At four-thirty in the afternoon, the factory gates slowly creaked open, and a wave of workers spilled out onto the street.
Among them walked Loren, his face blank, drifting forward like a lifeless shell carried by the tide of people.
At first, Loren's life had followed an ordinary path. A few minor mishaps here and there, but eventually he became just another regular person. Still, there was always something slightly different about him.
Back in middle school, he had been much like his classmates—imaginative and full of curiosity. He devoured science fiction magazines and novels, and every time he finished one, his mind brimmed with limitless daydreams.
One afternoon, lying on his dormitory bed for a nap, Loren's thoughts wandered again to those cosmic tales—the vast expanse of the universe, humanity's insignificance within it, and how fleeting a human life truly was.
Then, without warning, a series of terrifying thoughts surged into his mind. They startled him so much that he leapt from his bed, heart racing, unable to calm himself for a long time.
He tried to push those thoughts away, but they clung stubbornly, rooting themselves deep within his consciousness. He discovered a change within himself—he could no longer think too deeply. Whenever he tried, those dreadful ideas would resurface, dragging him into despair.
And when the despair reached its peak, insane notions would suddenly erupt inside his head.
At first, he fought back by cramming knowledge into his mind, not caring if he truly understood it, trying to use information to crowd out the darkness.
But he soon realized this method was useless. The knowledge only tangled with the fears, breeding countless mad ideas. His thirst for knowledge twisted, urging him to act on those impulses, what people often called "courting death."
Eventually, Loren chose another way—to empty his mind. He tried to stay cheerful, to avoid thinking too much, to suppress the chaos within.
But Loren began to change. Once a top student in his class, his grades slowly slipped. Though he barely managed to test into a prestigious high school, he ended up graduating from a local vocational college instead.
Afterwards, life's hardships tempered him further. He became one of the countless laborers in society. On the surface, it looked like his story had returned to the normal script.
But "normal" was only temporary. Loren felt himself slipping again.
Knowledge seeped in from every corner of life, his parents' constant quarrels and relatives' endless pressure to marry weighed heavily, and the numb routine of the assembly line only deepened his despair.
Once again, those reckless, dangerous ideas bubbled up in his mind—over and over, crushed back down by his survival instinct, only to surge up again. His colleagues once thought him cheerful and optimistic, but now he grew quieter, his face empty, his spirit drained.
…
After work, Loren let the crowd carry him along the street, wandering aimlessly.
Suddenly, a blaring horn cut through the noise behind him. By the time he snapped back to awareness, the crowd had already scattered to safety. He stood alone in the middle of the road.
A small truck slammed into him from behind. Loren felt his body soar into the air, rolling violently, every inch of him screaming in pain, before darkness swallowed his senses.
When awareness flickered back, he seemed to be in an emergency room. Through the haze, he saw doctors rushing around. Somewhere inside, he still felt there was a chance.
But then, the thoughts he had suppressed for years came flooding in with terrifying clarity:
"Why does a person exist? Is it only because the body can think?"
"When my body dies, and thought stops, do I still exist?"
"Life is only a few decades, less than a heartbeat to the world—so small. What happens after death? Will I still be me?"
"Is there truly a soul? I want to test it myself."
"In the end, everyone dies. Why restrain myself? Why not do what I truly want?"
"This is the perfect chance. If I make myself the subject of the experiment, I can explore the world after death—free of all external burdens."
The tide of thoughts surged relentlessly. Years of survival instinct, eroded and battered, had finally reached their breaking point.
Loren stopped resisting. His will to live collapsed. He surrendered to the madness, ready to embrace those thoughts and step forward—
to explore death with his own hands.
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