For years she dwelled on the new feelings. Her mind often drowns in the possibility of them despite knowing that there were no affections harboured in those honey eyes. She thought she would have to forget about her unrequited love once she was married to someone else, yet fate decided to give her a bittersweet destiny.
No one knows how happy she was when their marriage was announced.
It makes her ponder. Was there a chance? A slight possibility to fight for the love she had concealed for so long? She did not want to fall in love, not at all, but there are things even a princess like her had no control over, and this was certainly one that she did not expect.
She knew he did not love her, but she adored him anyway. He was the first thought that came across her mind in the morning, and the last thought before she fell asleep at night. Even with his inability to be in her presence at the moment, he was always in between her thoughts.
It hurts to know that he will never look at her the way she looked at him, but it also soul-stirring to know that she will spend the rest of her life as his wife, as his, although he never claimed her willingly. Ilaria sunk into her bed after she was dressed up in her nightgown.
The warm bath has caused her skin to feel refreshed. She will dive into a deep slumber before she knows it. Melyn hovered the blanket over the princess, making sure to wrap her up so that she would not have to suffer the cold that may visit during midnight.
The princess sneaked her hand under the blanket and gently clasped the lady's wrist, stopping her from moving completely. Melyn raised her head to look at the gaze that was already transfixed on her. She knew what this meant, and she could only sigh in feigned lethargy. "Your Highness…"
"Stay with me," Ilaria pleaded, her lips pursed into a pout. "At least until I fall asleep."
"I've been doing this for six months," Melyn groaned, though her eyes softened. "Don't you have any pity for me?"
A mischievous smile tugged at the princess' lips. "That's why I keep telling you, just sleep next to me."
"Absolutely not," Melyn shot back instantly, wrinkling her nose in mock horror. "You're a princess."
"You're my friend," Ilaria countered sweetly.
"And I'm also your handmaiden," Melyn reminded her, giving a pointed look while still smoothing the blanket over her. "I have duties to fulfil, rules to follow, and a princess to care for."
Ilaria only leaned deeper into her pillows, unrelenting. "Then as your princess, I command you to sleep next to me."
The words hung in the air, daring and playful. Melyn froze, staring at her with a mixture of disbelief and exasperation, before letting out a long, dramatic sigh. "Saints preserve me… you'll be the end of me, Your Highness."
"Sometimes, I wonder if I'm taking care of a married woman or a newborn princess," she marvelled as she settled at the edge of the bed next to Ilaria. When she took up the vow to be in charge of the crown prince's bride six months ago, she would never have thought to form a relationship like this with the princess.
The rumours about her being a social butterfly were unequivocally unerring. She was too sweet for her own good. Melyn could tell that she must have been pampered while growing up. Melyn shifted slightly, and the princess grinned when Melyn relented to her request.
"Is this going to turn into a round of tittle-tattle before you start dreaming?" She asked expectantly. Although her manner of speech was casual, she was still polite with her tone.
"No," Ilaria shook her head, at first, but then she had a second thought. "Well, when you put it like that…"
"Are you really that lonely?" Melyn could not help but narrow her eyes. While she could see the absolute heart's eyes on the princess' face, she was beginning to wonder if she was truly helpless.
"Hey—my husband abandoned me without a word. The least you could do is indulge me with a story or two," Ilaria laughed, brushing the blanket aside as her palm skimmed the soft mattress, warmth seeping into her body.
"You know I've got nothing nice to say about His Highness."
"Aw, don't worry. It still counts."
Melyn snorted, folding her arms. "He's a jerk."
"But he's still handsome."
"He left you."
"He's a crown prince, he's always busy," Ilaria countered with a sly smirk.
"You said it yourself—'without a word.'"
"I know, I know." Ilaria's grin stayed bright, and it took everything in Melyn not to face-palm right then and there.
"After six months at your side, I've come to a conclusion," Melyn deadpanned, giving her an unimpressed look. "You're not in love with His Highness. You're down horrendous."
Ilaria blinked, then exaggerated a pout. "You used to only malign him, and now you insult me too? Do we look that good together in your eyes?" Melyn's retort died on her tongue. She could only shake her head in defeat.
Love truly was blind — and the princess had become its most helpless victim!
"He's not that bad, you know." Ilaria reached for Melyn's hand, idly squeezing her delicate palm before pinching each fingertip one by one as though she had nothing better to do. Her nose scrunched with a cheeky smile. "You just have to see him in a different light."
"You only say that because you like him."
"I don't—" Ilaria faltered, then chuckled. "Well… you've got a point there. Maybe I said it because I like him toomuch. But he's really not that bad." She tilted her head up at her handmaiden, her narrowed eyes carrying the spark of a challenge.
