"Tsunade! This is insane!"
Jiraiya's voice boomed in the office. He had been pacing in circles in front of the Hokage's desk for ten minutes, and his patience, if he ever had any, had evaporated.
"Are you listening to me? It's an insult!"
Tsunade didn't look up. The morning sun streamed in, illuminating the piles of scrolls that threatened to swallow her desk, and the only sound, aside from Jiraiya's huffing, was the scratching of her pen.
"It is," she muttered, signing a document with a sharp stroke. "Next."
"No, you don't understand! I am the Gallant Sannin of Mount Myoboku! A master spy! My place is on the border, hunting shadows, dismantling spy networks! My place is where it matters!"
"Your place is where I say it is," Tsunade replied, finally looking up. Her young form was flawless, but her eyes were tired. "And right now, your place is the main street."
"But! An ANBU team can do this! Kakashi can do this! He's good at... well, at being quiet and following people!"
"Kakashi is busy," Tsunade said, picking up another report. "He's handling the mess Danzō left, which is a dirty job, while you," she pointed the pen at him, "have the easy job."
"Easy? You call following a hyperactive brat who yells every three seconds 'easy'? It's torture! Why don't we just lock him in the tower? He'll be safe there."
"Because Danzō is waiting for that," Tsunade said, her voice lowering to a more serious tone. "He's waiting for us to panic, for us to treat Naruto like a weapon or a prisoner. If we do that, he wins, because the people will see we're afraid of the Sound village, and his faction will gain power."
"And the solution is... shopping?" Jiraiya crossed his arms, incredulous.
"The solution is the 'Forced Relaxation Protocol.' It's a counter-intelligence mission. We show Danzō and his spies that we aren't worried after his attack, we show them that life goes on, and we show them Naruto... buying socks."
"Socks!"
"Yes. And you're the babysitter. Naruto is the Alpha-Level target. If something goes wrong, if Akatsuki decides to ignore everything and attack, or if Danzō tries something stupid again... you, me, and Kakashi are the only ones who can handle it, but I'm busy."
She tossed him a budget scroll. "Besides, I need him to sign this as 'Secret Counselor,' because he needs fresh air and the girls need him."
"The girls? What do the girls have to do with this?"
"They're his team. They're his support. And frankly, they're better ninja than half my Chūnin, so they'll act as his internal guard while you act as the external one. Now stop complaining. It's an S-Rank order."
Jiraiya opened his mouth to protest again, but the door burst open.
"Permission to enter, Grandma!"
"Come in," Tsunade sighed.
"Good morning! The team is ready for the super-secret 'buy stuff' mission!"
Naruto entered, hands behind his head. Behind him, Sakura and Hinata followed with much more formal postures, and their eyes immediately darted around, scanning the room, noticing Jiraiya, the tension, and the piles of paper.
"Ah! Pervy Sage!" Naruto's face lit up. "You're coming too? Awesome! Does that mean the mission is more dangerous than we thought?"
"The mission is dangerous to my dignity," Jiraiya muttered.
"What?"
"He said he's thrilled to join!" Sakura intervened, giving Naruto a light nudge. "Hokage-sama, what are the exact parameters of the mission?"
"The parameters are 'normalcy,'" Tsunade said, standing up. Her presence filled the room. "Naruto, I need you to get out of this fortress for a few hours and be a teenager. Buy useless things, eat dango, complain about the weather, and take the girls."
She looked at Jiraiya. "And Jiraiya follows you; he is your escort. He's not your friend or your shopping buddy, but a shadow. A very large, grumbling shadow. Do not get separated from him. Understood?"
Naruto, Sakura, and Hinata spoke almost in unison. "Understood!"
"Perfect!" said Naruto. "Let's go, Pervy Sage! We can stop by the bookstore! I heard your new research is... revealing! Maybe you can sign my copy!"
"You don't have a copy!" Jiraiya yelled, turning red.
"We could buy one!"
"Shut up!" Sakura whispered, pulling on Naruto's sleeve. "Stop it!"
"Jiraiya," Tsunade said, in a tone that allowed no argument. "Go."
Jiraiya looked at Naruto, then at Tsunade, and then at the ceiling, as if asking the gods for help.
"This is a humiliation," he sighed, heading for the door. "A complete and total humiliation."
The streets of Konoha were noisy. The sound of hammers and saws was constant, as the village was still rebuilding, but it mixed with the calls of vendors and the laughter of people at the food stalls.
Naruto walked down the center of the main street, forcing people to move aside, while Sakura walked beside him, looking mortified, and Hinata walked one step behind, watching everything.
