBU and the Hokage. I just had to get to you as soon as possible. I had to help you. I can't lose you too. I don't think I would be able to take it, especially if it was him who took you from me."
I couldn't help but take a big breath at that. There it was, she as much as came out and told me that she had feelings for me, deep feelings.
Whether that was as family or as a man I couldn't determine from her words and despite her provocative actions I couldn't simply assume it was the latter as she would probably act the same in the case of the former.
That was just the kind of fucked up person Mitarashi Anko was.
"Hey. I'm all right. I fought him off and held out until you could get here. Hell, I didn't even let him give me a hicky! I almost killed him this time and I've got his measure now. The next time we meet I'll be even stronger and I won't let him get away. Then we won't have to worry about him ever again." I tightened my grip to help reassure the woman in my arms.
Never would I imagine Anko reacting like this. Raging, making death threats, laughing, and cursing would have been my bet. This Anko didn't seem like the murderous and crazy kunoichi I had come to know. This Anko seemed fully sane, scared, and vulnerable.
"Yeah…yeah I know you will Naruto. You wouldn't be my Blondie-kun if you didn't." I could hear a hint of a smile return to her voice.
"Just…just promise me that you won't leave me. Don't go dying on me and leaving me alone again, okay?" Anko raised her face and leaned back to look up at me, her face intimately close to mine.
I swallowed thickly and had to fight the strong urge to kiss her and take her right there. Despite the ANBU I could sense all around us, damned hormones.
I had no intention of dying anytime soon, especially at the hands of Orochi-Pedo, and despite how crazy she normally was I had come to truly care for Anko, so it took no thought at all the nod my head in agreement.
"Of course. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future S-Rank Ninja, future Hokage of the Leaf, and the Golden Storm after all-ttebayo!" I cheered before my face blushed crimson and I clapped a hand to my mouth in horror.
"…" Anko's eyes widened comically until they were the size of balloons before her face began to turn red and she started to tremble. "BUAHAHAHAHAAAAA! What was that!?" She howled with laughter as she fell against me and beat my chest hysterically.
"Shut up, it's a verbal tick that I had for a long time, I've almost gotten rid of it!" I considered for a moment before adding something more personal to take advantage of the unintentional mood break. "I think I got it from my mother, for some reason I just have a feeling that she had one as well."
"Ahhhhh that was great! Do it again Blondie-kun-ttebayo! It's such a cute verbal tick-ttebayo!" Anko cackled as she mocked me mercilessly. I just knew that I would not hear the end of this if I didn't retaliate quickly.
"At least I wasn't the one crying." I raised an eyebrow and eye-smiled condescendingly at her. "Maybe I should tell everyone about how I'm so important to you that you cried when you found out I was saf-" I was cut off from my teasing by a kunai pressed against my throat.
"Mention that to anyone and you'll wish you had died!" The crazy was back in her eyes and Anko had returned to being Konoha's Snake-bitch with a vengeance.
A seal-less Kawarimi later and she was sitting on a log. All hail The Log, for The Log provides!
"Sure, sure. Of course the big, bad Snake-Bitch doesn't care about me and she didn't cry after finding out I was safe after fighting a S-Rank Missing-Nin. She especially didn't make me promise not to die and leave her alone." I said with perfectly affected nonchalance and disinterest as I waved a hand about vaguely.
A dark aura rose around the Tokubetsu Jonin as she smiled a dangerous smile.
"Oh! Look at the time! I have to catch up to my teammates and complete the task, sorry Anko-chan, see you later. Got to go!" So saying I bravely charged ahead to meet up with my team, I was most certainly not fleeing.
It was a tactical retreat at worst.
I had fought Orochimaru head on, there was no way I was scared of a woman weaker than me.
Totally.
Meeting up with my team was surprisingly easier than expected. A quick shadow clone and pop, and the subsequent pop of one of the clones I sent with my team and I was on my way.
The entire battle with Orochimaru from the time I left my team till I left Anko had only taken roughly 20 minutes total. So I was able to catch up fairly easily and quickly due to the difference in our respective speeds, me being much faster and more awesome.
Obviously.
Sasuke still threw shuriken at me despite my clones assuring them that I was the real me, me giving the 'fake' password, 'Bakakashi sends his regards' and the chakra recognition seal clearly stating that I was the real me. He excused it with the reasoning that it couldn't hurt to be too careful.
Prick.
I glossed over the fight as quickly and vaguely as possible, and emphasized the arrival of the ANBU as the deciding factor of my survival and relatively unharmed condition despite my earlier assertion about the enemy Nin's strength.
Although they were skeptical Sasuke and Sakura seemed to accept my explanation, after all the reputation of the ANBU forces was nearly mythical in the village.
We reached the tower without incident, most teams were far too busy dealing with the traps my clones and I had rigged throughout the forest to fight anyone as they tried to simply survive and reach the tower within the time limit.
Even with Orochimaru causing a slight delay, we were still the first team to reach the tower, within 80 minutes, and finish. Not to brag, but the Sand Siblings took 97 minutes to do the same in canon, yeah I'm pretty badass.
Taking the two scrolls from the seal on my chest I crossed them and threw them on the ground where they released an explosion of smoke that cleared away to reveal Iruka-sensei.
A small, boring speech about how proud he was of us and how he wished us the best of luck for the remainder of the exams later and we were finally able to shower, change clothes, and eat before falling into the beds provided in our personal rooms.
We had several days remaining before this part of the test would officially end, so we could take the opportunity to relax and get a bit of training in if we desired. For now I would sleep, tomorrow my clones and I would be busy.
The short few days passed as teams trickled in. I didn't see anyone besides at meals, outside our respective rooms, and occasionally during my physical training.
The first group that arrived after us was the team from Suna. Apparently they arrived not long after we did, completing the exam in 180 minutes or 3 hours, thanks to my traps.
My team and I were eating the day after we arrived when we first encountered them, and I simply waved with an eye-smile and a "Yo" towards Tamari before returning to my meal. I mysteriously made vanish into my mouth without removing my mask, just like Kakashi, much to Sakura's bewilderment.
"You guys got here fast!" The sand kunoichi exclaimed as she made her way over after glancing warily at Gaara. The homicidal ginger was staring intently at me without blinking.
"Mah mah, we would have been here faster but had to deal with an unexpected issue. Still I suppose it wasn't a bad time. You did pretty well yourselves, second place after us!" I complimented her and her brothers while also unsubtly praising my own team as better than them.
"Hn. It's to be expected from an elite, any less would shame the name Uchiha." Sasuke smirked.
I nearly face palmed at the sheer arrogance of this dude. He didn't even do anything, it was all my clones and me.
Ignoring the 'elite' I smiled at Tamari again and continued our conversation for a few minutes before a spike of bloodlust caused it to crash to a halt.
"Uzumaki Naruto, you are strong." Gaara said as he glared at and moved closer towards me.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?" I couldn't help but to snark back at him, rotating my hand as if to say 'get to the point'.
"Mother wants your blood! I will kill you and feed your blood to Mother, and your death will prove my existence!" He screamed with wild eyes, a maniacal smile, and spittle flying from his mouth.
"Okay where to begin?" I struck a thinking pose, completely unfazed by the unhinged psychopath in front of me, threatening my life. "First that's not your 'Mother', that's Shukaku the tailed beast sealed inside you."
Tamari and Kankuro both went wide-eyed and gasped, but I continued over them without letting anyone else react further.
"Second you're not strong enough to kill me or feed my blood to SHU-KA-KU. Lastly, my death wouldn't prove your existence even if by some miracle you did kill me. It would only leave you just as hollow as you are now and you'd be forced to try and kill someone else. Only by cherishing and protecting those close to and important to you will that hollowness be filled." I completed my sermon for the day and stood before leaving an apoplectic Jinchuriki and his dumbfounded siblings behind me.
