August - Wish You Were Sober

Remus Lupin walked the third-floor corridor of the apartment complex carrying the last box of his things. His mother had offered to come with him, but seeing as it was his last trip, he had convinced Hope to stay home under the pretense of not wanting to waste gas. In reality, Remus was hoping to have a couple of hours by himself before his roommates showed up. Remus was starting his third year at the University of Manchester and would have continued to live in his single on-campus dorm had renting off-campus with roommates not been the more affordable option.

Remus had talked to his new flatmates, James Potter and Sirius Black, only a handful of times. The first time was to discuss the matter of renting with them, another time to figure out who was bringing what furniture, and the most recent time was just a couple of days ago. James had called him to let Remus know that he and Sirius would be "out" on the days Remus was to move in his things. James hadn't said much as to why the two of them wouldn't be there, but Remus decided it wasn't his business. Hope, however, was a bit upset as she hadn't gotten to meet the boys her "baby" would be living with.

When he approached his door, Remus leaned the box against the wall and his hip, searching his pockets for his key. He unlocked the door, grabbed the box, and walked into the apartment. He was slightly relieved when he found it still void of his roommates. The place itself wasn't huge by any means, but it was definitely bigger than the on-campus suites. Each of them had their own bedroom that could fit a full-size bed, a desk, and the limited furniture that Remus owned, which was pretty much just various bookshelves. He also had his own bathroom while James and Sirius had to share Jack-and-Jill style. Remus couldn't complain; besides, from the sounds of it, the two of them had known each other forever. Remus was, however, a bit apprehensive about that. He hoped this arrangement wouldn't feel like he was invading or third-wheeling in his roommate's friendship. Remus's best friend, Lily Evans, had experienced something similar, but it had worked out well for her. Their first year, she had been assigned to a four-person suite with three others who had all gone to secondary school together. Lily said it had been awkward at first, but eventually she became good friends with them and had even roomed with them since.

Remus kicked the door shut behind him with his heel and set his box down on the kitchen counter. The kitchen was nice, but small, and Remus figured that wouldn't be an issue. It wasn't like three college guys would know how to cook much beyond boiling pasta and frozen pizzas anyway. Remus used his key to cut the tape on the box and carefully extracted the kitchen utensils his mother had just bought him. He searched through the drawers to find that one close to the sink already contained the other two's spoons, knives, and forks. He placed his own in the corresponding places and turned back to the box. The rest of the things in it could go to his room. Remus sighed and picked the thing up. His own bedroom was just off the living room and was probably considered the master bedroom, while that of James and Sirius shared a hallway on the opposite side of the apartment.

Remus opened his door to the organized chaos that was his bedroom. Boxes filled the corners, sorted by Sharpie on the cardboard. Since he had been going back and forth from his parents' house, he had only managed to put some of his things away. He had already organized his books and vinyl records on shelves as he wanted them, as it had been a very relaxing task amidst the hassle. Remus walked over to the desk where his record player sat, and he turned it on. Glancing at his displayed albums, he gently picked up Taylor Swift's Folklore and placed the vinyl on the player, allowing the sound of a piano to fill the room. With that, Remus looked around the room and picked a box to begin organizing.

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

August sipped away like a bottle of wine

'Cause you were never mine

'Cause you were never mine, never mine

It wasn't until Remus was humming along to August that he heard keys jingling, the door being opened, and voices coming from the kitchen.

"I know, Sirius, but at least he's out of that house." That must have been James.

There was a pause. "Yeah, I guess. I told him to call me whenever and that our couch is always available…hopefully, Remus is chill with that, I guess. I forgot that it's not just us."

"Oh yeah," the first voice said. "Do you think he's here? I was hoping we could have a chill game night. Mum sent so many games with us."

Remus, slightly aware that he probably shouldn't listen in on other people's conversations, quirked an eyebrow at how James seemed to mention their mother. As far as he knew, James and Sirius weren't siblings.

"Uh, I think I hear music," came the other voice. Sirius's voice. "Oi, Remus! You here, mate?!"

Remus realized that he had been eavesdropping and peeked his head out of his door, then emerged from his room. "Hey guys, I didn't know you'd be back tonight."

"That's alright," James said as they all entered the living room. "Didn't know it ourselves."

"Sorry we couldn't be here to help you with your things," Sirius acknowledged as he plopped down on their couch, running a hand through his hair and letting out a heavy breath.

"Oh, that's alright," Remus answered. "My parents helped, and I don't really have that much stuff anyway. It's mostly just books."

"You do strike me as a reader," James chuckled, also taking a seat on the couch next to Sirius. "You should join us tonight, mate. We're going to order pizza and play some games, all courtesy of my wonderful mother."

