"Reece, to be honest, I don't know you and your abilities. Tell me—what kinds of things do you excel at? Where do you see yourself helping us in your future?"
Before me stands a young man named Reece, a newer face amongst the crowded bunch. Supposedly he's my assistant but well, I've never really interacted with him.
He looks around eighteen, fairly built for his average height and has that unexplainable persistence in his golden eyes.
He straightens his collar before answering.
"Well sir, I'm confident in my abilities. Organizing, scheduling—I came from logistics... managed the corpse rotation schedules and storage. That was my job at the time."
"Why the change?"
"Well… I just wanted to do something more, you know?"
"I see." I glance down at his file. "You were an orphan here once. Only graduated a couple years back. Tell me—how far are you willing to walk for this cause?"
A shadow hides under his brow.
"I would kill sir, if that's what needed to be done." His response is blunt. "Truth is I don't trust you either, but I trust Jiord; tell me Desmond what are you willing to sacrifice to be our leader, because I have my doubts too."
Leaning back, I bite a nail and spit it away.
The audacity. I like his honestly, he's young but he can learn. Let's see how he copes under pressure.
"Sacrifice." I taste the word as it comes out. "Such a convenient word, don't you think?"
He stares back blankly but remains attentive.
"It implies you have something to lose. To give up, to yield as a cost to oneself for a better future. That's not how I think, truth be told."
His nose scrunches up.
"Sacrifices shouldn't be parted with easily—that's the whole point. But regarding me, your perception of me..." my eyes meet his.
"I would never do so because I believe that to survive is to thrive. I won't give up myself, nor what matters to me. I'll work in spite of them—in spite of my circumstances, obstacles, even this world itself if necessary."
I lean forward, voice tightening as I feel the paperweight's chipped edge as it digs into my palms.
"You want to know the difference between us? You're asking what you'll sacrifice, while I'm asking what I refuse to lose. I simply refuse to accept any unnecessary losses." my fingertips in-front, touch against each other as I stare into his soul.
I remain quiet and so does he.
Though, his silence is awkward, untamed, speaking volumes about his experience.
"Now," I continue, "are you willing to work for someone who won't ask you to die when he himself won't? Or, would you prefer a leader who demands your blood while keeping his own?"
His eyes flinch, then narrow.
He nods slowly.
"This.. I can work with this, sir."
"Good. I think we understand each other now."
Standing up from my seat I shake his cold but firm hand, noting how his posture slightly straightens upon our physical contact.
"Here."
I hand over his designated assignment.
"I've decided, you need to compile this full inventory for me in the coming days. Then, I will be satisfied."
"How soon do you need this.. Sir?"
"Three days will do."
"That's—" His voice catches.
"It'll be done in two."
"I like your dedication. That will be all, thank you." I gesture towards the door and he swiftly. arches out.
What an enthusiastic kid. Reminds me of myself back when I did charity work.
Speaking of kids, when does school—
Herds of padded footsteps, thump, creaking floorboards all the way down the hallway.
Like a stampede.
A sharp knock rattles on my door as the bell chimes throughout the building.
I hear a faint "fuck" muttered on the other side, followed by childish giggling then more running.
"Language." I call out from behind my desk.
Quiet waits for a moment, then a muffles out his response.
"Sorry,"
". . ."
"Can I come in?" another voice asks.
"Sure thing."
The door opens.
Waving off some other kids lingering in the hallway before stepping inside, Tim shuts the door behind him.
"Busy again?" He asks.
"Work is work, but tell me, how was your day at school." I resume looking at a file before me.
A black blur shoots out from under my desk.
Mute, meowing loudly charges into Tim.
"There she is!" Tim laughs, scooping her up and drops on the couch.
"Such a sweet girl. Yes you are." She purrs, kneading his lap with her paws before curling up.
I yawn. Did I miss something between those two.
"My day, ugh, it was just fine."
That all? You even delayed your response.
"You realise this tells me nothing." I glance up at him from the tops of my eyes.
"Well that's a problem with you."
My voice tightens.
"Me? What'd you say you gotta problem with me for?"
Tim doesn't even look up from Mute.
"Being annoying."
"I'm ann—I asked you about your DAY!"
"Egg-xact-ly." He speaks dismissively and pats the cat behind her ears.
Little shit. Are all kids like this.
---
And just like that, after a couple of back and forths conversing some hours pass.
Finishing my final form, I lean back in my chair letting out a humongous groan.
"Bleh?" Tim groans questioningly from the other side of the room.
"Boah", I explain, gesturing openly whilst nodding curling my head back against my chair.
"Blipblooble-Ble!" He squeaks back, accusing me with that stern expression of his.
"Blep blep blep." I wave my hand dismissively and chuckle lightly.
"So you hungry boy?"
"Yeah, getting fed sometimes would be nice Des."
"Greedy little pig. Starving you is only what you deserve," I laugh loudly, "now, where do you want to eat?"
"You're going to regret asking me that, I know this one place and—"
---
"Nice place isn't it, you make this place look decent with that new buttoned-up shirt, Des."
