Ah. That was another non starter. How many times has it been? Every time, there is no finish, no conclusion, no end. It's as if once it starts, once I start it, I can no longer control where it goes. Like it has a mind of it's own and a new reality is born. A reality that I do not control.
Let's chronicle this for a moment, I feel as if I'm onto something.
....
And it slips. What was I working on again? Oh, another failed fanfiction idea. Pity. Well, back to it. Yet another Harry Potter fanfic, I'm fucking obsessed with that world. I'm drawn to it. Always. No pun intended, even when I go off on a tangent and explore Naruto or One Piece, or some original fic, I'm always constantly drawn back to Harry bleeding Potter and the universe that doesn't actually exist with a sword and llamas, cause why not. Let's spice up the flavor of the world a bit, no no, we're not going 'woke', rather leaning into more fanfic sided personalities. Sirius Black isn't an overgrown man-child, hell, let's skip Azkaban, yeah. No, not everyone lives. Peter still sucks eggs, and Moldy is an egg. Wait, no. No. Not that. Please, my eyes, no. Harry/Draco? eh...
~(mad fanfic author noises and an occasional d20 on a wooden tabletop)~
Sure. Fuck it, we're rolling a die on relationships, but nothing too... Unnatural.
It is here where our story begins. See, I have been visited. No, not by beings outside of out planet. Eh, not by the traditional sense. Nothing within our universe, but outside of this planet, has descended, from space, to visit me.
No, I mean I have been visited by that which we thought wasn't real. That which, everyone knows, isn't real. I, met Harry Potter.
Fucking weird. Let me tell you. Not what I expected to happen. Ever. I may dream of the wizarding world. I may write fanfics, whether I publish them or not, about Harry Potter. But, to be here, in my bedroom (It's where my computer is), casually reading about another MarvelxPotter story, when the man himself apparates into my room.
"Oops." Is the first thing he says. Oops!? That's all you've got to say?
"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. Was supposed to land out there." He gestures outside my window.
"That doesn't make this any better!" My brain is caught somewhere between, HARRY POTTER IS REAL, and I DON'T WANT TO GET MIND WHAMMED. (The thought of sitting here in my boxers doesn't cross my mind at all.)
"Eh, nice pants?" HARRY FRICKING POTTER says, calmly. HA.
"Uhhhhh." is all that comes out on my end. Im glad I didn't soil myself, tbh. As this is a real telling of events, in my past, I can truthfully tell you I did not soil myself. Brain fried? Yes. Soil, No. Could I lie and change how things happened so im not embarrassed by people reading this on the internet who, in all likelihood, won't even believe that I met HARRY FREAKING POTTER to begin with. I don't see the point. So, no, I haven't lied. I did not soil myself, yet.
— TIME OUT —
For the sake of not getting thrown into a padded room, I will however state the following:
clears throat -even tho I'm writing this-
I am writing a Fan-fiction. A story that I don't own the right's to some of the characters and ideas included, they are copyrighted by other people, I make no monetary claim to these characters or names or such that this applies to.
I have the rights to my own being and some of the ideas as written, still I ask for no monetary gains from them, from within this story. This is a Fictitious work, as written.
— now.. ah right. with that put somewhere. I can continue.
[It is now 07:20, and my brother has come home. asking me if I'm hungry.]
—FOOD BREAK—
He has made rice and green beans and chicken nuggies. It was tasty and a few hours have passed since I was last sitting at the computer. It is now 10:23 , my brother has gone to sleep. and I should be as well. (night shift)
so with that being said.
— TIME IN —
HARRY FREAKING POTTER IS REAL!
I thought I yelled in my head. but no. that came out, loud. and the man himself just chuckles.
"Right, perhaps we should take a moment to- process? Water?" He offers me in my own home.
I scoff at him. "Yes, please, lead me to my kitchens and serve the host some water. Go ahead and fetch a glass from where it's stored. Oh while you're at it, perhaps you can give me tour of the place?"
"Good, You're regaining your words." He replies with a wide grin. "I know this is sudden, but I didn't come here by accident."