"Yes, Remus," Sirius perked up, giving him a lopsided grin. "You have to hang with us. That is, unless you have other plans."

"Oh," Remus looked back and gestured at his room. "I was just going to finish organizing…" he saw Sirius' face fall slightly, "But I suppose that can wait for tomorrow."

"Awesome!" James announced, pulling out his phone to order the food. "Remus, my good man, what kind of pizza would you like?"

—-------

Several games, pizza boxes, and hours later, Sirius sat on the floor of the living room with his back against the couch, next to James, with Remus on the other side of the coffee table. The three were now conversing comfortably, finding an easy connection between them. Sirius was grateful that Remus turned out to be a nice guy. He was easy to joke with, a good sport when he inevitably lost to James in Uno, and he seemed to be really genuine and down to earth. Sirius and James had tossed around jokes of Remus being an asshole and were relieved that those thoughts weren't fulfilled. Sirius found himself watching the auburn-haired man while he talked with James. He liked the way Remus' body moved fluidly and easily as he talked with his hands. He liked the way Remus' nose and eyes crinkled when he laughed. And he was mesmerized by the way Remus' hands dealt cards so smoothly. Several times throughout the night, Remus had nearly caught Sirius' careful gaze. Suddenly, Remus' laugh caught Sirius' attention and brought him back to the conversation.

"Really?!" Remus was saying in response to James. "Mate, that's hilarious!"

"What did I miss?" Sirius smirked. He didn't understand why he had felt so distracted.

James laughed. "Oh, I was just regaling Remus here with the story of my sexual journey."

Remus chuckled. "Yes, I'm more impressed by your quote-unquote, how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it mindset. A true pansexual. I wish I could have been a bit more like that when I was younger." Remus took a drink of the cheap alcohol they had somehow acquired. "Although that would've been a bit difficult, seeing as I was the only gay in the village type."

"Grow up in a small town, then?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, my whole family lives in Monmouth, Wales," Remus continued. "I went to a small all-boys school where everyone knew everyone. My parents and I moved to West Yorkshire partway through year 10 after…um. Anyway, I'm glad to be out of small-town life."

Sirius noticed Remus' unfinished thought. He tilted his head, trying to read the expression splayed across the man's face. They had moved after…after what? Sirius couldn't help but wonder.

"That's fair. Sirius and I grew up around London," James explained. "Sirius' family lived in the city, mine just outside it. London is definitely the opposite of small-town life."

Remus nodded in agreement, and Sirius watched as his auburn curls bounced with the movement. Remus brushed some fringe out of his eyes, and the sleeve of his shirt fell down to reveal his wrist. Sirius was confused at how Remus quickly pulled his sleeve back down and resumed the conversation. "You guys go to school together, then?" He looked at Sirius for an answer.

Sirius, who had been staring at Remus for a beat too long, cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. We could tell you stories from our time at Westminster."

James nodded along with a mischievous grin. "The most impressive of those stories being that despite his twatty personality, Sirius managed to snog every girl who was interested."

Sirius smirked proudly, though he thought he noticed a shift in Remus' demeanor. "Yeah, yeah. It was nothing. Especially when you look like me," he gestured up and down his torso and flashed a mock seductive smile at them.

While James' statement was exaggerative, it wasn't totally factually incorrect. Sirius had been in his fair share of 'relationships.' After the summer between years eight and nine, there seemed to be a significant shift in the way girls acted around both Sirius and James. It was obvious that several girls in their friendship group fancied him, even some of the girls in the year or two above them seemed much more interested in chatting him up. Sirius had liked the attention. He thrived off of the wistful looks, the flirtatious compliments, and the giggles when he smiled their way. None of these relationships had been anything of substance – that is, if they could even be considered relationships as they were mostly just snogging in the back row of the cinema. The closest thing Sirius had ever had to an actual relationship was his friend Mary. He had met her two years ago at his first college party, and the two of them became each other's regular hook-up. Now, they still went as dates to parties when neither was interested in someone else. Sirius just didn't feel as though he knew how to be someone's boyfriend, so he never offered anything more than casual.

Remus chuckled, once again pulling Sirius from his thoughts. "So you've known each other forever, huh?"

James hummed in confirmation. "Yeah, we've practically known each other since birth. Our families were pretty uh…relevant to each other, I guess you could say. Our dads used to work together, so we'd always see each other at functions."

James sent Sirius a look that he knew all too well. A quiet question of how much he could reveal. Sirius shrugged and continued. "My family is pretty fucked up, so I spent most of my time at the Potters, especially once I was a bit older."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks," Remus said, empathy flooding his face and tone.