Ten meters back, Jiraiya followed them. He had his arms crossed and the expression of a man whose book series had just been canceled.
"First, ramen!" Naruto declared.
"No," Sakura said immediately. "The mission is 'shopping.' We have a list: supplies, clothes. Then, maybe, if you behave, dango."
"A list? This is supposed to be 'forced relaxation'! Lists aren't relaxing! Lists are stressful!"
"Grandma Tsunade's list says 'Training supplies, non-orange clothes, and socks.' Ramen is not on the list."
"But orange is my color! It's the color of heroes!"
"It's the color of a target," Sakura retorted. "We're going to buy you something... blue. Or black. Or even a boring gray. Something that doesn't scream 'PLEASE THROW A KUNAI AT ME!' from a kilometer away."
"The brat is right!" a voice yelled from behind.
The three of them turned. Jiraiya had moved closer, pretending to look at an apple stand.
"Excuse me?" said Sakura.
"The orange!" Jiraiya said, speaking loud enough for them to hear. "It's a brave color! It shows confidence! It tells the enemy you're not afraid!"
"Ha! See!" said Naruto, pointing at Jiraiya. "Pervy Sage knows!"
"Master Jiraiya," Sakura said through gritted teeth. "You're supposed to be a discreet escort. You're not supposed to... participate."
"I'm... researching the atmosphere! The local atmosphere! And this local atmosphere tells me the brat needs more orange!" Jiraiya winked at an apple vendor, who blushed and fled.
Sakura sighed and dragged Naruto toward a ninja clothing store. "Let's go. Before he starts signing autographs."
They entered "Higurashi Shinobi Supplies." The bell on the door chimed. Jiraiya stayed outside, leaning against the opposite wall, now munching on an apple.
The store was filled with tactical vests, kunai holsters, and functional training clothes.
"Alright," Sakura said, taking control. "Naruto. Dressing rooms. Now. Don't come out unless what you're wearing is black, dark blue, or gray."
"What if I find an... orange-gray?"
"There's no such thing as orange-gray! Go!"
Naruto disappeared reluctantly. Sakura turned to Hinata.
"Okay. While he's busy trying to find a way to dye the clothes orange, we can look." Sakura picked up a dark red, sleeveless training shirt. "What do you think? Too...?"
"It's... it's very striking, Sakura-san."
"Striking good or striking bad?"
"Striking 'strong,'" Hinata said, smiling slightly. "It suits you. With your hair color."
"Really?" Sakura held it up in front of her. "I was thinking green, for my eyes, but..."
"Green is... safe," Hinata said. "Red is yours."
Sakura looked at her, surprised by the confidence in Hinata's voice. "I'll take it."
They turned to the combat pants.
"Do you think these extra pockets are useful?" Sakura asked. "It seems like they'd just get caught on branches."
"F-for medical seals," Hinata suggested. "Or bandages. It's a good spot, close to the hands."
"Hinata, you're a genius." Sakura grabbed two pairs.
"I FOUND SOMETHING!" Naruto's voice boomed from the back of the store.
A moment later, he burst out of the dressing room, posing. He was wearing cargo pants so bright orange it almost hurt to look at them.
"Tada! The Orange Hero of Konoha!"
The store went silent. The shopkeeper stopped cleaning a kunai.
Sakura closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Naruto."
"Look! They have extra pockets! And... and they're fire-resistant!"
"That's paint," the shopkeeper said, looking embarrassed. "It's our 'Burning Sunset' set. It's very popular... with artists."
"Naruto," Sakura repeated, her voice dangerously calm. "Go back. To the dressing room. Now."
"But Sakura-chan...!"
"IT LOOKS GREAT, BRAT!" Jiraiya's voice sounded from the street. He had stuck his head through the door. "BUY FIVE!"
"YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" Sakura yelled, red with fury.
"YES HE IS!" Naruto yelled.
Sakura grabbed a black shirt from a rack. "Put this on!" she threw it at his face. "And these!" A pair of black pants. "And these!" A pack of socks. "And don't come out until you look like a ninja and not a citrus fruit!"
Naruto caught the clothes, grumbling. "You ruin all the fun..."
They left the store twenty minutes later.
Naruto carried a small bag containing three pairs of black pants, three black shirts, and six pairs of socks.
Sakura carried a large bag with her new red and green training clothes, and several rolls of medical tape.
Hinata hadn't bought anything.
"That was horrible," Naruto complained. "You said shopping. You didn't say clothes torture. I feel... bored just looking at this bag."
"It's tactical patience training," Sakura said. "Besides, now you can sneak around at night without being seen from the Moon."
