Author
Please if you find this chapter comfusing or alot of grammar mistake or misspelling.... Forgive me, I'm really sick with cold and catarrh....sore throat, headache, nose blocked and so on....
"…Anyone who knew me from childhood knows I was a strong-willed girl. I was rebellious, proud, and difficult. If you picked five children among us, you'd struggle to find one I treated sincerely.
From a young age, I loved control. I wanted people beneath me, moving only at my command. That was why I never accepted friendships with girls my age, even when their families were richer than ours. I looked down on all of them....and I outsmarted them. Our household stood above theirs in everything, and I made sure they felt it. Whether they liked it or not, they obeyed me.
My parents fought with me constantly over this nature. Sometimes I felt a flicker of regret, but the moment things went quiet again, I returned to my old self as if nothing had happened. This became my life. Everyone knew Taihou was the one in charge....if you wanted peace, you obeyed. Our home was respected, educated, and wealthy. I was proud of that. Even so, I carried my own private ambitions.
Because I was considered beautiful, I attracted many young men. My father had a rule that every girl in the house should be married, but I never accepted that for myself. I rejected everyone. Any man who approached me was examined from head to toe....his background, his status, the weight of his pockets. If he had nothing, I gathered him up and threw him away with humiliation so deep he could barely walk past our gate again. Some I dismissed with a look. Others I sent my brothers after.... they chased them off like stray animals.
That was how I completed my education and grew into my place within our household, slowly gaining authority of my own. I learned the rules and traditions of our world, but I paid them little mind. I followed them only when forced by my mother's sharp gaze. Secretly, I broke them whenever I could, just to feel untouchable.
That was how I lived.... until the day I heard my brother had gone to Father with news that Prince Murong, heir to the great throne, had asked that a bride be chosen for him.
You were searching within our own family… but you hadn't yet decided between Taihou and Huele.
What shook me was what I overheard Father say to Mo Gege:
"Mo, put Taihou's matter aside. She does not listen. Sending someone like that into a great house would only shame us and expose our failure in raising her. Taihou is a girl of wealth and arrogance....I fear what she would become. They already say the problem child was handed to you, and Taihou is that problem. Give him Huele instead. We will be proud of her."
Those words burned into me.
It wasn't just rejection....it was hunger. Raw, consuming hunger.
I locked myself away and searched for an answer. Even my own heart whispered that I should remove Huele, because she was the only obstacle in my path.
I did not act on that thought. I loved my siblings. So I stayed silent. I watched every step they took, every move Father made. I said nothing.... not even to Huele, not even to our mothers.
Even after our mother died giving birth to Jasrah, we never lacked care. Our father's concubines held us as though they had given birth to us themselves.
I gave myself two days.
Two days to decide my fate.
When the second day arrived, I felt a strange joy. In my heart, I was already the future queen.
Fate had already placed the crown on my head.
On that very day, while still watching my brother and Father, I learned that my brother was preparing to send a message to Prince Murong, naming the chosen bride.
I did not hesitate.
I hurried to write calm, careful letters. I placed my photographs inside..... ones I had prepared long before…
I slipped into my brother's room without anyone noticing. He was away studying, so I searched through everything in silence. I found the photographs of Huele that he had prepared to send....and I took them.
I destroyed them.
Then I replaced them with my own photographs, sealed the letter again, and made sure it looked untouched. My hands were shaking when I left the room. Later, I burned Huele's photos in the toilet, making sure no one would ever find the ashes.
Just as my brother had said, he sent the message to Prince Murong, never knowing that I had replaced the pictures.
Five days later, the marriage envoys arrived.
My thoughts were in chaos. I kept wondering how everything had unfolded so quickly, but I couldn't show anything on my face. I waited. I listened. I watched.
After they left, Father and my brother returned home. I overheard Father speaking to our mother in a worried voice. He said the matter had come back with an unexpected twist: although Huele had been their original choice, the palace had sent back word that Taihou had been selected instead. No one could understand how the name had changed.
They launched a quiet investigation. My brother was even sent to the palace to confirm it personally. But the answer remained the same.... Taihou was the chosen one.
Mother's face showed no joy, no fear.....only silence. She said nothing, but the matter clearly troubled her. It was obvious: because of Huele, I had never been considered properly before. Even though I was the eldest, I had been pushed aside.
Her bitterness was clear.
But for me… my struggle ended there. My wish had come true.
Preparations for the wedding began.
I pretended to resist. I even cried. But my father and brother brought out their usual persuasion, speaking gently, pressuring me the way they always did. I let them believe they had convinced me. I played my role perfectly.