I avoided interacting with others outside of what was necessary after that in order to focus on my training. I was putting the finishing touches on some techniques and Jutsu I was working on and I eventually gave my detailed report to Jiji.
Unsurprisingly, to me at least, the Snake Sennin had gotten away in the end, but amazingly, also to me, Jiji had managed to injure him even more before the bastard made his escape.
I guess I hurt him more than I thought, that or Jiji had been practicing more often recently.
Finally came the day of the time limit, the day of the preliminary exam.
It seemed certain things really were destined to occur, as those that arrived at this stage were exactly the same as in canon. Which was really disappointing after I spent all that time laying traps.
Granted everyone besides the Suna-nin and my team had apparently faired far worse than in canon. Even Kabuto was disheveled and relatively low on chakra for a Jonin caliber shinobi. Not even mentioning the battered and clearly dead on their feet Oto-nin/Rookie 9.
Hiruzen gave his speech on the true purpose of the exams and we were sent up to the viewing balcony as Hayate Gekko took over the examination.
"Sasuke-kun! Naru-kun~!" A blonde, purple clad, missile impacted my back as my team arrived up on the ledge after the boring speech Jiji gave. Well to be fair it was very dramatic and impactful the first time, but I had watched that scene quite a few times in my past life.
The missile was obviously Ino, and she had apparently decided that I was due to be glomped as she refused to move and insisted that I should carry her.
I gave in with a put upon sigh as I felt killing intent directed at the girl on my back from a certain Tokubetsu Jonin standing beside Jiji.
"Hmm? Naru-kun, why is the examiner for the second task glaring at me like that? Could it be that she's jealous that I'm so close with my Naru-kun?" Ino asked in faux ignorance and shock, knowing about my odd relationship with Anko, as she pressed herself closer to me and smirked at Anko before sticking out her tongue.
Anko replied by sticking out her tongue and extending it almost 2 feet into the air. Who said she wasn't exceedingly mature for a woman her age and position?
However it was a direct hit as Ino immediately gasped and whipped her head around to look at me. "SHE TAUGHT YOU THE TONGUE THING!?"
"OW!" I clapped a hand to my ringing ear and glared at Ino over my shoulder. "No more banshee shrieks, I thought we had been over this!"
"Sorry, I was just surprised…is all. Besides a woman like her taught you that technique and that means..." Ino bashfully tapered off.
"Yeah Anko and I are pretty close, I spend quite a bit of time around her. Is there a problem with that or a reason I shouldn't?" I asked out of honest curiosity and a slight desire to tease my fellow blonde. I was sure that she was still stuck on Sasuke at this point, and we were 13, so I wasn't really thinking much about her strange reaction.
"No! Nothing like that, just that she seems…I don't know, kind of off. Hmph." My temporary barnacle replied with all the offended dignity that she could muster.
"Well…all right then." I scratched the back of my head and decided to ignore the situation, there were more important things at the moment and girls liking me would only really matter to me once I (and the girls) were at least of Shippuden age.
Things initially proceeded as expected with Kabuto retiring, and then Sasuke absolutely destroyed his chakra-absorbing opponent, as he didn't have the cursed seal affecting him.
Shino blew up Zaku's arms, which was disturbing to see in person. Kankuro killed his opponent with Karasu, also a slightly gruesome sight.
However when the time for Sakura and Ino to fight came, things were drastically different from the anime/manga. No longer were the girls barely better than civilians, now they were proficient Genin in their own right.
Despite that, most of the fight was through basic, utility Jutsu and Taijutsu. Once again Inner Sakura helped my pink haired teammate to throw off Ino's family, body transfer-Jutsu, but it wasn't enough to save her as her opponent simply had a more solid foundation than her. Which was definitely due to Ino's training with the bushy-brows and me.
So in a surprising change, Ino moved on to the finals.
Finally Ino came running back up and alternated between attempting to get Sasuke to praise her and wondering whom my opponent would be and how badly I would beat them. After watching Temari's slightly more difficult fight against Tenten and Shikamaru out think and position Kin, as before, it was my turn.
Uzumaki Naruto vs. Inuzuka Kiba.
"Haha! It's our time to shine boy! We got lucky, we got the Dobe so it'll be an easy win!" Seemingly forgetting that I had put him on the floor with only my killing intent, and easily dispatched an Oto-Nin while doing so, Kiba ran his mouth.
I simply looked at him to check if he was serious and then face palmed. "He really can't be this stupid…can he? Please tell me he's joking? Someone. Anyone?" I raised my voice at the end in desperation to disprove the fact that Kiba had to have a severe learning disability.
"What? You scared Dobe? I mean fighting a REAL ninja like me might be too much for a moron like you, but I promise I won't beat you down too hard!" The dog barked at me, not seeming to realize it was barking at a tiger.
Akamaru on the other hand whined and hid behind Kiba while shaking his head in denial of his human's idiocy.
"Fine. FINE! Let's just get this over with. Kami I can't believe someone this thick and narcissistic actually exists!" I threw my hand up into the air and Shunshin-ed down into the ring.
I could hear Anko's bellowing laughter as Gekko tried to maintain his composure and cover his own laughs with coughs. Even Hiruzen was struggling to maintain a straight face as the difference in strength between Kiba and myself was readily apparent to anyone of Chunin caliber, or above.
And it was certainly not in his favor.
As soon as Gekko said "Begin!" I quickly reach back into my shuriken pouch and whipped out…my book!
Then I squatted down and began to read the little green book.
Obviously it was a book on sealing and not Icha Icha, but the resemblance to Kakashi still had every Jonin-sensei present turning to look back and forth between me, reading my book as I squatted, and my sensei, reading his book as he leaned against the balcony railing.
"What. Have. You. Done." Ground out an unreasonably furious Kurenai, obviously able to tell that Kiba was outclassed and not happy about it, but even more upset that a 'second Kakashi' had appeared.
"YOSH! I must agree with Yuhi-san, it is most UNYOUTHFUL to not face an opponent with your full attention and strength. The Naruto-kun I know would not do such a disrespectful thing. What have you to say about this my eternal rival?" Gai chimed in with his two…ryu? Saying cents wouldn't make sense in this world, ha!
"Hmm? The two of you say something?" Was Kakashi's response as he glanced up from his smut, I mean book. "Oh look, my favorite student is fighting. Oh. Oh no. It looks like your student did a good job of ticking Naruto off Kurenai, I'd recommend you tell him to give up before he gets hurt and humiliated." With that the Cyclops went back to reading and let out a perverted giggle. "Oh Yukino-chan, you minx!"
"What…you-you're…reading?" Kiba was so astonished that he couldn't process what he was seeing.
"Hmm? You say something dog-boy?" I looked up and eye-smiled before going back to reading.
"You're not even taking this seriously! Fine I'll beat it into you what a real shinobi is like, let's go Akamaru!" Kiba flipped a pill to Akamaru who swallowed it while letting out a whimper of protest that was ignored. Then there were two Kiba's standing before me.
"Man-Beast Ultimate Taijutsu: Fang Over Fang"
Twin cyclones came barreling towards me at high speeds, well, high speeds for a high Genin or low Chunin. Without looking up from my book I simply waited and at the last moment I turned my body slightly, tucked my book back against my wrist and formed two half tiger seals with each hand.
Kakashi's eyes popped wide with shock as he let out an involuntary noise. "That-!"
My eyes flashed as my voice rang out, pregnant with power. "Leaf Village Secret Finger Jutsu Uzumaki Style: Two Thousand Years of Death" I then drove my fingers forward with speed surpassing that of the cyclones.