Jiraiya, who looked relieved the clothing ordeal was over, prepared to follow them to the next destination, hoping it would be the Hokage tower.
But then, Naruto stopped dead in his tracks. His face lit up with an expression of pure amazement.
"Oh. Wow."
Sakura followed his gaze. "What? Did you see a ramen stand?"
"No," Naruto said, pointing. "Look. Pervy Sage is a bestselling author!"
They were standing in front of Konoha's main bookstore. In the window, in a massive display with a bright red cover, was the latest volume of Icha Icha. A banner above it read: "THE NEW CHAPTER OF MASTER JIRAIYA'S FIELD RESEARCH! AVAILABLE NOW!"
Jiraiya turned pale. "Nothing to see here, brats. Let's keep moving. Duty calls!"
He tried to gently push them past the store.
"But Pervy Sage!" Naruto said, not moving. "Look, there's a line! You're famous!"
In fact, a small line of women and a few suspicious-looking men was waiting to buy the book.
"That's... field research material! Top secret!" Jiraiya hissed, trying to hide his face. "It's not for kids!"
"But you wrote it!" Naruto said, walking toward the window. "Look, it says your name! 'Jiraiya'! That's you!"
Several people in line turned. A middle-aged woman gasped.
"Oh, dear! It's Master Jiraiya! Himself!"
"KYA! Master, please! Would you sign it for us?"
In an instant, Jiraiya was surrounded. Trapped, his panic faded and was replaced by his "Gallant Sannin" mode.
"Ah, yes! Of course! My devoted readers!" He stood tall, pulling out a pen. "Always time for the fans!"
"Master Jiraiya!" said a young kunoichi. "Is it true that chapter three is based on your time in the Land of Tea?"
"Haha! A lady never tells, and an author... well, an author doesn't either! But let's just say the research was... thorough!"
Sakura dragged Naruto away from the group. "Naruto, I told you to behave! Now we've lost him! He's in 'famous author' mode!"
"I was just helping him with his publicity!" Naruto defended himself. "Look how happy he is!"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot. You embarrassed him."
"He doesn't look embarrassed. He looks... proud."
"It's... a shame."
Hinata's voice was so soft she almost missed it.
Sakura turned. "What is, Hinata?"
"That... that he writes about... that," Hinata said, looking at the group laughing loudly at one of Jiraiya's stories. "With so much... detail."
"Well, yeah, it's gross," Sakura said.
"No, it's not that," Hinata said, frowning slightly. "I was in the library... a few weeks ago. For my... my strategy research. I looked up his name."
Naruto moved closer. "You looked up 'Pervy Sage' in the library?"
"I l-looked up 'Jiraiya.' He... he wrote other books. A long time ago. One was an... an analysis of the Second Hokage's infiltration tactics. It was... brilliant. It had... clarity."
Naruto blinked. "Seriously? Pervy Sage wrote a boring history book?"
"It wasn't boring," Hinata insisted, more firmly than usual. "It was... important. It was about heroes. And about how... how they won."
She looked again at Jiraiya, who was now surrounded by a sea of female fans, each hanging on his arm.
"I wonder," she said, barely a whisper, "why he stopped writing about heroes."
They both stood there, looking at their S-Rank escort, and for the first time, the scene didn't seem funny. Just... a little sad.
An hour later, they finally managed to drag Jiraiya away from the bookstore. They sat on a bench in Konoha's Central Park. It was open, filled with children playing and families having picnics. It was the exact image of peace.
Naruto and Sakura were devouring dango.
"Five sticks of anko, please!" Naruto had yelled.
"And three mitarashi!" Sakura had added. "And you're paying for half, Naruto."
"What? It's a 'wellness' mission! Grandma Tsunade pays!"
"'Grandma Tsunade' will knock you into the next prefecture if she sees this bill, so pay up."
Jiraiya, who had finally broken free from his fans (after signing a dozen books), was sitting at the other end of the bench, looking completely exhausted.
Hinata had approached a different stall and returned silently.
She stopped in front of Jiraiya. He didn't even seem to notice her; he was watching a group of kids play ninja.
"Jiraiya-sama."
He gave a small jump. "Ah. Hyūga girl."
She offered him a small bottle of iced tea. "You... seem tired. I... I bought a tea, because being so tense... drains chakra."
Jiraiya looked at her, surprised by the calm and kindness. He took the bottle. "Ah... thank you."
He took a sip. It was cold and not too sweet. "You're a Hyūga. You don't act like one."
Hinata blinked. "I... I don't know how I'm supposed to act, sir."