"You've been here longer than I have, seen him far more than I ever did. Don't tell me there's truly nothing good about him at all."
It was Melyn's turn to think then. "If it concerns the matter of politics and military affairs, His Highness was no doubt unrivalled in the field. He will be a strong monarch in the near future," she admitted.
While the crown prince was deplorable when it came to casual talk and engaging with people, his talent lies elsewhere. The fact that he was chosen as the heir was remarkable in itself. Melyn had seen the internal conflict within the royal family and witnessed how the prince was capable of turning everything in his favour.
The brotherhood among the three princes had long been fractured. Though the second prince and the crown prince once shared a close bond, it did not withstand the weight of ambition. Their rivalry only deepened as the years went on, while the first prince remained distant, set in his own ways.
However, through it all, the crown prince never faltered; his resolve carried him forward until the Black Dragon itself acknowledged him as the rightful heir.
His manner was distant and reserved, often aloof and expressionless, as though he preferred to lock his thoughts away from the world. He was known for his sharp wit and keen intellect, as well as the uncanny ability to keep his emotions in check and remain utterly focused on the task before him.
On the battlefield, however, he was said to be ruthless and unyielding. Melyn could not say for certain, for she had only witnessed him sparring with his soldiers on occasion. Yet even then, it was clear that mercy held little place in his teachings.
Still, there was one irrefutable truth…
"Yes, His Highness is certainly handsome." Melyn had only complimented him once and there were already flowers and glitters in the princess' eyes.
Beneath the dim light, her rosy cheeks were still palpable. Even the darkness of the night could not outshine how radiant she looked at the moment. The princess leaned forward with a sheepish smile, batting her eyelashes. "Tell me more."
Melyn gaped in disbelief, then quickly shook her head. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought the princess was dreaming aloud in some fanciful sleepwalk. "You need to sleep, Your Highness."
Ilaria furrowed her eyebrows and pouted. "You're a bad, bad friend."
"I'm sorry, but it's time you close your eyes and rest."
"One more, pleaseee," she held up a finger close to Melyn's face, pleading with all the desperation of a child begging for sweets.
"I've been telling you the same things for half a year," Melyn sighed, gently pushing her hand aside. Rising to her feet, she smoothed the ruffled mattress with neat, practiced strokes, muttering under her breath, "I doubt you've forgotten a word of it."
"When you miss someone, you want to hear everything about them again and again, just to quiet the loneliness," Ilaria cooed, tapping her chest dramatically as she pouted at being denied.
"And you're right, I remember every word you said," she admitted with a dreamy grin. "I'm an expert at storing things in my head, especially when it's about something I love."
Melyn arched a brow, half-amused. "I don't understand."
"Of course you don't," the princess hummed, flopping back onto her pillow with a satisfied sigh. She didn't mind looking like a hopeless romantic, not in front of Melyn. Her gaze drifted to the cold, empty space beside her, just wide enough for another person.
As the moonglow seeped through the slit of the curtain and illuminated the empty mattress, she wondered what it would feel like to have him sleeping beside her. Would she be able to see his sleeping face as she woke up in the morning, or would he wake up before her?
She wondered what it would feel like to be able to trace her finger along the line of his refined features as he slept peacefully. She wondered how warm his skin would feel if she was allowed to hug him while he slept. She wondered how it would feel if he kissed her again, just like six months ago, albeit it lacked love.
She has the right to touch him... Right? They are legally husband and wife on paper; in front of the people; in the temple's name; in the blessing of the sacred dragon. There should not have been any boundaries between them.
If only...
A distant look was present on her face as a long silence suddenly engulfed the chamber.
"You know, we never complete our marital duties," she suddenly said.
Melyn blinked her eyes. "I'm aware." Her hands that were caressing the mattress slowed as the thought seeped into her mind. She was the only one who knew that their marriage had not been consummated. A couple that never shared a room would never have the luxury to do so.
It would be quite the tattle if words about their incomplete marriage were to get out, so she has been careful with her mouth. Aside from her unending love the lady deemed useless, Melyn knew that the princess thought of it as a part of her duty as a royal consort too, but something was still bugging her mind.
She exhaled a long breath and lifted the blanket up to the princess' shoulder. "Are you ready for that if it were to happen?"
"Why not?" Ilaria was quick to reply. She looked away from the cold pillow and met Melyn's curious gaze, her face shone brighter than the moon glow that anyone would be blessed to be in Melyn's shoes at the moment.
Ilaria knew in her mind that she was speaking from the deepest part of her heart. The faint smile on her face and the glow in her violet orbs made her seem like a doll trapped in a love spell.
To hope for the impossible was a maltreatment for her brittle heart, still, there was no hesitancy in her sweet voice when she said, "I'd be his if he asked."