"Oh course not. Why would the second most important fictional character that I'm interested in writing about or around, come to me, in my bedroom, by accident? Clearly I'm the MC is some SI plot, and that world's hero is requiring my help. Yes, all very standard stuff. How about I instead take a sleeping pill and get the much needed sleep I'm clearly missing, and then maybe admit myself, if I'm still this nuts when I wake up. I could use some new grippy socks." Is my, when I think back, rather embarrassing reply. And it doesn't end there. "LEAVE ME BE, APPIRATION! DEMON THOUGHTS BE GONE!" I wave my hands in his general direction.
"If only Hermione wasn't busy getting things ready on her end..." He mumbles so quietly I can barely hear, before more loudly saying "Look, this may feel a little weird at first, but I promise once it's over you'll feel much better about it."
I stop dead in my 'delusions' and stare at him. Deadpan I say "I'm about to be raped by my own imagination."
"What!? No! No, I'm going to apparate us. Uh, teleport? Yeah! Might feel a bit sick the first time. That's all."
Before I could continue to argue with what I assume is myself, I am no longer in my own room. I'm no longer in my own apartment. I never put on pants. I also piss myself and pass-TF-out.
_%^&*—line bar thingy—*&^%_
The first thing I notice when I come to is a ceiling I don't recognize. Also, I'm in a bed, and wearing a nightgown? No, hospital gown. When did I get to a hospital? Did my brother admit me? I turn and sit up in the bed with my legs hanging off and towards the floor. Looking about my surroundings, I can see I'm in a partitioned off area, secluded. So I get myself to my feet. 'Hmm, I'm not wearing grippy socks. I'm also not in the clothes I last recall wearing.'
"Hello?" I call out like an idiot. Who knows where I am. I could be in some serious danger, but no. 'Is there an intruder in the house.' Like a moron. 'Killer? Please don't kill me' Fucking idiot. 'Oh look, a blood trail, and it's fresh, let's follow it towards a cabin in the woods, where we can still hear fighting noises and the stench of death.' That kinda stupid. But no.
"Is there anyone there? Where Am I?" I call out loud.
In rushes a gently older woman, with a stern no nonsense look on her face. "Back into the bed with you, dear. You need to eat something before I can discharge you. Tippy!." With a soft pop, this gangling looking smeagol thing appears, and snaps her fingers. Suddenly I'm back in the bed, tucked in, and there's a tray of food before me.
WHAT THE FUCK. I didn't just jump back up into the bed and under the blankets, rather slowly, all up on my own. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
"Now that you're awake, just sit back and let me check to see you're all better, you can eat and then you can go. He'll be wanting to speak with you, and I'd imagine you have quite a few questions as well." The nurse says with a small smile.
I just look at her dumbfounded by it all. "This is the longest and strangest delusion I have ever found myself in." I mumble to myself. Then I switch gears and as I turn to her I say "Well, as long as I'm here, I might as well embrace it. However long this lasts."
She just smiles back and me, waves her a stick a few times and then gestures to what looks like clothes on the side table, before putting back up the partitioned area and leaving for me to eat and get dressed.
I toss spend the next 10 minutes scarfing down an entire continental, before I toss on whatever these clothes are. "Oh more Potter delusion then. It's wizards robes. Great. Guess that means this is Hogwarts then." I say as I come out from changing.
The matron pauses a moment, looks at me, and then just nods as if affirming something to herself. She gestures towards the door and says "The Aurors just outside the doors will guide you to the headmaster's office."
I wonder how much of this is cannon. Adult Harry, okay that's probable given the time I exist in. Poppy Pomfrey, uh, I don't recall if the books ever mention her passing and this matron looks nothing like the actress. I guess it's possible that they didn't cast right? Then as I open the door to see the Aurors standing there, I realise this is defiantly not cannon.
"Ah. Well there goes any hope I had of knowing what might be going on." I say as soon as I see Auror Nymphadora Tonks standing next to Head Auror Amelia Bones.
At this point I aught to mention that these people don't look much like the actors that have portrayed them, similar enough, but truly closer to a lot of fan-fictions I've read over the years. Except Harry, if you try to tell me, the me at this point in the story, that Daniel Radcliffe isn't Harry potter's clone, then you're lying. Except the eyes. This Harry had 'Emerald City' eyes.
[I do not own the rights to The Wizard Of Oz.]
"What makes you say that?" Asks 'Call Me Tonks', Tonks. Though she hasn't introduced herself yet.
