Of course. As a translator specializing in Spanish to American English light novels, I will adapt this chapter, making sure the language is simple, colloquial, and captures the specific humor and personality of the main character.
Here is the translation:
Chapter 3: Go to H***
After lunch, Zeus and I went back to the troll cave, but the internet still isn't back.
This is bad. As a rat kid, I have a reputation to maintain.
See, I'm the type of rat kid who mainly focuses on spoilers. I read the light novels and ruin the lives of the users who only read the manga or only watch the anime, right at the best part of the story.
Of course, it's an exhausting and complex job, but someone has to do it, and that someone is me. It's my sacred duty, my reason for existing on this earth.
If I'm not there to do my part for the world, what would become of it? It pains me just to imagine that world... But luckily, it's just my imagination. After all, we rat kid have a sacred duty to never allow such a world to exist.
Woof!
What's that, Zeus? You think I should turn on the TV?
Woof!
But I don't think it'll tell us anything important.
Woof!
I see…
Woof!
Your words are wise... Fine. Let's try turning the TV on again.
Enlightened by his wisdom, I switch the TV on again. It's a little sad to see how something that was an icon of human culture for decades was reduced to an unreliable box by smartphones in just over ten years.
While I was thinking about how fleeting life can be, I turn the television on again.
[At this time, we are joined by Dr. Michael, an internationally renowned psychologist, to help us understand in some way the delicate situation that has been developing over the last few hours throughout the world.
Dr. Michael, what is your opinion on the planet that suddenly appeared in the sky and the strange creatures that are attacking people? What do you think we should do in an unknown situation like this?]
Oh no, they already brought in their "experts with PhDs." What the hell? Aliens?
[Yes, first, thank you for having me on your channel. Regarding the current situation, the first thing we must keep in mind is that we cannot panic. Panic only adds more problems to the ones we are already facing.
I know it can be difficult to face the reality we are so suddenly living.
But everyone must try to understand the situation and cope with it.]
[And what advice would you give to be able to cope with this situation?]
[Well, most people go through a total of 5 stages to accept such sudden and unfavorable events.]
[The first stage is denial.]
Denial? What am I supposed to deny? I have nothing to deny. A planet appearing out of nowhere? Fantasy creatures showing up?
As if any of that is real.
Don't you guys think you're trying way too hard for a prank?
[The second is anger.]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT A DAMN PLANET AND FANTASY CREATURES JUST APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE? DO YOU THINK I'M SOME DAMN OTAKU WHO'S ALL "I WANNA GO TO ANOTHER WORLD"?
IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE TO YOU, YOU IDIOT? YOU WANT A FIGHT? "ANOTHER WORLD" MY ASS, THIS IS THE SAME DAMN WORLD, BUT WITH MONSTERS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
[The third is bargaining.]
Come on, Doc, let's talk about this, okay? Isn't it a little weird that we can still watch TV during what looks like a forced worldwide summoning? Just drop the prank now and I won't sue you, 'kay? How about, in exchange, I talk with the rat kid association so they'll never mess with you again? No more spoilers, no more disconnecting mid-match, no more troll insults in the middle of a game—a happy life just for you, Doc. Think about it.
[The fourth is depression.]
I'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
rat kid can't survive an apocalypse, you get it?
Our natural habitat is the darkness of our room behind a screen. Isn't it obvious we're not cut out for exercise?
I'm supposed to go out into the world and survive? Like hell I can do that crap.
I'm gonna die from withdrawal if the internet doesn't come back soon anyway…
[And the fifth is acceptance.]
GO TO HELL, YOU OLD GEEZER! LIKE I'M EVER GONNA ACCEPT THIS CRAP. F*** YOU.
[Although sometimes, there are relapses…]
I turn off the TV and get into bed, hugging Zeus.
I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything. It's plausible deniability.