Chapter 1: I am Bunta Akimichi, Exam Attempt Three
My name is Bunta Akimichi, and originally, I was not from this world.
Sadly, or well, not so sadly, my past ended with a truck hitting me in my face when I was doing my shoelaces.
It was an instant blackout kill, I take it, because when I woke up, I was Bunta Akimichi here in the world of Naruto.
This is all not too long ago, maybe a few months, and I won't bother you with my acclimation to this body; at least I got all the memories straight up. The former Bunta died due to messing with seals trying to find out how to make them bigger so more snacks could fit in them, typical Akimichi behaviour.
Willing to do weird things if it is about food.
One might wonder how and why, but beyond the truck hitting me, I can't remember anything much of that life beyond the story of Naruto, and many fanfictions of it, both good and bad, once.
But that is also fine, I am a clean sheet in this world, at least I got old Bunta's memories, and due to everything I know about the story, I know to keep my mouth shut about the story or future events, because the darkness of Konoha has eyes and walls have ears.
In some fanfictions, I remember some wrote diaries, but that in a ninja world is not safe at all, even if it's in English or Arabic or whatever language. You can never be sure someone else is reborn and knows how to read it.
Then the fact that it will ring many alarm bells with how paranoid most tend to be, like that man in charge of the darkness. You would be caught faster than you could blink for being a spy from Iwagakure or Kumo.
Anyway, enough rambelling in my head.
I walked to my mirror and saw my big Akimichi body, some would call it 'fat', but I would call it big-boned. Oh, right, 'fat' is a sure-fire way to get us Akimichi to drop the kindness and smiles like the jolly good big folks we are.
With that word alone, you can be sure we would smash people's heads in, friend or foe, and the damage well… It is good that we have many restaurants and food-related businesses, or we would have been bankrupt long ago.
"Sigh, I need a new mirror, I can't even see my face standing tall like this." I said out loud
And why? Well, the mirror in question is a full-body one, good enough normally to show a normal person's entire body, face, and all.
But for someone like me? It is just too small.
In the mirror, I could only see my body and legs, no arms, no head.
"I'll do that next time, time for the exam." I said, finishing dressing up in my work outfit
My outfit consists of wide and baggy green-black ninja pants, so when I use my clan justsu, it won't rip apart. With black open-toed sandals with bandages around the ankles. On my upper body, a baggy dark green shirt with two small pockets on the chest; these small pockets contain Akimichi-style storage seals for tons of snacks. Over it is my green Chunin flak jacket with the red spiral on the back and multiple small holders and pouches on the chest, each holding a small scroll with supplies. Finishing my look is, of course, the Hitai-ate with the leave symbol covering my head and brown spiky hair in a bandana style, with a black cloth.
"Oh, right, can't forget the standard stuff, hahaha." I laughed, turning around to put on the pouches and leg holders with standard equipment in them.
I put two pouches on my back, filled one with kunai, the other with just shurikens, and on each leg, a small holder with a few kunai in it, with on the right a small stack of five exploding tags.
Normally, I would also bring a first-aid kit and some food pills, but I doubt I will need them inside the village.
After I was done, I left my home, a nice three-story building much larger than standard buildings of this size, mainly due to my big and chunky frame.
"Sigh, being taller is not always a good thing." I said with a smile on my face, seeing I was a head taller than most Akimich in the clan compound
I closed the door behind me and heard the sizzle sound of my protection activating, it is like the sound of someone igniting a matchstick, if you will.
After leaving the compound and entering the village proper, I could see people stop and gawk at me for being so big. This made my smile even bigger than it already was.
I mean, I am a head taller than anyone around, sometimes even two heads taller than most civilians, even some Jounin have to look up to see my face, I am a giant, your friendly neighborhood jolly big-boned giant.
I kept on walking, greeting a few fellow shinobi in passing, likely new chunin since they, like many civilians, gawked following me with their eyes while I passed by.