"Well, for starters, Madam Bones, 'Call Me Tonks' Tonks.." I give a brief nod to each of them "You're both alive." And with that I'm off, starting towards where I believe the headmaster's gargoyle should be. Let's hope Legacy is mapped correctly. Without looking back at them I continue talking. "Is the office still behind a gargoyle? I Know McGonamom isn't the Headmistress because The matron said Headmaster. Was that Pomfrey? I didn't recognize her. She did say 'Headmaster', yeah? Harry is too young, Adult Harry though he may be. But if we're honest, no matter how many iterations of Dumbledore exist, he would have been waiting next to my face if he were headmaster. So it's not Dumbles." I turn a corner and go up a bit of stairs. "I'm quite honest when I admit I'm horribly out of shape, should I thank magic as to why I'm not exhausted already?" I basically ask no one, as when I turn around the two Aurors are following me with shocked expressions. Huh. "Well, Let's go see Potter then. Since he was adult Harry and not kid Harry, you two being here is just confusing me further. And let's be honest, he's the man with the power here."
As we arrive at the gargoyle I say "I don't have the password, these two are not speaking, and I'm expected." The gargoyle tilts it's head in query. OK that narrows down the FFs a bit. I have not read many that give the gargoyle sentience, and less a name. Just as the seeming statue moves to give me passage I ask "Hey, What's your name? It's rather rude of me to just say the password should I ever learn it, or 'Hey gargoyle' yeah? And, oh I'm.. Well I guess I'll be Benevolence."
"Galfridus." Responds the gargoyle with a slight nod. "You may pass."
Well shit. The only fic I know using that name.....
Where was I? Oh right. So I jump up on the rising staircase, after thanking Galfridus, and head on up. The two Aurors are now out of their stupor and following behind me proper while mumbling to themselves, likely wondering if either the other know the gargoyle had a name.
When I reach the top there is an additional door, which swings open and I hear a "Come in." From inside. Actually there's a whole set of rooms and other things to do just outside the headmaster's office, but for now I follow the voice inside.
First thing to note. Mad-Eye is alive. Which startles the hell out of me because, damn, he's ugly. The movies made him a bit gnarly from war and such, but I mean it. He's ugly. Next thing I note is red hair, a sea of red hair. 1,2,3,4,5, huh who's not here? Both twins, here. Ron, here. Arthur, Molly. wait. Ginny isn't here, Percy, Charley and Bill. A bit of dread seeps into me at the thought. "They're not dead." Comes the voice again, as I realize I was not mentally counting them, but rather out loud and with my finger. I was also standing in the doorway.
"Sorry." I say to the group, as they simply look at me like some wacko.
Continuing into the room, I try to speed up my thoughts a bit as I take in who is all here. I fail at that so. "Okay, im sorry everyone. " I say grabbing their attention. "This will be much easier for me if I do this out loud. Please pardon me for a moment."
They look at me sideways again as I continue out loud for myself, counting on my fingers
"Oookay, Mad-Eye is alive. Bonesy and Tonks, as I noticed before." They nod their head's respectivly as I name them out. "Fred." As I say Fred, George and Molly grasp their hearts. "Sorry." I Say again before continuing. "OH Sweet! Hedwig, oh you beautiful bird." She puffs out her chest, seeing the recognition she deserves. Cough I hear "At least it's not a hem-hem." I say low, but get a solid "aye" from those around me. "Uh, Adult harry, I mean you're all adults, but it's worth noting for myself, thanks. Hermione, Ron we know. Oh Luna is here too, and Neville." They both give nods, but Luna's looking above my head. "Minus Ginny, that makes the ministry 6." I can see Harry visibly cringe at that, to which I say "Would you prefer I address you by any of the other-stupid-titles" Saying it in such a way as to hear the hyphens.
"Please don't" He says.
"Okay, To wrap it up then. I don't see bumbles. Is he alive as an old goat here, do you worship his every eye twinkle?"
Harry once again groans and before he can contest I hear a uproarious laughter from behind me. I turn around to see not a blinding wardrobe but rather The Mr. Mutt laughing way harder than he needs to, next to a Professor Wolfie.
With a massive grin on my face I turn to him and say with as serious voice as I can mutter through the smile "Can't you compose yourself any better, this is a serious matter."
He pauses, time seems to come to a complete standstill as he then says, "I'm always serious." At that everyone groans as The Mad Black and myself start laughing.