"Yeah, it's whatever." Sirius took a long sip of his drink. "My parents treated me and my brother like shit. They disowned me after I got my A Level results back, and it was clear that I wouldn't be going to uni on a pre-law track and conforming to the outdated family values." James squeezed his shoulder. "They kicked Regulus out after he came home with a new haircut and told them he's trans."

"My parents took them in, though," James said. "That's actually why we weren't here the past couple of days."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, looking between the two of them.

"Regulus just got home from a trip with his friends four days ago with his new haircut," Sirius finished his drink in one quick gulp.

"I'm sorry you guys had to go through that," Remus held Sirius' gaze. "I know what it's like to be treated badly because you're different."

Sirius felt that there was a story there and was tempted to ask what he meant, but Remus' voice had a sense of finality to it. "Like I said, I've got the Potters and now so does Reggie."

"You have me, now, too," Remus said quietly as if he hadn't meant to say it aloud. Sirius noticed how a pink flush lightly brushed the other man's face.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Well, now that it's gotten deep, I think it's time to break out the sweets Effie sent with us."

James chuckled softly. "Nice diversion, mate."

Remus laughed too, and Sirius wasn't sure why he was so captivated by the sound. "Yes, well played. I always accept sweets. But, who the hell is Effie?"

"Oh, that would be my mum." James surely launched into paragraphs of praise for the woman, but Sirius tuned him out.

He made his way to the kitchen to find the sweets. Sirius hated talking about his family. It often left him raw and angry. He didn't know why, but something about Remus made him want to share it all. It was like he wanted Remus to know everything about him so he could know everything about Remus. He wondered again what Remus had meant about not feeling accepted. Sirius assumed it probably had something to do with growing up queer in a small town, but Sirius had a suspicion that there was more to the story – a heaviness to the way Remus had said it.

Sirius found what he was looking for and reentered the living room, this time sitting by Remus. "Here we are," Sirius said, setting the basket on the coffee table. "Dig in."

"Thanks," Remus replied as he reached for a chocolate bar. Sirius caught his gaze again, and Remus seemed to be silently asking if he was okay. Sirius smiled.

"Anyway," James continued. "You have to come with us on Friday, Remus."

Sirius perked up at that. "Yes, you should! We're meeting some friends at a party that one of the society houses is hosting."

"It'll be loads of fun!" James added.

"Sure," Remus nodded. "Why not?"

James pumped his fist in the air. "Yes! We're going to be best mates, I can feel it!"

Sirius laughed at his friend. "Chill out, before you scare him away, you lunatic."

—------

Remus had gone to bed a little tipsy but significantly less anxious about his roommates. James and Sirius had been so welcoming and easy to talk to. Remus hoped that things would continue on this track. Truth be told, Remus didn't have many close friends. Lily was his best and longest friend, as he didn't have any childhood friends. They had met when he had moved to West Yorkshire, and were now going on nearly five years of friendship. He supposed he also had Lily's roommates, Dorcas, Marlene, and Alice. But he wasn't as close to them as Lily was. Of course, he had random acquaintances from his courses, but typically those friendships didn't last more than a semester.

Remus liked James and Sirius. A lot. James was loud and funny, and Remus was certainly ready to have a guy friend who was queer. James was confident, outgoing, and just the kind of person Remus' mother would like him to be friends with. There was something about James that seemed to make Remus inherently trust him, even though they had only just met.

Sirius was very similar yet completely different from James. Sirius' humor resided in his sarcasm and ability to keep a straight face while joking. Sirius' confidence was displayed in his poised posture, which was only interrupted when he ran a hand through his shoulder-length hair. Remus felt as though he could trust Sirius for entirely different reasons than James. While James seemed to be someone who listened well, was easy to talk to, and could be confided in, Sirius had been hurt, too. Remus didn't know much about the Black family, but from what Sirius had said last night, they were nasty and bigoted. Remus wanted to trust Sirius because Sirius had been hurt in a way that wasn't entirely different from himself. He wanted to trust Sirius, to befriend him, to spend time with him. Remus wanted to tell Sirius his darkest secrets; show him his demons. And in turn, he wanted Sirius to trust him as well. To let go of the burden he so obviously carried behind those gorgeous grey eyes, and to let Remus in.

Fuck , Remus thought as he stared at his ceiling. The morning sunlight poured in through his window. He really ought to invest in some curtains. It's literally been one day.

Remus rolled over to the box acting as his nightstand and picked up his phone. It was nearing eleven in the morning, and he had a couple of unread messages. He opened the one from Lily first.