Light.
Searing, golden, divine light swallowed Thane from toe to scalp, like he'd been vacuumed into a large heavenly vortex.
He saw the worlds and universes passing him, and seeing the many angelic beings ministering to the saints.
Then something thundered past him.
VROOOM!
A Ford Mustang burst through the light, flame licking its tires, the whole vehicle burning with holy fire. Seated at the wheel was a man straight out of Sunday School posters: blazing eyes, windblown robes, and a beard Moses would envy.
"Sup, fellow child of God?" the man asked.
"Prophet Elijah?!" Thane gawked.
The prophet slammed the gearstick, grinned like a lunatic, and peeled off into the distant universes. A license plate swung on the back of the Mustang: CH4R10T0FFYR.
"Carry on my wayward son..." The music from the car blasted as it drove forward.
Thane blinked. "Well. That happened."
Everything swirled in a final rush of colors, and then there was blackness.
The next moment, Thane felt strangely different. He knew he was alive, and he opened his eyes.
Birds chirped. Flowers shimmered. A stream of crystalline water giggled nearby. It was... beautiful.
"Huh? A garden? Where is this place?"
Thane moved and realized that he didn't have an infant's body!
"Wait... I'm not a baby?!"
It was wrong.
Thane sat up, groaning. His limbs felt weird. Too light. Too small.
He stumbled toward a pond. His reflection stared back.
"You've got to be kidding me."
Staring at him was a boy. But strangely, it was him, but not him. He was...
"I'm good looking?!"
Thane was shocked. His features remained the same, but it was clean of any impurities. No acne and no signs of flaws.
"Will I finally be able to have a girlfriend?" Thane asked himself. But then her saw yet another feature that he was too distracted to notice.
"Wait... scratch that...! I'm a teenager again?!"
Before he could further spiral into his thoughts, a noise cracked the air like thunder. Another figure appeared on the reflection behind him.
Thane looked up.
And met the eyes of a dragon.
It stood over him and had a massive body. Two giant wings, emerald-scaled, and terrifyingly sentient. Its claws glinted. Smoke curled from its nostrils.
Thane froze.
The dragon was also shocked.
As a magical being, it sensed a terrifying power.
Holy! Thedivine power that the dragons feared had resurrected the boy!
Thane didn't think. He ran, unaware that the dragon was also frightened!
Branches slapped him. Roots tried to grab him. Leaves exploded in his wake. His heart punched his ribs like it owed them money.
The dragon let out a confused growl. This was the same spot where it had killed a foolish mortal boy minutes earlier. But now, that same soul was back... and radiating holy magic. A terrifying, ancient fear crawled up the dragon's spine.
It turned mid-air and soared away.
"WHY IS THERE A DRAGON HERE?!" he yelled to no one.
He slipped down a slope, tumbled through a bush, and landed near something jiggly and wrong.
A giant slime creature caught him. It was green, semi-transparent, and pulsating as it oozed over a log, slurping it into its body.
"MOTHER FRAGMENT! WHAT IS THIS?!"
Thane scrambled backward, legs slipping on moss, and rolled downhill again.
He crashed through underbrush, straight into chaos.
Below him, two armies clashed in savage, disorganized warfare. On the left, a horde of orcs in mismatched armor. On the right, screeching goblins wielding spears, daggers, and a surprising number of frying pans.
"Why are they fighting?! What is this world?! Why does that goblin have a baguette?!"
No one answered him still.
He turned and fled again, ducking under vines and dodging various creatures of sorts.
ROAR!
A powerful roar erupted, and suddenly, the entire forest began to move.
The dragon was angry!
Thane knew that this was his cue to leave. He sprinted faster and moved deep into the forest.
Thankfully, Thane's new boy was way better than his own, as he felt he had the energy to keep running without needing to take pain relievers for his foot.
But every sound made his skin crawl. Every gust of wind felt like claws brushing his back, as he only saw constant danger from odd beasts that he had heard of or seen in anime.
"I don't want this!" he gasped.
"I wanted a quiet life! Maybe a job in HR! A cat! I just wanted a TV!"
VOOOOOSH!
A strong gust of wind blew behind him, and as Thane turned around, he saw a massive wing up in the sky.
It was the dragon!
But in that moment of distraction, Thane tripped on a root of a tree and began to tumble down.
He began to fall downhill and slammed against the cliffside.
But the impact was soft as it pushed down and revealed an opening into a dark, small path.
ROAR!
"I MUST LIVE!" Thane dove into the dark hole and entered the hidden cave.
Thane ducked into the crack, shoving his way past moss and vines, until the light dimmed behind him and the noise of the forest faded. Cool, damp air wrapped around him. It was narrow, but just wide enough to crawl into.
With a strong push, he tried to force himself and took the next step.
But his next step touched nothing.
There was a pit in front of him.
Thane couldn't even scream; all he felt was a series of blows as he fell into the dark pit.
...
...
When he opened his eyes, there was total darkness.
"UH.... Where am I?"
No light could be seen inside the cave, and Than felt great pain all over his body.
"Great... I'm gonna die again!" Thane cursed.
His stomach grumbled, and he then felt a great hunger after all the excitement.
"...I'm sorry stomach. I can't do much." Thane tapped his belly but instead felt something.
"Hm? I was holding a bag." Thane realized that he had a bag made of leather strapped around his waist.
He reached into it and pulled it out.
What appeared was a glowing fruit that became a source of light in the dark cave.
"...What's this?!" Thane was amazed.
It was sparkling and beautiful to look at. Almost tempting him to bite.
"A serpent was guarding this fruit...! Was that Satan?! Did I get reincarnated to Genesis 3? But wait... Where is Eve? And why am I not naked? Did God really say that I can't eat of this fruit?" Thane had numerous thoughts, some less important than others, given his peculiar circumstances.
But his stomach growled again. Above all wounds and injuries, and possibly several broken ribs, he was utterly hungry.
The fruit seemed too pleasing, and the aroma made him even hungrier.
He decided to risk it; he peeled the outer layer of the fruit. And the glorious red insides of the fruit were revealed.
MUNCH!
Sweetness flooded his mouth. It had an enriching flavor and somehow soothed his body. In fact, he felt all the exhaustion disappear!
His body was also glowing.
Thane felt a cold relief wash over him. He felt as if all his fears had disappeared even in his present scenario.
He was so at peace and calm. That he remembered.
"Celestial TV!" He shouted.
At once, a flash of light appeared and a remote fell from in front of him.
Thane caught it and was amazed. But all of a sudden, the realization of his stupid and rash decision began to set in.
"I wished for the ability to watch TV in a Fantasy World?!" Thane exclaimed.