No Response..
The system was as lively as a brick. No matter how much Yuto mentally cursed at it, it just sat there, unmoving, like a particularly unimpressed cat.
'Ugh. Rude.'
He scratched his head and absentmindedly shoved a piece of grilled meat into his mouth
"BLECH" WASABI.
Tears and snot erupted from his face like a broken fire hydrant. Across the table, Shikamaru was barely containing his laughter, shoulders shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.
"Shikamaruuu" Yuto wheezed, wiping his nose with his sleeve, "you enjoying this?"
"Just a little," Shikamaru admitted still trying to contain his laughter and failing.
"Hmph."
Yuto ignored the little gremlin and turned back to his so-called Golden Finger.
...Was this even worth calling a cheat? A dating system in the Naruto world? What was he supposed to do flirt his way to Hokage? Seduce Kaguya with bad pickup lines?
[Choose.]
'Huh?'
A sudden pop-up appeared in front of him.
[1. Use Edo Tensei to summon Kushina Uzumaki and confess your undying love.]
[2. Write a heartfelt love letter and send it to Chiyo of the hidden sand village via messenger.]
[3. Stand on the Hokage Monument and scream your love for Konoha's sublime blue beast Might Guy in front of the entire village.]
Yuto's chopsticks clattered onto the table.
'What kind of deranged options are these?!'
Kushina? *Dead.*
Chiyo?* Old enough to be his grandma.*
Might Guy? *A walking, screaming, green spandex disaster.*
This system wasn't just broken, it was actively malicious.
'Nope. NOPE. I'm out.'
Yuto mentally shoved the system into the darkest corner of his mind, vowing never to touch it again. Who needs cheats anyway?He'd just live a peaceful, system-free life
[15 seconds to choose, or there will be consequences.]
'Oh, come ON.'
Yuto rolled his eyes and took another bite of meat. 'Try me, you digital bully.'
[Time's up.]
'Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do your worst.'
[Warning: Failure to comply will result in…]
'Pfft.Consequences.Like I care. Erase me. See if I flinch.'
[…the immediate and permanent deletion of your closest friend's mother.]
"SPLURT"
Yuto spit his meat straight onto Shikamaru's face.
'wait, what.WHAT.'
'Fail the task and you kill my friend's mom,instead of me?!'
'WHAT KIND OF SADISTIC SYSTEM IS THIS'
[5… 4… 3…]
'FINE! FINE! I'LL PICK' Yuta screamed internally. 'OPTION ONE, YOU MONSTER!'
[Selection confirmed. Proceed.]
Yuto exhaled like a deflating balloon.
" Hayashi Yuto" Shikamaru said flatly, wiping meat chunks off his face, "What the hell is wrong with you today?"
"Dude," Yuto said solemnly, "I just saved your mom from cosmic deletion with my dignity. You're welcome. Now pay for my food."
"NO"
Stepping out of the BBQ joint, Yuto squinted at the sunset like it had personally offended him.
"Wow. Just... wow."
When this so-called golden finger first activated, he'd actually gotten hopeful for half a second. Maybe he'd get to be the second coming of the sage of six paths! Maybe he'd finally stop being Konoha's most unremarkable background character.
'Instead?'
"Hey kid, wanna play the most messed-up dating sim ever?"
And now this glitchy piece of software was threatening to delete Shikamaru's mom if he didn't play along? What kind of isekai nonsense was this?!
'Satan's morning alarm clock probably plays this system's voice.'
Still, Yuto wasn't completely screwed. He'd picked Option 1 specifically because..
'Ha! Joke's on you, system! I don't know Edo Tensei!'
[Edo Tensei knowledge downloaded directly into your brain. You're welcome.Summon your target within 5 minutes]
Yuto's face gave an impressive impression of week-old milk.
"Oh COME ON."
Not only did the system just Yeet Forbidden Jutsu into his skull, but this wasn't even the normal Edo Tensei! No DNA required? Just something the target left behind?
'Did you steal this from the goddamn Holy Grail War?!'
His stomach dropped as the realization hit.
'Wait. If I need something "left behind" by Kushina…'
A look of horror appeared in his face as his eyes slowly turned toward the direction of Naruto's apartment.
'Oh no no no.'
[Tick tock, host~]
"GODDAMMIT!" Yuto took off running like a man possessed, sandals slapping against the pavement.
*Naruto's Front Door - 2 Minutes Later*
"Yuto?" Naruto blinked at his panting friend. "You good?"
"Bathroom. Now." Yuto gasped, hands on knees.
"...You sprinted across the village to use my toilet?"
"Best friend privileges." Yuto nodded gravely.
Naruto's face scrunched up. "That's a thing?"
"It is now. Move."
Yuto locked the bathroom door and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
'Okay. Deep breaths. You're just about to:
1) Summon your best friend's dead mom
2) In his own house
3) To hit on her'
'This is fine'
[30 seconds remaining.]
"SHUT UP!"
Hand signs. Deep breath. Here goes nothing.
"Edo Tensei no Jutsu!"
The bathroom tiles began glowing an ominous purple.
Somewhere outside, Naruto called: "Uh... you okay in there?"
'I HATE MY LIFE'
**Bonus Alternate Ending (Because Why Not):**
A coffin started rising from the floor. Yuto's soul left his body.
'I'm going to hell for this.'
The lid creaked open. A red-haired woman blinked awake.
"...Where—?"
**Yuto's brain:**
*ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT—*
His mouth, however, had other plans:
"Hey girl, are you a Nine-Tails? Because you're destroying me right now."
[TASK COMPLETE]
[New Quest Unlocked: Survive the Next 24 Hours]
Somewhere in the distance, a dog howled and he wished he was that dog right about now
Let me know if you like the story this was way too fun to write 😂😂