"Unlike you virgins, I got a girlfriend!"
I announced loudly to a group of four men sprawled around the humid dorm room in different corners with hands on his hips. After twenty years of life, I can finally say this line.
"Oh Clara finally gave in to stop you from bothering her? You are still a virgin though." William on the double bed chuckled, making the other three laugh out loud too. This guy had always been the biggest hater.
My mouth twitched at William's words, biting my lower lip, I said in a low but clear voice, "So, what? I got through the hard part yesterday. Now, it's simple enough."
"For real man! We gotta respect the game! When was the last time you talked to a woman, William? If I was you I would just jump off a roof at this point." Giyo sitting under the window looked at me like I was a God who just performed a miracle while pointing towards the window, glaring hatefully at William.
This immediately shut William off.
I smiled softly at Giyo, promising him with a look to teach him my ways.
My mind focused back inside— Clara was my best friend since fifth grade, mostly because of how much we could relate to each other.
Her mom cheated on her dad and left when she was young.
My deadbeat father abandoned me at birth; and that broke my mother who spiraled down and died inside, and became an empty husk of what she used to be. She did things to me that she regretted doing afterwards, and my childhood was pretty bad because of her, her life because of him.
Meanwhile, that bastard went on to remarry and have four kids, like we both never even existed.
We both hated liars, and cheaters the most.
And, we both wanted to do something interesting, and more in life than just work, pay debt, work, get more debt, buy a house, get sick, die.
Today, I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. She was definitely the closest thing to my soulmate if they existed.
"The hard part? Oh you poor thing." Pickle scoffed, which made my frown deepen.
"It's only going to get harder, little Mark…
The gifts, dates, clothes, everything will be paid by your broke ass. And her whims…" Pickle's face looked ugly, as if he was speaking from expirience before continuing.
"...Yeah good luck, you will need it." He said while flexing his muscles on the bedside, as if trying to say this was what being a man was about. Big muscles, which I half agreed.
My face grew speechless as the true meaning of Pickle's words finally kicked in, "Maybe take on another part time job…." My desire to live decreased a little, but there's no choice besides living. I will just get used to it over time, even if I become soulless.
Suddenly, Giyo's extremely serious voice startled me—
"But, what about being a mastermind with an organization filled with beautiful badass women, controlling the world from the shadows?" Giyo asked with a frown, he can't let me, his sidekick, forget about the dream we both shared.
I sighed, this was something we thought of while drunk after watching an anime about a man with infinite aura. I mean yeah, I want to be him, but I can't cause a nuclear explosion… It's just another daydream.
Just as I was about to reply—
"What the fuck!?" Liam who was silently laying on his back on the ground till now, widened his eyes in horror, instantly getting everyone's attention.
Then he turned to look at me with deep pity in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" My heart almost stopped beating after seeing that look in his eyes.
What was something so serious that even a troll like Liam gave a look like that? Did my mom, and grandparents die?
"I searched her name out of curiousity, and… found Clara's O-onlycoolars" Liam said solemnly, his voice filled with suppressed anger. "Take a look!" He added after a deep breath.
The entire atmosphere of the room shifted from warm to extremely suffocating.
My pupils dilated.
My first thought being that this was just a prank, but Liam will never go this far.
He instantly got up from the ground, slowly walking towards my shivering body.
My body moved on its own, as I quickly snatched the phone, turning to look at it with trembling eyes.
On the screen, a blonde haired girl with striking appearance started playing with her massive boobs, aggressively sucking on them while dancing seductively lying on the ground.
My face darkened. I could recognise my crush of seventeen years instantly.
It was… Clara.
The girl who used to blush at even slightest mentions of sex jokes acting like this… Was everything from the beginning a lie? Soulmates were never real?
Clara's face grew even more lustful as she brought oversized toys out, licking her lips with a smirk.
Then, on all fours, slowly started waving her ass while playing with the toys.