Immediately the cyclones were dispelled and the sight of two Kibas impaled upon my extended fingers was seen as if frozen in time.
Then as if the moment had occurred just to make sure that everyone could see his humiliation the Inuzuka and his partner were sent flying forward into the wall, screaming in pain and humiliation all the way, where they created identical craters before falling to the ground where they lay twitching.
I causally pulled out a water bottle and some soap from a seal and rinsed my hands before beginning to read my book again as I moseyed up to the twitching heaps and sat on Kiba with a peace sign.
Winner Uzumaki Naruto.
I ignored the stares, reproaching and otherwise as I returned to my spot by my team with a quick Shunshin.
"C-congrats Naruto." Sakura congratulated me in a slightly hesitant manner. I rewarded her with an eye-smile. I wonder why it didn't seem to reassure her.
"Hn." No, really, you don't need to be so effusive with your praise Sasuke. Please think about your stoic and broody image!
"Good job. I like that technique, where did you learn it?" Kakashi asked mildly, but was internally filled with curiosity.
"Oh, I picked it up somewhere or another." I replied equally as mildly. "Maybe the Sharingan isn't the only way to copy techniques." I eye-smiled at him innocently. Game on Cyclops, you don't know who you're dealing with.
Why was I being passive-aggressive to Kakashi? Because I knew that he would be leaving me without a trainer, although I technically didn't really need one.
That was beside the point! He was my sensei and I knew that he would be leaving without setting up anyone to help me out.
Watching Hinata duke it out with Neji was a sight, the surprise the so-called 'genius' had when she could keep up with him was hilarious. Unfortunately my little, white-eyed Hime hadn't developed enough to deal with her jerk cousin yet and ended up losing. Thankfully without a Juken strike to her heart.
I'm not sure I could have prevented myself from killing the fate-obsessed prick otherwise.
Then it was time for the Penultimate fight, Gaara vs. Lee.
"Gai-sensei." I called out to my Taijutsu sensei.
"Ah! Naruto-kun, CONGRATULATIONS on you victory! However you won in a most UNYOUTHFUL manner, I will have to climb the Hokage Monument 10 times with only my teeth to repent my failure as your teacher! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT-" The ever exuberant Jonin began before I cut him off.
In a serious tone, looking him straight in the eye I spelled out the situation as best as I could without giving away the fact that I knew things that I shouldn't. "Gai-sensei. You need to let Lee fight without his weights from the beginning and give him permission to use it."
The Taijutsu master's face sobered immediately as he stared at me seriously. "Why do you say such a thing Naruto-kun? You know the potential repercussions of using it."
I nodded stiffly and maintained eye contact to express the firmness of my belief and my certainty in my reading of the situation. "Because he's going against a psychotic Jinchuriki that kills to 'prove his existence'."
Gai's eyes flashed wide before he whipped around and bellowed down to his mini-me. "Lee, take them off! Go full force from the beginning and if you must then you have my permission to use it! Let your FLAMES OF YOUTH explode!"
Lee's eyes also widened to impressive size before he snapped into a salute. "Hai! Gai-sensei!" He then stepped back and unstrapped his weights, holding them in the air.
"Hmph, really now, how much difference can a few measly pounds make?" Temari asked, sounding ignorant and condescending.
"A few pounds? Not much, maybe enough to provide a slight edge." I replied lazily. Then I waved to indicate Lee as he threw his weights behind him. "That many pounds? A big difference."
The weights crashed into the floor and created craters and dust clouds that rose into the air.
Temari's jaw dropped to the floor. I mean literally to the floor. I mean I could crawl through her mouth easily.
Sometimes I forget I'm living in a manga/anime world, then weird shit like this happens and it's kind of hard to take things seriously.
"Gai-sensei." I grabbed the spandex clad man's attention one last time before the match began. "If at anytime Lee is caught in the sand…end the fight and rescue him. It won't end well if you hesitate in order to spare his pride."
A hesitant nod was all I received as confirmation that he had heard my warning. I could only hope that he would heed it.
Lee was even stronger now than he would have been in canon and he was pretty ridiculous then, not to mention that he was going full out from the start.
This let him kick the ever loving shit out of Suna's Jinchuriki, but eventually he was forced to use it even with this advantage. By it I was of course referring to the 8 Gates.
This time Lee actually caught Gaara with the Reverse Lotus as he opened the first gate, not falling for the sand substitution. He dealt immense damage to Gaara even with the latter's sand armor and a cushion of sand as a landing pad.
After that Gaara went berserk and created more and more sand, forcing Lee to utilize more of The Gates to escape and continue fighting on an even level.
It was all in vain however when after delivering a devastating roundhouse kick through a shield of sand to Gaara's side, the sand latched on to Lee's leg.
The green clad boy attempted to extricate himself even as his opponent spat out "Sand Burial".
I looked on, knowing I wasn't yet fast enough to reach them in time to save my friend's leg. And the one who was, the one I had warned to do so had hesitated at the critical moment as he watched his favorite pupil struggle to keep fighting.
Blood squirted from Lee's leg as the sand brutally crushed it into a messy pulp just before Gai arrived and extricated his student. "Enough, you have won. My student admits defeat."
"The winner is Sabaku no Gaara." Gekko hurriedly chimed in.
"It's not enough! I need blood! I need to feed Mother his bloooooooooood!" Wailed Gaara, never having looked more deranged than in that moment.
"Gaara enough! Remember the reason we are here!" Baki, his Jonin-sensei scolded him harshly.
Thankfully it was just enough to rein the unstable Nin in, as good of an ally as Gaara was later on in the series I wouldn't trade anyone here, now, for a potential ally that my advent in this world might have served to render impossible to obtain.
Dosu faced off against Choji once again and even with a heavily bandaged and recently reattached hand he managed to make the…husky…boy look like a pushover.
I glanced at Asuma to gauge his reactions. He was absently mouthing an unlit cigarette and glancing between Sasuke and me and his own two students that would be advancing while nodding to himself, seemingly pleased.
I felt slightly happy for him, as even though I didn't strictly need him to teach me about Wind Chakra Nature Transformations, it made it a lot easier for me to explain things because he did. Therefore I had a pretty good impression of the Sarutobi, not to mention that he was Jiji's son.
After that things proceeded without a hitch.
The Final Test would be a series of solo fights in a month.
I was fighting Neji. Sasuke was assigned to Gaara, Kankuro to Shino, Temari to Ino and Shikamaru to Dosu.
The only difference was that with the addition of Ino, Temari had someone to fight in the first round and Shikamaru would be the one to advance after the Oto-Nin's death.
After the pairings were announced everyone began to disperse, and like I thought Kakashi told me that he would be unavailable to train me as he had to focus on getting Sasuke ready to face Gaara.
I suppose I couldn't and quite frankly shouldn't blame either of them, so I just eye-smiled and wished them luck, saying that I would be fine on my own since I was used to it.
Kakashi eye-smiled back to hide the flinch caused by the thought of his sensei's son being 'fine on his own because he was used to it'.
Afterwards I treated myself to some of Ichiraku's famous ramen, celebrating making it to the finals with Teuchi-oji and Ayame-neechan. Everyone else had family celebrations, was busy with work like Anko and Jiji, or in Sasuke and Kakashi's case had already left the village.
After stuffing myself silly with delicious, delicious ramen I waddled my spherical shaped body home and swiftly fell asleep, dreams of toads, perverts, an older Ino, and Anko filling my head.
