Chapter 9 (204): Death Follows Like a Shadow
After confirming this wasn't the same room as before, and recalling what happened yesterday, Hikigaya grew curious.
This time, he didn't rush out. Instead, he entered the Forbidden Library for the first time. Unlike before, when he truly looked around, he realized that the books here couldn't be read in a single lifetime.
With that realization, his curiosity about the loli before him deepened even further.
"I'm already used to strange developments like this. But if I had to guess, you may look like a loli, but you're definitely not a simple existence, are you?"
"No. At first, I thought you simply liked Puck. But now, it's clear that it's not something that simple at all. After all…"
'The one in front of me is absolutely not an ordinary human…'
Beatrice fixed her sharp gaze on Hikigaya. Instead of answering his earlier question, she spoke irritably: "For a servant in this mansion, I don't need to explain that much, do I? And besides, didn't I tell you not to call me a loli?!"
"I've always thought of myself as someone extremely hard to get along with. A loner. But compared to you, I've realized I'm nothing."
The loli snorted, still wearing an annoyed expression.
"Compared to the loneliness I've endured, you don't even reach one percent of it. No, one thousandth."
Hikigaya replied, "Even if I don't understand you, you don't understand me either. Jumping to conclusions like that, isn't that a bit too arrogant? What a troublesome person… especially for a little loli."
"If you call me a little loli one more time, I'll blast you out!"
Hikigaya showed a sincere smile.
"Then let's properly introduce ourselves. My name is Hikigaya Hachiman."
Beatrice crossed her arms tightly over her chest, sitting back in her chair with her chin raised.
"Why do I have to tell you my name?"
Hikigaya picked up the broom, clearly intending to leave, and shrugged with an indifferent expression.
"I don't really have to know your name anyway, right, little loli?"
The more Beatrice thought about it, the angrier she became. Just as Hikigaya stepped forward, an unrestrained gust of wind spiraled inward and dragged him straight back.
Hikigaya collapsed onto the floor. For an ordinary person, hitting the ground that hard was enough to feel like their bones were about to fall apart.
"Damn… you really don't hold back at all."
"My name is Beatrice. From now on, you will call me Beatrice-sama!"
"Okay, Beatrice-loli."
"I'll blow you to death!"
After this 'simple' bout of roughhousing, Hikigaya finally escaped from the Forbidden Library. Although he hadn't gained any concrete information, he could faintly sense that this library was anything but ordinary, and neither was Beatrice.
'This world is getting stranger and stranger… If I want to survive here, is relying solely on Return by Death really enough?'
---
[Beatrice stomps her foot angrily: "What an insolent guy!"]
[Rem: "Beatrice-sama, it feels like you were played by him…"]
[Ram: "To think I'd see this side of Beatrice-sama… it's quite unbelievable."]
[Beatrice]: "The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Next time, I'll definitely teach that guy a proper lesson and let him know how amazing Betty is…"]
[Hikigaya]: "Even if her abilities aren't loli-level, her nature definitely is."]
[Ichinose]: "Hikigaya-kun, bullying a little loli like that isn't very nice, you know?"]
[Asahina]: "Such a cute little loli~ With pink clothes and golden curls, she's practically an otherworldly being."]
[Beatrice]: "Am I really being underestimated this much?"]
[Puck]: "Hahaha, you two are pretty amusing."]
[Hikigaya]: "I don't think so… even through the screen, that one hurt like hell, seriously."]
[Yukinoshita]: "If only this peace could last forever…"]
[Yuigahama]: "Yukinon, you don't need to worry so much! Hikki is really smart!"]
[Yukinoshita]: "Maybe…"]
[The members of the Service Club could all understand how she felt. Even Miura, who usually never got along with Yukinoshita, gently patted her on the back.]
[Everything seemed calm, but perhaps only those outside the situation could tell, this was the calm before the storm.]
---
Housework wasn't exactly difficult for Hikigaya, but it certainly wasn't easy either. Though he dreamed of becoming a househusband, in reality, most chores at home had been handled by Komachi. It wasn't that Hikigaya couldn't do them, rather, when multiple exhausting tasks piled up at once, he knew for sure he'd collapse.
Even so, Hikigaya couldn't help but marvel at Rem's cooking. As expected of a professional maid, everything she did flowed smoothly and efficiently. Compared to her, Ram spent most of her time slacking off. As expected of the older sister, was this the common trait of sister-con addicts? Loving their younger sister while dumping all the work on them. Ram was impressive in her own way.
Hikigaya didn't stay idle. He worked while learning, and true to a man destined to be a househusband, he quickly mastered everything he was taught.