Everyone watched the screen deeply, for the first time in their lives, none of them fekt any signs of lust even at Clara's beauty, only anger, and sadness.
I froze with a grimance, pausing the video. Before they could try to end the silence—
I suddenly felt an urge to puke after seeing her like this.
Not from disgust, but discomfort.
Pickle, Giyo, Liam, William were all surrounding me, all trying to think of words that could comfort me, but failing as I didn't even look at them.
The phone fell from My hands against my will, making Liam sprawl on the ground to barely catch it, taking a deep breath of relief as he had taken a massive debt to afford it.
But, surprisingly, he wasn't mad in the slightest, just getting up and walking up to me as if his presence alone will help me.
I didn't say anything, just looking at the barely hanging ceiling fan with a thoughtful expression, trying to appear calm, while everyone else stared at me.
But, even though I didn't say anything, others could notice my mental state from my shaky breathing, as I was struggling to breathe due to holding back the urge to puke.
I still vividly remember the daydream I always had to pass time in the classes; running through the lush green backyard of a small countryside hut, just behind her, while our daughter chased after us.
Eventually, we both catch up, and then collapse into Clara's arms at once, laughing, holding each other like nothing could ever break us.
It all sounded like a joke now. A bad fucking joke.
"Look man, it's not over. I know how much you love her, maybe just talk to her…" William finally found the words, though he wasn't sure of them either.
He gently patted my shoulder, his eyes saying 'it isn't the end, you got a long life ahead'.
I appreciated the gesture, but before I could even speak—
Pickle intervened sharply, "No, this can never work. She will turn him into D1 simp if we let this happen. Just move on Mark, there are billions of chicks, atleast a million will be interested in fucking you! Look at you, already got a harem in progress!" he said enthusiastically, trying to lighten my mood, but it didn't work.
And, it wasn't even about Clara anymore.
If only I hadn't wasted all my time having 'fun'.
Maybe if I had studied hard, learned useful skills, and built connections, I would've avoided the debt, the poverty, and worse of all, falling in love.
Clara in my fantasy was different from Clara in real life. I thought of her as how women are in animes, and webnovels.
There was no way a normal girl with a dull, average life could ever fullfil the deep fantasies, and adventures about women I had.
And even if I still fell in love with her with a perfect life, Clara wouldn't have done something like this…
I am not sure, really. Maybe, she still would've. But, atleast I wouldn't have myself to blame then?
Giyo's voice softened, but it sounded shaky without Giyo's will
"Don't worry mark. I will send you my favourite videos, you will go "Who Clara?" after just one minute of them. And also, you still have us." He tried to joke but no one even smiled.
Though he did get weird looks from everyone including Mark himself at his last words.
I didn't swing that way.
I could understand this guy, and I regret it all now. I tried what Giyo had never dared to, and confessed. If he sees me weak, he would probably never try again. But, that would be just wrong, I can't ruin his life.
My lips curled just enough to pass as a smile, trying to reassure Giyo that it's not that bad, and it seemed on the surface it kind of worked— but, my knuckles were clenched so hard that blood started to gather in the palm of my hands.
William, and Pickle noticed my hand, and their gazes became even more sympathetic.
I hated pity the most.
"I am fine, I was just annoyed at some choices I made… Don't worry pickle, I will break up with her." I finally replied through gritted teeth. I won't play the victim, it's just disgusting. It's all my fault.
But, I am not gonna think about this anymore, I will just move on, and forget this ever happened. This is life, I had to.
'But… I wonder what she thought of me? How long has this been going on? Why did she even accept it in the first place? Was she thinking of me like a tool, or a backup option when she eventually wants to settle down? Did she think of me so low that she could try to manipulate me?'
My mind didn't listen to what I wanted. My knees nearly gave out, like the weight of my chest had spread to each of my bones.
'Why? Why do I feel like this? I said I will move on!'
But, her face just wasn't disappearing. The long trauma dumps we did on each other, her smile when she agreed to sit besides me in the cafeteria. and the arguments with her annoying friends to protect her sanity kept playing in my mind.