"Stiff," he said, taking another drink. "Arrogant. They think their eyes make them better than everyone else. You... you're quiet. But you're not stiff."
"I'm... learning not to be," she said softly.
Jiraiya nodded slowly, watching her as she sat down a few feet away. "Good. Keep learning. All of you."
He looked at Naruto and Sakura, who were now arguing over who got the stick with more sauce.
"You two! Shut your mouths and listen!"
They stopped eating. Dango sauce dripped from Naruto's stick.
"This," Jiraiya said, gesturing to the park, "this 'buying stuff' and 'eating dango.' It's a sham. You know that, right?"
Sakura swallowed. "We understand the mission, Master. 'Forced Relaxation.' It's to misinform Danzō's spies."
"Good. You're smart," Jiraiya nodded. "But it's more than that." He leaned forward, his voice low, losing all traces of humor. "It's the last time you'll be able to do this. For a long, long time."
The air turned cold.
"What... what do you mean, Pervy Sage?" Naruto asked, his dango forgotten.
"Akatsuki won't stay still. They want the tailed beasts," Jiraiya said bluntly. "I don't know what for, but they want them. They're saving the best for last or just preparing, though it doesn't matter. They will come for you."
"I know," Naruto said, his voice now serious, hard. "And I'll be ready."
"No, you're not," Jiraiya interrupted him. "You're strong, brat, stronger than I was at your age, but you're not ready. No one is ready for them."
"Then I'll get ready," Naruto retorted. "That's why I have to help Karin. We're... we're working on the Adamantine Chains. For when Itachi comes."
"Good," Jiraiya said, leaning back. The tension left him, replaced by a weariness that seemed decades old. "Keep working. Because when they come, it won't be a fair fight. It will be a hunt. And I... won't always be here to be your babysitter."
A heavy silence settled on the bench. The sound of children laughing in the background seemed to belong to another world.
Naruto broke the silence.
"Hey!"
Suddenly, he lunged and snatched the last dango off Sakura's stick.
"Naruto!" she yelled, outraged. "You bastard! That was mine! The last mitarashi!"
"You needed cheering up!" he said, his mouth full. "You looked all... depressing!"
"I was... processing S-Rank information about the end of the world!"
"Ah, look! Fighting like a married couple!"
A dango vendor, an old woman with a kind, wrinkled smile, was watching them with amusement.
Sakura choked. "No! No! We're not... he's...!"
"I'm her headache!" Naruto said, smiling around the dango.
"Haha!" the old woman laughed. "The best kind of headache! My husband has been giving me headaches for forty years! Enjoy your date, kids."
She walked away, chuckling.
Sakura looked at Naruto. He was laughing, but now he was trying to wipe a sticky piece of sauce off his cheek.
"A... a... 'headache'!" she hissed, red with embarrassment. "Is that what I am too?"
"No! I mean, you give me headaches too, so it's fair!"
"You... wait." Her anger faded. "You're... you're a mess. You... you have sauce all over your face. You're disgusting."
"What? Where?" He rubbed the wrong cheek, spreading it.
"No, idiot." Sakura sighed. "Hold still."
She leaned in. Naruto froze.
With a surprisingly gentle movement, she wiped the sticky piece of dango off his cheek with her thumb.
They stayed there, inches apart. The park seemed to disappear. Sakura held her thumb in the air, stained with brown sauce. Naruto stared at her, wide-eyed, not breathing.
"Uh..." he said, his voice hoarse. "Thanks, Sakura-chan."
"N-no problem." She pulled her hand away quickly, wiping her thumb on a napkin as if she had just touched something dangerous, and became very interested in her own sandals.
From the other end of the bench, Jiraiya stood up, stretching with a loud groan.
"Well. My work here is done, and it's not even three o'clock."
Sakura looked up. "What?"
"I have... research!" Jiraiya announced loudly to the whole park. "Lots of research to do! Urgent! At... the hot springs!"
"Wait," Naruto said, snapping out of his daze. "You're... ditching us?"
"Of course not!" Jiraiya said, starting to walk backward. "I'm... 'observing from a tactical distance'! You kids keep... 'acting normal'! Keep up the... 'relaxation'!"
He turned and, in a surprisingly fast move for a man who had just been complaining about his age, disappeared into the crowd.
Naruto and Sakura were left alone on the bench. Hinata, who had seen everything, wisely pretended to be fascinated by a nearby tree.
The silence between them was suddenly very, very loud.
"...Idiot," Sakura finally muttered.
Naruto looked at her. "Me... or him?"
Sakura looked toward where Jiraiya had disappeared, and then looked at the empty dango stick in Naruto's hand.
"...You."
*****
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