Death, it turns out, is not nearly as dramatic as you might think. No flashing lights, no tunnels, no crying relatives sobbing around your body as your soul floats off into a sparkly mist of closure. Nope. For me, it was a car. A big one. With a bumper sticker that said, "I Brake for Isekai."
I didn't even see it coming.
One moment I was walking out of the convenience store with a hot cup of instant noodles and a winning scratch card. The next, I was airborne, then floor-borne, then very, very dead.
And then, well... I was here.
"Welcome to the Dimensional Processing Zone!" a voice declared with a little too much cheer. It echoed like it came from all directions, but also nowhere at all. My surroundings looked like someone had let an interior designer go nuts with neon lights, glass floors, and way too many floating clocks. Imagine IKEA, if it were run by Doctor Strange.
Standing before me was... a thing. A being. I'd call it a guy, but he was glowing, shifting through colors, wearing a three-piece suit made of stars, and sipping tea from a cup labeled, "#1 Omnipotent Being."
"Uh... hi?" I said, because what else do you say to the cosmic manifestation of all that is?
"Ah! Subject #73829-C. You died impressively. Congratulations. You are hereby granted three wishes before reincarnation."
"Wait, what? That's it? No life review? No eternal judgment? No sexy demon ladies tempting me into damnation?"
"Oh, those are Tier-2 systems. You're in Tier-1. The paperwork's easier."
"Tier-1, huh? High score death?"
"You were hit by an Isekai truck owned by a retired god. That always bumps people up the list."
"Lucky me."
He floated a clipboard toward me with three blank lines. "Write down your three wishes. Be as specific as possible. Also, no wishing for more wishes, infinite power without context, or to be me."
I stared at the clipboard.
This was it. My chance. My three wishes. My shot at becoming the ultimate cheat character in some other universe.
So, naturally, I did what any man with an unhealthy obsession with webnovels and too much time on the internet would do.
Wish #1: The Essence of ROB
"I wanna be the Reincarnator," I said. "You know, the guy who isekais people. The big cheese. The Random Omnipotent Bastard."
The Being raised a cosmic eyebrow. "You want the powers of a ROB? That comes with paperwork, responsibility, and occasionally dealing with edgy teenagers who think they're the chosen one."
"I want the full package. I wanna be able to yeet people into fantasy worlds, give them powers, and make them do plot-relevant things."
"Fine. But you only get copies of the powers you give. No infinite stacking."
"Deal."
Wish #2: The Essence of Home
"I also want a multiversal house."
"A what now?"
"Like, a base of operations. A home that floats outside reality. Infinite food, no rent, immortal butlers, security stronger than my mom's Wi-Fi password."
"You want the Essence of Home."
"Yeah. And make it cozy. None of that cold marble divine palace stuff. I want bathrobes. Fuzzy ones."
"... Noted."
Wish #3: The Essence of Genie
"Lastly," I said, grinning like a man about to break a D&D campaign, "I want to be a Genie."
"Smoke body? Wish granting? Vague rules that allow trickery?"
"Exactly. Plus, I want to be able to hide in a magical lamp and dramatically reveal myself with fog machines and mood lighting."
"You're going to be an unstoppable cosmic troll, aren't you?"
"With a flair for interior design."
The Being paused, swirling his tea with a tiny black hole. "Alright. Three wishes accepted. You will now be reborn as the Multiversal Steward. You may reincarnate others, live in your extra-dimensional mansion, and appear in a puff of dramatic smoke to grant wishes and mess with people."
"Excellent."
"Be warned, however. These powers come with limitations."
"Like what?"
"You're not allowed to use your Home to spy on people in the bath."
"I wasn't gonna — Wait, you can do that?!"
He stared.
"Right, right. Not gonna. Totally normal reborn cosmic being here."
And with that, the Being snapped his fingers.
Poof
I awoke in a plush armchair made of what I think was enchanted alpaca wool. Before me stretched an endless hallway of floating rooms. One door led to a movie theater with infinite popcorn. Another opened into a beach with a sun that politely adjusted its angle depending on where I was sitting.
This was my Home.
A floating cube outside of time and space, connected to the multiverse by a glorified garage door opener.
"Home initialization complete," said a tiny floating orb wearing glasses. "Would you like to add sarcastic British AI to your kitchen appliances?"
"Yes. Definitely."
I wandered into my wardrobe room, where a lamp sat ominously on a pedestal. My Genie vessel. I poked it.
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
A burst of blue smoke launched me across the room. When it cleared, I stood in a sparkling vest and poofy pants, arms crossed, voice echoing with supernatural gravitas.
"WHO DARES SUMMON — oh wait. It's me. Never mind."
I laughed.
This... this was going to be fun.