Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.
I reach up and smack the alarm clock.
Thud.
It tumbles to the floor. I groan and rub my eyes. I'm not ready to be awake yet.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed, my feet brushing against the cold, frayed carpet.
"Oraki, you better be awake!" my mother's voice cuts through the house, sharp as glass.
"I'm up, Mom!"
The paint on my walls is peeling in long, curling strips, the air smelling faintly of dust and dampness. I dig through my dresser until I find slacks and a suit coat for my school uniform.
I change quickly, toss my pajamas onto the bed, and slowly crack my door open. The stairs lead straight from my room to the living room, and I peer down, listening. No footsteps.
I start down.
WHAM!
The slap knocks me sideways. My head snaps, my cheek burning.
"What the HELL took you so long? You refusing to get out of bed?"
"I-I just had to find some clothes," I mumble, still facing the floor.
"This is why you're nothing more than a disgrace!"
Her finger jabs toward the front door. "Get out of my fucking house."
I hurry over to the door, fumbling with the knob.
A glass cup whistles past my ear and shatters against the wall, the shards scattering at my feet.
"I told you to get out of the damn house!"
"S-sorry, Mom!"
I step outside, pulling the door shut behind me.
The street's alive with kids and high schoolers piling into cars, laughter and engine revs filling the air, a world completely unaware of the sting still burning on my cheek.
I pull out the keys to my dad's old, beat-up C4 Corvette. Rust sprinkles from the door hinges as I open it.
"Perfect," I mutter under my breath. "First Mom, now this."
I sink into the seat and slam the door, gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. My pulse is still fast. I'm not sure if it's from the slap or the thought that the day's barely started.
I start the car.
The engine roars to life. I slam it into drive and pull away, the houses blurring past.
Halfway to school, I stop at a familiar driveway and honk twice.
A girl in a pristine version of my uniform trudges out with a backpack, her expression annoyed.
She yanks open the door and drops into the seat. "You know you don't have to honk like that."
"What's got you so moody, Mari?"
"Just shut up and drive."
I roll my eyes and merge onto the highway.
We pull into the Kamakura High parking lot. I grab my bag and head for the side entrance, the chatter of students fading as I slip into a small, secluded room.
Engineering class. My escape.
The old man at the black desk glances up. "Mr. Oraki? Skipping regular classes again?"
"What's the point? I already speak English and Japanese, and my math skills are perfect."
"You still have to attend, even if you sleep through them."
"I've got a degree in mechanical engineering. Nothing this school offers is going to surprise me."
He sighs. "Just don't get yourself in trouble."
I head to the back table where my half-built machine waits. Its metal frame is all angles and wires, like a skeleton caught mid-growth.
A classmate leans over. "Hey, Oraki, what's that even do?"
"An assistant. For building machines. Gets into places I can't reach."
"Leave it to a genius to make life easier."
I force a faint smile. "Give it time. I'll do what no one else could."
But my hands hesitate over the tools. My mind's still back in the living room. The sting on my cheek hasn't faded.
I lean back in the chair. I throw my hand up on my forehead.
"Shit, dude, I can't figure it out."
The same classmate looks over, "Let me guess, your mom is still beating you for no reason? Just call the police, dude."
"It's my mom, I can't do that. I just got to show her I'm not a disappointment."
"How oblivious can you be? Like, damn dude."
I lean forward against the table.
"Hey, you remember the Corvette my dad imported before he passed?"
"Yeah?"
"It's forming rust. You got any tools for that?" I say with a tone of disappointment.
"Nope, I don't have anything for rust."
"FUCK!" I yell, slamming my hand into the small machine.
The old man looks over, "HEY! Control yourself, Oraki! I don't have to keep you in here now!"
I hang my head, "S-sorry, sir. It won't happen again."
I loosen the tie around my neck.
I stare out the nearby window of the room, letting time pass.
In the blink of an eye, the first five periods of the day come and go. The lunch bell rings.