Ram: "This way, Ram's workload can decrease even more!"
Hikigaya: "Hey, don't bully your little sister all the time."
Rem: "It's okay. Rem will do everything."
Hikigaya: "Damn siscon!"
Time passed fairly quickly. Most of Hikigaya's days were spent doing housework, and every night, Ram would come over to teach him how to read and write.
While spoken language was shared, written language was completely different. Hikigaya had flipped through books in the Forbidden Library before, but hadn't understood a single word.
If he wanted to live in this world long-term, learning its written language was absolutely essential.
However, this lazy maid often fell asleep halfway through teaching. Hikigaya could only sigh helplessly and cover her with a blanket.
"This person doesn't resemble a servant at all. She's basically the princess of this mansion."
[Rem]: "I never thought there'd be a day when someone else would take care of my sister."]
[Ram]: "Even if Rem says that, properly taking care of Ram is something a guest should do."]
[Hikigaya]: "What kind of environment did this person grow up in? Shouldn't you thank someone in moments like this?"]
[Ram]: "Thanking Hachi or anything like that… Ram can't do it."]
[Hikigaya sighs helplessly]: "I honestly don't think there's anyone in this world with a worse personality than you."]
[Priscilla, who had been watching the video, sneezed, rarely so.]
[Naturally, she found this unbelievable. After all, the world revolved around her. How could something like this happen?]
---
After venting his complaints, Hikigaya would continue learning with Beatrice. Though she often glared at him impatiently, such things did nothing to shake Hikigaya's mental fortitude. When he got shameless enough, he'd even pretend not to notice and question her back.
In just three days, Hikigaya had fully adapted to his duties. His knowledge of the written language also increased rapidly, at a pace that would be considered miraculous for an ordinary person.
Rem: "Hikigaya-kun, let's go to the village together today. We need to restock daily supplies."
Hikigaya nodded and looked at Ram: "What about you, Ram?"
Ram rubbed her eyes, clearly planning to crawl back into bed.
"Rem and Hachi going is enough. Ram will take care of the mansion's chores."
Hikigaya: "You're just going back to sleep, aren't you? Lazy as always. I can already picture the mansion not being cleaned at all tonight."
Ram smiled and clenched her fist. Hikigaya immediately stopped talking.
On the fourth day since arriving in this world, and the third day since entering the mansion, Hikigaya still occasionally felt uneasy, but with Beatrice, Ram, Rem, and Emilia around, he gradually began to settle down.
As for the mansion's owner, Roswaal, Hikigaya rarely interacted with him. Over these three days, they'd only exchanged words during meals or baths. Recently, Roswaal had disappeared entirely.
Compared to the atmosphere when Hikigaya first entered the mansion, things were clearly much more relaxed now.
'If life could continue like this… it wouldn't be so bad.'
The village trip passed quickly. Facing the villagers' enthusiasm, even someone as socially awkward as Hikigaya found himself flustered. Thankfully, with Rem's help, he managed to escape their attention.
This experience also allowed Rem to discover Hikigaya's endearing side. Compared to her initial attitude, she became noticeably gentler toward him.
However, just as they were about to leave, Hikigaya was suddenly bitten hard by a dog, blood instantly gushing out.
Rem: "Hikigaya-kun! Are you okay?!"
Hikigaya: "Hopefully this country doesn't have rabies… otherwise I probably won't live very long."
As Rem wrapped his wound with bandages, she teased him.
"It's just a little dog bite. It's not that dramatic."
Hikigaya returned a gentle smile. As dusk faded, the day's tasks came to an end.
When they returned to the mansion, as expected the kitchen was a complete mess. Leaving housework to Ram was simply an impossible task, forcing Rem to work overtime.
Because Hikigaya was injured, Rem couldn't bear to make him keep working. Hikigaya didn't push himself either. Though he felt a little guilty, for Rem, that workload was nothing, after all, she was an all-purpose superhuman.
When he met Emilia again, Hikigaya told her everything that had happened over the past few days. He didn't mention the dog bite, but when Emilia noticed it, the worry on her face was impossible to hide.
Looking at Emilia's face, Hikigaya recalled their first meeting. Through a chain of coincidences, they had ended up in that warehouse, only for it to turn into a scene straight out of hell.
But… thankfully, everything was beautiful now. This simple life, these occasional moments of relaxation, Hikigaya felt better with each passing day.
"Hey, Hikigaya-kun…"
"What is it?"
"If there's a chance, I'd like to see the little dog that bit you. I wonder if it's really that vicious."
