My name is Kenji Nosanemu, and I was an average guy.
Average grades, average job, average ability to disappoint my parents. What made me different was my taste in webnovels. And by "different," I mean "chronically annoyed." I'd read hundreds of them. Enough to predict the plot twists in my sleep.
Overpowered protagonist who's secretly the demon lord's nephew? Check.
Harem of girls with synchronized tragic backstories involving dead parents and mysterious powers? Check.
Villains whose master plan is basically "be evil until the protagonist shows up, then lose dramatically while monologuing"? Triple check with a side of cringe.
I read them anyway, but I didn't enjoy it. There's a difference between a guilty pleasure and hate-reading to fuel your inner critic. My only real fantasy was to somehow jump into one of those worlds just to grab the protagonist by the shoulders and scream, "Stop being dense! She obviously likes you, and that suspicious hooded figure is clearly the villain!"
Which brings us to today.
I was crossing an empty street, earphones in, mentally composing a scathing review of "My Reincarnation as a Friend of the Demon Lord's Father in Law's Son" when the sound of a distant rumble caught my attention.
It was him.
Truck-kun.
A shiny red cab with more scratches than my phone screen and an expression in the headlights that somehow conveyed "clocking in for another shift." He pulled up beside me and honked—not aggressively, but like a bus driver greeting a regular passenger.
"Hey, kid," the driver's voice echoed directly into my skull, which should have been more alarming than it was. "Mind if I make this quick? Tight schedule today."
"You... talk?" I managed.
"Of course I talk. You think reincarnations run on autopilot? I've been doing this gig for fifty years. Got five stars on Transmigration Yelp." He paused. "Well... 4.9 stars. There was this one incident."
Despite my impending doom, I was curious. "What happened?"
"Sent this girl to a fantasy romance world. Turns out all the male leads were total disappointments. Generic pretty boys with the personality of wet cardboard. She one-starred me for 'false advertising' and wrote a thousand-word review about emotional damage. Been stuck at 4.9 ever since."
"That's... actually tragic."
"Tell me about it. Anyway, I got a delivery for 'MC, Webnovel Critic, Age 21, prone to sarcastic remarks and intimate knowledge of genre conventions.' That you?"
I didn't even get to answer before the grill filled my vision and the world went white.
***
Cue the void.
Weightless, floating in a starless soup that tasted vaguely of disappointment, I waited for the inevitable half naked woman with big boobs sequence. You know the one—ethereal beauty appears, explains my "special destiny," gives me overpowered abilities, and sends me off to defeat the demon lord because "only I can save this world."
She never showed.
Instead, a floating menu materialized in front of me like a discount video game interface. The header read: "STARTER SKILL SELECTION - Choose Wisely (No Refunds)."
I scrolled through the options:
Blade Mastery – "Become one with the sword!" (Maintenance costs not included. Blade replacement fees apply.)
Supreme Fire Magic – "Burn your enemies to ash!" (Warning: Mana bills may exceed monthly income.)
Infinite Regeneration – "Live forever!" (Side effects include: existential dread, watching everyone you love die, cosmic boredom.)
Pocket Lint Creation – "Generate infinite pocket lint!" (...Why is this even an option?)
Every skill looked either expensive to maintain or suspiciously overpowered. In webnovels, that usually meant the protagonist would get all of them through friendship and determination. But I wasn't the protagonist—I was the guy who'd spent years mocking protagonists (He is the protagonist though, just continue reading).
So naturally, I had to pick the worst possible option for maximum comedic suffering. I know am never going to use it after one or two chapters.
I scrolled to the bottom of the list.
Inventory: Unlimited Storage (Trash Only) – "Store infinite items! Terms and conditions apply. Items must be classified as 'trash' by universal standards. No weapons, armor, or useful items permitted."
Perfect. If I was going to suffer, I'd do it with style. (He knows that trash skills end up OP before disappearing).
Selected.
Somewhere in the cosmic bureaucracy, Truck-kun probably nodded in professional approval. You go kid, and a thumbs up.
***
A flash of green light. Air rushed past my ears like I was falling through a wind tunnel. Then—thud.
I landed face-first in a bed of moss that smelled like wet dog and regret.
The forest stretched out around me in that overly picturesque way that screamed "RPG starting zone." Although most of these authors have never actually even played an RPG and see how they work. Tall trees with conveniently climbable branches, chirping birds that were probably hiding rare feathers, and the distinct sound of something breathing behind me like a budget horror movie.
I turned slowly.
A goblin. Four feet of green skin, beady yellow eyes, and a jagged dagger that looked like it had been sharpened with a rock. It was textbook tutorial mob—weak enough for a level 1 protagonist to handle, ugly enough that players wouldn't feel bad about murder.
It let out a guttural screech and charged.
"Ah, yes," I muttered, sidestepping. "The classic opening encounter. Let me guess—you're going to attack in a completely predictable pattern, and I'm going to discover I have hidden combat instincts."
The goblin swung wildly. I grabbed a rock and bonked it on the head. It crumpled like wet paper.
A faint glow enveloped me—the kind of warm, tingly sensation that meant "congratulations, you leveled up!"
Then a system message appeared:
[System Notice: The author is too lazy to track your stats and levels. You'll just 'glow up' whenever it's plot-relevant. Please don't ask about numbers. We're all tired here.]
"Well," I said, staring at the message. "At least they're honest about the lazy writing. They probably use AI to write this" ( He didn't mean me as novice_dude, he meant the authors who wrote the story he is in. Just wanted to clarify that ).