Before day even broke I was up and had spammed my max amount of clones and set them to work before heading to Training ground 9. I ended up working out with an unusually suppressed Gai, before visiting with Lee for a bit. It seemed that his wounds were severe and he probably would not be able to return to being a Ninja anymore.
Well I suppose this just means I still have a personal reason to go meet Tsunade when the time comes.
Then I headed to the hot springs. I had a certain, perverted, old man to rope into teaching me a few nifty Jutsu and being my sparring partner for a month.
Jiraiya was just as the anime portrayed him, tall, with a long white mane, and a complete scumbag. I found him flush against the wall containing the women's side of the hot springs, giggling creepily with his butt wiggling in the air.
"Well this is not hugely disappointing and dream crushing or anything. I mean Jiraiya of the Sannin is nothing but a peeping pervert." I let out a dramatic sigh, slowly shaking my head, as he didn't even bother to look away from the hole in the wall.
"You wouldn't understand the magnitude of what I am accomplishing kid. I'm doing research, reeeeeeesearch! Also I'm not a pervert…I'm a SUPER PERVERT!" The strongest shinobi in the village besides, maybe, the Hokage let out a shout as he exclaimed his self-given title.
I hurriedly Shunshin-ed away as the wall between the Toad Sage and the female population of the hot springs was kicked down and he was swarmed by pissed off women, kunoichi and civilian alike.
Deep calls of "Not the face! Not the face!" Were followed by shrill calls of "The face, please the face!"
When they finally left, Jiraiya was a broken and bleeding mess on the ground. I calmly Shunshin-ed back and nudged him with my foot. "O~i, I know you're not really hurt. O~i."
A few more nudges and he popped up to his feet looking right as rain again. "Damn it kid, you made me interrupt my research! How are you going to repay me for this?"
"Um, you are the one who shouted on your own about you being a pervert." I replied blank faced.
"Super pervert" The white haired ninja corrected.
Waving a hand in uncaring acceptance I continued. "Yeah, that. I only said I was disappointed that the man who wrote the Fuinjutsu books I like so much was such a…super pervert. How are you going to repay me for my crushed expectations?"
The Pervert turned his head carelessly. "The world is tough kid, get used to disappointment." He then scratched his nose and glanced at me from the corner of his eye while asking nonchalantly. "So you're reading my Fuinjutsu manuals, huh? Which volume are you on?"
"Volume 9, but I'll be moving on to Volume 10 soon. I've already experimented on my own a bit, but I'll need to have a base of at least level 10 before I can accomplish what I'm aiming for. After all removing Curse Marks and performing Space-Time Ninjutsu is tricky stuff." I replied equally as nonchalantly before pulling out my book and making to walk away. "Anyway I've got training to do for the next month. You know Chunin Exam final to compete in, Suna and Oto invasion to ward off and all."
"Of course, of course." Jiraiya nodded along complacently. "Yes Volume 9 is pretty good for someone your age, we can't all be a level 10 sealing master like me, but a level 9 sealing expert isn't bad for a 13…year…old…VOLUME 9!?" The Sanin's face froze for a moment before stupefaction took over his features.
"You said you're at VOLUME 9? AND you're moving on to Volume 10 soon? Curse Marks? Space-Time Ninjutsu!? Suna! OTO!?" My Godfather sped after me and stopped in front of me, blocking my path of egress.
For a moment I thought he would question me about my knowledge, but then I realized he would probably just ask Jiji.
"So I've decided to see if you're really at the level you claim to be, acting as your unofficial sensei since you apparently learned from the books I wrote. However! First you need to make up for my loss of research!" Jiraiya said while sticking his nose up in the air as if he was doing me a great favor.
"Oh? How should I do that?" I asked snapping my book closed and tucking it away, my sensing abilities reporting that my way of 'repaying' him was on its way to my location.
"You need to help me get a taste! Of a luscious, succulent, voluptuous, curvy fruit! If you know what I mean." The perverted, old man moved his hands to signal an hourglass shaped figure.
"Oh, sure. Just give it a few seconds and I'm sure you'll be able to have a taste. Fair warning, this fruit might be more than you can handle." As I finished my sentence I whirled around, disarmed a hand wielding a kunai and pressed it against a slender, white throat as I pulled my assailant's supple body flush with mine.
"Hey there Anko-chan, you're just in time." I couldn't help but affectionately rub my face into her neck and push myself against her round, plump rump.
"Blooooooooonnnnnndddddddddiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee-kun~" My serpent inclined friend whined/moaned. "You can't keep teasing me like this! I need you to spurt your stuff out for me, it's been so loooooong, and I can't take it! I need to taste it, to be covered in it, to feel it inside me! Just give me a taste! Just a taste!" Her hips rolled a needy, erotic rhythm against mine as she pleaded with me and writhed inside my grip, almost cutting her own throat in her eagerness.
"Does this count?" I cocked an eyebrow at my future sensei.
Blood dribbled from his nose and stars shone in his eyes as Jiraiya whipped out his notepad and began scribbling for a bit. Then he tucked it away and started to approach with wiggling fingers as his hands made groping motions.
I whispered softly in Anko's ear and her movements became smoother, more sinuous and seductive. Her trench coat opened even further, revealing the entirety of her cleavage and only just hiding the soft, pink peak on each breast. However it was threatening to give away even that tenuous coverage.
I slowly let go of the kunai at her throat and slipped back and away from what was about to happen.
"So, you want a taste too?" Anko purred while making bedroom eyes at Jiraiya. He could only nod frantically with a line of blood leaking from one nostril and down his chin. "Good, cause I really, REALLY need my fix. It's been far too long since anyone has spurted on me and I'm starting to crave it."
"This…this is the perfect fruit. Thank you kid, you did a wonderful job. I will be sure to train you to the best of my ability as a legendary Sannin!" Jiraiya promised as he and Anko approached each other, almost touching.
"I'll hold you to that. I'll meet you here tomorrow morning at 7. However, you might want to run now." My advice was ignored with a loud and obnoxious laugh.
I was walking away when the screams started.
Anko came by my place later on. I made us dinner and she thanked me for giving her such a great present. Men that big have quite a bit of blood they can spurt out before they fall unconscious and stop begging and screaming for mercy.
After eating we cuddled and I fell asleep to the smell of metal, blood, sex, and snakes, and the soothing lullaby of Anko's soft breathing and quiet murmurs.
"Mmmm…Blondie-kun's thing…yes…Blondie-kun moooore…honeymoon…best…kill first…bathe…blood…or…fuck…then kill…"
Waking up with Anko, naked aside from her bright, orange, micro thong, on top of me was arguably the most pleasant and the most dangerous situation I had been in yet in this world.
How did she know about my weakness for orange! Never mind, that much is obvious.
Everyone knew about my thing with the color orange.
The part to be concerned about was that my every instinct was screaming at me to take her right there as she snuggled into me and mumbled about how warm I was before sliding a small, soft, yet callused hand into my boxers and began to work me.
I knew I should move before it was too late and things went too far beyond what I was comfortable with. I mean I might have a total of over 30 years life experience in my head, but the primarily dominant memories and the hormone levels of my body were the original Naruto's.
So in some ways I actually was a 13 year old hitting puberty, with a 20-somethings memories and thought process grafted on, which was why I didn't throw Anko down and ravage her at every opportunity.
I was still Naruto from the manga/anime in many ways, especially in the desire to be recognized and wanted, even if my other life had influenced my behavior and morals almost beyond recognition.
Those morals are what held me back, I was in my 20s in my previous life and having sex or sexual interest with/in 13 year olds, or as a 13 year old just seemed wrong to me. However 'little Naruto' didn't see it that way and demanded we stay exactly where we were. With Anko's skilled hand stroking him until he was 'big Naruto'.