Then I started walking to my exam, the Jounin exam I failed twice before, once due to being too inexperienced and two because I was wounded and had too little chakra to last.
After a walk of about ten or so minutes, I arrived at this normal-looking two-story building. Brown walls, a few windows, a wooden door that was wide open, to anyone outside, it looked like a normal house, but to most shinobi, they could see behind the subtle genjutsu.
While I looked, it was all the same, but it did show the sign of Jounin Exam halls; others can't see it, but only those good enough.
"Oh, Bunta-san, you're off to try again?" I heard and looked over to where the voice came from, and saw this beautiful woman looking upwards to meet my face
The woman had jet-black hair and red eyes, with red colored lipstick on her lips. She was wearing casual blue pants with brown open-toed low-heeled shoes, and a red shirt with a white and red jacket over it. Denoting she was off duty but still wearing her hitai-ate on her head, keeping her bangs from covering her face.
I recognized her right away, Kurenai Yuuhi, the Genjutsu Mistress of the Leaf Village, clearly enjoying the little time off we sometimes get between missions or after some particularly problematic missions. The Hokage is good like that, always caring.
"Well, Yuuhi-san, I am healthy, well-rested, and ready to go, Hahaha!" I answered her with a jolly good laugh, hands on my stomach as it moved up and down from my laugh.
Watching her light up with a smile and shake her head, carrying a bag full of groceries.
It always makes my day when I laugh, and others start to smile or laugh themself.
"You should not underestimate the exams, Bunta-san. It took me by surprise, sadly, by the rules I can't tell you anything unless you become a fellow Jounin, so I wish you good luck." I heard Kurenai say to me with a slight smile
"I know, but this time I know what to do, which is why I am in good shape. Well rested, and rearing to give it another shot. The first time was too hasty, and I was barely a chunin for a few months. The second time, I did not even get to start at all. I had just come back from a mission, injured and exhausted. I'm no genius like Hatake-san, so I'm not sure what I expected to happen, Hahaha!" I seriously told her, ending in another Jolly good laugh.
"Well, good luck. I have to go now and prepare for whatever genin team I will receive in a few weeks." I heard Kurenai say, about to walk away.
"Interesting, you a new to the group, Jounin, already getting a team? Must be a team well-suited for you, or the Hokage would not choose you. I also wish you good luck in this endeavor. Good day, Yuuhi-san." I told her, nodding my head as a goodbye and walking away towards the Exam building, not before watching her walk on along the road.
'So good looking it should be a crime, anyway, time for my exam.' I thought before turning around, ready to tackle my Jounin exams.
"Ha! Third time's the charm, they say." I said, passing the building in question after a quick look inside, still with a smile on my face.
While I walked further, I thought back to my short meeting just now.
Yes, I did meet her just outside the test building, and from what I remember from fanfiction in this big head of mine, many would have joked, or flirted with her, or tried to act close or whatever.
But not me, we are just co-workers in the Shinobi ranks, and right now I'm a chunin and she is a jounin, it would be too strange to do that stuff, maybe if I were an innocent Genin, a mere child giving some praise to her beauty would let me get away with it.
But someone two heads taller like me? Albeit around the same age, I just respect her and appreciate her beautiful look. Doubt anything would work out between us anyway, besides a certain smoker guy would go after me for sure due to his little obsession with her.
I passed the building in question after looking inside, and walked into a small alleyway with a quick look inside from earlier. I was glad I had done it, because it showed a small log lying about in the middle of the room.
"Oke then, let's do this, Kawarrimi no Jutsu" I said quietly, barely a whisper, quickly doing a few hand seals and disappearing from my location, only a log lying about where I had been, with barely any smoke
I soon appeared in the main room where the log had been with a small amount of smoke and a soft pop, and heard the door behind me close, denoting the exam was now a go.
"Ah, you're here, Bunta, come along, you can take your exam right away." I heard a tired male voice in a barely audible mumble. This voice came from a corner, where I saw a slouching figure partly hidden, with just his legs in sight.