By the time of the wedding, I was calm....while everyone else was busy coaxing me forward.
I was taken to the palace.
A palace of beauty.
A palace of wonders.
I had grown up wealthy, but that place made my home look like dust. Only then did I understand what true luxury was.
The first thing that unsettled me was this: I had to live under the authority of Dowager Ruyan, the woman my husband called "Mother." I hated it.....but I endured it. I lowered my head. I submitted. Because only through obedience could I obtain what I truly wanted.
She showed me kindness without separating me from her daughters. I accepted everything she gave me, silently storing away my own ambitions.
The second thorn in my heart was Cixi, Murong's first wife....the one everyone leaned on, the true Queen. She disturbed me deeply, and I began to search for ways to remove her from my path.
Before I even finished dealing with her, Danish-Ara was married to Murong as well. That was when my connection to CAO truly began.
After hearing her story and everything that had passed between her and Mother, I was drawn to her. I sought her out.
At first, I tried to approach her through one of Murong's trusted servants. I offered him large sums of money, but he refused. He made it clear he would never betray his master.
That refusal injured my pride.
So I turned to threats.
I targeted his family.
I forced his wife to bring me one of their daughters. I told him plainly that I would kill the child.
That was what finally broke him.
That was why he agreed.
And that was how I secured my connection to Cao.
I was terrified the first time I saw her. She was something dreadful..... so foreign and unsettling that it felt as though she did not belong to this land at all.
On the day I went to greet her, she did not acknowledge me. She dismissed me coldly, saying I was not ready. The rejection cut deeply, but I endured it. I apologized for a fault I didn't even understand, yet she gave me no attention. I stood up and left in silence.
What frightened me most was not her cruelty, but her silence afterward. For three full months, she refused to see me again.
When the second meeting finally came, her behavior had not softened. She ignored me until she slowly straightened, glanced at me from the corner of her eyes, and said:
"Stop wasting the day and prepare yourself to become a mother who can wipe the tears of those who cry."
I thanked her and left.
Without hesitation, I followed her words for three months.
Then, one night, she appeared suddenly.... as if she passed through the wall itself. My heart jumped. I was frightened, but I also remembered the strange calm that always surrounded her.
Her voice burned through the room when she spoke:
"Here, you cannot be a mother. You are a coward?"
I answered that I was not a coward.
She repeated the question.
I repeated my answer.
We did this three times before she finally laughed.
"Then you are a companion of the journey," she said. "Tell me....what kind of road are you walking with Cao?"
I sat up, unable to contain my excitement, and told her everything. I told her I wanted a child. I told her I wanted to be Queen, not merely a consort, not merely a wife. I wanted that position, no matter the price.
She laughed loudly. Her laughter angered me.....but I swallowed it.
"Truly, you are a companion of the journey," she said again, her face changing with the flicker of the dim light.
Then she said something that froze my blood.
"I prevented Murong from having children," she said calmly. "Because of what his mother did to me. If she wanted to rule this house because she bore an heir, I was ready to let her have it....as long as my power stood unchallenged."
I kept apologizing. Not because I was sorry, but because I wanted what I wanted.
Her expression darkened.
"Well," she said, "you have washed yourself clean, young woman. If you can meet our conditions, you may take the title of Queen in this era."
I did not hesitate.
I agreed to everything.
She laughed again, then placed a paper before me and set a black bowl on the floor. Inside was blood.
"Sign with this," she told me. "I will also sign."
This was our first pact.
There was no space for refusal.
I signed.
She took one copy. I kept the other.
"From today," she said, "your name among us is: The Inner One, Who Makes Men Tremble. Yes… you make men tremble."
I laughed with happiness. She congratulated me.
She disappeared.
When she returned another day, she said only this: that I was close.
For three weeks, there was silence. No word of her, no sign of her.
I grew anxious.
Then one night, just as before, she appeared through the wall.
Before I could speak, she gave me a new rule.
"Whenever I appear to you, your knees will touch the ground," she demanded. "And the only name you will use for me is Cao."
I accepted, without protest.
She laughed again and placed two small vials in my hands.
"These are the medicines for your problem, Inner One," she said. "One you will drink. The other you will give Prince Murong."
Her lips curled.
"Before the month ends, you will be pregnant."
Joy flooded me.....pure, dizzying joy.
But then a thought pierced through the euphoria.
I asked her:
What if one of us is already pregnant?
What if we conceive at the same time… and I bear a girl while they bears a boy?
