My name is Si-hoon. I'm nineteen years old, and I haven't lived in my own home for three years. My parents kicked me out because I broke a promise I made to them—namely, delivering drugs. Wandering the streets of Seoul for months, I had lost the last remnants of hope that my life could get any better. Then Jun-ho appeared, offering me a warm meal and a quiet conversation about life.
He offered me a place to stay, and I agreed immediately. I had no other choice but to accept.
What started as one day turned into two weeks, then two months, then a year. Jun-ho's mother wasn't fully happy about it, but seeing how well we got along, she decided I could stay.
Everything was fine, but I didn't feel completely myself there. Since I was thirteen, I knew I wasn't "normal." I wasn't interested in girls. Hearing boys talk about girls made my stomach twist—it wasn't pleasant. Later, it became disgusting jokes, even about their own sisters and cousins. I wasn't interested in that kind of talk.
Although I knew who I was, I never came out to anyone, afraid of their reaction. When I think about telling someone I'm gay, that I like boys, the first thing that comes to their mind isn't that I like boys—but that I like penises, and they might imagine me having sex with other men. That thought alone makes me cringe.
Here is where Jun-ho's family comes in—they are intolerant and dislike anyone with a different sexual orientation. And Jun-ho himself is… heterosexual. So my dark thoughts about him remain only in my head, and I have no intention of sharing them with anyone.
Night fell. I sat silently in the kitchen, eating cereal because I felt like it. Jun-ho came straight from the shower, leaving droplets of water on the tiles that fell from his freshly washed hair.
"Your mom was supposed to come back in the morning," I reminded him. " But she still has to go to your cousin's place, so she'll probably be back around the afternoon."
"Actually, that's fine."
"What's up?"
"I already invited Jun-hyeok and Kang-jeon," he said taking the milk from the fridge and taking the first sip.
Jun-hyeok and Kang-jeon are Jun-ho's best friends, very close. They had known each other for about ten years before I arrived. The main difference between them is that Hyeok (whom I like the least) is more aggressive in words and actions toward both genders, while Jeon avoids interference, a quiet, calm, and friendly neighbor-type. Jun-ho is somewhere in between them, having a mix of their personalities. Although he treats the opposite sex better (he can't stand most guys), he occasionally has outbursts that defy human understanding.
"When will they be here?" I asked.
"In a moment," he answered with one word. He put the milk back and slammed the fridge door pretty hard.
"And what will you be doing?" I looked down at my cereal.
"Playing games and stuff," he said evasively. He approached me, bent toward my ear, moving the hair that covered it, and said, "We'll be having sex."
My eyes widened. I stared at him, and he just smiled.
"Really?" I said seriously, but I didn't consider that he might be joking, ready to burst into laughter, leaving me embarrassed, suspecting something about me.
"If you want, Hoon, you don't have to sit outside, wondering what's happening. You can be there with us."
That sounds like a trap.
After a moment, he added:
"I think you'll like it."
I swallowed hard hearing that. "You think I'll like it?" But what does he mean? Does he suspect something about me? Impossible. Does he see how I look at him at night? And what if he hears all these strange thoughts in my head about him?