He won. Damn hormones.
I cuddled Anko closer and ran my hands over her obscene curves and tantalizingly smooth skin. I don't know at what point she woke up, but although she didn't speak, her mile wide grin said enough.
We gradually moved on from hands to tongues as we enjoyed each other, but soon after I made use of my ability to extend my tongue Anko's restraint disappeared and she took what she wanted without any resistance from me.
It was rough and needy at first.
I could only be thankful that I was not a virgin in my past life and that I had amazing stamina and a healing factor in this one. Especially when I called her Anko-nee, she went nuts in the best possible way. She would tighten like a constrictor and her womb would descend to try to milk me every time I said it. Then she would apologize for being such a bad sister and tell me that her slutty womb needed to be punished for lusting after her brother…hey I told you sex with Anko would definitely get kinky.
Yes I did! Like in the Wave arc, look it up damn it! Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, kinky, animalistic, amazing, rough sex.
I was extremely grateful that I had the foresight to put up privacy and silencing seals as part of my new defense system, but as we went on and grew accustomed to matching our rhythms I began to worry that they might not be enough.
When she snapped the headboard I didn't mind it.
When I shattered the bedframe and the mattress hit the floor as I pressed her down from above and she begged me to go harder as her nails took strips of skin from my back and shoulders and her legs wrapped around my waist in a vice grip I paid it no mind.
However when I was slamming into her, taking her against the wall with primal need, the spider web cracks that appeared in the Fuinjutsu reinforced wood got my attention.
Anko however had not yet had enough and refused to let me stop, distracting me from the damage we were doing to my apartment with a sloppy kiss, which gave new meaning to 'lots of tongue', while her insides contracted hungrily, as if they were a snake swallowing its prey whole, milking me thoroughly.
When we finally stopped, my apartment was a mess and I would definitely need to buy new furniture, preferably made from metal this time around.
However the glossy, vacant look in Anko's eyes, her wide, lascivious smile, the mix of sweat and other fluids that covered her salacious form in a filthy, lewd liquid, and the feel of her pressed against my side, nearly unconscious in post coital bliss soothed any negative feelings I might have had about the experience.
When I left the comatose kunoichi after wiping her off with a towel, difficult to manage when she kept trying to latch on to and cuddle me, tucking her under the covers of the ruined bed and planting a kiss on her temple, which resulted in a large, lecherous grin from the sleeping woman, I left to face the day.
Never before had I felt so light and full of energy, ready and braced to confront and surmount whatever would come! My FLAMES OF YOUTH were burning bright!
NO! Bad Naruto, bad, bad Naruto! Spandex is bad! Unless Anko wears it…nope even then green spandex will be bad.
I only sent a hundred or so clones to work on shape transformations and Water Nature Chakra exercises before completing my morning routine with Gai-sensei and visiting Lee. Then I headed over to the hot springs in order to meet with my new teacher.
Jiraiya looked like he hadn't slept and was busy frantically scribbling in his notebook. "Gold, pure gold. This kid is a genius…a veritable gold mine!"
"Hmm? You say something Ero Sennin?" I called out as I approached.
"Nope! No, nothing at all, are you ready to begin your training?" The legendary shinobi deflected weakly.
He couldn't have…could he? Oh my Kami, he definitely did!
"I want 50% of the proceeds of that book and any other stories that come from my love life." I laid out my demands clearly.
"Now wait just a-" Jiraiya made to protest.
"65%." I immediately countered.
"That-"
"75% or else I go to the Hokage and tell him you're taking advantage of and spying on his surrogate grandson to make money."
"DEAL! 75% it is." Tears were streaming down the Toad Sage's face as he kissed his profits goodbye. He just knew that this would be his best book yet.
"Learned it."
"…"
"Learned it."
"…"
"Learned it."
"Fine, what DON'T you already know how to do?" Jiraiya was immensely frustrated. He had planned to show his godson the ropes of being a shinobi and help with his foundation before teaching him a few supplementary Jutsu and how to access the Kyuubi's chakra.
Only to find out that Naruto's foundation was more solid than most Jonin.
That and the blond haired brat was a Jonin caliber shinobi, and a high class one at that. He knew most of the essential supplementary Jutsu, AND that he already had met and knew how to access and control the Kyuubi's chakra!
"Well I don't have a summoning contract, I don't have a fire or an earth affinity yet, my Genjutsu is the pits, the same with my Iryojutsu, I need more defensive Jutsu like your hair ones, my Kenjutsu could do with some professional polishing, and I could use some help on a few Fuinjutsu projects." I answered promptly, wanting to get the most out of this month.
"Oh, well I suppose I can help with some of that." With a nod to himself my newest sensei pulled out the Toad Contract Scroll.
A small nip and some finger calligraphy later and I was the newest Summoner of the Toads!
"Go on and give it a try then." My Godfather prompted me with a slightly nostalgic smile.
Flashing through the hand seals I pressed my bloody hand against the ground "Summoning Jutsu".
Wouldn't you know it, Gamabunta came out? What a surprise. Really. I'm shocked.
After riding around on his head until sunset I pulled out a jumbo sized barrel of sake for the toad boss and a small bottle and saucer for myself.
We sat and watched the sunset together as Jiraiya cried due to feeling jealous of and inadequate because of his own godson.
And deep in his heart he couldn't have been more proud.
My month of training with my 'secret' Godfather passed by in a blur of clones and awesome. Jiraiya cried often about cheating and unfairness. Cheating about my use of shadow clones and unfairness that I had gotten all he taught me to a practical level of use in a month.
Well truthfully it was more like 500 months or more, but that's the beauty of Hax no Jutsu!
Anko reveled often about fidelity and unfairness. Fidelity as regards to how she screamed that she was mine and 'little Naruto' belonged to her, and unfairness that she would have to pick killing or nookie. As our 'boinking' was apparently too good for her to think about murder at the same time we were going at it like rabbits.
As the sun dawned on the day of the final exam, I watched it rise while holding Anko in my arms. She was still dead to the world and drooling slightly against my chest as I contemplated the upcoming invasion.
I had managed to save Hayate Gekko's life, even if he was gravely injured unto death. It was hard to explain away why I was in the area, especially with the rumors of noise coming from my apartment late into the night starting to make the rounds despite additional silencing and privacy seals.
However I knew that every bit of trouble was worth it after Yugao thanked me with tears in her eyes and later Anko came rushing into the room in a fluster only to settle down when she saw Yugao calmly sitting by Gekko's bedside.
Ah, so that part of fanon was true then, Yugao and Anko are friends. I guess that meant that she was a friend of Gekko too then.
The look in her eyes after Yugao explained the situation to her made any residual doubts and regrets about my actions messing with the timeline vanish.
What did it matter if the timeline was preserved if I couldn't keep my precious people safe and happy?
Dosu disappeared as per usual, no doubt being used as a body for one of the deceased Hokages to be summoned with.
No real loss there, he was a pretty nasty piece of work anyway. AND I had set up some surprises for Orochimaru if/when he decided to invade based on the assumption he was still going to use the Edo Tensei.
It was strange lining up in front of the masses of people sitting in the stands, most of which hated me. Of course I didn't care nearly as much as I would have had I been the old Naruto…well maybe that's not entirely true. After all, excitement, enthusiasm, nerves, and a whole butt load of annoying-can-do attitude didn't blind me this go around.
I had also donned a new outfit for the occasion. I still wore the same black sandals and pants, but instead of the standard ANBU type armor on my chest and arms I now had black, fingerless gloves with matte metal plates on the back of my hands, and black ANBU armor with orange trim and various incomprehensible markings across them in the same color.
OH, I can't forget to mention my mask…nothing had changed with it!
