It was night, and the cave reeked of moss and stagnant water.
Somewhere on the border of the Land of Fire, two flickering, blurry figures took shape: the astral projections of the Akatsuki.
"I have news! Juicy news from Konoha!"
White Zetsu's high-pitched voice was the only one that seemed to enjoy the dampness.
"Quiet. The report is for everyone," replied Black Zetsu's grave voice, like an echo from the same projection.
A third figure, tall and blue-skinned, materialized, and Kisame's smile was all teeth.
"Ah, Zetsu. Always so eager to gossip. What is it this time? Did you find some good news?"
"Better! Much better!" White Zetsu fidgeted. "There was a huge scandal! Someone tried to kidnap the Nine-Tails in broad daylight! Right in the middle of Konoha!"
Kisame's smile tensed slightly. "Really? And what happened?"
"An elite team," Black Zetsu added, cutting off his other half's excitement. "They were wearing Konoha ANBU uniforms, which was a good cover, but they failed."
"Failed?" Kisame repeated. "An elite team against one brat?"
"He wasn't alone," Black Zetsu said. "The Jinchūriki and a girl with pink hair neutralized all of them."
"Heh." Kisame let out a deep chuckle. "So the brat has some help. And who were the fools? Desperate bounty hunters?"
"No! That's the best part!" White Zetsu's voice was almost a shriek. "The rumors are all over the village! Everyone is saying it was Orochimaru! What a mess! Fighting over the same toy!"
The amusement vanished from Kisame's face.
"That traitorous snake."
Beside him, the fourth projection remained silent.
"So he finally made his move for the Jinchūriki," Kisame continued, more to himself than the others. "And he failed. How pathetic. Right, Itachi?"
Itachi didn't respond.
"Itachi?" Kisame insisted.
"This is problematic."
Itachi's voice was flat, devoid of emotion, which made it sound more dangerous than Kisame's shout, and Zetsu's chatter stopped instantly.
"What's problematic?" White Zetsu asked. "It's fun!"
"We didn't know Orochimaru was aware that Uzumaki Naruto is the Jinchūriki. Not with such certainty."
"And what does it matter?" Kisame said. "The Nine-Tails... was always a possibility."
"When did he get that information?" Itachi asked, ignoring Kisame. "Was it during the invasion of Konoha? Or before?"
"Maybe he didn't know," Kisame offered, crossing his projection's arms. "Maybe he just wanted Konoha's 'weapon,' without knowing exactly what it was. Or maybe he just wanted to cause trouble."
"Or," Itachi said, and everyone focused on him, "it wasn't Orochimaru at all."
There was a silence.
"What?" Kisame said.
"It's a possibility," Black Zetsu said. "The attack was crude, and the rumors about Orochimaru are too convenient."
"Exactly," Itachi said. "There's a third organization involved that used the Orochimaru rumor as a cover, because it's hard to believe Orochimaru would invade Konoha so openly, so soon after his failed invasion. It's not his style."
"But the result is the same," Kisame said, understanding the implication.
"The result is worse," Itachi corrected. "If it wasn't Orochimaru, it means we have a new, unknown competitor, and one strong enough to infiltrate Konoha."
Kisame clicked his tongue. "The target is no longer passive, and Konoha is on high alert. And now we have competition, known or unknown. If Orochimaru tries again, or if these new players do..."
"Our window of opportunity is closing," Itachi concluded, his projected eyes shutting for a moment. "We cannot allow the Nine-Tails to fall into Orochimaru's hands. And certainly not into the hands of a third party."
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Kisame growled. "Are we just going to let them get ahead of us?"
"No."
Itachi's voice was final.
"Zetsu."
"Yes, yes? Right here!"
"Inform Pain. There's a change of plans, so the timeline is moving up."
"What do I tell him?"
"Tell him the situation in Konoha has changed; we're done waiting. Kisame and I will go... soon."
The projections flickered and vanished, leaving the cave with only the sound of dripping water.
********
"Tsunade! This is a humiliation! A farce! An outrage!"