She laughed softly and said, "You have succeeded, Inner One. You brought a fire hotter than I asked for."
Her words filled me with a strange, burning pride. I basked in her praise.
She gave me more medicine and assured me that everything I had done..... making Cixi and Danish-Ara drink their doses
.... It had been done correctly. I thanked her, and once more, she vanished like smoke.
I made all three of them drink their mixtures. I drank the one she had given me as well.
But the vial that Cixi drank caused her to miscarriage.
She had been pregnant....a fact I never knew.
When I found out, I was overwhelmed with joy. Part of me was shocked, too. Why had she hidden it? Had she planned for no one to know until birth? In that moment, my trust in Cao became absolute. I thought: Having Cao on my side was a blessing.
What sealed my faith was the change in my own body before the month she promised had even passed.
I showed signs of pregnancy.
I was happy.
I was endlessly happy.
Everyone around me was happy.
Even Cao came in person to congratulate me. She brought more medicines and told me they were gifts for the child growing inside me.... protection, so that even Cixi could never harm my pregnancy.
By then, I trusted her more deeply than anyone or anything in this world. I never once thought to refuse.
I nurtured the pregnancy carefully. Alongside it grew a love for Murong I had never believed I could feel. That kind of need.... that kind of hunger for a child.....I had never understood before.
His mother, his siblings.... even Dannen..... organized my life around my condition. The entire palace treated me with a new kind of respect. My confidence grew daily. I felt invincible, and I felt chosen.
I believed no one in this world stood with me the way Cao did.
Then the month of delivery arrived.
Everyone prayed for a safe birth.
But inside my heart, I wanted only one thing.
A son.
The heir.
Still, I was too afraid to ask Cao directly. I feared she would say she had no certainty.
On a Wednesday morning, I woke suddenly, sitting straight up in bed. Cao had warned me to keep everyone away, so I obeyed. Only Jasrah stayed with me.
When Jasper saw my body begin to shake with violent convulsions, she cried out. But I forced calm into her hands and made her stay silent.
All through Thursday, nothing came.... no child, no relief. I endured the pain in silence. No one was told. Not even Dannen, who stayed close, alerted them.
By Thursday night, slipping into Friday, the convulsions were tearing through me.
And then I saw Cao.
I was relieved. I was hopeful. I thought salvation had come.
Just as I opened my mouth to beg for her help, she stopped me.
She told me calmly:
"Tonight, I will tell you my conditions."
If I agreed, she would give me a medicine that would let me deliver safely....and the child would be a boy, the heir to the throne.
If I refused, she would leave.
And there was no promise I would live through the night.
Even if I lived.... if I gave birth to a girl.... she would restore what I had destroyed. Another would carry a son. She reminded me that from the beginning, she had prevented Murong from having children because of what his mother had done to her.
I was desperate.
Desperation swallowed me whole.
I told her that if fate had brought her to me, then whatever condition she came with, I would accept.
She asked me three times.
And three times, I answered yes.
She gave me the medicine.
I drank a small portion.
She gathered her belongings.
The pain faded.
I could breathe.
I could sit.
She looked at me and said:
"Taihou, you came to me. I did not summon you. You came with your need, asking me to solve it for you."
I raised my head to acknowledge the truth.
She continued:
"What you seek, you have found here. From today, your name will change. From today onward, you will be known as Queen Taihou. You will be honored by all."
I had sworn that Murong would never climb the steps to the King's throne....because if he had no heir, or if his parents died before he came of age, the line would end with him.
But now… because of you, I withdrew everything.
She told me, "I will punish Tengshan and Ruyan for their sins....them and their descendants. But you… it seems you and your son have escaped. I will give you power. I will return you to the days when your name made the earth tremble."
I thanked her, overflowing with pleasure.
She continued:
"My first condition after you give birth is this: I will take your womb completely. One vessel is enough for you to stand against everyone in this palace. His birth alone will make him the sole heir of this house."
I agreed to Cao.
I answered without hesitation, without beauty, without reason.
She smiled, as if she felt me completely.
Then she continued:
"My second condition: after his birth, you will slaughter ten black bulls, and ten camels that have not exceeded three years of age. And then black dogs."
At the mention of the dogs, I trembled slightly.
She spoke quickly, calmly:
"Do not fear. These dogs are for protection....against anyone who seeks to harm your son. You are giving birth to the heir. No one will love him. Your enemies will multiply."
That was also Cao.
I understood her meaning.
I agreed.
My answer was full of relief and satisfaction after her explanation.