Needless to say I was calmly reading my book and ignoring everything as I stood beside Ino and Shikamaru, the former nearly bouncing from excitement and anxiety and the latter looking as calm as I was as he stared up at the clouds.
"Where's Sasuke-kun? Hey, Naru-kun? Shouldn't he be here by now?" My blonde friend shook my shoulder as she pestered me about her crush's location without even mentioning my cool new outfit.
With a put upon sigh I tore my eyes from my book, with a great deal of effort in order to look at the girl. "Sasuke was training with Bakakashi-sensei, that means that they will show up late." I eye-smiled at her and returned to my book while I reassured her with my future knowledge. "Don't worry about it, he'll get a special dispensation for being late because he's 'The Last Uchiha'."
"Oh…well I hope he gets here soon." Ino seemed to be a bit put out by my answer for whatever reason, but rallied shortly after. "Well despite how awesome and handsome Sasuke-kun is, I still think it's unfair that he'll get a dispensation from the rules!"
It seemed that Ino was growing up if she could admit that the preferential treatment Sasuke got was unfair. However she still had a long way to go as she was still blushing with a hand on her cheek as she thought about the Brood-master.
"Hmmmm. How do you figure that Naruto?" Shikamaru asked me with a lazy voice that masked the razor sharp mind that had caught on to my oddly specific answer while also ignoring my new outfit.
Damn Naras are too damn smart for my own good.
"Mah~, I wonder?" I merely eye-smiled at him as I blatantly dodged answering his question. If he could ignore my outfit then I could ignore his question, fair is fair.
With a mutter of "Troublesome." Shikamaru returned his attention to the sky.
Shiranui Genma, our new proctor since Gekko was busy being wounded, soon announced the beginning of the matches with the change that Sasuke would fight Gaara last as he sucked on a senbon.
Come on dude that just can't be sanitary.
"The first match will be between Hyuga Neji and Uzumaki Naruto!" Genma shouted out for the benefit of the crowd.
Neji and I stayed on the field as the other contestants made their way to a spectators' balcony overlooking the action.
"You might as well just give up. You have done well getting up to this point, but you are fated to lose here. As it is my destiny as a genius to win and yours as a failure to lose." Neji opened his mouth and garbage came out, I mean he spouted bullshit, I mean he promptly shoved his foot into it, I mean…just forget it, I give up.
"Riiiiight." I deadpanned back as I drew out the word. "Because everything I've done since I graduated has just screamed failure."
Book in hand and without acknowledging him, I returned fire. "How many enemy shinobi have you killed? I mean I'm a year behind you and I've killed 3, 2 C-Rank Missing-Nin and 1 A-Rank Missing-Nin…but I'm sure I just missed your entry in the BINGO book."
Veins began to throb and protrude from the Hyuga prodigy's face. "You…insolent-!"
Genma took that as the signal to begin the match with a shout and a swipe of his arm. "Begin!"
My opponent dropped into his Juken stance as he activated his Byakugan.
I merely closed my book and tucked it out of the way. It wasn't that Neji was good enough to make me fight seriously, although he was really good for a Genin and certainly at Mid Chunin level in combat power at least.
It was that the Naruto in me couldn't bear to leave him as he was, miserable and caged by his own perception of reality. Especially when I knew that I could help him like in canon.
"So if I do win." I waved off his undoubtedly sanctimonious and fate centered retort. "If I do, then it was fated for you to lose?"
"Yes, that is correct. However that will not happen as it is your fate to lose here." Man this guy was almost as bad as Sasuke, but at least Sasuke seemed to be making progress in curbing his arrogance.
"So if it is my fate to lose, and that is undeniable." I stopped to make sure that Neji was following me. He gave me a nod to signal he was. "Then I would have overturned fate and proved that there is no such thing as a predetermined fate, and that we as people forge our own fate!"
"Preposterous! You can't go against Fate, no one can!" Neji's veins pulsed even more grotesquely around his Dojutsu as his chakra surged with his anger. "If you can win then it is so, but that would mean that I am bound to serve the main branch and live the life of a slave for no reason despite being a genius of my clan's Dojutsu. I refuse to acknowledge such a possibility!"
"Well yes, we can't help the circumstance that we are born into that much is true. I suppose you could call that Fate if you wanted to, but what we do with our lives after that is on us. So if you choose to live your life as a slave that is on you, not some Fate that happens to you. And even if there is a predetermined Fate…I'll change it! I won't accept a path in life where I can't protect the things and people precious to me, I won't acknowledge a world where things can't be changed through effort and cooperation." I began calmly, but was slowly ramping up until I was almost shouting out my beliefs.
"So the chains of your Fate…" I slowly raised my hand and pointed a single finger at him. "I will crush them along with you."
I clenched my hand into a fist and my chakra exploded, swirling round me in a storm of cerulean blue that shook the very air and caused a crater to form in the ground around where I stood, hair waving in the supernatural wind. I bet I looked just like a Super Saiyan with my longish, blond hair.
Neji cried out in agony and squeezed his eyes shut as my outrageous quantity of chakra went off in his eyes like a flash bang at pointblank range.
That was all he had the time to do before I was upon him. I reared back my fist and the chakra storm was compressed down until it merely circled around my fist and forearm like a ethereal, blue dragon.
"Grit your teeth and bear it." I called out with all the intensity of focus I could manage. Then I planted my feet and threw an uppercut, burying my chakra-coated fist into Neji's stomach.
Saliva and blood flew from his gaping mouth as his torso depressed around my arm. Time seemed to freeze as his milky white eyes rolled up into his head before the laws of physics took over and he went flying until he crashed into the wall across the stadium where he stuck in the depression his body had formed on impact.
Just like that I quieted the storm of chakra that surrounded me and approached my defeated opponent.
In a voice neither loud nor quiet, but one that reached every corner of the stadium I spoke to him. "Do you see now? Open those eyes you've kept closed for so long and take a look. The world isn't such a horrible place you know. The only chains surrounding you are the ones you put on yourself. So either pick them up and drag them or cast them off and move forward! If you do not have the strength by yourself then I will help you, all you have to do is try."
"I-I see. Father…I-I was wrong, wasn't I? A choice. It was always your choice." With those words the Hyuga Genius passed into unconsciousness.
Nodding my head at a job well done, even if Neji wouldn't be getting promoted and hadn't been able to show off his moves at all.
I had made it most of the way off the stage before Genma collected himself enough to announce the result of the match. "W-winner, Uzumaki Naruto?"
Silence reigned for moment that stretched into two, then three, before the cheers erupted.
"Hell yeah! That's my Blondie-kuuuuuuun!" Was distinctly heard over the roars of approval and patriotism from the Leaf civilians and shinobi alike.
"The Golden Storm of Konoha…I can believe it now."
"Did you feel that chakra? I felt like I was going to be ripped apart and cast to the winds!"
"What a monster, that's supposed to be a Genin!? Where the Hell did the Leaf get someone like that?"
Even Orochimaru, disguised as the Kazekage, couldn't help but lick his lips in fascinated shock. "Ahhhh Naruto-kun you've grown so much in the short time I haven't seen you! It makes me want you even more!"
The Sandaime Hokage, Hiruzen, was also dumbfounded, but hiding it well. "Naruto…when did you get so strong? It might be time to tell him the truth about everything. Yes, it is time. He is strong enough and more importantly mature enough now to handle it."
In the stands the Jonin-sensei of the other rookie teams all turned to look blankly at each other as they stood in shock, even Asuma who had a vague idea that Naruto was far ahead of the other Genin.