Jiraiya was sprawled on the sofa in the Hokage's office, his arms spread wide and an expression of profound suffering on his face.
"I've been trapped in this fortress for three days! Three whole days! Do you know what that does to my inspiration network? It's dying! It's atrophying!"
Tsunade didn't even look up from a report on the kunai budget. "Are you finished?"
"I am not finished! I had to follow them to the mall! The mall, Tsunade! Me, the great Toad Sage of Myoboku, reduced to an expert on teenage fashion!"
"Shut up, Jiraiya," Tsunade said, signing a scroll with a sharp snap. "You're the S-Rank bodyguard. Get used to it. At least the food here is better than your toads'."
"But the food isn't the problem!" he whined, sitting up abruptly. "The problem is my dignity! I had to watch those brats buy socks! Socks! Do you know how long two girls and Naruto can debate about socks?"
Shizune, who was filing scrolls in a corner, covered her mouth to hide a giggle.
"An hour, Tsunade! A full hour! About whether the striped ones were better than the polka-dot ones! And then Naruto tried to buy some with frogs and Sakura said the green didn't match his...!"
"Jiraiya!" Tsunade shouted, finally looking at him. "I'm trying to run a village on the verge of a nervous breakdown, so your suffering over socks is at the bottom of my priority list."
"But my... my inspiration!"
"You should be grateful," she said, leaning back in her chair. "It's the only break you're going to get."
A quiet "POOF" interrupted her.
It was small, barely audible over the scratching of Tsunade's pen.
A small messenger toad, no bigger than a fist and with a scroll tied to its back, appeared on Jiraiya's desk.
The change in the room was instantaneous.
Jiraiya's buffoonish facade vanished, and he sat completely straight, his face suddenly hard and serious, causing the air in the office to shift from domestic irritation to absolute tension in a second.
Tsunade watched silently, and Shizune stopped moving.
Jiraiya took the scroll the toad offered him, while the toad gave a small bow and disappeared in another puff of smoke.
He unrolled the scroll and his eyes scanned the contents, moving quickly back and forth as the silence dragged on.
"What is it?" Tsunade asked, her voice low.
Jiraiya didn't answer and just kept reading.
"Jiraiya. What the hell does it say?"
He finished reading, but he didn't look at her, instead staring at the paper, his brow furrowed.
"Damn."
Jiraiya's voice was grave, devoid of all his earlier bravado.
Shizune, who had returned to her filing to avoid the tension, froze.
"'Damn' what?" Tsunade said, leaning forward.
"My spies on the border. Near Tanzaku. Where we had that trail."
"And?"
"Akatsuki... they've vanished."
"They retreated?" Shizune asked, her voice trembling slightly.
"Worse," Jiraiya said, finally lifting his head, and his eyes were serious. "It's like they vanished into thin air."
"When?" Tsunade asked.
"Right after the kidnapping attempt here in Konoha. The timeline matches up perfectly."
Tsunade set her brush down, and the dull thud echoed in the silent room. "We failed to capture the Root agents... and now Akatsuki disappears. I don't like this, Jiraiya. I don't like this at all."
"It means they're changing their plan," Jiraiya said, crumpling the scroll in his fist. "Maybe the failed attack spurred them on. I don't know."
"Do you think the Root attack had anything to do with them?"
"No," Jiraiya said, shaking his head. "I think the fake 'Orochimaru' attack was the trigger. They heard someone else went after the Nine-Tails and failed, and it made them nervous."
"Or it made them move faster," Tsunade said. "They're regrouping for a decisive move. They know time is running out."
Tsunade slammed her fist on the table, her anger contained but palpable. "And I'm stuck here, tied down by politics and budget reports."
"Not entirely," Jiraiya said.
"What do you mean?"
"The report. The budget. Did the old-timers approve it?"
Tsunade looked at him, and a small smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. "The defense budget was approved. The kidnapping attempt scared them more than my threats did."
"Then you have the green light," Jiraiya said.