The moment I saw the man walk into the light, I was shocked, and why would I not be?
The man with black pineapple hair styled in a short ponytail, with a small goaty and scars on his face those always looked tired but with sharp-looking black eyes looking at me.
Fully dressed in the Jounin uniform of Konoha.
"Shikaku-Sama… I did not expect you to take my exam?" I said, bowing with fist in hand in front of me to show my respect.
'Shikaku Nara, Leader of the Nara clan, and Jounin commander of the hidden leaf village of Konoha… why would he take the time for this?' I questioned in my head, beads of sweat forming on my forehead
I saw him rub a hand on the back of his neck, and his words made me smile again. Everyone knew his situation with his wife and who wears the pants, but I didn't say anything.
"Troublesome, it was such a 'drag' at home, my wife told me to get productive or else…" he said, walking through a door with me following, watching how the door frame became taller and wider for me to fit through
"You go through that door, and when you do, the exam will begin, and a few others will judge you. Good luck." I heard him say in a daze before he left through another door.
The moment I walked through the door, I saw an ANBU standing there with a Panda mask.
"Take this scroll and escort it out of the area to the evac zone, near the border. Others will cover you." I heard him say, as he handed me a booklet and a scroll, while signing with his remaining hand.
'Ah fuck… information extraction with stealth element… double fuck with my giant frame… triple fuck this is likely gonna be timed, quadriple fuck… almost missed the signing.' I thought cursing in my head while keeping my smile on my face
"By your command, ANBU-san." I said with a strained smile, accepting the items, and in a puff, sealed them away after adjusting my collar, sealing them inside with small seals.
So many seals only filled with snacks, maybe adjust a few for combat… nah, more snacks.
When I saw him disappear in a puff of smoke, showing he was a clone, I quickly performed a few hand seals for a weak genjutsu.
"Demonic Illusion: False Surroundings Technique"
I covered my body in a weak genjutsu to make you believe everything was normal, basically altering anyone's perception of the surroundings, making others feel as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As long as I do not make sudden moves or if they get too close, it won't be broken.
That means I won't be able to run around and will have to walk to find the extraction point alone, close to the simulated border, which I know is about a kilometer away, due to the signing of the ANBU. Since this is a simulation within the village, I can only expect a lot of trouble.
I slowly walked toward an area the ANBU pointed out in hand signs, which I hoped would give me directions or make me recognize something to keep me moving forward. All it did was show me a perfect location for a split.
'Wish my Nara buddy Shun was here, he's the thinker of our group, maybe I should have looked at maps a bit more instead of eating and training.' I thought with a strained smile
As I kept walking and walking, leaving a few simple traps behind, due too how perfect the location was for placing traps. With other traps hidden under them, and more around them, from some of the small scrolls on my chest of trapping supplies.
Some ninja wire and explosive seals here and there, some hidden, others in plain sight, with home kunai and shurikens ready to be launched all around.
It did not take long to set up, maybe about half a minute, plus or take a few seconds.
And I left one side of the way open to lure any pursuers away, with a few broken twigs and fake smells.
— — — — —
In a small room, watching the simulated forest, a group of five was intently watching.
Four of this group are men, and the last member is a woman.
Among the men was Shikaku Nara, the Jounin commander, wide awake and paying close attention.
The first of the other men was a man with a black bandana covering his head, scars on his clean-shaven face, with a stern look on said face. Wearing a Black flak jacket covered by a black trench coat with black ninja pants and black steel-toed boots.
This stern man is Ibiki Morino, captain of the T&I department and head of the Torture Division.
The other two were run-of-the-mill Jounin older men, with one wearing black glasses and a standard jounin uniform, and the other with wild black hair that covered his eyes, with both arms in bandages, standing in a slumping way, both with hands in their pockets.
The woman, though, has wild spikey dark brown hair, sharp-looking black eyes, dark red makeup around her eyes, and the same dark red clan marks on her cheeks in a downward triangular shape, with purple lipstick on her lips.