"If it met you, it would definitely jump obediently into your arms."
"Who talks about themselves like that? And… honestly, I'm not that well-liked by others."
Hikigaya sat on the grass, gazing at the endless stars above, his hands supporting him from behind.
"That's because they haven't felt the warmth of your heart yet."
"Looks, personality, and other factors might affect people's judgment, but what you do never lies. So… go forward with confidence."
Emilia's body trembled slightly. She crouched beside Hikigaya, resting her face in her hands.
"Hikigaya-kun… you really know how to talk."
"No. It's not about whether I'm good with words. I once stood where you are now. And later, there were people who accepted me."
"So I believe in you too."
"Thank you…"
---
[At this moment, everyone's emotions were clearly stirred. As spectators, and as people who had once spent time with Hikigaya, they knew exactly how difficult his life had been. Even with a god's-eye view, even after seeing everything from above, they all believed his situation was hopeless. And yet, from an unconventional angle, he carved out a path to survive.]
[Kamuro's tears fell uncontrollably. Even as a woman who loved fiercely and hated just as fiercely, she still longed for that time. Back then, whether she was sad, happy, spoiled, or tsundere, Hikigaya had been by her side. Now, even as he faced death, she couldn't even say a single word to him.]
[That gap left many feeling heavy-hearted. But when Hikigaya spoke those words, their emotions surged like a roller coaster, moved and heartbroken at once.]
[Hikigaya had never forgotten them. Or rather, he believed that who he was now existed because of them. It was that growth along the way that gave him the freedom to choose.]
[Sakayanagi]: "That's enough…"]
[Katsuragi]: "I used to think the difference between us was just luck. But only after seeing things from this perspective do I truly understand, the gap between us can't be bridged by 'luck' alone."]
[Kito]: "This guy has experienced things ordinary people never could. Still, I really respect him. Staying this calm while facing death… only he could do that."]
[Karuizawa]: "If possible, I just want him to live happily, simply, safely…"]
[Asuna]: "He always carries hope for life. Even knowing the world's darkness, he still remains kind. That alone… can't be ignored."]
[Kirito laughed]: "Yeah. If it were someone else, they probably couldn't do it as well. Keeping such a calm mind in this world isn't something anyone can manage."]
[Kazuma]: "Compared to getting isekai'd like this guy, I guess I'm pretty lucky."]
---
After a quick bath, Hikigaya returned to studying. Ram didn't come to find him tonight, probably exhausted from a full day of housework, or so she'd claim. Hikigaya didn't believe that excuse for a second.
Still, studying wasn't for anyone else. He didn't waste the time Rem had saved for him. Picking up pen and paper, he headed straight for the Forbidden Library.
Unlike usual, entering the Forbidden Library took some effort this time. Hikigaya opened nearly half the mansion's doors before finally arriving.
Over the past few days, he'd gradually figured out the conditions for entering it. Though he hadn't reached a full conclusion, one thing was certain, any door in the mansion could potentially lead to the Forbidden Library.
"Beatrice, why are you avoiding me…?"
Beatrice glanced at Hikigaya, sensing something. She jumped down from the desk and began examining his body.
The moment she confirmed the markings, she staggered back two steps in disbelief.
Hikigaya saw fear in her eyes. Just as he was about to ask, "Leave immediately. You're not welcome here!"
"What? You can't just kick someone out like that. At least tell me why. I'm not some self-righteous person, but I've been looking for you for half the…."
Before he could finish, a violent gust of wind blasted him straight out the door.
Bang!
His body slammed into the doorframe. After a long while, Hikigaya finally recovered. Scratching his head, he couldn't make sense of what had just happened.
But one thing was certain, something had happened to him. And Beatrice knew exactly what it was.
Forgetting about studying entirely, Hikigaya began opening doors throughout the mansion, desperately searching for Beatrice again.
---
[Emilia also saw Beatrice's expression. Even as a spectator, she could tell from that fear that something terrible was about to happen: "Puck… what's wrong?"]
[Puck shook his head]: "I don't know either. But if even Beatrice looks like that… you should prepare yourself."]
[Hearing this, the entire chatroom grew tense. Too many people here cared about Hikigaya. Naturally, it became noisy.]
[Karuizawa]: "What happened…? Nothing bad, right?"]
[Hirata]: "I have a bad feeling…"]
[Ichinose]: "Me too… What could be the cause?"]
[Kushida]: "Why does Beatrice keep avoiding Hikigaya? Is there really something that can't be said face to face?!"]