"Well thanks, I do try quite hard, it's unfortunate this place brings down my style." I straighten at my shirts sleeves. "It has an atmosphere, nothing else really though, you said it would be high-class so I brought out the closet."
Looking around, I take in the rustic vibe. Open space, old rotting wood and a burning furnace that smells of charcoal light up the room in a flickering orange.
"Yeah, that was our joke, we used to make fun of this place."
He suddenly goes quiet.
"Hey, so you're gonna order salted yonk-loin again or what?" I shift the conversation tucking my hair back.
"This time I'll have salted zerg that's been roasted with moongrass served on tea-flavoured rice."
"Well, doesn't that sound nice, I might just have the same thing then."
They really need to do a better job with names.
After ordering, our meals arrives on wooden plates.
Picking at my roasted zerg, its skin crunches as I take a savory bite.
Not so yummy lizard.
Well at least it's salted, tastes like any other crunchy meatbone.
Tim laughing at me, peels off its skin before lifting it up and devouring it with one slurp.
Now for the real question, how should I approach Zerbus? It would be better to understand the farmers' basic situation before going in for negotiations or diplomacy.
From memory there were a number of Norts working the fields, especially outside the quarantine. If they are mostly used for farmwork, it's reasonable to expect that would be the easiest occupation they would choose to integrate into.
Plus if Norts are persecuted peoples, you would hope they're less likely to be working for their oppressors. From this I think they are more reliable as a group than any others I will come across.
Just how do I make this work.
A conversation from a nearby table catches my ears and I eavesdrop.
"Why weren't you at the showgrounds this morning?"
Another voice responds.
"My wife said I shouldn't gamble anymore."
"What, did she find out about your losses?"
"Nah. She thinks those pluffers are too cute. Says she couldn't be with someone who'd harm them, even indirectly."
"That's rough."
"Yeah... but they are kinda cute, so maybe she's right."
"So fucken cute. Ever had one waddle up and just stare at you with those massive eyes?"
Wiping his beard with a napkin, the second man clears his throat.
"I myself prefer it more when they flip on their backs and demand the those belly rubs. Good times."
"Right, Right. That being said, you're missing out, brother. Zerg Destroyer did it again. A fire zerg beating a water zerg. Almost unheard of."
"Man, I could've made so much on that match. He was my spirit animal." a grumble.
"I'm telling you, it's incredible to watch. You're missing out."
"Yeah, your right. But maybe, I should step away from the gambling aspect for a while. Just come watch in my free time instead y'know..." He lowers his voice. "I love my wife."
"You're too lovestruck. It's making you stupid. Coming from me, that means something." I hear as one of them slams down their mug.
"If that's the cost, I'll sacrifice all my future gambling profits." A laugh.
"If I were in your shoes, I'd be the same. Your wife is like really hot."
"If I hear another word out of your mouth, I will punch you. You're lucky you're drunk."
"Sorry, sorry. I don't know what came over me apart from the truth."
"It's fine." He exhales. "But she's just... too kind. Too thoughtful, for you to be speaking about her like that.
"She stole your heart, huh?"
"I'm not afraid to admit it." His face tenses. "That said, lotta people look down on northerners like her."
"You mean the Norts."
"See? That's exactly what I mean. Hearing that makes me feel uncomfortable now. I used to listen to the daily announcements and think like you do. But lately... I know my wife isn't the way they describe them."
"She's an odd one out. The farmers are the really bad ones."
"I thought so too at first—every batch of bugs has a beetle and all. But watching her and the other two teach those kids? It's broadened my perspective. There's a sense of community I've scarcely seen before with those women. I dunno how else to describe it."
"Pfft, ha! You big softie. She emptied your balls so much you forgot what being a man was like."
"Hey! Come on, I'm just saying—if I was wrong about that thing, what else are they telling me that I'm wrong about?"
"Maybe your relationship decisions."
"At least try to be respectful."
"Sorry." He sips.
"How are you and Stacey going?"
"...I caught her fucking another man. Again."
"Shit. Sorry to hear that."
"Yeah." He takes a long drink. "The things I let her do in the name of love."
"Well, at least you get some spare change to go gambling again. Think about the positives."
Silence.
"She lowered my allowance again," he mumbles.
"What? Why'd she do it this time?"
"Wants to save up. Give the baby a good future."
"Fuck, you can't blame her for that, right?"
"...I guess not."
"You should work with me in the mines. I'll get you a nice recommendation. Would be good for you, money from your own pocket is always harder to spend."
"Is Giana really as bad as the rumors say though?" He questions.
"You'll be fine. Too old, you're not her type anyway."
".. I'll think on it"
The other man gives him a worried look, then shifts his eyes almost catching mine.
Looking away, I take another bite feeling the crunch in my mouth.
"You're supposed to tear off the skin, like this." Reaching over, Tim pulls away the rest of its hide to reveal some white and blue meat.
"Right, sorry, just tired you know." I yawn and face Tim's direction.
"It's okay, dad also had that same face when he got back from work."
Saying it like that breaks my heart even more. I was never good at separating work from home.