My mind spiraled back to the previous thought.
It was all my fault.
I wanted a woman with a story, regrets, deep emotions, loyality, her own interests, not a monkey who repeated each of my actions, but the problem was that this just… isn't real. People are boring, bland, repetitive, same to each other…
I am the same too.
I thought I was some main character with a tragic backstory. But never did I put effort in things I should've like an actual main character.
If I had given it my all, and had a lot of money, I could've been crying in a private jet at least.
Getting out of poverty now seems too hard.
But even if I did the impossible, and became that one motivational story, would it even change anything?
Like always— Same people, same dramas, same girls with same behaviours, and it's not like I will be special like those main characters even then.
I will still be an average human in just a slightly more luxurious environment.
'I truly hate being so mediocre.'
I sighed, it's all useless now.
I turned towards the group who still hadn't let go off the worried looks, smiling softly.
These guys always had my back no matter how bad things got.
William, as if reading my face, smiled warmly with a nod, instantly rushing towards the old fridge by the bed. With a single fluent movement, he pulled out two six packs of cold ones.
He quickly walked up to us, placing the box on the ground with so much care that one would think it's his greatest possession, and it did look expensive.
Then, immediately, William sat down on the cold ground, motioning everyone to join him too.
William too had gone through similar things, and now, he knew what was the best way to improve my mood.
I grinned, and we all did as prompted, sitting in a circle as beers opened on their own.
Time passed, and there was no light coming in from the window anymore, just thick darkness.
We had started drinking at three in the afternoon, and now it was already over nine.
I sat over a tea table, enjoying the burning feeling of beer in my stomach, under the cold wind of AC.
It was bitter, and I didn't really like drinking because of it, had to mix half a bottle of one of those artificial fruit juices which were extremely sweet.
But, today I didn't. It made me think less, so I thought of it as a medicine mostly.
William layed on my left side on the cracked stone floor, while Pickle with a straight back, and folded legs in front of us, meditating.
Liam was sprawled on his back just beside William, typing seriously on the laptop on his chest.
"No, you're seriously so wrong." William shook his head, puffing out ciggarerte smoke with an annoyed face.
"Oh am I now? What I am saying is love isn't even real, only hate is. We humans are great at hating, but at loving, it's just a pretending game.
Why do you think thirty year old couples leave each other after one of them cheats? All those decades of saying I love you every morning just end up becoming statements in the court." Pickle said with an all knowing face, sighing at the IQ of his buddies. I could feel like he wanted to use mine, and Clara's one day relationship as an example but didn't for obvious reasons.
I didn't hate his philosiphy as it did have some truth, but oh well, who cares?
I thought, taking a huge bite of the crusty, cold fried chicken leg in my hand, the roughness of it just hitting a spot after beer.
"Why does everytime you get drunk, you gotta yap philosophy. We all know you prefer porn more than real women." Willliam said with a shrug.
He is also very similar to the old me who fell for Clara, believing in good old romance, and that one day he will just randomly encounter his soulmate.
I would say he's just too scared to hold a proper conversation with women after his experiences of 'bullying' from a female senior back in high school days. That 'bullying's' details were too disgusting to even think about.
It would've kept going if not for Pickle smashing the girl's head with a steel tiffen repeatedly when he learned of it, getting suspended for 5 months while the senior got pity from the entire school, and Pickle got framed like the villain.(Even with the details of bullying.)
William now couldn't keep the conversation going without revealing his—and everyone he knew—deepest, darkest secrets, just for the sake of keeping it alive.
My mind went back to the moment he directly told a girl who came to ask us to check her car which wasn't working, that he jerks off to deep fakes of singer celebrities with a straight face.
William turned towards me after noticing I was looking at him like he was a newly discovered alien species. His face grew serious instantly—
"Anyway, have you got any calls from Clara, Mark?" He asked softly while kicking Giyo on the face who was knocked out cold just in the range of William's legs, trying to wake him up, which worked. Giyo had drunk more than me so it took a real hard kick right on the jaw.