[Sakura Airi sighed helplessly]: "Maybe she has her own difficulties… In the end, you can't force someone. But…"]
[As she looked at Hikigaya in the video, worry surfaced clearly in her eyes.]
[Horikita]: "For now, let's calm down. Maybe we'll notice something. If it were you, Hikigaya, that's what you'd do, right?"]
[Hikigaya took a deep breath]: "That's right. If I can't stay calm, then even if an opportunity appears, I won't be able to grasp it."]
[Priscilla]: "Oh? Is it starting again? I wonder how will you face it this time?"]
[Crusch]: "Hah… how laughable. When he truly needs help, no one is willing to lend a hand. If that's the case… what a pity."]
[Beatrice's expression also showed obvious sorrow]: "So… it really comes to this in the end?"]
---
Hikigaya continued searching for Beatrice. When luck was on his side, he managed to enter the Forbidden Library, but before he could even say a single word, he was blown out again.
Once.
Twice.
Again and again…
"Listen to me for a moment."
Beatrice's hesitant hand finally gave him a chance to breathe.
"Go on…"
"Even saying that we're friends might be self-righteous. I don't think my awful personality is worthy of being your friend. But we're both loners. Time doesn't matter, we're the same kind of people. To be honest, when I'm with you, I feel relaxed. What about you? Are you rejecting me?"
This wasn't a lie born of desperation, but a sincere attempt to bring their relationship into the open. Just as Hikigaya said, during this time, he had truly felt care and concern, something so close to the "genuine" he had always sought.
So why… reject him so strongly?
Even though the genuine thing should be able to face any danger head-on.
That thought made Beatrice bite her lip hard.
If she said something against her heart now, she would regret it. But…
She was already beyond saving, so why should Betty have to lose again, over and over?
Clenching her teeth, she turned her head away and spoke in an exaggeratedly tsundere tone: "Hmph. You're so full of yourself. I've never once felt relaxed being with someone like you."
Hikigaya let out a helpless sigh and looked away from her.
"I don't know what made you lie, but if that's how it is…"
Without hesitation, Hikigaya walked straight toward the door.
Holding someone back was never something he was good at. Everything he'd done now was simply to give himself closure for the time he had spent living here.
At least from his own perspective, he had been sincere during this time. Nothing he'd just said was a lie.
Though Beatrice hadn't said it outright, he had seen fear in her expression. If even the one who governed the Forbidden Library felt afraid, then…
His own death probably wasn't far away.
Compared to last time, Hikigaya's heart was relatively calm. Perhaps it was because of Return by Death. Or perhaps it was because he had lost something to cling to in this world.
Emilia's kindness had already been repaid. The only regret was for those who were still waiting for him…
Just as Hikigaya stepped forward, Beatrice gritted her teeth and violently manipulated wind magic, blasting him back again.
Bang!
Hikigaya felt like his bones were about to shatter.
"I'm telling you, could you at least be a little gentler when you're being stubborn like this?!"
"That's just how Betty is!"
"What a troublesome person… But since you're not kicking me out, does that mean you've decided to help me?"
"You disgusting maggot! Self-righteous insect! Who said I was going to help you?!"
Hikigaya looked at Beatrice and gave her a gentle smile.
At that moment, Beatrice revealed a painful, bittersweet smile: "No… it's not that I don't want to help you. It's that I… can't help you."
Hikigaya walked over lightly and patted her head.
"You don't need to blame yourself. There are too many things in this world that can't be done. Even an all-powerful hero ends up being slain by the Demon King in the end, right?"
Beatrice: "This isn't the time to joke… this concerns… concerns… your life…"
Hikigaya: "Then say everything honestly, Betty."
Beatrice hesitated: "Do you really want to hear it? Sometimes, lies are warmer."
Hikigaya: "But for me, lies are just a slow knife, gradually peeling away at my wounds."
Beatrice sighed helplessly once more.
"If that's the case… Hikigaya… your… your life is already on a countdown."
Hearing this, Hikigaya reacted as if he'd expected it. Beatrice, on the other hand, was incredulous.
"You're just an ordinary human… aren't you afraid of death? You should know, death is the end for people like you. You…"
"I know. I know all of that… But if this is the ending, then all we can do is accept it calmly, right?"
Hearing this, Beatrice's expression collapsed as if her strength had left her entirely. She murmured repeatedly: "Why… why do they all have to die in front of me…"
Hikigaya gently crouched down in front of her and once again patted her head.
"Thank you, Betty. At least having you with me at the end… makes it a truly beautiful life."
"Do you know why you're going to die?"
"If I knew that, I wouldn't be chasing after you asking questions…"
(End of this chapter)