She is wearing the Jounin outfit with slight adjustments; instead of the black undershirt and pants, it is dark gray instead, with dark blue open-toed sandals, with bandages around the ankles, preventing her from losing her shoes during clan jutsu and around her right leg holding a holster in place with a small pouch on the back of her hip.
Next to her is a big gray and white Ninken wolf-dog with an eyepatch.
This woman is Tsume Inuzuka, the matriarch of the Inuzuka clan of Ninken users, with her partner in crime, Kuromaru, sitting next to her.
Expert tracker alone or with her ninken included, speculated to be the head of the Hunter-Nin of Konoha.
"Bah, Shikaku, why did you call for me to be here? This is such a waste of time, we all know Akimichi are bad at stealth, they can't sneak to save their lives." Tsume spat out, frowning
"'Troubesome women' You know we always test potential Jounin in all the worst possible subjects to see if they are even remotely good enough, after that we will find out about their strong points. He is the only one of his team willing to try for Jounin." Shikaku explained in a lazy but gruff tone
"At least he knows genjutsu and is decent at trap laying, take a look, he left one way open but did cover it up with a genjutsu of 'False Surroundings', meaning he's covering the fake trail he just made, making those pursuing, if they notice it believe it is the side he had gone in." Ibiki stated in an emotionless tone
"The only thing I do not like is his slow time, taking too long; his mission is to get out with the information, not linger around." Ibiki quickly followed up, frowning
"Hah! At least it's Mid-High-Chunin at least, could still use improving mainly in speed, but it is already better than most of those idiots who managed to get through, with easy exams to replenish our numbers after the fox attack." Tsume growled, looking at the two jounin standing quietly in a corner with their hands in their pockets, who flinched slightly, feeling her predatory stare
"He takes too long, so time to see his thinking on the fly." Ibiki said, with a creepy smile
"IBIKI MORINO! You did not…!" Tsume yelled in surprise, hearing what he said and seeing the smile he normally uses in torturing prisoners.
Tsume looked back in shock the moment the scent of the person Ibiki likely signaled arrived in range and moved towards the exam field.
"..." Shikaku stayed quietly watching while frowning, not saying anything more besides writing a few things down
— — — — —
I was slowly moving about for a while when I forced the deactivation of the genjutsu on my person.
I mean, the moment I felt this cold feeling on my back, I released it because it meant I was spotted, so keeping it active is not worth the effort and a waste of chakra. Then, after the deactivation of the genjutsu, I started jumping randomly from tree to tree, like a giant pinball in a pinball machine.
That cold feeling is what you need to know, as the feeling of dread, or in our work, the feeling of death. Listening to that feeling or sense of it, depending on where it is felt from on my body, has saved me many times over the years.
And it was not a moment too soon when I saw a group of snakes arrive behind me after looking back at the spot I had been too long in during trap placement.
All the fake fighting sounds disappeared, likely denoting they died, and with these snakes…
If I did not know I was in an exam, I would have thought it to be Orochimaru, but since this is an exam, it can only be Anko Mitarashi. Former apprentice of the man and betrayed by her master and fellow summoner of the Snake summons.
The moment I looked back for a split second, I could see, besides the snakes, also the woman known as Anko Mitarashi.
'Light purple hair, in a spiky, fanned-out ponytail, and light brown pupil-less eyes, wearing that revealing mesh undersuit from neck till thigh, the dark orange leather skirt, pale gray shin guards with black open-toed sandals, and the creme colored trenchcoat… That is Anko, alright.' I quickly went through some hand seals
"Shadow Clone Jutsu"
The moment I said so, in my spot, three more giants jumped in many directions while one kept running further ahead, going through more hand seals.
'I hope this works. Why would she show up here…' I thought, hoping beyond hope that my spur-of-the-moment idea would work out, while questioning why she of all people would show up.
I kept on jumping through the trees in the direction of the supposed Evacuation site. Face pale, cursing my bad luck in terms of the exam and fake enemies.