"Yeah, a message…" I smiled uncomfortably, but ultimately chose to pass the phone to William.
After talking with them for over five hours, I had sent a simple breakup message to Clara—polite enough for her to not file a restraining order, cold enough for her to know to never try to talk to me again.
I hadn't opened it, waiting to open it with everyone as I didn't really wanna see it to be honest.
After making the discovery of the real her, I could predict this was going to be harsh. I must have offended her ego, but I can't care about it now, I have to stay firm…
[Aww, are you gonna cry now? I was trying to earn some cash to pay the student loan… Why do you sound so angry in that message, it's not my fault… Still a little boy whose daddy left him.]
All five of our faces darkened. No one moved for a whole minute, all four of them just stared at the screen with pure disgust in their eyes while my eyes stung a lot.
'This? This is how fast someone can change? No, it was a mask from atleast the last 5-8 years, this was the… real her.' I could still see the giant [I love you] sticker above that message.
"Want me to do something? I can catfish her, and make her fall in love with that account, then at video call, you can show your face…" Liam said with a glint in his eyes, fully prepared to unleash the plan.
I felt some warmth in my heart as I knew he can't let this level of disrespect towards me slide.
'Wait…'
As if a bell rang in my mind, I turned to Liam and said with the most evil grin a man could make, barely holding back my laugh.
If she can reveal her true self now, why not me?
"Send me the link to 'that'. I have her Dad's number back from school days…"
No more words were needed as the message was immediately understood by everyone.
Liam's hand itched with excitement as he instantly complied.
William's disgusted angry face slowly brightened with a smile that seemed slightly envious?
Maybe because he was the type who always accepted the pain inflicted on him, and blamed himself. He had never thought of getting back, only cursing them in his heart atmost.
'Well maybe that will change now.' I thought looking at his smile slowly turning into a devious grin.
I am definitely a bad influence on him.
But, oh well, bad is better than good in this case. He shouldn't tolerate anything like that ever again.
I nodded approvingly at him.
My eyes turned to Pickle who looked proud like a father whose son had just banged a ten.
I flashed an awkward smile at him.
He does get emotional when drunk. I don't want him to start screaming in the whole neighbourhood that I have become a real man.
Giyo, without care, just drank another beer, taking a deep breath like he was an old man who can only sigh at the ugliness of the world. Can't blame him. He was more happy than me about me having a crush on Clara, and was cheering me on for over four years to just do it.
With a deep breath I finally clicked the send button.
~Few minute later
All of us stared at my phone, and we didn't have to wait too long before a new message from Clara appeared.
[W-Why did you do this to me!?
I thought we had something special…
My life is ruined because of you!
My father hates me now! He cut all connection with me, and froze my bank accounts.
Are you happy now?]
"Haha!" I instantly burst out in laughter, others joining me after looking at the message too.
I actually couldn't be happier. Letting your true self out is really fun.
"Heh, let's go to the strip club tonight, and in the morning you will join the gym with me!" Pickle said with an encouraging, bright smile, checking his account balance if he could afford everyone's time there as he knew how poor we all were.
I grinned, "Sure…" gulping down another beer, which also made others look at me a bit worried as I had been drinking every second since afternoon.
My liver was already on fire, but the pain of understanding that everything I wanted was just a fantasy, and unrealistic in the real world, was still not going away.
Slowly, the loud laughter quited down.
All four of them got busy with the preparations to hit the club.
My thoughts became more and more loud, the same thought coming back to haunt me, but even strong this time.
'Doing that to Clara was petty.
I can imagine many people calling me immature, insecure, and all that bullshit.
But… it felt really good… Power still feels good.'
I bit my lower lip, my face getting ugly internally,
'…But, is this all the power I get? Like, besides that revenge, in my life… even in the best of place I can only get power from money, fame, and materialistic wins.
