Under Bailu's righteous gaze, Sylvester lowered his head and pinched his chin.
Bailu thought he had a conscience awakening, but to her surprise, he furrowed his brows and opened his mouth again. "However, this service can't actually be used either. The world where Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is located is simply too far from the Xianzhou. Leaving aside the fact that there's no coordinate, even if there were one, paying the warp fees to make a trip just wouldn't be worth it."
Hearing this, Bailu grew even more despairing. With a bitter little face, she said, "So even this service is gone?"
Then what use does it have? As a souvenir?
What kind of broad-minded person would put funeral parlor items in their home?!
"Eh, that's not quite it." Sylvester said with a faint smile. "At the very least, the complimentary gifts can still be summoned by burning it."
"They're all non-sale items. A plum-blossom-decorated hat, a custom-tailored special shroud, and the best of all—a pain coffin crafted from top-grade materials."
"Pain coffin?" Bailu asked in confusion.
Can a corpse even feel pain?
Sylvester waved his hand. "Eh~~ you've heard of pain cars, right? Cars with custom designs painted using trendy ACG elements. The kind that normal people would feel socially dead driving."
Bailu leaned forward, incredulous. "Th-this… coffins can be painful too?"
"Of course they can!" Sylvester replied decisively, with a completely natural tone, as if he were stating the most ordinary thing in the world.
"A person only lives once and dies once in this world. Such a rare opportunity—of course you should live up to yourself."
After saying that, he lowered his voice and added, "Anyway, the person who'll be using this coffin won't be able to see that day themselves. What's there to be afraid of? Letting loose a little is only natural."
He cleared his throat and continued. "And this custom coffin isn't just plastered with chibi versions of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Director herself—it also lets you freely choose the color. Especially the top recommendation on the list, macho pink. That one's a real hot seller with excellent customer reviews!"
"Default positive reviews, more like." Bailu said flatly, her eyes deadpan as she mercilessly roasted him.
Perhaps her jab hit the mark. Sylvester, who had just been brimming with enthusiasm and rattling on nonstop, suddenly fell silent.
"…"
He frowned, pondered for a moment, then said, "But if you want to use this benefit, it won't work yet. The full name of this ticket is [Wangsheng Funeral Parlor (Paired Wings Double Ticket)]. It requires two people to use."
"It's actually a couple's ticket?!"
Bailu gritted her teeth and slowly enunciated the Curio's name, word by word.
She finally understood how the teachers who graded cultural studies homework felt.
That's way too hellish!
What kind of fairy-tale romance is this supposed to be?!
For some reason, Bailu felt that these short eight characters carried an extremely vivid sense of imagery.
Two immortal lovers who had spent their lives together each rode an immortal crane. The two snow-white mounts seemed to share a perfect understanding, their wingbeats completely synchronized. On their backs, the immortal couple exchanged a smile, and in an instant, a single tear fell.
The breathtaking sunset bathed them in its glow, refracting centuries of love and splendor.
And then…
They burned away in the sunset.
Even Bailu, who had always believed her roasting skills far surpassed those of all the adults she knew, found herself at a loss for words upon hearing this name.
She felt deep admiration for the seventy-seventh Director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
To come up with such a powerful promotional scheme—no wonder she was someone who could communicate between yin and yang, transcending life and death itself.
Such an unconventional train of thought… Bailu doubted she could ever catch up, even after growing up.
Waving the black slip of paper in her hand, her expression looked weathered, like someone who had stayed up all night finishing holiday homework in a single day. She said weakly, "Alright, I get it. I'll use it when I get the chance."
After being put through the wringer by this Curio, Bailu felt what it truly meant to be exhausted in both body and mind.
Even though this thing had zero combat power, every single sentence related to it relentlessly poked at her nerves.
After this whole experience, Bailu felt as though her spirit had been tempered—everything she used to worry about now seemed trivial.
She even began to feel that the [Spirit Invocation Talisman] from earlier wasn't all that unacceptable after all.
Stuffing the paper into her pocket, she took a deep breath. Her small body tilted upward as she bowed three times toward the ceiling and shouted, "Three more trash cans left. Reignbow Arbiter, Lan, bless me—please give me a Curio that's straightforward, no nonsense, and directly boosts combat power!"
Her tiny body really couldn't take this kind of torment anymore!
Watching Bailu on the verge of collapse, Sylvester scratched his head and raised an eyebrow, recalling the effect of the funeral discount coupon, feeling genuinely puzzled.
Is this thing really that unbearable? It seemed fine to him. Could it be that his thinking was more abstract, so he could adapt to it?
Mm… it must be Stelle's influence. Stellarons really do harm people!
Internally criticizing a certain gray-haired youngster without the slightest shame, he politely said aloud to Bailu, "Please, go ahead."
Bailu scrutinized the remaining trash cans on the shelf. Her chubby cheeks puffed as she muttered under her breath, "So you're not giving this Dragon Lady any face, huh?"
Swinging her little fists in a huff, she declared with a fierce expression, "Just you wait—when I become invincible across the starry seas, I'll make sure you regret it!"
"But…" She paused, then magnanimously continued, "I'll give you another chance for now! As long as you turn over a new leaf and become proper trash cans again, you'll have delicious food, fancy drinks, and brand-new items to treat as trash in the future. Got it?"
Faced with Bailu's empty promises, the trash cans stood firm and silent.
"Good." Bailu nodded. "If you don't say anything, I'll take that as your consent."
With that, she widened her eyes and began discerning which trash can was truly loyal to her.
Watching Bailu PUA the trash cans, both Sylvester and Aventurine smiled, but neither said anything.
As the little one resumed selecting trash cans, Aventurine cast a casual glance—then suddenly stiffened.
Somewhere deep within, he sensed Bailu's luck undergo a violent shift. This kind of situation was rare, something he usually only experienced during life-or-death gambles.
No way, right? She had just gotten a gold Curio and a purple Curio—another one already?
Bailu dragged out three trash cans. Her small hands moved pa pa pa, and after the lids were tossed into the air, they vanished immediately.
Before squinting to shield her eyes, Bailu nervously glanced at the beam of light shooting out from inside the can.
When she saw that luxurious violet glow, Bailu prayed desperately in her heart.
Please, please don't let it be another ridiculous Curio. As long as it boosts combat power and is actually useful to me, that's enough!
===BREAK===
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