She smiled again and continued:
"You will repeat this slaughter every six months. After that, you will spill the blood of a pregnant servant girl when she reaches three months. If her pregnancy advances beyond that, you will sacrifice a newlywed servant who has not exceeded one month in marriage."
For a moment, my mind wavered.
But she looked at me as though asking if I wished her to continue.
And I understood.
Nothing in this world is gained freely.
Besides… it was not I who would perform the killings. My only duty was to speak the names. The rest would be her work.
For me, the only thing that mattered was this:
To give birth to an heir.
To become a symbol of power greater than even Queen Dowager Ruyan.
So I agreed.
She went on:
"The third condition: when he reaches twelve years of age, you will attempt to arrange a marriage between a poor, powerless person and one of Murong's daughters."
If pregnancy is achieved and the mark of their lineage appears on the child after three days, we will take the child. If there is no mark, we will still take the child.... and we will remove Tengshan from this world, and Murong will be the King.
Murong will rule during the years of your son's growth. When your child reaches the age to take the throne, Murong will step down and place the crown on the throne.
On the day of his appointment as King, he will be married to four wives. All of these women will be our sacrifices. If you wants him to remains alive, you will continue the retual, or Ruyan continue controlling your son.
I quickly said I agreed....because I could never live beneath another woman's authority after having once held power myself.
She smiled and said,
"That is why I see you as a daughter I carried in my own womb, Inner One. I will release you to triumph over everyone's victory. The boy you give birth to will continue to marry.... we will bring women until their number becomes the foundation of his reign. And at the end, we will give him a wife who will move only by your command. Even if she gives him an heir, you will still be called QUEEN.
Even he, in his own judgment, will never pass a sentence without your will.
Be cautious. Be calm. Kill your heart inside your body during all his marriages. He must never marry from his own bloodline.
If you fail, everything will be destroyed. All your suffering will become meaningless. We will never accept a mistake.
If you break our conditions, you will pay us with the blood of what you give birth to.... that is the price of failure. That is your judgment."
My mind was fully awake. In the whole world, there was nothing I desired more than what lay inside my womb. I fell into desperation and begging.
She assured me that this fate would only happen if I betrayed her..... because Tengshan's defiance of her works, under the influence of his wife, was the reason she most sentenced him to death, and also the death of his beloved son, Murong.
She told me that Momma was nothing in this palace.....which is why, through the women who competed with her, she made Daneen the one who, after only two weeks of marriage, would conceive the child we required. She also killed Prince Nayyar in the swimming pool of the house.
As for Chuchu.....her heart was already dark, so she never needed to approach her.
Hearing of these killings and judgments she had placed upon Momma's descendants because of their defiance filled me with fear. And because of that fear, I agreed to everything.
She gave me medicine and promised she would provide a servant who would become my trusted hand in carrying out my tasks.
From that day onward, I hid myself from the world. No one was allowed to speak of me openly. I had become the Inner One.
Even when I appeared in gatherings under the title of Inner One…
After her departure, the delivery pains began immediately.
Thank goodness.... I gave birth to a son.
A boy who looked like both me and Murong.
Little by little, her words were proven true. None of Murong's wives conceived again. My faith in her deepened.
I began to carry out everything exactly as she commanded, without fear.... until the day Yibo was taken away from my presence.
She showed bitterness. I showed despair. But no one listened to me. Even Momma eventually supported taking him away.
Though she vanished for some years, I still felt her heat. Yet I could not even see him for a single useless month.
Her frequent visits forced King Tengshan to art, and the law was only passed years later.
I cried that day.....but Cao calmed me, urging patience, promising that as long as he lived, the law would not be enforced.
Time moved forward.
It was time for Dannen to marry.
With the help of Prince Deng, everything was arranged after Momma traveled away.
Dannen was married.... and the pregnancy we desired was achieved.
After their return, turmoil erupted... so severe that Deng was imprisoned.
Later, things quieted.
Dannen gave birth.
But after her delivery, danger returned in the form of a troublesome presence. Still, I successfully took what she gave birth to and brought it under my control....and that was when a foolish elder drove Cao out of this palace.
Years passed.
One night, when Murong had completed three years upon the throne, and I had finished mourning Cao's absence, she suddenly appeared.
My happiness was beyond words.
She laughed, pleased by how deeply I had worried for her.
It turned out… she had spies who reported everything to her during the years she was gone.
NB
If you don't understand anything.... Ask, bcos even I don't understand what I wrote. 😂
Zhanxianyibo💚❤️💛