Now, a world war could happen at any moment, and get me drafted. Get shot, and it will be over.
Or maybe, a nuke drops on me and my friends directly. We just sit here and die…
Even if I was rich, I would still die.
But
What if I could use magic?
What if I could actually get a harem of beautiful women with deep, intresting personalities, and not just fantasise about it?
What if I could actually be 'powerful'?
I wish I had an opportunity, just… one chance to get stronger. I don't want strength on a silver spoon, I would work harder than everyone else… If I just knew the reward was worth it…
Just a chance… And I promise, I will actually live this time..'
I took a deep breath.
Alcohol is getting to me.
I will forget it eventually when I wake up…
Thud!
I smashed my hand hard on the wooden table, but the thoughts were just not stopping.
I need cold water. Yes, that will wake me up.
But, just as I was about to get down from the table, my pupils contracted.
*Ding!!
[Bloodborne Summoning system triggered.]
A sharp sound of hundreds of giant temple bells ringing at the same time, rang in his ears.
[You have met the requirements. Loading… 68%... 70%]
My eyes widened. I fanatically searched for the source of the robotic voice, but it felt like the speaker was deep inside my ear cannal, as if speaking directly in my brain.
The next second, a red golden screen manifested out of thin air in front of him, two notifications in red, bold font glowing.
[...Loading…99%]
[Soul transfer confirmed!]
[Good Luck Host :D]
Heat spread deep in my heart—At first as hot as a fever, but quickly like I was being fried alive. It spread. Fast. The warmth turned sharp, crawling up my chest, into my throat, behind my eyes. My bones felt soft, like they were melting from the inside, like candle wax.
I couldn't breathe right. As if every rib in my chest was shattered. Both of my lungs were punctured as if blown from inside out due to too much hot air. My eyes were already pure white—The pupils were the first to be melted.
'Wow, how convenient. I wish for another world and five seconds later, this happens... Totally not shady at all.' I don't know why this was the first thought after experiencing something like that.
Suddenly, before I could even process what was happening, I felt my vision blurring, and an intense pain surging in his heart. I could sense something burning in my head, as if my brain was melting too.
Pickle instantly rushed towards my trembling body, trying to support me, probably thinking I was too drunk to stand, but… he was too late.
I could see my physical body separated from me.
I was floating while thick white foam flowed out of my body's mouth.
To others it must seem like a cardiac issue through alcohol poisning or something.
But, after just one-two seconds, my eyes fully shut close.
The next second, my mind went blank, as if my consciousness was pulled out of the world itself.
I saw colors—billions of them. Lights stabbed into my eyes. Giant clouds churned like gas giants devouring each other. The clouds reminded me of the pictures I had seen of galaxies on the internet.
Hundreds of Black holes manifasted out of thin air—which made the galaxies vanish. But, then I felt like being stuck in a washing machine spinning at light speed.
I realised that it had swallowed me. I should've been terrified. My brain felt like soup in a microwave. But... nothing. No fear. Not even nausea. That's when I knew—this wasn't natural.
After what felt like an eternity a familiar site greeted me. Giant, majestic pure red, white, and black glass clouds all spining against each other.
It was like I had just smoked something cheap from a small gas station.
Then I saw some things that I couldn't even comprehend, a lot of things were happening at once, stars appearing. Exploding. Galaxies expanding— clashing.
Then suddenly, only one thing was in my view, and it made me feel extreme dread. I genuinely wished I 'died' because I just couldn't bear looking at it.
It was a monstrous mutation of flesh, darkness, and plants with a body shape that was incomprehendable to me.
The only thing I could understand out of that body was dark red eyes curling upwards as if 'it' was amused which kinda ticked me off.
Until, I felt it all go completely black—like I just closed my eyes under a heavy blanket.
Gah! Hah!
I greedily swallowed air filled with metallic burning smell, complete darkness surrounding me.
'I am alive…'