I slowly stand up, stuffing my hands in my pockets as I walk out of the classroom.
I round a small corner, seeing the same girl, "Hey Mari!"
I run up to here when I then see a dude standing in front of her.
Both of them were laughing and holding hands.
I mutter under my breath, "That's my girlfriend."
In an instant, like she heard me, Mari turns around, "Ugh, don't be so serious, we are just friends."
The guy turns to her, smiling, "I'll catch up with you in our normal spot later, alright?"
She smiles and whispers something I can't hear.
The guy walks away with a proud smile on his face. Mari turns to me with an angry expression on her face.
"So, who was that?"
"None of your business, smarty pants."
"Oh, alright," I say, looking down at my feet.
"Jeez, could you at least make your clothes look as pristine as your stupid brain?"
A dead expression comes over my face as I look down. I know she is losing interest, but I just don't want that to be true.
"Hey, Mari, I'm going to run off to the Engineering room."
"Of course you are. When aren't you in that stupid room working on new projects?"
"I got to fix the Corvette, I have to do this."
"Yeah, of course you do," She says, rolling her eyes.
She pushes my back slightly, "Get out of my sight."
She's just like my mother recently. Why? I don't understand.
In almost no time, the school day comes to an end.
I begin wandering the campus searching for Mari. When I notice a familiar backpack from around the corner.
I walk around the corner, seeing her making out with the same guy in the corner.
All color and feelings leave my face.
"Why?"
Mari breaks the kiss with the guy and spins around, "Oraki, it's not what it looks like!"
I turn and walk towards the car. I hear her yelling, a million thoughts swirling.
Why was I so oblivious? Why didn't I notice?
I slam the car door, tears streaming down my face.
"Why am I so damn stupid!" I scream, gripping the steering wheel.
I slam the car into drive and hit the gas. I pull onto the Highway, my hands gripping the wheel in anger.
I slam the gas, the speedometer climbing in numbers
120, 130, 140, 150. The car starts redlining on RPMs.
I slow down and pull up to my house. A new feeling is rushing over me.
Hate and sadness. I hate my life. Why can't I have anything good in life?
I wipe the tears from my face.
I step out of the car and walk to the front door. The same feeling mixed inside me.
I walk forward into the house. I stop looking around, seeing an empty house.
"Mom?"
In an instant, I hear a scream. I feel my mother's hands land against my back as I get pushed forward.
I fall through a small glass door. The glass is breaking everywhere, cutting up my arms and legs.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, ORAKI?"
"What the Hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything?"
"Oh? Then why did your girlfriend call and say she saw you and some bitch making out?"
"I didn't do anything, Mom!" I scream at her.
"Oh really!?"
"I was in the engineering room all day! You don't even know what's going on."
"Then enlighten me what's going on."
"She was making out with some dude after school. I caught her."
SMACK!
A sting forms on my cheek, tears swelling up in my eyes.
"You are nothing but a liar, Oraki."
"You just hate me, don't you!"
"I do this to make you better! And all I see is failure!"
I storm out of the house, sit in my car. I speed off, pushing the car to its limit.
I stop at a small bridge. I open my center console and grab a pack of cigarettes.
I light one and sit on the hood of my car looking over the bridge.
I hate this life. Why must I suffer?
I step to the edge of the bridge. Maybe I should let it all end?
I put one foot over the edge. The wind curls around my leg, tugging at me like cold fingers.I flick the cigarette into the dark, a tiny orange spark tumbling down into nothing.
My toes leave the concrete.
The world tilts. My stomach lurches. The wind roars in my ears.
For a heartbeat, I think of my father's Corvette, my mother's voice, Mari's laugh, each one like a nail in my chest.
The bridge races upward. The black water opens its arms.
Patterns bloom in the dark. Shapes and colors swirl, alien and endless. The roar of the wind becomes silent.
A blinding white flash swallows me whole.
Sand presses against my palms. Warm. Real.
I'm breathing.