"What. The. Fuck. Did Kakashi do!?" Kurenai couldn't contain herself as she frantically waved her hands towards the stage. "How the Hell is that a Genin? No, a better question is why isn't he a Jonin? Or an ANBU"
"Well…from what I know it's only been about a year since he was able to start training seriously. I knew he was talented and powerful for his age but…I-this-I can't." Asuma tried to explain, but only managed to make things worse.
"WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gai began to laugh loudly and obnoxiously. "So Naruto-kun was able to make some progress! Yes that was a most YOUTHFUL battle! While I am saddened at my student's loss, it was for the best this time. He learned a great and much needed lesson about life and if it was anyone else besides Naruto-kun they would not have been so gentle with him."
"You-you know something about what just happened?" The other Jonin all turned their attention towards Gai as he continued laughing boisterously.
"OF COURSE! Naruto-kun is one of my MOST YOUTHFUL STUDENTS! And his FLAMES OF YOUTH are MOST extraordinary! I became his Taijutsu teacher almost as soon as he graduated from the Academy and his progress and dedication is astounding! He has caught up to Lee in pure Taijutsu and is slowly inching towards even myself. It is with youths like him that the future of the village can rest easy." With that Gai struck a 'nice-guy pose' and his teeth sparkled 'dashingly'.
"Oh…so he's just another Taijutsu training monster, but with a lot of chakra?" Kurenai asked hesitantly.
"WAHAHAHA! OF COURSE!" Gai called with a belly laugh, settling the Jonin down a bit. Then he dropped the bomb. "However he is also equally skilled with Ninjutsu, although his Genjutsu still needs some work."
Every other Jonin in hearing distance turned to stone at that moment, but even so all of their heads caused grinding sounds as they turned to look my direction.
I glanced their way and eye-smiled, turning my eyes into happy crescents as I waved casually at them causing them all to shatter into pieces.
As I mounted the stairs to the waiting balcony Ino pounced on me. "Holy shit Naru-kun! That was awesome; you were so strong and pretty cool too. Maybe even as cool as Sasuke-kun! You wouldn't use that against me when we fight though would you?" The little minx looked up at me with limpid, blue eyes.
"Nah, Neji was a special case. I needed to help him to realize something and the only way I could do it was through force. Plus he's better than you, so I can go easier on you." I gently ruffled her hair while she pouted at me.
"Not to mention you're a cute girl and my friend. Both are big plusses in your favor." Her pout remained, but now a pretty, pink blush framed it.
"Kami this is troublesome. If I come up against you I'm just going to forfeit." The resident lazy genius shared his take on the situation. "But that technique…it's not finished yet is it?"
"Oh so you noticed?" I rubbed the back of my head a bit sheepishly. "Yeah it looks cool as it is, but once it's finished you wont be able to actually see it. My chakra control isn't quite good enough yet and I still use waaaaaaay too much and can't compress it finely enough."
"Troublesome blond(e)s. Definitely forfeiting." Shikamaru shook his head and went back to taking a nap on the floor.
"U-zu-ma-ki." The voice that called me was leaking bloodlust and fear in nearly equal measures.
I turned to look at the source and offered a friendly wave towards the Suna Siblings. "Yo Temari-chan, Kankuro, Gaara. What's up?"
"You-how strong are you really?" Temari asked with an apprehensive look at me and a downright terrified glance at Gaara.
"Hmmmm? I wonder?" I innocently eye-smiled before opening one eye slightly, so that it was a slit of light. "Maybe as strong as a Kazekage or perhaps…a Sannin."
Temari couldn't help but gasp and Kankuro choked on air. Gaara on the other hand merely glared at me harder. "I will kill you and feed your blood to Mother. She's screaming for it, baying for it, she needs it!"
"Once again that would be Shukaku, the One-Tailed Tanuki, not your mother. I'd be happy to take a look at that seal and fix up whatever mistake is letting him influence you and keep you from sleeping." I offered while staring into his rabid eyes.
"You…can let me sleep?" Gaara seemed shocked.
"Sure, we've got a few matches before either of us have to fight again. I can probably have at least a temporary patch on it by then." I shrugged carelessly while talking about super advanced Fuinjutsu.
"I-I…MOTHER!" It looked like the Ginger Jinchuriki would accept before he screamed and clutched his head in pain.
" "Gaara!" " His siblings cried in unison.
"Nooooooo. I will kill you and bathe in your blood!" Gaara returned to being fully homicidal.
"Suit yourself." I turned away from them, my olive branch rejected.
When I returned to the Konoha side of the balcony Shino of all people stood before me. "Something is going to happen, involving the Suna-Nin, isn't it?"
"Well aren't you perceptive? Yes. So keep vigilant and it's most likely to happen during Gaara's fight with Sasuke. Tell Shikamaru, but knowing her, Ino might give it away if we let her know too soon." I whispered into his ear as his insects buzzed furiously and he nodded.
"The next match will be between Aburame Shino and Sabaku no Kankuro! Contestants, please enter the arena!" Genma called out for the next match.
"I forfeit!" Kankuro immediately yelled down in reply.
As in canon, Kankuro forfeited his match against Shino. This caused Shino's bugs to buzz loudly for a moment before he nodded his head and accepted it.
"Predictable." I shook my head and shrugged, catching Shika's eye as he finished his whispered conversation with Shino.
"Troublesome." The Nara genius muttered with a sigh.
Then the irregular match up had arrived.
Subaku no Temari vs. Yamanaka Ino.
"All right, now it's finally my turn!" Ino crowed.
"Yes, too bad for you I'm your opponent. However I'll show you what a real kunoichi looks like! You can thank me later." Temari smirked condescendingly.
"Who knows, she might surprise you. Ino-chan can be fairly crafty when she puts her mind to it." I eye-smiled at the two of them.
"You know it Naru-kun! Besides, I have to keep the trend of Konoha wins going. I can't be the first one to lose to a Sand-Nin after all!" My blonde friend pumped her fist in the air before throwing me a wink.
"Fine then, I'll just have to take down the pretend kunoichi and show you all what a real kunoichi looks like." Temari stated brusquely as she mounted her fan intending to glide down to the arena.
"Well, good luck Sand Flower." I offered to Temari.
"Save your luck for your friend, she'll need it. I'm a kunoichi, I don't rely on luck, only skill." Temari rejoined, but the faint pink on her cheeks showed that she appreciated the thought despite her words and the upcoming invasion.
"Bitch! I'll show you who is a 'pretend kunoichi' when I kick your ass back to the desert!" Ino shouted back before surprising me with a sloppily performed Shunshin.
"Hooooo." I made a sound of appreciation and mild surprise.
Ino turned and threw up a peace sign at me after she appeared on the stage with a whirl of leaves, as if to say that I wasn't the only one who could do it.
Then she turned to Temari and assumed a serious face in preparation for her upcoming fight. Both opponents were reasonable well matched in skill, so it would come down to technique.
Could Ino catch Temari in her family's Jutsu, and/or did she have any surprises up her sleeve? Or would Temari tear through her with her Wind Jutsu? That was what would determine the outcome of this fight.
"BEGIN!" Genma shouted out to start the match as he took some distance from the competitors.
As soon as Genma started the match, a powerful Jutsu rocked the grand structure down to its foundations and ripped the arena apart!
Is not what happened.
"I'll end this quick!" Ino called as she brashly charged her opponent.
"Insolent!" Temari barked out as she opened her fan to the first mark and took her stance. "By the time my fan opens to the third mark you'll have already lost!"
The Suna kunoichi then swung her fan and unleashed her "Wind Style: Sickle Weasel Jutsu".
As the blade of wind roared towards her, Ino charged on recklessly into the attack. It seemed like she was hit by the dangerous Jutsu and her blood spurted everywhere as she was torn in half.
