The echoes of chaos still bounced off the courtroom walls.
Yomen, now shirtless and mildly concussed from his own dramatic stunt, checked his aura counter again.
[Current Aura: 44]
Not amazing.
Not life-changing.
But… no longer negative.
Which, in this world?
Apparently a big deal.
He raised his hand confidently—well, shakily, but with confidence energy—and shouted:
"Objection, Your Honor! I demand a retrial!"
The judge squinted. "This isn't a trial. It's an execution."
"Well, then, I demand a… pre-death appeal… thing! Look!" He pointed at his aura stat like it was a college diploma. "Forty-four aura points! I'm no longer the weakest!"
A large glowing leaderboard materialized midair.
Aura Rankings (Global):
Rank #8,112,300,041: Some guy named Chadulor
Rank #8,112,300,040: Yomen
Rank #8,112,300,039: A monkey
"See?" Yomen grinned. "There's a whole guy below me now! Let him get executed instead!"
The crowd murmured. Someone zoomed in on Chadulor's profile. It was, in fact, a goat.
The judge sighed. "You were already selected for the annual purification. We can't just… reschedule an execution because you screamed into the sky and gained pity points."
Yomen's jaw dropped. "So you're telling me justice in this world is basically: 'Sorry bro, the vibes are already locked in'?"
"Exactly," the judge nodded.
"That's INSANE!" Yomen shouted. "You're murdering a guy because he was scheduled for death?! What is this,?!"
"You are interrupting sacred procedure," the judge growled. "Any further noise and I shall personally aura slap you."
Yomen didn't back down. "You literally want to kill me for the crime of not having enough AURA! I JUST got here! My aura was -1000, and now it's 44! That's like—"
He paused. Did the math.
"Okay, I don't know how aura math works, but that's a HUGE glow-up."
The aura farmer next to him—a guy with dirt on his face and an aura reading of 112—snorted. "Bruh, 44 is still trash. jin woo shit has more aura than you."
Yomen glared. "Bro, my aura was literally negative. I used to be a cosmic debit card. I'm climbing, okay?"
The farmer doubled over laughing. "You're climbing the trash heap."
Yomen internally screamed.
This world's standards are way too high. I was proud of this number.
I felt like I just won the lottery.
Turns out I was the winner of a local farting competition instead.
The judge finally stood up. His aura flared gold, sending out a shockwave that made several monks slap themselves involuntarily.
He slammed his hammer.
"Silence, all of you. I have made my decision."
Yomen held his breath.
"If you survive… it will not be because you stalled death with jokes and shirtless outbursts. It will be because you earned it."
The judge raised his hand and declared:
"You have one month."
Gasps filled the court. Energy crackled. A pigeon fainted.
"One month?" Yomen blinked. "To do what? Learn magic? Build a farm? Seduce the moon?"
The judge spoke:
"One month… to become a Rizzler."
[DEAD SILENCE]
Someone dropped their aura staff. It shattered.
A voice from the crowd shouted, "BRO, THAT'S ILLEGAL!"
A robed man with glowing sunglasses floated forward, his aura shimmering with pink hearts and alpha male energy.
"My lord… with respect, that is madness," he said. "I am a Rizzler. It took me five years of constant gym selfies and charm grinding. This guy can barely string a sentence without offending a monk."
The judge didn't even blink. "Then let him die trying."
Yomen blinked. "Hold on—what even IS a Rizzler in this world? Like, is it an actual title? A job? A subclass? but it sounds cool tho"
Someone passed him a glowing pamphlet that read:
The Rizzler:
Title granted to those whose aura presence causes spontaneous attraction, respect, and followers.
Requirements:
100,000+ Aura
Certified by at least 1 Holy Church of Aura
Survive the Trial of Smoothness
Pass the One-Liner Exam
"... Oh here we go again ," Yomen muttered.
But still—he looked up at the judge, straightened his spine, and said:
"Fine. I accept. I'll become a Rizzler. Even if it kills me."
"You mean if you fail, it kills you," the judge corrected.
"Same thing."
The crowd burst into laughter. Some in mockery, some in pity.
A few cultists whispered, "He may actually be the Chosen Clown."
Yomen clenched his fists.
Okay… I've got a month to go from aura dumpster to aura daddy.
I just need to make people laugh, cringe, panic, or emotionally malfunction.
Basically... I have to become a TikTok influencer .
The judge pointed his hammer.
"Escort the idiot to the outskirts. He has thirty days. No resets. No retries. If you are not a Rizzler by then, you will be executed by aura compression... and trust me, it hurts."
Guards grabbed him.
Yomen gave a thumbs up.
"Let's do this. Operation: Aura or Die."
[Aura Quest Activated: Become a Rizzler in 30 Days]
Reward: Life
Penalty: Death via Spiritual Cringe Implosion