Now, while everyone looks at me a loon, being the unknown here. To the reader. Another fun fact about myself. I'm addicted to laughter and once I start, it's really hard to stop.
So with that in mind. Sirius and I both laugh for what feels like forever before I'm forced to drink a vial of what I hope was a calming drought. At which point I apologize again.
A little bit surprised, as everyone just sorta stands there while I do my thing. I then prostrate low and say "Oh, great savior of wizarding Brittan, what task have you stolen me from the last of the woken hours that you need of me?"
Harry's mouth goes circular and says, "Oh, you still think this isn't real?"
"I'm either dreaming or so far gone down the rabbit hole that I wouldn't want to dare to return to whatever is left of me. Also aside from a few little interaction, no one has spoken really. Almost as if the author forgot about them, orrrr... I'm dreaming." I reply with a shrug.
"Well, as I have no way to make you believe, we'll just continue for now as it is then. And no one is talking because while their magic is needed for this to work, they can't interact with you per your own instructions." He replies.
"Harry, the letter." Hermione tries to say something.
"No, if he doesn't want to believe that's fine. We've hidden well enough, none of us should be surprised." He says to her before turning back to me. "We need you're help because you already have. I don't know how, but you have already helped us and now we need to send you to do it again. You told us nothing of how you helped us or how to help you help us, only that when the time comes we'd be the ones to send you back so you can help us again. We're just as blind as you are in this."
"Letter?" I shake my head and press on. " Never mind that, this is starting to sound like a time travel fic. I work nights, I don't have the luxury to go back in time and save wizards from a wizard threat. Especially as a muggle myself. So if you could kindly wake me up so I can go to work. Or if I'm truly lost, at least let me experience Hogwarts as a wizard, yeah? Age me down right good and send me to class."
Seeing a glint in The-Brightest-Witch of her age's eyes, I feel like I said something I shouldn't have. And in good Hagrid fashion I say "I feel like I shouldn't have said that. Where is Hagrid anyway?"
Harry's face falls. "He, we did lose."
"Damn." I mutter.
"Harry." I hear Hermione say as she lifts a huge book with her bare hands up onto the desk and points at something on the page.
"Okay." Begins Harry. "You'll have your wish. As you're 'utterly mad', things have to flow in a sort of order, even if you yourself don't understand them. A part of you still does, so it matters little anyway. So here's what's going to happen. You're going to drink a vial of stuff that is about to be brewed, and you'll become 11 again."
"Yay. puberty." I mumble to myself.
"Yeah, sorry mate. But you'll keep your memories, so that's a plus. And you get access to magic and can attend Hogwarts. You'll be sorted and you'll learn magic as you so desire."
A *scoff* comes from behind me as the door opens abruptly.
"AH. Snape!" I suddenly yell. And point. As Snape walks into the office with a vial of something. "He's alive!?"
Snape looks at me with an odd look to his eyes at first, almost a sadness, before its gone completely and he forces a vial of semi clear golden liquid down my throat before turning around and walking back out.
"Why is it that you, your dogfather and Snape look almost exactly like the actors that portrayed you, but everyone else is closer to their FF selves or entirely different?"
"I couldn't tell you, but Draco is also the same way, as was Hagrid." He replies.
"Okay, now you gotta stand in the center of the room, just a few steps to your left." He directs me to the center. "Finally, 'Moine is to read from that book over there after the rest of us move out of the way. When you arrive. Give this note to The man with the tattoo on his face, NOT DUMBLEDORE. He'll just wipe your mind and leave you be. The man, Professor A, however will do as the letter instructs. Ah, also you'll be here when you land, but we're sending you at just the moment after the headmaster leaves by floo and before Professor A does."
"That's a little.. oddly accurate." I reply.
"It's just another thing your mind knows but you yourself aren't aware of. As mad as you said you are."
"Right. I'm starting to feel less mad and more mad all at the same time."
"Welcome to the world of magic." He then says as the last of them leave the room and he too steps just outside the circle.
At this point I turn to see Hermione speaking in a language I don't understand, nor can I hear her clearly. There's a flash of gold that forces me to close my eyes. As I blink, I can no longer see adult Potter or any of them, but instead I see green flames in the fireplace and just in front of it is Young looking adult with a tribal looking tattoo on his face. He's holding a fistful of floo powder, staring at me, or more accurately the letter in my hand.
"Ah, Professor, this is for you." I hold out the letter.