"I have the green light," she confirmed. "For the training and for increasing defenses on the borders. For everything."
She leaned back in her chair, the weight of the world on her shoulders but with a new edge in her voice, and she looked at Shizune.
"Good. Where's the team? They were supposed to start Fūinjutsu training today. Naruto and Karin. They need to start now if we want it to be any use."
Shizune, who had been watching the exchange between the two Sannin, suddenly looked as if she wanted to be anywhere else in the world, and she became visibly nervous, shifting her gaze to the scrolls.
"Ah... well, Lady Hokage... about that..."
Tsunade's gaze sharpened. "About what, Shizune? I don't have time for you to hesitate."
"Well, it's just... they're..."
"They're what? Injured? Did Naruto blow something up?"
"No, no! They're fine. They're in the fortress. They're..." Shizune swallowed. "They're... busy."
Jiraiya let out a laugh. "Busy? Is the brat practicing the Rasengan in the bathroom again? Or is he 'researching' at the hot springs?"
"No!" Shizune said, blushing. "They're... in Naruto-kun's room."
"So?" Tsunade growled. "What are they doing? Hiding?"
Shizune took a deep breath, as if bracing for impact.
"They're... still... decorating Naruto's room."
There was an absolute silence in the office. The only sound was a bird chirping outside the window.
Jiraiya blinked. "Decorating?"
******
They could hear them from the end of the hallway.
"No, no, no! Sakura-chan, the pink doesn't go there! I told you! It clashes completely with the orange!"
"Naruto, there is no more orange! That's the point! And it's not pink, it's 'cherry blossom'! It's supposed to be relaxing!"
"It's pink! And I'm not relaxed!"
"At least it's not blinding orange! My eyes hurt every time I came in here!"
"Karin, that wall is purple!"
"It's lavender, you idiot! And it's way better than that... that... whatever you had before!"
Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Shizune stood in the open doorway, staring at the scene in Naruto's room.
It was a disaster.
No, it was a visual disaster of multiple colors that had collided and died on the walls.
The bright, offensive orange that had defined Naruto's existence was gone.
One wall, the one with the window, was a soft cherry pink.
One wall, the one by the bed, was a pale lavender.
The curtains and the rug, formerly a retina-searing orange, were now a deep, rich reddish-purple, or maybe it was crimson, and it was hard to tell.
All of his "Ichiraku Ramen: Best in the Village!" posters had been torn down, and in their place, medical anatomy charts were hung with precision alongside a delicate flower arrangement in a vase on his desk.
Sakura, Hinata, and Karin were in the middle of the room, covered in paint splatters, sweaty, and looking incredibly proud of themselves.
Naruto was standing right in the middle of the red rug, arms stiff at his sides, his eye visibly twitching.
"Perfect!" Sakura said, beaming, not noticing the group in the doorway. "What do you think? It's much more relaxing! And less... garish! Honestly, orange overstimulates the visual cortex. It's not good for sleep cycles!"
"W-we thought the orange was... a little... stressful for sleeping," Hinata said, shy but firm, standing next to the lavender wall. "I read that lavender promotes calm and helps with meditation."
"And we cleaned everything!" Karin added, crossing her arms, a smudge of red paint on her nose. "It was disgusting! We found fossilized ramen bowls under your bed! Fossils, Naruto! This is much more hygienic! And red is a power color! An Uzumaki color!"
Naruto didn't say anything and just made a small, choked sound.
"...My... my..."
"Your what?" Sakura asked, impatient.
"...where are my fox pajamas?"
"Oh, that!" Sakura said brightly. "It was horrible, it had a hole in the knee and smelled weird, so we used it as a paint rag, and it's over there."
She pointed to a crumpled, pink-paint-covered rag in the corner.
"..."
"But we bought you a new one!" Hinata chimed in, trying to help. "It's dark blue! V-very nice! It matches the new decor!"
Naruto turned slowly. "And... and my sleeping cap? The one with the ears."
Karin snorted. "We burned it."
"What!?"
"It was a monstrosity," Sakura said bluntly. "We were doing you a favor, because you looked like a baby."