Or that would have happened if not for a quick Kawarimi!
Hail The Log. All Glory and Praise to The Log, for The Log provides!
I clapped my hands together and performed a deep bow towards the chopped log that had taken Ino's place as the recipient of the attack.
Everyone else around me looked at me as if I was crazy, but Shikamaru cracked open an eye and lazily mumbled "Praise The Log."
I knew there was a reason I liked him!
"I have you now!" Ino cried out as she channeled her inner Sith Lord, whoops wrong genre.
"You wish!" Temari roared as she twisted and threw a kick towards Ino.
The Suna kunoichi only realized what a mistake that was when Ino easily grasped the offending leg and used it to draw herself in before delivering a nasty strike to the outside of the knee, causing a bloodcurdling scream to come from Temari and a horrid crunch to come from her hyperextended knee.
The foreign blonde forced Ino back with a wild swing of her fan, trying to recover from the damage dealt to her and restore her composure.
"Bitch! I'll kill you for that!" Temari snarled.
"Bring it on skank. Your little, toy fan has nothing on real, Wind Jutsu like Naru-kun and Asuma-sensei can use." I had to face palm at Ino giving away the fact that I could use Wind Natured Jutsu. However it did seem to tick Temari off even more, and a ticked off opponent was a distracted opponent, so there was that.
The enraged kunoichi opened her fan fully and took a deep breath before releasing it with a yell. "Wind Style: Great Sickle Weasel Jutsu"
The blades of wind tore up the ground and scattered dust and debris into the air, obscuring the end result.
When the dust settled there was no sign of Ino, but for a bit of blood and purple cloth where she had been standing. "Hmph, so you managed to dodge it, if not without injury. I may have taken you too lightly, perhaps you're just a poor kunoichi instead of a pretend one."
"You can take that conclusion and shove it!" Ino roared as she shot out of the ground at Temari's feet and planted a full force uppercut on her chin. "I'm the future 'top kunoichi' of the Leaf Village!"
The punch took the blonde Suna-Nin off her feet and sent her into dreamland. With that Ino had won and changed not only her own fate, but many others as well.
"YOSHAAAA!" I cried out as I saw Ino pop out of her "Earth Style: Hiding Like A Mole Technique". "That's the way to use your head Ino-chan! No need to risk using your clan technique without backup"
I then realized that I had broken character and hurriedly returned to my Volume 10, Fuinjutsu for Dummies by Jiraiya while consoling myself that at least my verbal tick didn't appear.
Oh, did I not mention that was the title till now? Sorry, I suppose it was slightly embarrassing to be reading a 'for dummies' book.
I could feel the incredulous gazes on me as I studiously kept my nose glued to the pages of sealing knowledge.
"Naru-kun~ I did it!" Ino cried as she came running up the steps with a big smile on her face.
"Hmmm? You say something Ino-chan?" I attempted to restore 'normalcy' and had to dodge a fist to my head by pretending to pick up a coin I surreptitiously dropped for just this purpose.
"I won you idiot!" The blonde terror shrieked at me before realizing what she had just done. "Um-no-I mean…I won without using my clan technique just like you said, so-"
"Hai, hai. I'm treating you to dinner wherever you like." I eye-smiled at her and gently patted her head. "Good job out there Ino-chan."
"Y-yeah. Thanks, Naru-kun." The Yamanaka heiress blushed again while taking peaks at me and letting me stroke her hair. "Sooooo what do I need to do to get you to take off that mask?"
"Hmmm. How about you beat me in an all-out fight?" I suggested while retracting my hand from her hair.
"NO WAY! That's way too hard!" She retorted.
"Hmmm. How about completing the same training as me for a day?"
"Rejected. Absolutely impossible."
"Hmmm. How about getting a date with Sasuke?"
"I can tot…well…maybe…can you pick something else?"
"Hmmm. Sure thing Ino-chan. How about if you become a Chunin and learn Iryojutsu without giving up your Taijutsu practice…and you get Shikamaru to join us twice a week?" I gave my final option, and the one I actually wanted her to accept.
"What!? NO, NARUTO!" Shikamaru cried as he felt his future instantly become enveloped in a shroud of hard work and troublesome blond(e)s.
"DEAL!" Ino cried triumphantly as she had already been interested in Iryojutsu since Naruto mentioned it a while ago as something he was looking into that she might be good at. Besides, it would be good for Shikamaru to train with them, and especially good for her team.
Maybe she could get Choji to join as well?
"Troublesome, I hate you Naruto." My Nara 'friend' (?) said without any vigor.
Since Sasuke and Bakakashi-sensei had still yet to arrive by the time Temari's injuries had been treated she faced off against Shikamaru.
The match was much less stressful on Shika than in canon, but still ended with him forfeiting 'because he was running low on chakra'.
"You really think anyone actually bought that horse crap?" I ribbed my pineapple haired friend.
"I don't really care, this whole thing is way too troublesome. I never should have become a ninja." The lazy boy sighed as he kept his eyes glued to the sky.
Then it was time for the 'pivotal' match, Sabaku no Gaara versus Uchiha Sasuke.
"The Next Match is between Subaku no Gaara and Uchiha Sasuke! Will the contestants please step forward!" Genma called for the next match.
Gaara appeared on the stage with a Sand-Shunshin and proceeded to hurry up and wait. After several calls for Sasuke, Genma looked up to the Hokage's box for direction.
Hiruzen couldn't help but sigh in disappointment in Kakashi ruining his student's chances for advancement with his bad habit. He nodded his grizzled head to signal Genma, who took a deep breath only to let it out in a relieved whoosh.
Sasuke and Kakashi appeared back to back in the middle of the stage, trying to look cool, just as in canon.
Sasuke was wearing his new, black outfit, which made him look even more emo. But Ino seemed to like it from the 'squee' she let out and her furious blush. So I guess he knew what he was doing. "I hope we're not late?" The Copy-Nin asked blithely.
"You're really late." I returned just as blithely.
"Oh." My Jonin sensei rubbed the back of his head and eye-smiled. "Well a black cat-"
"Enough, it has been put off long enough. The current match is between Subaku no Gaara and Uchiha Sasuke, remove yourself Kakashi and let your student fight." Jiji called down sounding slightly annoyed.
With that Kakashi Shunshin-ed away and only Gaara and Sasuke were left with Genma in the arena
"I will feed Mother your blood before I kill Uzumaki Naruto!" Gaara raved towards Sasuke.
"Hn. So Naruto won? I suppose that was expected, but the one who will beat him…IS ME!" Sasuke bellowed as his onyx eyes shifted to crimson with three tomoe in one eye and two in the other and rushed the Ginger Maniac.
"B-BEGIN!" Genma managed to call out just after Sasuke made his move.
To cut it short and prevent Mc-Broods-a-lot from getting much screen time, even with all of his improvement from the Sasuke of canon the 'Last Uchiha' was forced to do the exact same thing.
He initiated a Taijutsu beat down on red head Jinchuriki, obviously copying the style of the Goken pulled from Lee's fight with Gaara and almost matching Lee's speed with his weights removed.
It was only my interference and the extra motivation Lee had gained because of it that he was any faster than Sasuke currently was, despite the strain that moving at such a speed obviously put on the Uchiha.
When Gaara decided that he had had enough of being a sandbag, hehe sandbag, he retreated to his sand dome.
Sasuke took the opportunity to reveal his new Jutsu, Chidori, and pierced the dome, wounding Gaara, and sending the unstable kid into a berserk frenzy.
Finally the feathers began to fall, which was exactly when my preparations kicked into effect and a whole storm of shit was sent Oto and Suna's way.