"Tim, I know this is difficult but I want you to be honest with me here." I scoop up a spoonful of rice and bring my mouth around the spoon.
"And when I say honesty I don't mean you tell me what you think I want to hear, but tell me what you're actually feeling inside that chest of yours." My wooden fork points at him and swallow.
"As you are would now, would you prefer to constantly see me at my best only remembering my worst, or constantly see me at my worst, and only remember my best? "
". . ."
"What does that mean." He looks at me with those confused eyes but warm smile.
"Let me rephrase. It's just, I know I can get really focused on my work sometimes, and, I just don't ever want you feeling like your missing out or anything."
Another scoopful of rice enters my mouth, and I feel the bite against the spoon.
"If you ever feel like seeing me, just come in my office, don't feel like its a space where you don't belong... alright."
Tim, using the tablecloth wipes at his mouth covering it as he chews.
""I thi-mmf-I think you're worryin' too much." Chomp.
"Even though you're sometimes not—ngk—here fully, I know what the administration does is important." He takes a bone from the side of his mouth.
"The fact that you're thinkin' about me means you care."He swallows hard. "You hesitate over the littlest things with me… but with everyone else?" He snorts.
"You can be straight-up, very, very, very rude. Inconsiderate, and sometimes embarrassing to be around, sometimes, but don't think, I don't like being around you."
He puts down his fork.
"As long as your thinking about me, I'm happy. Keep doing you, I'll forever stick by your side." He brings his hand down, placing it in his lap.
"But yeah, I like that you think too much and worry about me." He finishes up.
"Funny, I've heard those exact words not that long ago. Then I did something..."
"Did what."
Todd's face flashes before my eyes.
"Well, this is awkward now I forgot what I was going to say." Picking up a moon grass stem I throw it into my mouth.
"Yeah yeah you've got points after points, I'm thankful for you sticking wit me, really am man, but that doesn't make me feel any better about the matter."
Those two raise their volume, arguing loudly.
Tim looks at me, and I look at him. We both nod with mischievous grins, turning our heads
simultaneously to eavesdrop on what their so passionately discussing about.
"Take your time. I've known you since childhood—I won't abandon you that easily."
They fist-bump.
"Thanks, brother."
"I gotchu."
What a nothing burger, that like only lasted for one second.
Their mugs thud as they collide and their conversation shifts. For that they don't deserve privacy.
"Hey Tim, first one to get noticed has to sleep upside down."
"Bet." He replies, both of us staring at them from the corner of the room.
"Hey Henry, how's your little girl doing?"
Henry shifts in his seat.
"Poor Evon's having a hard time at school. Won't tell me more about it though."
"Why don't you let your wife teach her instead?"
"If she could, she would. But she believes she needs to take care of the orphans first. Says she'd rather give resources to a child who's struggling than indulge in her own wants." He traces the rim of his mug.
"We have the ability to sustain Evon's education at the church. Not many of the orphans have that kind of familial support, so..."
"I personally wouldn't do that. My child is mine. If I think they're struggling, I'd help them any way I could. The orphans are one thing, but your own blood and bone is another." The first man interrupts.
"How's your boy doing, then?"
Silence.
"Sorry didn't mean to dredge up the past." I catch a glace as Henry leans forward. "I agree with you too. It's just—this is the only source of contention in our relationship. I'm not sure how to handle it. I shouldn't take it out on you." He takes another sip.
The other guy, turns to the waiter. "Hey you, nother one over here, thanks mate." He turns back, almost catching us both as we listen.
"Maybe this'll all be fine. Remember that time you bet on a dark zerg against a light zerg? I've never seen you pull a face like that. So confident, then so sad.."
His train of thought switches. "Wait, which zerg did you bet on earlier today?"
"..."
"Don't tell me you bet on that water one."
His head hits the table causing both the cutlery and Tim to jump.
"Ugh, don't remind me."
"Why do that though? Didn't I tell you Zerg Destroyer was the sure bet? He woulda carried your small sack over the finish line to make it 'burly bigger' for once?"
"Burly bigger huh, it's a shame no one says that stuff anymore. Losing character. Gamblers used to have life, have fun, but now it's all bout the money, it's prolly a good thing you left."
"You're talking shit, Spud."
"Fine shit, I thought I was playing smart for once, learning from my past mistakes. Blew all my painted balls on the match too."
"See that's why you're moping, none of this romantic stuff ey."
"Just be quiet. Please."
Standing up Henry pats Spuds back.
"Well, let me know if you want that job. Visit me anytime." He walks off leaving two primstones on the table.
"Thanks for the meal." Spud calls out.
Waving back, Henry walks away, exiting the yurt.
I like this Henry, and he has a relationship with one of the people I wanted to talk to—the three sisters. I've heard so much about them, this could be my opportunity.
If I approach him as someone who wants to change education in the administration, I can't see neither him nor his wife declining my proposal.
I signal to Tim.
"Well, that felt pretty weird didn't it?"
"I feel like I heard something I shouldn't have. Poor spud." Tim doesn't hide the guilt on his face.
"Should we head home now then?"
"Yeah, I think its for the best." Jumping up, he walks with me back home.