Naruto's voice was shaky, barely a whisper. "You... came into my room... my sanctuary... my one orange place... and decided it was your new art project?"
"Exactly!" Sakura said, beaming. "We're a team! We're helping you improve your environment! It's part of the guard duty! A clean, aesthetically pleasing environment promotes healthy chakra! I learned it from Lady Tsunade!"
It was then that they noticed the audience.
"Ah! Master!" Sakura said, snapping to attention.
"L-Lady Hokage!" Hinata said.
Karin just raised an eyebrow.
Jiraiya was leaning against the doorframe, shaking silently, his face red from the effort of not laughing out loud.
"Wow," Jiraiya muttered, his voice choked. "Never seen an interrogation tactic like this. It's... it's brutal. Not even Ibiki would dare."
Naruto, on the verge of panic and despair, saw his only way out and turned to Tsunade, his blue eyes wide and pleading for help.
"Grandma! Look at this! Look what they did!"
"I'm looking, Naruto," Tsunade said, her face completely serious.
"It's... it's... pink! And purple! It's a nightmare! It's a girl's room! I can't sleep in here! It'll give me... I don't know, a pink allergy!"
Tsunade surveyed the room, looking at the pink wall, the lavender wall, the clean furniture, and the vase.
She walked over solemnly, past the girls, and stopped in front of Naruto, who was vibrating with indignation.
She placed a heavy hand on Naruto's shoulder.
"Naruto."
"Yeah, Grandma?" he said, his voice full of hope. "Are you gonna tell them to fix it?"
Tsunade looked at him grimly. "It's a necessary evil," she said, her voice grave.
Naruto's hope collapsed. "What!?"
"Your taste in decor was a threat to the morale of this fortress," Tsunade continued. "The constant orange was giving Shizune migraines."
"It's true!" Shizune called from the hallway.
"And frankly," Tsunade continued, "it depressed me every time I had to come get you. It was like looking inside a rotten pumpkin."
"But...!"
"This is... an improvement. It's cleaner. Less... sticky."
"At least it matches your new black clothes now, brat!" Jiraiya laughed, finally losing his composure and howling from the doorway. "You don't look like a bright orange dot anymore!"
Naruto looked at the girls, who were smiling, thrilled with themselves and the Hokage's approval. He looked at Tsunade and Jiraiya, who had viciously betrayed him.
He clenched his fists.
"THIS IS A CONSPIRACY!!" he yelled, his voice filled with pain and betrayal. "AN ANTI-ORANGE CONSPIRACY!!"
"Oh, don't be such a baby!" Sakura said, shoving a clean paint roller into his chest. "We still have the back wall to do. The one by the closet."
Naruto looked at the roller in horror. "What...?"
"We decided that one can be... blue," Sakura said. "As a compromise."
"I don't want blue! I want orange!"
"Too late! We already bought the paint!" Karin snapped. "Now stop whining and help! That Fūinjutsu isn't going to learn itself!"
Naruto looked at his ruined room and then at his new, weird, and terrifying family.
"This sucks! It sucks!"
"Shut up and paint, brat," Tsunade said, clapping him on the back hard enough to make him stumble. "The Fūinjutsu training can wait until your room is less offensive to look at."
She turned, her expression growing serious again, and looked at Jiraiya.
"And you. Stop cackling like an idiot."
Jiraiya composed himself, though he was still grinning. "Yeah, yeah. Got it."
"Go find Kakashi. And Ibiki. Meet in my office in ten minutes. We need to talk about Akatsuki. Now."
Jiraiya stopped smiling. "Understood."
He left, and Tsunade followed.
They left Naruto alone, holding a paint roller, stranded on an island of crimson red, surrounded by a sea of cherry pink and lavender.
"Blue," he muttered to himself. "I don't even like blue..."
"I heard that!" Sakura shouted from the bathroom, where she was cleaning the brushes. "And you'd better learn to like it!"
Naruto sighed, because it was going to be a very long day.
****
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